The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Glad you feel the same way, it’s a great feeling!

I have been thinking about starting a period of therapy (just BetterHelp so it can be done online and more flexibly/casually) - thought it might help me sort through what got me to where I was, and understand myself a bit better, in an attempt to also let things go that need going, and keep doing the things that need doing. I feel my sobriety is still fairly precarious and thought this might help. Has anyone tried it?

@Katielovesteatime i had six months of therapy. One session a week on video. It was life changing.
I might have a few more sessions as there are some issues that have popped up again. It's having an hour just to talk about me. Friends get bored I find.

Greetings to you all from Dartmoor, where it is currently raining so hard that Sid and I are thinking of building an ark and gathering together two of every kind. Sid stipulates "no girls allowed" though; not sure that was what AngryOldTestamentGod had in mind when he was ordering the Noah reboot scenario....🙄🌈

Sending you all lots of love. I have never tried hypnotherapy @Iamateadrinker and @Katielovesteatime, but I have done Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which really helped me. I suppose the best thing to do is to have a look at a few different things, to see which one fits you best.

Greetings to @RunningtheHill - I am so glad you have found us. I am having very vivid dreams at the moment. I usually find mine have a tiny grain of reality in them, enough to make me think "did any of that really happen?!" for a moment when I wake up. My work is so bonkers at the moment that sometimes the dreams seem more plausible...

Well done at the theme park @EastCoastDamsel! I once went to Alton Towers with friends and showed myself as the gutless turd that I used to be. I think I went on about two kiddie rides and the Black Hole rollercoaster by mistake, where I deafened the bloke in front with my screams. These days I am much braver - sobriety has helped me to be braver (plus a hospital resuscitation in 2020). I would quite cheerfully give the Oblivion ride a go. Log flumes and the teacups used to be my limit, hehe. Absolutely no rollercoasters though.

So sorry your shoulder is still grim @WendyWagon - I really hope there's respite or some treatment for you soon. It's not fair that you're suffering. And I'm sorry you took a pasting on another thread. Some of them seem to peppered with the most vicious harridans at the moment, piling onto other posters with scant regard to actually reading what they've posted. This thread, and a couple of the other long-runners, are still some of the kindest and most supportive spaces around though, thankfully. There is not a day that passes in which I am not thankful for the wisdom, support and encouragement from the posters on this thread. You're fantastic.❤

Great to read your updates @ponzusoup - I am glad that healing is underway, that's really encouraging to hear. I used to drink my way through illnesses - your excuses were also my own. And booze takes away our ability to be strong and be there for others who need us. I hope that every day brings greater strength and renewed health. ❤️❤️

Sid and I are managing OK, though he currently isn't barking to me because of the soaking we got this morning. We deposited M at her old church this morning and had a nice wander round the park nearby, so she is happy. Unfortunately we then went up onto the moor, where it started wee-ing down and hasn't stopped. We are hopeful of better weather tomorrow. Cravings are at bay; which is a mercy. Usually being trapped within doors with M is a mighty trigger. Here's Sid yesterday, posing like a good 'un just for you amid the autumn bracken. (I did take other ones with a lovely moorland-scape background but, when viewed (and I wasn't aware at the time of photographing), unfortunately "Little Sid" was standing pink and proud throughout, and I'm not uploading that. Filth.

Strength and love. Stick at it; you're doing great. xx

Yes, I am a fan of hypnosis. When I started out I listened every night as part of a sleep routine and found it very helpful. I liked Craig Beck, but also use Clear Minds - it can be a bit trial and error until you find what suits you.

I’m dashing today - have been at a family party all day with millions of relatives and lots of champagne. I stuck to Nosecco. I did get to cuddle a new baby, which was fabulous, though.

Catch up later, chums. Oh, and love to Sidney. x

Morning! So good to see Sid. (Even if he is miserable in all the 🌧️) Hope you both manage to enjoy your Dartmoor break @REP22

I am languishing in bed a bit this morning, weekend was very busy and I don't feel fully rested. Tried making my own chocolate yesterday, which was a bit hit and miss. Got the tempering right but massively overfilled the moulds and made an almighty mess.

