The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

@Met44 good morning and well done.

Remember what I said about vulnerability. Stone cold sober is much easier to work with.
I had a very nasty toxic colleague. Male, senior to me but not my boss. He used to try to get me drunk to get me to slip up.
I was at the height of my alcoholism. I used to try to avoid being near him. however I know you can't skip the birthday do but you can stay sober and say you're on antibiotics (we all use this one).

Hi Met44
I had my first social occasion at the weekend. Our girls Christmas bottomless brunch! I found a lovely alcohol free wine on the menu and surprisingly enjoyed my day so much without alcohol! Even went to the pub after the lunch with them all and carried on with my alcohol free wine. I’ve bought some for home so sometimes at the end of the day I’ll pour myself a glass. I’m feeling so much better in myself and more present with my children. I think it’s just re programming our brains isn’t it. It was actually an eye opener being the sober one 😆
lots of love and hugs to you x x x

Hello Shipmates - apologies again for appalling neglect. Under (almost literally) an avalanche of work nonsense. All shall be well, I daresay.

Greetings and welcome to new friends @Thiszebraiscrossing @Pip2000b @Labmum24 @Met44 @TipseyTorvey - I am sorry for the circumstances that have led you to see us out, but so very glad that you have found us. It took you real courage to post here. This thread has been - and continues to be - an absolute palace of strength, wisdom and understanding for me.

I'm sorry again that I am not posting much at the moment - stealing a few seconds here just now - but my heart is with you, and glad that you are walking this path alongside me and Sid. We'd not be able to keep stepping along without you.

Hope you are all safe after the storms. Here's Sid, making it abundantly clear what he reckons to Storm Darragh.

Strength and love. Keep going. It will be alright, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. xx

I hope work settles down soon, @REP22. Work stress is responsible for such a lot.

My Christmas preparations are non-existent up to now, as the house is upside down because of work being done. It is going wrong, it seems, and will need 'another couple of days' to put right, which is stressing me massively. I hate having people in my space, and I also hate not knowing what's happening when. I have things on this week, and Christmas is approaching. Send help!

Hi all, I’m hoping I can join you. I’m on day 3 after a weekend of more excess than usual. I’ve definitely been self medicating for ages with alcohol and I’m really determined to stop this time.

The hangxiety on day 1 really scared me this time and I’ve been struggling with anxious feelings the last 2 days as well. Please reassure me that I haven’t broken myself and I’ll feel better?

I hope my feelings of needing to cry and shout are because I’ve been dampening this for so long by getting drunk instead. I love not thinking about my problems but need a healthier way to do it.

It’s a horrible thing to say but it’s made me feel a bit better reading this thread that others have also struggled. Someone said day 3 is the worst and I really fucking hope that’s true! I don’t think I’ve even done a day one in a while - will have at least a small tin of beer to ‘help me get to sleep’.

I have tried to quit a few times before. This is the first time I actually still don’t want to drink at this point, I just want to feel better though.

Also I shouldn’t have just read the thread where op asked for scary stories of unwellness due to drinking… going to have a potter cleaning the kitchen to see if it helps

@Minimum85percentCocoa welcone.
I'd tip the beer down the sink if I were you.
Every day you drink you organs need to clear that poison. Try a milky drink instead.

Hi @WendyWagon no beer for me I just cleaned the kitchen and cooked salmon and broccoli for tea. Plus I found a magnesium supplement and thiamin tablet in the cupboards that I’ve bought but never touched. I’m hoping this will help with the anxiety

Thank you for the welcome as well. I’m ironing in front of the telly tonight so that will keep me busy for the evening I hope then it’s day 4 tomorrow

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend with my post I know lots of people on here are struggling and it’s not very nice for anyone. I just had a bit of a moment and was feeling alone

@Minimum85percentCocoa brilliant.
I always recommend salmon. It really is a super food. I don't eat meat anymore so i m seeing how that effects me.

Welcome @Minimum85percentCocoa

Well done on Day 3! (I also joined a previous version of this thread on my Day 3)

Please don't apologise for posting your feelings on here. This is a very supportive, safe space..

We have ALL been where you are now and we understand what you are going through.

Thiamine is a really great idea. 100mg for at least 12 weeks I seem to remember.

I also think a B complex is great alongside it (but take Thiamine in addition as there isn't enough in a B complex)

Eating well, staying hydrated, eating the sugar and looking after yourself by taking time for relaxation, meditation and getting to bed early evening if you can't sleep really helps.

(@ShyMaryEllen has some excellent tips on relaxing and bedtime when not able to sleep)

It takes sup to 10 days for all the alcohol to leave your body and do take care if you experience any confusion/hallucinations and get some medical help immediately.)

I highly recommend quitlit especially in audiobook format.

Feel free to come in here and post whenever you want on/need to. Whenever the wine witch whispers in your ear, whenever you learn something new about sobriety you want to share.

We are here precisely for that.

PS the anxiety is a big part of withdrawal.

Health anxiety is very common amongst us thirsty ladies too.

Try a warm bath, meditation, an activity that helps take your mind off things without being too taxing (I enjoy jigsaws while listening to music for this.)

The anxiety really does get better as your brain and body adjusts to life without alcohol. But getting a checkup might also help.

Thank you so much. I did get in a bit of an anxious spiral there and this group has helped already. It’s something I’ve experienced since about 16 years old and have been on and off meds for it since then. Alcohol has always helped it feel better but I know it’s only kicking the can down the road and as I’m nearing mid 40s now it’s time to stop and try something different. I suspect if I stop I’ll find the anxiety lessens.

I had therapy a few years ago, mainly focused around childhood experiences and how they affected my mindset, but was drinking a lot then. I might book in some more sessions to help me get through this bit as there’s probably a lot to unpick re alcohol too.

