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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

992 replies

REP22 · 28/08/2024 11:42

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

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WendyWagon · 02/09/2024 18:34

@REP22 waves to Sid. I'm on a spooky thread if anyone is interested. I was sleuthing.

Another blood test this morning as the new drug my be effecting my liver. I have to keep repeating I don't drink. Curses

Chance21 · 02/09/2024 18:39

Thank you @REP22 I feel like it was my hardest victory so far!! Your 💯 right funny enough the 2 ppl that made comments were the drunkest ones at the end of the evening I almost wanted to say enjoy your hangover in the morning but held my tongue, was tough felt like they were mocking me they hated it and brought it up a handful of times. My partner said I need to remember they’ve only ever known you to drink I found it difficult to accept that gives them a reason to be booze bully’s but who knows I didn’t give in it made me more stubborn I thought how dare you question me on drinking you do you and I’ll do me!! It’s crazy 😆

@ShyMaryEllen hope you’re ok my lovely I’m sure everything will work itself out keep your head up good days will come 😊

threeandmeandthedog · 02/09/2024 22:39

Bookmarking and catching up. Had a tough few days. Not sure why. Saw folk out and about with glasses of wine in hand and hand some very fleeting urges for a glass. They passed. Took me by surprise though.
am distracting myself with running- GNR this weekend- I have entered and never done a half before 😬 Nothing like a very long run to focus the mind away from booze. Hand on heart there is no way drinking me would be doing this- I would have sacked it off by
now and missed half the training due to hangovers.

WendyWagon · 03/09/2024 06:38

Ahoy lads.
Up on continuing nurse duties.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 03/09/2024 07:01

Good to see you @threeandmeandthedog . How exciting about the GNR!

Sorry to hear DH is still poorly @WendyWagon

EastCoastDamsel · 03/09/2024 09:04

Good luck for the GNR this weekend @threeandmeandthedog . I know a couple of people running it.

It's on my list for next year. Not quite there in fairness terms yet.

Unfortunately have to post and run today. Lots on.

ponzusoup · 03/09/2024 12:55

checking in briefly. hope everyone is ok. first sober birthday this week! 💪🏻

ponzusoup · 03/09/2024 12:57

special shout out to @ShyMaryEllen hope you are managing. give your DD time and space and she will come back to you. you've done wonders and whatever she's working through that is the current truth. but can see how tough it must feel. you can only change the current moment so try not to get bogged down in regret. sending love.

REP22 · 03/09/2024 13:18

That thread sounds intriguing @WendyWagon - any clues to which one it is? I love a good spooky story. I recently bit the bullet and looked up the MN "Savernake Forest" one - bl~~dy h~ll 😨😨!! Pre-problem times, I used to regularly go out on Fridays with a group of friends, a bit of a feature used to be "REP22's Ghost Story" in one of the pubs that was generally mostly lit by candles. I've got quite a few. "The Huntsman's Bloody Bundle" was a popular one, hehehe... 💀

@Chance21 I'm so glad you enjoyed dominating your victory, hehe. I'm sorry you mates wanted to p~~~ on your sober bonfire. There's not a lot you can say to these people, except what you're already doing so well; view them with an air of quiet interest (David Attenborough's narration in your mind is a useful tool... "The Alpha Male [who the production team have named 'Clive'] is onto his fifth Jägerbomb of the session. Other members of the pack have already formed a long queue for the toilet; only one urinal is functioning and the nearest bush is over three private gardens away. Observe his face as the reality begins to sink in."... "Mary, the female from our last episode has realised that the mating call she displayed after her fourth wine was texted to wolf-cub Gary and not the intended pack leader, Dave. Sadly, for Mary, this knowledge will come..... too late...")😉 - and polite detachment. You don't owe them an explanation or justification for your choices.