Baby cuddles are so lovely @ShyMaryEllen . I did have a fleeting moment of broodiness yesterday, but quickly shrugged it off. I am technically still young enough to have another bit actually don't think I could cope. I was quite anxious when the DC were babies.

Hope you all have a lovely week!

Morning all.
I'm another stretching my bones in bed. The DH has gone to work. He had been home four weeks.

I survived the MN bashing. Someone came along and stood up for me. But wow it was completely mad. People were either drunk or not well. I did not take to the booze even though I was upset, a win.

Good morning!

That's a good win @WendyWagon - rise above the nonsense and hate-filled spewings with your head held high. You're fantastic.

Always lovely to have baby-cuddles (unless an intense nappy is involved). Lucky baby, to get to have a cuddle from you! x

Am sure your chocolate was fab @EastCoastDamsel - certainly better than anything I could manage, I've never been good with tempers, hehe. Hopefully any mess was tasty to deal with 😉

Sid and I are still stuck in the cottage, bound in by wind and rain. We had an actual power cut last night; it was like being back in the 1980s. It meant Sid missed most of the Strictly Results Show. He was livid. We are equally hemmed in by M's passive-aggressive knitting. Sid and I have suggested that perhaps it is a waste of money to come all this far and then sit indoors all day. Hopefully the rain will lift by the afternoon.

Strength and love. x

Ahoy. Dark and cold here me hearties.

The DD is poorly now. I'm on nurse alert again.
Off to see what is in the shops food wise. The DH bought too much last week.

I have a new treat to keep me off the booze, Valencia orange lollies. Marks or Aldi. Fab. Very sharp.
I was more of a winter drinker than summer.

Morning all!
Had a very busy weekend, being pulled in lots of different directions by the various “identities” I have - daughter, mother, community, work, runner. A friend was lovely and said “onewild, practise saying “no” with me ..” Gave me a laugh anyway.

Been thinking a lot about identity recently, partly because of the book I’ve been reading “Master of Change” by Brad Stulberg, where he talks about the benefits of having a flexible sense of self.

And I thought about us, sober sisters. If we drank enough for it to be problematic, alcohol probably became part of our identity- as the party girl, or the one who could match the boys for pints, or whatever.

So when we stop drinking, we actually are letting go of a part of our identity that isn’t serving us any more . No wonder it’s bloody hard.

Hope everyone is doing ok

@Onewildandpreciouslife i agree re identity.
I was the champagne buyer, the bonne aimie. I now don't go out that much now but as some of you know I lost a drinking buddy and my brother so the options are limited. Both were bigger drinkers than me.
Who am I now? I'm actually thinking about that a lot. I was reading the thread on retiring and I know that has to be actioned when the DD finishes this new degree. I want to be able to travel. I spent a lot of time on planes for work but never really saw much. Hopefully my Italian work trip will be easier with more leisure.

I read that soneone was a cathedral tour guide. That was a great idea although I think I'd prefer a country house. I'd also like to teach again.

hello lovely companions of the order of sobriety. good to read that everyone is retaining humour and good spirit in the face of challenge and temptation. red wine is calling now that autumn is seeping in but it's a firm no from me. i'm approaching the six month sober moment and still can't quite believe it.

lots of nursing going on here too @WendyWagon - i'm still trying to bounce back but my tummy is still not at its best; DD continues her post surgery recovery with far more aplomb than me.

@Onewildandpreciouslife wise words about our flexi selves. i've booked lots of music gigs to keep myself going over winter and hoping they will be as fun minus a pint or 5.

@REP22 thinking of you on a windy rainswept dartmoor and glad you have sid as well as your mum for company

@EastCoastDamsel any attempt at chocolate making sounds brilliant to me @ShyMaryEllen a big wave to you too hope things have settled after family gathering well done on getting through on nosecco when champagne is around. that is hard! but we can do hard things ladies!

welcome @Katielovesteatime 37 days is amazing!!

i'd love the time and space for therapy! but full time job teens and life seem to eat up all my time.

Evenin' all. Sending you some slightly soggy love from Dartmoor from me and Sid. We did see a splash of sun today, and there's rumours of more tomorrow.

