Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Hang in there @AFmammaG . I lurk on the alcohol support threads but don't really post. I'm trying to get long-term sobriety; I haven't achieved it yet (my current sober stint is short), but I'm a lot better than I used to be.

I recommend Laura McKowen's book Push Off From Here (might take a little longer to arrive if you're in the UK as it was only published in the US this year and hasn't come out officially in the UK yet). It's very helpful in terms of learning how not to beat yourself up about numerous relapses.

Alcohol is a powerful drug and is extremely addictive for people across all walks of life. It's not because you're weak. 💐

Thank you for posting @andromaque and I will look for that book. I feel pretty pathetic this morning. I just want to be normal and not struggle with this all the time. I have done a 60 dry run this year and I felt amazing. Honestly, my face looked different, everything in my life felt great. And then I did the odd day of drinking here and there and now I feel like I’m back in this rut. Stuck back in the cycle and have this sense of doom hanging over my head. Again.

I just had a conversation with my husband about signing up for one year no beer. It’s the first time I’ve been honest with anyone in real life about this and he laughed in my face. He said if I want to stop drinking I should just stop and there’s no way we will be spending that money on it.

I’m so disappointed in him. He obviously doesn’t understand how this is making me feel and once he laughed I ended the conversation as quickly as possible. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t know me at all.

Honestly if someone told me something so personal it wouldn’t matter what my own thoughts on the matter were, I’d never laugh at them.

Gosh, @AFmammaG, I'm sorry your DH is being so unsupportive. £250 is nothing compared to what a stint in rehab would cost.

He's not recognising the fact that addiction is an illness and that many of us can't 'just stop'. If you had a physical problem, surely he would support you.

If possible I would just override him and spend the money. If he has absolute veto power over your spending, that's very controlling.

I'm sure it would also help if you could speak to people in real life who understand what it's like to have alcohol use disorder. You might try out AA or NA meetings. I have been to a lot of AA meetings over the years and they have helped me a lot. Even though I have some reservations about the AA model, I have met some wonderful people there. I currently go to an NA women's meeting because the NA philosophy (while based on the same model as AA) is more modern, so I can identify with it more. (NA considers alcohol to be the same as any other drug, so they welcome alcoholics.) I also love the fact that it's a women's meeting because that makes it feel safer and easier to talk.

If you're in the UK you can also self-refer to community alcohol support services. I haven't used them myself but many of my AA/NA friends have.

The fact that you've done 60 days AF this year is great; you can definitely do it again, but it sounds like you need support.

I suffer from depression and have had frequent suicidal thoughts, but it took me a long time to realise that I had those thoughts only when I was drinking (or hungover). When sober, I almost never have suicidal ideation. Just another reason not to drink.

Be kind to yourself and as I said, maybe consider seeking some RL support.

Thank you @andromaque this is helpful to hear. I do have a pot of my own money and I could spend it without him knowing but I just feel like I should be able to do this openly. I’m tired of hiding this problem.

After the disappointment I actually felt quite angry. How dare he laugh at me?! What sort of a person does that? I’m going to try really hard to channel that anger into not drinking tonight. I have a date with a friend to go to the cinema so I’ll just come straight home after and probably put myself to bed.

Yeah, I'm with you, I would be furious if I told my DH something like that and he laughed at me. You've taken a risk and shown him your vulnerability and he hasn't supported you. I'm sorry.

I'm glad you're going out tonight. Don't let the anger with your DH lead you to drink. Feelings can be horrible but you can ride them out and they will pass.

Decide what YOU want to do for yourself regardless of what your DH thinks.

@AFmammaG I've just arrived. This is sounding like me on Tuesday morning. At one point I thought seeing as I'm killing myself anyway should I just do it now? Save any suffering. Then thought of my sons future and immediately. No. I'll keep trying.
There's always a route cause, always. Something or somebody made you want to pick up that bottle. I know mine. I'll have another round of therapy starting next Friday.
Once you've identified that it'll be easier to deal with.
You've done this before. Better than me, you can do it again. In fact I know you will.