Hello @threeandmeandthedog fantastic to see you. Sorry to hear that the fleeting urges are twittering about your ears. They sneak up on you when you least expect it, usually at most inopportune times. They often catch me on the hop too. I use housework/gardening (not much though, I'm an idle b~gg~r) and strenuous walks with Sid to distract me. Sid often struggles to catch up, hehe (although that might have something to do with the dead deer he's been visiting, which he thinks I don't know about). Seriously impressed with doing the GNR though, the only time I'd actually break into a run is if something with MASSIVE teeth is chasing me... Good luck with it - every single step is a victory for your sobriety and a firm stamp on the sneering face of the Wine Witch. 🏆

Waves and wags from Sid to @EastCoastDamsel and @Onewildandpreciouslife hope you're having a good week thus far.

Happy sober birthday @ponzusoup - Sid will put his party hat on for you! 🥳 That's a fantastic achievement. It cannot have been easy, but it brings much joy that you have made it. @ShyMaryEllen - I completely agree with Ponzu's wise words. I hope you are OK today. Look after your lovely self.

I weighed myself last night, I think I have put a small amount of weight on this week (a bit of a roast on Sunday and dinner with GB brother earlier in the week), so will wimp out of Weight Wizards tonight and yomp around with young Sidney instead. Hopefully will be back on track next week. I am a gutless turd indeed, but not ashamed to admit it. I have also been called for a medical, where they will be testing my bloods for, among other things, CDT levels. How nice it is to not have the slightest prickle of fear and apprehension about these. Which, believe me, has not always been the case.

Sid didn't want to wake up this morning. Here he is, kipping like a pup. Try not to think about what he's dreaming about. You are too young and pure.

Strength and love. Keep going, just a little bit further. It will be alright. xx

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024
OP posts:
WendyWagon · 03/09/2024 13:53

@REP22
The spooky thread is by @buntyfayreweather

REP22 · 03/09/2024 16:09

@WendyWagon got it! Thank you. Blimey. I've got a few that would make their hair curl... but too outing. Hope your DH is doing OK and your blood tests went well. xx

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cookiebee · 03/09/2024 19:25

It’s wonderful to find this new thread, I read the whole of the last one and it just helps me feel connected with others who have to completely obstain. I am afraid I strayed, NOT in terms of falling off the wagon, but in terms of thinking I could start another thread and have a sensible debate about alcohol, people definitely get threatened at even the hypothetical debate about the downsides to drinking, I think I have ptsd 😂. But everyone gets each other here.

@frankiefirstyear i of course don’t mean to pry, but I was wondering if your husband’s condition was pancreatitis, just on the off chance it is I began a thread about the condition when I joined which has some informative posts on it from others, if not of course apologies for mentioning it, but we will all help in anyway we can.

BoneTiredandWired · 03/09/2024 19:34

Hello - can I join here if I feel in a pretty sad place mentally, was sober for years then drank again about 6 months ago and now just can't stop? I want to stop! Oh I want to! I have a baby and a kid about to start school, and I was just sober for 3 days but off the wagon again tonight with wine while DH is away. So dreary and sad.

frankiefirstyear · 03/09/2024 19:35

@cookiebee, thank you so much for offering the thread as support! Absolutely not prying at all. I only didn't mention the ailment as I'm always worried of being recognised and he is an extremely private man, it isn't pancreatitis that he has. I'm so glad you have found this thread to support you, though I'm not really a drinker I find some threads so unsupportive that this one is a good go to for me also.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 03/09/2024 19:50

@BoneTiredandWired I’m so sorry- you sound very sad. Alcohol seems to provide such an easy escape from boredom and reality, but if you have done a long stretch sober you know it’s a lie.
You’ve made a big step by posting here - there are lots of people to support you. Do you think you can pour the rest of the bottle away this evening?

WendyWagon · 03/09/2024 19:57

Evening all. 👮
Hello @cookiebee .
@BoneTiredandWired we can offer support if you wish.
We're a mixed bunch. Long time sober (3-7 years) and all in between. I am a regular poster as I need daily support. I have been trying the sober life for 2 1/2 years+. It's better than being a regretful drunk.