I agree with you on the identity thing @Onewildandpreciouslife - being the jolly tipsy one was very much a part of who I was - or rather, who people expected me to be. "Oh, you're THAT REP22!!" was a phrase not unknown to me. It is hard to be different. But definitely better (and less actually embarrassing). I'm sure that each and every shade/identity of OneWild that there is is wonderful and a pleasure to be with IRL

Same with @WendyWagon; every aspect of you is, I've no doubt, a joy to know. I'm sure that lots of exciting things lie ahead for you. My dad really thrived when retirement came along. I used to give guided tours of a cathedral, I loved it. Not tried stately homes (although I do frequent the MN thread, but that's a whole other subject), but that does appeal too. Brings out the actress in me, and I've always been a talker. It's nice to share facts and things you love with others. I know of someone who is more mischievous that me, who does tours of the Oxford colleges - he tells credulous American tourists where Dumbledore went to school. The rogue.

Fabulous to hear from you @ponzusoup six months is incredible, really encouraging. I too find autumn and winter evenings a challenge, but the desire to be different is strong. I'm so glad to hear that your lovely DD is mending. I hope you'll be back to full glory soon. ❤

Here's Sid today, doing his "Heathcliff" pose against the brooding moorland sky. He was looking at some ponies and sheep, no doubt wondering which one would taste the nicest. But looking is as far as he will ever get. Since his shenanigans last year he's attached to two leads at all times. No matter how much pressure he piles on to "can you just unclip me for a bit? I need to just check something over there..." haha, NO Sidney, not while I have my strength and breath.

Strength and love to you all. xx

Hi Everyone,

Hope you don't mind me joining? I have lurked on Mumsnet for years but this is my first post. I have been following the thread and the previous ones for a bit now but today is my first day Alcohol Free.

As you can probably tell from my username, I have read the Allen Carr Stop Drinking Now book. I stopped smoking with his book over 10 years ago. I have been drinking almost daily for over 10 years now too. (There were a few years after stopping smoking before the Drinking took over so I don't think it's related.)

I have stopped for long periods, pregnancy, post partum, breastfeeding and after surgery, but it always creeps back in. I have tried to give up/ cut down before, but I think my problem was I always tried to moderate and told myself I could drink socially. I have now accepted I need to go Alcohol Free. I plan on reading other books like the ones recommended here and find tiktok interesting too.

Not to sound patronising, but we'll done to everyone on here, the stories give me great hope and make things seem a bit less daunting.

Welcome @Bigmonsterlittlemonster . Very glad you found us.

I am sure others will be round soon to add their top tips but for me I would recommend Vit B (especially Thiamine) supplements.

As well as just focusing on not drinking in the first few days/weeks. Distraction is good at the time you would normally drink. (I would go for a walk straight after work to rather that my usual cracking open a bottle of wine and cooked meals that don't naturally pair well with wine.)

Alo eat the sugar. Most of us have big cravings as our blood sugar control is all over the place from years of drinking AND most alcohol beverages contain a large dose of sugar and carbs.

On a personal note, today has not been a good day. I am royally pissed off with DH (it's complicated but we work in the same business and it is a work rather than personal issue).

I realised that I don't do very well with anger and that it is a major trigger for me. I did not succumb, bit definitely need to work on sitting with my anger and processing it better.

Don't be daunted, @Bigmonsterlittlemonster . It's very simple. Not easy, but very simple. You just don't drink alcohol. You can do everything else. You can drink other things. It's one thing.

If you can look at it like that, and remember it when times are hard, you'll get some perspective. How much were you drinking? You don't have to say, obviously, but if it was a lot, think about getting some high strength Thiamine (Bit B1) and take it for a few weeks, to help your brain to heal.

We all have different ways to deal with this, but mine was to find a routine in the evenings, to replace the 'get in, open bottle, pour wine and sit in front of the TV/surf online until crashing out' one. I tried to engage all the senses, and got scented oils and bath things, and new sheets and nightwear. I tidied the bedroom, bought some sleep headphones and downloaded hypnosis tracks. I'd drink AF wine (to replicate the ritual) then put oil on a burner in the bedroom to do its thing whilst I was in a scened bath, then get into my new pjs and into a clean, made bed. I'd watch tv until I was tired (something undemanding and not too exciting) then put on the headphones/eye mask and listen to hypnosis until I fell asleep. It took a while, but I got to enjoy it. I found sleep elusive for weeks, but tried not to stress about it, and when I managed that it got easier.

