Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Thank you for the well wishes. For my final challenge, I'm going to live the rest of my life as healthy and as happily as I can. This won't mean giving up everything at once, some things I won't give up at all. The odd drink, the odd take away, the odd chocolate will make me happy.
I've become a bit of a recluse too, long story short- abusive ex isolated me from a lot of people. Now as a lone parent with very little childcare I can't socialise often, maybe two/three times a year. I tried to chat to school mums, they're stand offish, very cliquey and I can see little in common. I'm not sure how to fix this but I need to, I need to build my village. The few friends I do have, I've not opened up to. That'll be a start.
I need to do better. I need to get better as I'm all my son has, I'm his role model and I want to be his hero. I want him to stand tall as an adult and say I pushed him ahead of me, his childhood wasn't like mine and I did it the best I could.
I need to drive. I need the freedom to know we can pack the car up and just dissappear for the day. This is a beautiful country (shame about the weather) I want to see as much as I can.
I've accomplished so much in these last 3 years, alone, with difficulties, but I did it and never thought I could. So I can do this and I will.

I'll be back tomorrow, I'm still in my shell but I had to write this. I'll bookmark it and make this my mantra now.

Thank you to all of you, those I've spoken to from my first day one and those who have just joined, you're my village on my screen.

👏 absolutely @CoffeeLover90. I love your post! You can do this!

Standoffish is exactly what the parents at my children’s nursery were like and I was so disappointed not to make good friends there. I was so lonely when the kids were little. DH worked such long hours and I could easily spend the week without chatting to an adult.

My school journey started in the same way. I’m not like the other mums, I don’t have fancy clothes or care about where they holiday… I just didn’t fit in. Then I joined the PTA and I was lucky enough to make some really good friends there. Not in my kids classes but that didn’t matter. I had some friendly faces to say hi to and in the course of planning events we bonded. I’m not saying that’s the only way (appreciate you probably don’t have capacity for volunteering) but I would absolutely explore ways to improve your support network. It really does make a huge difference.

Update- did drinking heavily for 2 nights help me today? No. Did help the dire bank balance? Also no.
I've bought some drops- Rescue plus- that's meant to help with anxiety and allows better concentration. Just complete brain fog today.
I'll get through it best I can. Ate quite a bit of junk but no energy drinks.
Fish and chips for tea.
Another Day One.

@CoffeeLover90 Look after yourself. Enjoy your fish and chips.

Got a little niggling feeling.
Today was not productive, which means tasks carry over to tomorrow and so on.
But I keep reminding myself what will not help.

@CoffeeLover90 could you just write down all the tasks to do the next day, would that help or make things worse? I love a list. Sometimes I even write things on that I've already done just so I can cross them off and look productive.

This is one of the huge negatives about breaking. It refreshes the craving. I’ll admit I was tempted last night after drinking on Saturday. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about drinking on a Sunday evening.

I hope you are ok @CoffeeLover90.

@duckduckgooseduckagain I do enjoy a list, not on days like today when I only tick of a third of the tasks. But still, helpful to have them to hand.

Fish and chips, delicious.

In bed, feeling nicely tired.

Day one (attempt 675) done.

Just caught up.@CoffeeLover90 family are a massive trigger for me.The 3 times I have had alcohol in the last 3 months were all when I had to see them.I love your mantra.My DD takes rescue remedy.I take CBD oil twice a day which I swear takes the edge off and feels like self care.I hope your Mum is OK.The Marvel watching sounds like an excellent goal -you'll love them.

@AFmammaG and @CoffeeLover90 I made zero friends at the primary school gates.Not for lack of trying.Very cliquey, they all did NCT together and I just didn't fit.Made me feel awful for a long time and lonely living here.I joined a running club and although I don't meet people outside of the run day it's a sociable day and we have lots in common.I have 1 good friend here and a couple of others I can...go for a drink with which is tricky now.All my friends live around the country.It can be lonely but I've accepted I just don't fit here.Never had trouble making friends anywhere else.Doesnt make it easy though especially when I need someone to talk to. @CoffeeLover90 please keep posting on here .
Totally respect your decision to try again in Jan. @AFmammaG .I'm writing in my diary days I will drink over December and sticking to that so I don't like total control.
Awful hearing about the loss of friends to alcohol.People hide it as ot feels shameful which is crazy as its super addictive and freely available. Unfortunately it's marketed like those who can't 'moderate' it have a problem.

