@Nogoodusername Yes absolutely his narcissistic and abusive behaviour escalated, and it was that which lead me to call the police in my case. I no longer felt safe and the moments of clarity were few and far between. The last couple of weeks I spent running around trying to make things right, which was an impossible task. I was, as you say, on a knife edge and had lost any sense of what was normal. I lost any ability to detach, and was seeing my behaviour become more and more sensitive.
What has helped me move forward is an understanding that his behaviour was not normal, whether it was legally controlling and coercive I will never find out, but in talking with friends and others who had been through similar things I have been growing in my awareness that he was textbook in his behaviour.
I was able to talk with a therapist, and also to have some friends who professional experience in this area. I also found forums like this one immensely helpful, particularly in holding me back from contacting him when that was all I wanted to do, I had someone to hold me accountable in the small hours when it would have been so easy to press send on a text. Journalling feelings, and endless letters to him also helped. Keeping busy kept my mind busy, even though often all I wanted to do was stop.
So keep coming here, and rant as you want.