That may or may not work for you - some people like the quit lit books, but I didn't, as they made me think about drinking. You have to find what floats your boat, really.

Good luck, and welcome. Checking into threads like this can be helpful, too.

Sid is looking very handsome, @REP22 . His pose reminds me of the knitting patterns my gran used to use. Men in aran sweaters staring into the middle distance wearing brooding expressions. Maybe you could sign him up with a yarn company?

@EastCoastDamsel thanks so much for the tips,
I actually have a little notebook and the small post it's and highlighters 😆 so I am jotting down anything I might find useful.

@Shymaryellen I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, then some vodka too some nights maybe a single measure. As time went on the bottle of wine wasn't enough and it would be gone in an hour. I actually drank 2 bottles last night and felt horrendous all day. My memory from yesterday is patchy, I had already decided to give up and hadn't planned to drink 2, but then again none of us ever really did!

I would often go for a meal too and have 2/3 cocktails or beers. I found myself going for meals more often to have these drinks, as I felt it wasn't as bad as going to the pub. Writing it down it sounds so stupid. I would then kind of sober up, feel awful, yet still drink my bottle of wine that night!

Sorry, still getting used to how to physically post correctly, not sure if I have tagged correctly.

Thanks very much for the welcome.

Hello, inspired by you, bigmonster and everyone else, may I join too?
Im ashamed to say I remember drybirds thread and yet here I am still pretending I don’t drink as much as I do.
I want to do dry October so started by pouring a massive scotch. I don’t even like the stuff, but it’s all we have.
onewildandprciuslife and rep agree with identity too. I’ve started seeing a therapist who amazingly isn’t directly tacking the drinking, but is helping me rediscover me. I’ve just gone backwards though as I’m going through something crap thats reminding me of something else crap. If that makes sense. It’s obviously important to redefine your sense of self, I guess. Mine is definitely out dated!
shymaryellen and iamateadrinker hypnosis is the best! I believe it’s really effective when it’s one to one and the hypnotist can really address your particular thoughts. Hmmm. It’s finding a good one - watch out for people who’ve just done a weeks course.

I only once went to a live person. I used downloads so I could incorporate them into my new bedtime regime. I don’t know if it worked or if I just benefited from believing it did and going to bed sober, but here I am all this time later, so I’m prepared to give it the benefit of the doubt. I do top up now and then if I feel myself weakening.

@Bigmonsterlittlemonster I’m not a medic but I think you would benefit from Thiamine. You can’t overdose on it if you take it alone (you need to be careful if you use a B Complex formula as some B bits can be harmful in excess). You excrete what you don’t use in luminous but harmless wee😀.

@Wantofeelgood welcome. I’m getting into bed now, but someone will be along soon or you can read back and look at Sid, our mascot until you get to sleep. He’s great at giving us strength. Goodnight.

Ahoy my sober sisters, Captain Rep and Sid.

Welcome to @Bigmonsterlittlemonster and @Wantofeelgood

I'm adjusting myself after being put on sleeping pills in January and I've now given them up. I find I can set a time for wake up and up I pop. Weird that, my dad use to do it too.

I've had a craving for cheese for the last few days. I'll have to get some. I did love the merry wife from the Bath cheese company. I wasn't a red wine drinker so it doesn't trigger me.

@ponzusoup good to hear you DD is improving. Mine was a bit more cheerful last night after her brother helped with the student finance cock up. He also did a bit of rah rah re how quick these things go.

I didn't engage on FWR again. I shan't bother. I did a high court challenge years ago on a feminist issue and it's stood others in good stead ever since (well used case law). It ruined my career for a decade but it was a matter of principle. Some people on that board have a pretty rotten agenda. If you aren't nodding along you are spat out. Home is where the good ship Sober Sister is docked. I'll stick to my shipmates here and a bit of fashion.

Have a good day my friends.