Today was challenging. I've been out with the dog, first time in eight months! 😄
Now retiring for the night mes aimies.

ShyMaryEllen · 03/09/2024 20:08

@BoneTiredandWired welcome. Of course you can join in, and you can stop, however impossible that may seem. It comes down to working out why you drink - there are as many reasons as there are people on this thread, and you will have something in common with all of us, but there will be other areas where you are completely different. Think of it like a Venn Diagram. We all overlap in that we drank too much and decided to stop, some of us are in the 'unhappy childhood segment' and in the 'addictive personality' one, and others in the 'physically dependent' one, and so on. It would be so much easier if one size fit all, but it doesn't.

If you get withdrawal symptoms (beyond feeling a bit weepy and fluey) when you don't have a drink for a couple of days you might be physically addicted and should speak to your GP. It is dangerous to stop suddenly, as I'm sure you know. If you aren't physically addicted, you might like to replace your drink of choice with an AF alternative, so you go through the motions and rituals, but without the booze. That was really helpful for me, but others find it triggering. Whatever you do, get some Vitamin B1 (thiamine) and take a high dose (you will excrete what you don't need, so you won't overdose). That can prevent you getting brain damage - sorry to alarm you, but there is a slight risk of that, but if you take the B1 (it's fine in a VitB complex) you will prevent it.

I found other rituals useful, such as scented baths and hypnosis tracks through sleep headphones. Not everyone would like those, but for me it took away the fear of lying in bed unable to sleep, and I found it relaxing, whether or not the hypnosis worked. The headphones are cheap on Amazon, and hypnosis is widely available. Craig Beck is as good as any to start with.

Work out your danger zones and what to do in them. I carried on going out, which included licensed premises, but switched from wine to lime and soda or AF drinks. After a while that stopped - partly as I changed my friends, and partly as it just lost its appeal, but it stopped me feeling deprived when I was still missing the booze.

If you are worried about physical damage (oddly, a lot of drinkers have health anxiety, yet continue to put ourselves at risk) wait three months or so before getting LFTs done? That way you will be measured when there is no alcohol in your blood, and the repairs will be well under way, so there is far less chance of getting anything harmful on your records that might come back and bite you.

And keep posting. Knowing that people are here for you, and promising yourself that being part of something depends on your sobriety is a real motivator. I've been stopped for 7 years now, and posted elsewhere when I stopped, but it was the same principle.

Do it for your children, if not for yourself. If they don't grow up with a drunk for a mother they won't thank you for it - motherhood is a fairly thankless task 😂 - but they won't blame you, which is more of a blessing than you can know.

BoneTiredandWired · 03/09/2024 20:18

Thank you so so much for all the kind words! Thank you a million. I had just gone back to my first AA meeting on Saturday, and now feel like I've blown it again - but I also know relapses happen... sometime I almost feel I know too much of the lingo after rehab and meetings in my 20s 😬 Will have a read of the thread

BoneTiredandWired · 03/09/2024 20:22

The way my DH looked at me with such genuine pity when I came round after my last bender... I just don't want to be the person he worries about. I don't want my DD and DS to have a drunk mum. Fuck, I wish I'd never started again those months ago - it had been years, then I got complacent. I thought 'oh, I was just young probably, just too controlled by my weird parents' etc.etc. Same old story

REP22 · 03/09/2024 21:04

Welcome @cookiebee and @BoneTiredandWired - you are very welcome. So glad you've found us. This is such a great place for me. I joined in April 2023 and it's really kept me going. Some wonderful advice already from @ShyMaryEllen

@BoneTiredandWired I'm sorry you feel so sad and tired. I know what that's like. But you're not an awful person and certainly not a failure. It's OK to make mistakes, slip up and take a wobble off the wagon sometimes. It's how we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and head forwards that really matters. For me, not having any drink in the house (I cannot moderate) and distraction - any distraction - is key. I found the two books mentioned in my OP very helpful, but different things help different people. Try a few of the various suggestions and see which ones you like. If you want to read more stuff straight away, some of the available blogs might help. I can recommend https://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/p/reasons-to-quit-drinking.html (Clare Pooley's blog, which formed the basis for her first book)
and https://girlandtonic.co.uk/, which I found helpful in my early days.