@growinguptobreakingdown thank you. I have debate CBD oil in the past. I get random bouts of anxiety, sometimes I can go for days without, brain fog, can't focus. I know that'll be worse over the next few days now. Hopefully this helps a little. Got to keep concentrating on the driving. Test is in 2 weeks!

@CoffeeLover90 I have to also say I have been taking the lowest dose of sertraline for anxiety for 4 years now and have no intention of stopping.I rarely feel anxious now unless I drink alcohol which is a massive reason I want to stop. Sertraline took about 3 weeks of feeling rotten to make me fee normal and function without panic attacks.HRT sorted the brain fog although I still have zero memory for things.I"m 52 though so definitely peri menopausal .I have my fingers crossed for your driving test.

Hi, I've no update on mum. She had an initial consultation and turns out she was put through under the 2 week screening. Doc wasn't concerned it was anything major and I know there's a target for the screening so it's possibly worrying for nothing. Feel a little better.
Drove a little better.
Ate junk.
No energy drinks.
Tried a vape. Developed chesty cough. Back to cigarettes.
No wine.
All in all not a bad start at all.

How is everyone doing? Has there been snow where you are? I've gone back to my marvel project for distraction.
Got a little more in for Christmas.

Hey @CoffeeLover90 sorry I’ve been absent this week. I have a few things going on. My eldest has been unwell again, followed by a shitty letter from school to say attendance has dropped below 90%. That’s 5 days. Not that much in my opinion (!)
Anyway the real reason I’ve been hiding from the thread is because I’m still drinking and I feel such a hypocrite posting here when others are struggling with sobriety and I’m not really trying.
I’m glad to hear your week has been slightly better. Really hope the situation with your Mum also turns a corner. It’s good she on that 2 week pathway. I was on it once for a breast lump and thankfully found everything was ok pretty quickly.

@AFmammaG thank you. I hope DC feels better soon. Unbelievable harsh the attendance expectations for children.
Don't feel you need to hide though, I don't know how many times I've posted while drinking.
I'm still not aiming for sobriety either, just a 'normal' existence will do for me.

Hey all.@AFmammaG please keep posting.I've not been drinking but I don't know if it will stay that way over Christmas. My DD15 attendance is less than 50% if that is anyway helpful.School are supportive but it is incredibly stressful.
Sober weekend but feel a bit flat today.Don't want to go to work tomorrow and the weather doesn't help.Don't want alcohol at all which is good.I just want to stay under a duvet drinking hot chocolate watching movies and hibernate.
No snow here @CoffeeLover90 just rain.

I’ve drank alcohol 4 days in a row. I’m struggling to articulate how I feel accurately but it’s not great. Just a bit disappointed in myself. Back to old habits.

I woke up this morning regretful at letting my long dry spells become a thing of the past so I’m committing myself again. Day 1. A month will take me to Christmas Day and I feel pretty desperate to look and feel on that day better than I do now.

@growinguptobreakingdown thank you for sharing your experience. The ladies in the office are lovely, I’m just tired of the letters of shame. Thankfully DD is feeling better and back to school this morning.

Just read this in the news today which will motivate me to keep dry.Her levels went back to normal once she stopped drinking.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c30pre660mzo

@AFmammaG good decision.We need to feel really bad to start again sometimes.Do you have any sobriety book or podcasts that might keep you motivated?

@growinguptobreakingdown that is a frightening read. 2 large glasses of wine is considered a binge. That makes me feel a bit ashamed.

You know that feeling the first day after a heavy weekend? Well that’s me now. Paranoid. Fidgety. Tired. Why oh why can’t I just stop once and for all?

I’m currently reading the one year no beer site and seeing how to sign up. It’s got to be a year. 90 days just isn’t going to be enough, I know I’ll just start again. Hopefully after a year I won’t want to start again.

This will be an early Christmas present to myself. I know reading this people may think I’ve lost the plot completely to be signing up right before Christmas but I have to act today. I honestly feel like if I don’t do this now, I will be the next one to lose my life. I know that sounds dramatic but I just drank 4 bottles of wine in 4 days. I have to stop this.

@AFmammaG the one year no beer looks great.I don't think you have lost the plot at all...you know it's not right, you hate feeling like this so act now whilst you still have that in mind.The article scared me too.I know plenty of people who won't be drinking over Christmas because they had to stop/chose to /never started so you might feel like it's impossible but it really isn't.

I think sometimes you just get to the point when it’s enough. It sounds like you have reached it @AFmammaG and therefore no I don’t think you are mad. I think you need to seize the opportunity. I am here rooting for you and everyone else on here.