Good morning shipmates. Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey Sid has swabbed the decks (try not to think about what he used) and we heartily welcome @Bigmonsterlittlemonster and @Wantofeelgood - I'm so glad you've found us. It's a humbling and very difficult thing to recognise that we might have a problem with our drinking and to take the even bolder step in seeking out support on how to be different. Much kudos to you for your courage. I have found the two books (Clare Pooley and Catherine Grey) mentioned in my OP most helpful for me, plus the One For the Road podcast by Sober Dave. Different things help different people, so try on a few things to see which one fits you best.

I echo @EastCoastDamsel - embrace the sugar cravings that will come. I mainlined chocolate milkshake for a while, especially at bedtime when the urges were strong. Not ideal for the weight, but it is a 'safe' comfort and certainly the lesser of two evils. Better half a litre of chocolate milk than vodka at bedtime. Also @ShyMaryEllen's wise words on Thiamine - it can be unwise to suddenly stop drinking altogether if your consumption has been high, and Thiamine can help you there. I had it on prescription for a while when I first gave up the grog, though I was drinking fairly industrial levels for a while.

Also, I know that I cannot moderate - I just can't; I have tried, several times over, but it never ends well. About two, three weeks in you will probably hear a little inner voice that says "You know what? You've done so well - you deserve a drink. Go on, you've earned it. You've proved you can stop if you want to! You don't have a problem! Just a couple of glasses - treat yourself..." This is the Wine Witch/Vodka Voldemort. They are pernicious, nasty liars. They will whisper to you when you are feeling vulnerable. I'm sorry. But there is immense satisfaction in defeating them and not caving in. Like the cravings, they will fade. I also recommend reading back on previous incarnations of this thread (link to the previous one at the beginning of this thread and thereon back); there is much wisdom and kindness, tips and links to helpful resources. I have been on the thread since April last year - it's one of the best and supportive places there is, and has certainly kept me true. Keep posting, if you want to. It's great to have you with us. ❤️

I love the cheese @WendyWagon - went to a farm shop yesterday and came back with an armful of cheeses. In so much awe of you for the court case thing. It's not easy, to stand up and do the right thing, even if it means hardship for you and scorn from the nodding dogs. You're a legend of womanhood. 🏋️‍♀️

Sorry you've had a grim day work-wise @EastCoastDamsel (I don't suppose you can put DH on a disciplinary...?!). Hope it's a better one today. I don't deal with anger or frustration either. I have an inner "F~ck-It-Button" that I have to carefully avoid in moments of extreme vexation, as I know where it leads when pressed.

@ShyMaryEllen Sid sends you especial wags. I remember those catalogues and patterns. I always wondered what the models were looking at, off in the distance. Sidney, however, has forestalled your suggestion by almost a year - below is the dubious outcome of the union 'twixt my mother with too much time on her hands, some spare wool, a copy of the People's Friend and a pair of knitting needles. Help the Aged? No. Fear them. Fear them all.

Strength and love. Keep going - nearly there, and there's a nice view from the top. xx

Morning all, thanks for all your wisdom and tips @REP22 @ShyMaryEllen @EastCoastDamsel
It's day 8 for me and feeling ok. I have had some crazy vivid dreams, which has been fun 😊.
I am cold, all the time! Which is very unlike me before so it's taking some getting used to. I do live up North and it is October, but still! Instead of waking up in a sweat, I'm now looking for extra blankets...
My DH is away for a few days and I was worried how I would cope. I haven't told him yet, but it's easier to be sober when he's around if that makes sense. Anyway, it's been fine, I am amazed! Possibly on the pink cloud now? According to the timeline from several sources, it can start around a week or so.
Happy Wednesday everyone 😀

Happy Wednesday @RunningtheHill - hope you have a lovely day. I notice the cold more too, especially in my arms and fingers. I might have to tap Sid up for a loan of his jumper. I get the dreams too. Still better than the hangovers, memory flashbacks to what I've said/done whilst p~ssed, etc. Massive congratulations on Day 8, that's brilliant. xx

Amazing work @RunningtheHill !

IDKWYM, I used to view DHs business trips as an opportunity to get properly stuck in without worrying about what he might think. So ashamed of that now 😳.

Thanks for the support @REP22 , I did write an email to DH to explain why I was so pissed off professionally. It is difficult to maintain the separation between work and home sometimes as we are at quite different levels of seniority.

Luckily my line manager is sensible and I have little to do with DH day to day.