When you next make dinner, have enough plated up for you and the kids. When H asks about his, laugh, really belly laugh. Because apparently your needs are funny so...
I'm petty though. Maybe don't listen to me.

Get back on the wagon. It's bumpy but you can do it.

@AFmammaG my heart aches for you. I am furious with your DH. In my experience (and I have done it myself) - those who don’t take this seriously know that they can’t do it themselves, so don’t support it as they can’t face their weakness in seeing someone else succeed. My DH is a bit like this now. It was kind of his idea to stop. I achieved it, he didn’t and he would rather I drank again to make himself feel better. 🤬

And I echo @CoffeeLover90 - get back on the wagon and cling on as hard as you can. And now you are angry, stay dry to show him who is laughing now. You have got this. I know you can do it.

Absolutely agree with @BoilingHotand50something he must have seen how well you did when dry, how your appearance improved, weight lost, focus, energy and I bet he's jealous. Do it again, wipe that grin off his face!

Thank you ladies, I appreciate your messages. I went to the cinema, thought I would report back before bed. DH has said it’s too much money right now and I mentioned the 90 day package and we have agreed I’ll sign up for that come new year. He thinks it’s a waste before then and I can’t argue with that because my track record is patchy at best.
Feeling a bit more positive now, I’ll focus on that 90 day target and that will be the longest I’ve ever been dry….
@CoffeeLover90 @BoilingHotand50something @andromaque

Glad you are feeling more positive @AFmammaG - sleep well.

Everyone ok?

I’m here @BoilingHotand50something. I’m ok. I haven’t drank this week, my youngest is poorly, just as DH starts to recover 😤 I have got some more Christmas shopping done though so feeling a bit more in control of things.

Hope everyone else is also ok. I feel a bit more calm about things knowing I can sign up to one year no beer come January. I really do think this will be the push I need to make a lasting change.

Glad to hear you are doing ok @AFmammaG but sorry to hear about the poorly child. Great that you have got a focus - you sound like you are in a very strong mental space now.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Ladies. I'm so sorry I've not posted lately, especially when it sounds like some of you are really going through it. Sending much love and support to you all.

I normally go AWOL when I'm drinking. I HAVEN'T been drinking. Indeed I am at 111 days dry. But life is truly life-ing right now. Very difficult behavior from DC (starting to wonder if it is PDA). Friend has been very unwell. My group therapy is hard work. And quitting alcohol on top of all that. It is a LOT.
So while I haven't been drinking, I'm finding it hard to say that I am feeling the benefits of it really. Life is very stressful, day to day. I'm glad I'm not drinking as I know it would make it worse, but with Christmas coming up I do worry I am going to crack.

Really not wanting to put anyone off sobriety because I do not regret this and it is just unfortunate that life has been dolloping out big heaps of crap at the same time. I've certainly had moments of "pink cloud"; the noise around alcohol definitely stopped. It's only lately with life plus this time of year, it's started back up again with "oh just have a glass of fizz on xmas day". My 100 day mark passed without note or celebration. Nobody else seems to care. Know all the work I'm putting into NOT drinking. Why can't I just be like everyone else ... etc. Sigh.

I'm in a group called Thrive which is good @AFmammaG it's £20 a month. Run by sassysobermum. So sorry you are struggling.

And big love to you @CoffeeLover90 . You have been through a lot. Do not ever beat yourself up for using a widely available and acceptable coping mechanism.

I don;t think any of us are here because we had rosy childhoods or our lives are easy now. But we are here and we are doing the very best we can x

I've not been hiding intentionally, I am feeling better. Got a nasty cold again which destroyed my motivation.
Failed a driving test but do not worry- I'm OK with it. My overall driving was praised but suffered a moment of panic at a clear junction- undue hesitation. Cars queued up behind me. That was all. Now I'm ready to go again. No slots until April unless I can get a swap or a cancellation. Fingers crossed.
One work Christmas event down. I had one pint. I'm not keen on lager so it lasted me all night.