Im so glad I found this thread. I know it’s early days but it feels like hopefully something is different this time and I’ll make it past the weekend. Realising this isn’t the life I want to live anymore. Thank you!

@ShyMaryEllen you have my sympathies 🙈. I also hate having workmen in the house. It makes me very unsettled and I find I can't relax, especially hard if you don't exactly know 'the plan'. Hope you get sorted soon and can begin to Christmas your home 🎄

@Minimum85percentCocoa Welcome to the thread. I think you have to prioritise yourself in these early days. Do whatever works for you to take your mind off drinking. Everyone is different and there are some good ideas on this thread to help you to stay strong.

I loved lavender baths, early nights, listened to loads of quit lit and started a new indulgent skin care routine (going to bed squiffy most nights meant I only usually 😬 removed mascara and slapped on a bit of moisturiser). I've also told quite a few people that I've given up drinking. Some people keep this private for a while but I'm a few months in now and it feels like another way of being accountable. I don't want to let myself and others down.

@REP22 Gosh you are having a nightmare at work! Good job you have the gorgeous Sid to come home to! I love his disapproving look at Storm Darragh!

Good luck to everyone in the run up to Christmas. I have discovered Gordon's AF Pink gin which feels festive. Waking up hangover free and without anxiety or embarrassment never gets old 🥰

Morning all.
Feeling better as the dog was shut out of the bedroom and couldn't jump on my gallbladder.
I'm not so swollen so I think the meds are leaving my system.
The Christmas tree is going up today whilst I have some help. My niece has been coming once a week to help me. It's such a blessing.
No desire for any Christmas tipple. That side effect I wouldn't mind staying.

I have decided to ‘tidy up’ by dumping everything into the boot room at the back of the house. This is far from ideal, and something I’ve trained myself out of doing, as you just end up in chaos and clearing it up is more of a nightmare; but at least the whole of downstairs won’t be a tip.

I agree with @EastCoastDamsel about finding an activity that uses just enough brainpower to take your mind off things, but doesn’t need concentration you don’t have. I liked those games where you find items in a scene (Big Fish Games have millions of them) and knitting always soothes me, too.

It’s all a question of time. We get there in the end, but it’s a bit of a haul. We can’t expect to flick a switch and undo decades (in my case) of damage in a week. Our bodies and brains have to reset, and it’s a slow process, with no guaranteed end date. Every day you don’t drink is another day closer to healing, though, and the end date will come. One day you realise that you have become a non-drinker- not someone who isn’t drinking just now, but someone who doesn’t drink. There’s a difference.

Day 24 for me, had a real wobble on day 20 when wrapping presents, as I'd usually have a few Baileys doing this and have a good few bottles in the pantry!

Talked myself out of it and thankfully didn't succumb.

Had a theatre visit early on, but was a matinee, so easy not to drink. Have avoided nights out, as intermittent fasting so not having any calories past 7pm, thought this would help with the not drinking.

I need to lose weight, so am looking at alcohol as empty calories I really don't need.

My relationship with alcohol isn't great. I have never needed to drink daily, but once I start I can't stop. I don't seem to have an off button.

I'd love to be able to have a glass of wine with a meal and just that, but it always means finishing the bottle and sometimes opening another.

I watched the documentary re liver damage and it frightened me. I regularly binged by their definition without realising it.

I have lost friends and hurt people with my drunken behaviour in the past. There are still people I wouldn't like to bump into in my hometown.

I'm hoping that I have turned a corner and am aiming for mocktails and AF gin at Christmas. Wasn't even sure that I wanted this to be a permanent thing at first, as it seems ridiculously scary, but the more I look honestly at myself and my relationship with the booze, the more I know that it has to change.

Phew!!

@SissySpacekAteMyHamster Funny the things that trigger us, isn't it? I felt like that while decorating the Christmas tree. Years of habit and conditioning aren't going to change in a few weeks. Well done for staying strong 💪

hey ladies. i don’t know why but i had a moment over the weekend and desperately need to reduce my intake. i’m a few gins every night kind of girl and am desperate to break that drinking at home habit. i had nothing monday went out with my daughter for her birthday last night and was very well behaved. i now don’t want to drink til saturdays night out. i just feel hungover most of the time and foggy and for no reason as i don’t even get that high from being drunk when you’re just at home. need to fill those evenings!

@Catmum41 hello and hear you on wanting to reduce your intake - always a good aim. on this thread we are all aiming for complete abstinence rather than moderation, largely because moderation doesn't work for us. there are other threads on mumsnet that will support moderation and wishing you all strength for that. if abstinence is your goal, we're your gals!

@CarrotSeeds @SissySpacekAteMyHamster i am 7 months sober and so this will be my first sober christmas. am wondering where the triggers will be and will have my sparkling kombucha at the ready! you're both doing very well

@ShyMaryEllen hope the builders are out of your house and your hair soon!

@WendyWagon wishing you healing

waves also to @REP22 and the fabulous sid

@ponzusoup thanks for the post. It's a too difficult time of year to be triggered.

@ponzusoup I meant to post the other day, please don't apologise for getting super enthusiastic about sobriety. It's what we all need to hear and is really encouraging to those of us newer to this way of life.
Your 7 months is amazing, over half a year!

@Catmum41 Hello and best of luck with moderating. As Ponzu said, most of us are on this thread as we find we can't moderate so are all making a determined effort to abstain. Personally I find it so much easier than that constant chatter in my head about how many drinks I will allow myself. It was exhausting and never worked for me anyway.

@Becky37 How are you getting on? You popped into my head today for some reason 😊

I've got a bit Christmas mad and ordered a couple of bottles of AF fizz (they've got good reviews but we'll see!) and a bottle of Lyre's 0% Amaretto. I'm SO excited for that one it had better be good!