The thing about alcohol is that it is actually a depressive drug. The early effects of it seem relaxing, numbing and fun - but it is a toxin with known depressant effects. I take anti-depressants, and have done since I was a teenager. At one stage around the time I was at my drinking worst, a doctor actually said to me something like "I don't know why I'm prescribing these for you. The alcohol you are drinking cancels out any effect these tablets are having. You might as well be not taking them at all." It took a long while before I could appreciate that, but he was right.

So the wine makes you feel relaxed and happy for - what - 20 to 40 minutes or so before you get drowsy. And then you feel not only worse due to the drink, sad because of the depressive effect of the poison it contains, and heaped on top of that, along comes the guilt you feel in having been drinking, remorse, wretched self-loathing (I don't think I'm alone in experiencing that a lot of the time myself) and sadness - which generally often comes accompanied by its irritating little b~st~rd nephew, the feeling of utter, hope-free worthlessness. The Scrappy-Doo of drinking to Uncle Scooby's hangover, if you like.

But there IS hope. Honestly there is. @Onewildandpreciouslife is right. You've realised you're not happy with your drinking. You've actively looked up something about it online. You've clicked on more than one thing to read - and you have found your way here. Not ONLY that, you've taken a deep breath and had the courage to type and post something on this thread. That is a lot further than many people manage, believe me. There are lots of people here, those in the earliest days to others who have been AF for years. Like First Lord of the AF Admiralty @WendyWagon says, I too need the regular support here, although (despite a few notably grim wobbles) I have been largely AF since 2020. I know I need the wisdom and solidarity that is here. And it's here for you too. Whatever stage you are at, I guarantee that we have been there too and know how horrible it feels.

It won't necessarily be easy. I'm sorry about that. But I promise you, it absolutely will be worth it. Keep posting, if you want to. On page 1 (I think) of this thread, there is a link to the previous one, and older full threads are also available on MN, similarly titled to this one. Have a read of them instead of having any more wine, maybe? Just for tonight. See how it goes.

Strength and love to you @cookiebee , @BoneTiredandWired and @frankiefirstyear and all who sail with us. It will be alright soon. xx

OP posts:
BoneTiredandWired · 03/09/2024 21:15

Thank you very much. So much. I will keep posting.
I just wish my - very full, stuffed to bursting - life didn't feel empty without alcohol. It's so incredibly small and sad.

Thanks for the links, I'll have a look now. And pray that I'll be ok in the morning for my small children who need me.

Actually, just conscious there of playing up having small children - that didn't stop me from drinking tonight. Didn't stop me from all the other nights. I haye coming across as disingenuous and trying to seem better than the shit I am

cookiebee · 04/09/2024 09:26

Hello @WendyWagon and @REP22 thankyou for the welcome, and thank you for keeping these threads sailing on, I know steering a thread is no easy task, but it keeps us all sane either posting for or offering support or even just reading along. A gruffly - ruffely good morning to Sid also 🫡

@frankiefirstyear thankyou, I’m sorry I couldn’t be of any specific assistance to you, but I know you have some suggested threads and of course all of us here whenever you need support. I love this thread and mostly read along. I can’t even read the moderation threads anymore as their wittering annoys me, although at the same time I completely get their struggles and I tried to start a debate on my own about some of the hypocrisy that surrounds the consumption of alcohol and why it’s bad, but good god, don’t ever say anything negative about precious alcohol! Don’t even suggest that this delicious delicacy is actually a powerful drug, THEY don’t have a problem and alcohol is mentioned in the bible so it has the approval of Jesus! None of my negative and positive comments were considered and after I drew a line under my thread one very strange poster had to have the final say and told me to go live in Saudi Arabia!