I've been quiet for a while because work is hellish.Haven't had alcohol but mainly because if I'm not at work I'm catatonic in front of Gilmore girls.Catching up on everyone's post.We are all so good at supporting each other on this thread and theres been brilliant advice- I think because we have all felt similarly and get it.

Joining in again if I may.
have a therapist booked on Friday and she said to not drink last night and tonight so she could work on how I achieved it.
I didn’t.instead I knocked back half a bottle.
i look at the messy kitchen and feel immense boredom at cooking yet another meal and clearing away afterwards. DH work works so he’s knackered. And chatting to FIL who’s staying while he recovers from illness. So,I do all the housework because I just have part time jobs. It’s never ending and I’m feeling tired and resentful. But DH works long hours and does other stuff. I’ve never known how to divide the chores. I hate being a housewife. I hate this gloomy, messy house. I hate that our teen son is always in his room. How do other people create a vibrant cozy family life?
I hate being bored of cooking. And so I drink.
half a bottle usually while I cook. It’s stupid, it doesn’t help, and I don’t know how to stop. Please help.
and I hate getting up at 6 to take DH a coffee in bed.
im not in a good mood! Sorry!

@Iamaf firstly, I take no notice of social media. People see what they want you to see, they have messy houses too. They just take photos in that one clean corner. I've a friend who looks put together, financially well off and with a gleaming house on Facebook. The reality couldn't be further from this, I assure you.
My habit is finally sit down, bottle.
Now I try to finally sit down, juice.
Could you replace the drinking while cooking with something else?
I couldn't tell you how to divide chores etc though, not my strong point. We have some on here with partners who could help on this front.
Also as a teenager I spent 95% of my time in my bedroom, the rest in the bathroom. Adults aren't cool.

How are we all doing? Thread is pretty quiet ...

It's mad busy here as I'm sure it is with all of you too.

Hope you're feeling better @CoffeeLover90 , hope that's all your bugs out of the way before xmas now x

Morning all, quick check in after being quiet for a while. Pleased to say I made day 100 AF yesterday so feeling pleased and hoping to manage an AF Christmas and New Year.

Feeling if I can do that then I'll have so much more confidence in my ability to stay off the wine and really want to, particularly at the moment as have a lot going on with Uni, own ill health and still coming to terms with a bereavement and the probate side of that.

Hope everyone else is well and managing, I'm just gonna pop another tin of Coke Zero (my new bad habit - to deal with another day) over here and get back to work.

Peace and love wherever you are at on your journey xx

Congrats @seasaltandsand - a key milestone in my experience and things should become increasingly easy moving towards if your aim is to be completely AF.

All ok here despite some challenging things I have been dealing with. Keep forgetting to update my app. My next milestone is 500 days. People keep talking to me about Christmas Baileys but I am staying strong!

@seasaltandsand well done! Massive achievement.
@Steppered thank you. Unfortunately bugs are not over. Hence my silence. I suspected covid last week but tested negative. Have a problem with sinuses, eyes are sore and watering. I did cave I admit, although I can't remember if it was Friday or Saturday... anyway apart from that I've been OK.

Good news on mum. Having gone through all tests, she's declared no cancer to be found! She does still have stomach problems which she is seeing a surgeon for, a date is being set for after Christmas.

Therapy is a bit of a slow burn. It's a new counsellor but I feel like I've covered everything previously, it's like I'm going over old ground so I've struggled to open up.

What I've found most helpful is knowing my triggers. I know it's not to unwind after a bad day. It's just a habit. If I keep seeing it that way I can replace it with something else, not necessarily a healthy thing but just non alcoholic.

Congratulations @seasaltandsand that is such a big achievement and I’m so glad you are looking forward to more goals! Well done.

I’m also just ploughing on over here. Haven’t been well myself, have a cough like I smoke 20 a day and haven’t had much energy.

I’m looking forward to the new year when all the Christmas craziness has gone and I can focus back on me. At the moment I’m just keeping my head above water.