So after that I ran back aboard here where it’s safe, no one pats each other on the back for their drinking, but however supports one another through all aspects of this sober journey, there’s never a cross word, now I just need to route through my bag for a biscuit to pay the Sid toll.

cookiebee · 04/09/2024 09:35

@BoneTiredandWired i hope you are ok this morning and please do keep checking in here. You mentioned life feeling empty without alcohol, we all COMPLETELY understand that here. Alcohol is a bit like a weed taking hold in a flower bed. It spreads its roots far and invades every corner of your beautiful life. Just like trying to eradicate weeds, it takes a lot of time to unpick the roots that have formed and be rid of it. A bit of a silly example, but I used to watch old comedy series, like ‘are you being served’, but I would always drink can after can while doing it, the two now just go together for me, I’m still unpicking the association 18 months after quitting drinking. I used to watch these shows sober, but now feel I can’t enjoy them without drink, but one day I will sit down and watch again, without the need for neurotoxins to space me out. Good luck to you, we are here, please use us for support and let us know how you are, whenever you need to.

WendyWagon · 04/09/2024 09:42

Morning all.
@cookiebee i joined a moderation thread last year, lovely ladies but very triggering for me. The 'i'm down from two bottles to one' had me planning my shop!
If I start each day with no booze, 99% I won't have it. I also admit to having a problem with alcohol otherwise my very boozy mates push the drink on me. Not sure if they are being generous or miss the all singing, all dancing Wendy.

There are nutters of course on all SM. I've had a stalker and quite a few posters on other threads that have made me cry. However I find the lads here are like cashmere socks, fine and warm.

@BoneTiredandWired my DC were 7 & 3 when my drinking became problematic. The younger one does not remember. My son was my worse critic and greatest support when I did give up in 2022.
They both hate drinkers. A good thing in a way. Mine have forgiven me.

REP22 · 04/09/2024 13:16

I'm with @WendyWagon - I find "moderating but not really, oops, what am I like?! Hahaha"-type posts and threads to be triggering. And some MN spaces (as well as wider SM) can be utterly bananapants and quite nasty. I once posted on a thread about Covid, when lockdown was coming to an end. My health-vulnerable M and a group of her friends, including some with advanced dementia, had been persuaded into a religious retreat-type mini-break in a tiny hotel. After two years of staying safe, they all went, against advice, and all - to a one - got Covid. I made an innocuous post about how upsetting I found this. Dear God, the abuse I got. I was, apparently, evil and selfish. One poster was so incensed ("this is the nastiest thing that I have EVER READ ON MN!!!", bless her) that it made me wonder how they managed with life in normal, everyday scenarios without spontaneously combusting and scorching all around her. But this is a safe place here. As Wendy says, lads who get it and want only to support and encourage.

I like your weed analogy @cookiebee , that's a good way of looking at it. I certainly am with you on that, and the association thing. I used to drink while reading Harry Potter books at bedtime (aloud, to the dog. Doing the voices and everything. I'm particularly proud of my Dobby and, to a lesser degree, my Snape). I took one of the books on my recent holiday to the West Country to pass the evenings and it was terribly, terribly triggering. I resisted, but the pull was strong. Watching old Sex and the City episodes does the same, love them though I do. I never acted out any of those for the dog though.

Hope you're doing OK today @BoneTiredandWired and @frankiefirstyear .

@cookiebee - Sid is a merciful First Mate and not brutish when exacting tolls from his shipmates. No, just have 38 grilled chops, a bacon butty and a signed picture of Liza Minelli handy for next time. 😉

Strength and love to you all. xx

OP posts: