Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

So glad to hear your doing so well @AFmammaG the only way I seem to feel any lighter these days is if I do intermittent fasting managed 4 days last week on one meal a day I felt slimmer but I was bloody starving!! Giving up sugar is just so hard reverted to having fun size bars now 😂 which are no fun actually!! Every little helps would think I’d be saving on the wine calories every weekend and the snacking but I still weigh the same 🤦🏻‍♀️

The weight loss took ages to come! Ages! For me, it was getting control of the evening snacking. Yeah fun size can be useful if you can keep it at 1! I’ve just been trying to switch from junk to fruit. Thinking a bit more carefully about what I eat and when.

I couldn’t do 1 meal a day. I think I’d die 😆

Hello everyone. This is hopefully day 1 of my no alcohol journey. I keep trying and succeed for a month or two then just slip back into drinking every evening. I need some motivation

Welcome @duckduckgooseduckagain, this is a great thread whatever your goal! Very few people decide to stop drinking and then simply stop. We have a lot of day one’s under our belts.

What I have done differently this time is manage to jump straight back on if I slip up. Before I would have thought fuck it, I can’t do it and then just return to old habits for months. This time if I drink I don’t hate myself. I don’t call myself a failure, I just start again immediately. I’m on day 28 I think but actually I’ve drank 5 times in the past 100 days.

My biggest win has been finding something to distract myself. For me, it was buying a treadmill. I’m on it right now while dinner is cooking, but just finding something to do instead of sitting on the sofa, glass in hand has been game changing. How are you feeling about this attempt?

Thank you @AFmammaG I'm not feeling too confident due to so many false starts. I'm not sure if I never want to drink again but I do want to not drink every evening. I have a party to go to next week and I am already not sure if I will have a drink then but I am really going to try to not have any until at least then. I am able to just have one or two drinks at an event but I then find it difficult to not drink in the days after the event. Oh well I'm going to try.

Welcome @duckduckgooseduckagain hope you find motivation, tips, encouragement and everything else I found here.
There's often topics to distract us. Although I notice its around food the majority of the time 😁 so big well done to those that have also cracked the diet and seen weight drop. I feel envious of you now, as I open my packet of crisps...
There's recommendations of books, blogs and podcasts if that's your thing.
And there's no judgement if you cave, just understanding. I don't know how many day 1s I've had, I've lost count.
I always come back here though. Reading posts from those who have been dry for months really helps me, they describe it as it is, a journey, a struggle, with a lot of falls on the way but it's been achieved. And we can do it too.

After my earlier wobble, I am sober tonight. Two reasons- firstly I stupidly made plans which require an 8am start. Secondly, I've had a flare up of sciatica, hence I now see the full on day tomorrow as a stupid idea. I've got some strong over the counter pain killers, parasmol, so can't even think of drinking.

Possibly back with a new illness. I've felt extremely sick, all day.
If you could all pray for me, that would be great, thanks.
November is going the same way as October.
I've improved my diet but anyone recommend vitamins to boost immune system? Daily I take cod liver oil, multi vitamin, iron and b12. But I seem to pick up all the bugs. All of them.

Happy Monday everyone! Hope you are feeling better today @CoffeeLover90, I’m not sure what to suggest as it sounds like you are doing everything you can. Just keep on focusing on drinking loads of water, eating loads of fruit, getting lots of sleep etc do you manage to get much exercise? I really advocate the benefits of exercise in terms of strengthening the body, physically and mentally.

I have so much to do this week. I wanted to stick my head in the sand but I know that isn’t helpful so trying to figure out a plan to get it all done. I have to say I’m feeling really positive. I’m eating well, I’m getting my steps in, I’m not hiding from the huge ‘to do’ list just plodding through it. I had a bit of time to myself yesterday, had a nice meal and caught up with a friend (declined the complimentary cava on arrival). Just thinking really hard about the choices I’m making, food, exercise, rest etc the small changes are starting to feel like I’m making a big difference.

Oh @CoffeeLover90 I'm sorry you're not feeling well again. MY top tip for wellness is don't have kids lol but the horse has long bolted for most of us on that!! Silver lining.... hopefully that is all your lurgies over for the festive season. Fingers crossed.

Well done @AFmammaG that all sounds really positive, really pleased for you!

I know what you mean @Chance21 about thinking about it too much. Feels a fine line between listening to podcasts and hearing about alcohol all day. I have pulled back a little too.

Welcome @duckduckgooseduckagain
We've all been there and it takes many false starts with this alcohol journey. Really because deep down all our wishes are to be able to "moderate" and "drink like normal people" and "take it or leave it" but if we could - we would have done it by now. So. We have to do different! And it is bloody hard but it is not the end of the world. I am 90 days AF today and if you'd told me that a few years ago, I would have thought you had the wrong person!

I was at a show over the weekend and a woman beside us was drinking. She had a carafe of rose. Most of her mates were declining it and she was getting stuck in. By the end of the show she was really loud, laughing at the wrong places, shouting back to the cast ... I just thought I am SO GLAD I'm not drinking! At the meal I had soft drinks and it didn't bother me at all. We all had a good time and I joined in with the laughter and .... didn't miss alcohol. (And also noticed how little people tend to drink and even leave some in their glass WTF?!)

Thanks for the welcome @Steppered. I have not wanted a drink at all. Have been reading 99% sober by Patrick Ruddy which is making a lot of sense. I have an event coming up this weekend and I feel a bit unsure what to do. Everyone there will expect me to drink and I will feel weirdly embarrassed if I don't. Or is that just an excuse to have a drink, I don't know. Hope you are feeling a bit better @CoffeeLover90

What do you want to do this weekend @duckduckgooseduckagain ?
I mean, yeah, it could be an excuse to drink - the "wine witch", that little voice in our heads telling us "well just have one, everyone else will be doing it, etc."
Try and work out what is underpinning the desire? Are you worried you will feel left out? Social anxiety? And what about having alcohol will help? In the moment and over the next few days.

I have done some AF socialising, but not that early on. If you don't want to drink you can either be honest, or make up an excuse. Or, you might find, it doesn't come up - I went to a party and had sparkling water made up to look like G&T and had no questions.

Social events and parties - most of us feel quite nervous about going and it feels unnatural making small talk or going into big noisy group settings. Alcohol takes that away. You can do it sober too, it feels a bit awkward for a few minutes but then you ease into it - and if you don't, you can go home.

Have a think about what it is that you want to achieve? x

The sickness feeling was explained by the arrival of my period this evening. Which is great actually as at least it's not another bug.

I hibernated during the long dry spells. I hid. It might seem cowardly, I thought it was at the time, but I got a dry July and a sober October. I didn't trust myself at anything social.
If I was you @duckduckgooseduckagain I would make an excuse not to go. Or if you drive, volunteer to be designated driver. But that's just me, how I got through those early days and it is very early for you. The first 2 to 3 weeks I found the hardest.

Now I've come to terms with knowing I will drink again, I'm not craving it as often or as strongly. I just plan on staying off it as often as possible.

@CoffeeLover90 I'm definitely going. It's a small gathering for my granddaughter's 2nd birthday and I really want to go. I'll decide what to do re drinking on Saturday. Absolutely committed to not having any alcohol from now until Saturday though.

@duckduckgooseduckagain that sounds lovely. Try to keep thinking ahead, remember how hard everything is with a hangover, distract yourself with playing games with kids, help serve food, tidy up, eat some cake etc

Hi all.I've had my head down working and dealing with emotional teens.Went down the pub on Friday and had tonic water and ice which is my new go to for an AF drink.Felt a bit srlf concious socially but it was better than getting drunk and acting like a dick.
Still being really careful with sugar which I can't usually keep to.Doing yoga.Early nights.Cancelled a night out tonight as it's with work and I'd be very tempted to drink. Just realised it's only 7pm and I'm ready to go to bed...might have to leave it until at least 8pm!

How is everyone today and what are your weekend plans? I'm feeling pretty good. Started the Zoe app yesterday and testing today to try and get my sugar cravings sorted. Had some birthday money so spent it on that and a new yoga mat and bag.Figure it would have gone on champagne and partying so swapped out for healthy stuff.

Have friends here tomorrow.Usually pretty boozy in an expensive wine/ champagne/ dessert wine/ craft beer way. My blinkers are off at the moment so I'm seeing that for what it is : no different from drinking cheap cider for 7 hours. It's all the same stuff but more acceptable if had at a dinner party and "sourced". Will have to reread this when the champagne cork pops tomorrow though.

I might drink a glass of red wine whilst doing the Zoe monitoring as I want to see what it does to my blood sugar levels. Also interested to see what AF beer does and Trip drinks. I will be AF this weekend though (repeats to self).

Hope everyone is well, getting better from illnesses and managing with the gloomy evenings.

Ah also I've rediscovered caffeine after cutting it out years ago (makes me jittery).1 cup of caffinated coffee, War of the Worlds (loved it when I was about 12 and rediscovered it yesterday) on full blast and I cleaned the whole house , went to the tip, gave a bike to a neighbour and cleaned out the cupboards yesterday.It made me feel sick but it was worth it!

Started again on Tuesday after a weekend away with none stop drinking. Fed up how alcohol makes me feel and am determined to quit for good this time. I've started to feel the physical effects of alcohol and my stomach and swelling in my legs has only just gone down today.

I've gave myself a new challenge. It's a lazy challenge. One that gives me an excuse for an early night, put me feet up but I'll need to be sober for it.
I'm watching the marvel films in order.
I'm a huge deadpool fan. Grew up with the xmen and wolverine films, enjoyed the prequels (despite no continuity)
But avengers and guardians of the galaxy, with all their side films, never seen.
Exciting. Well, I hope anyway, they might be crap.

This is so outing if linked to previous posts but I don't care.
I've caved tonight. Because my mum, the one who has been a problem drinker for as long as I can remember but is still my mum. Is having tests for stomach cancer. And I'm scared. I'm a 34 lone parent and I'm not sure what I'm meant to do. We don't have a big family. The small amount I have don't speak to each other. There's no wonder why I'm fucked up. I won't have this for my son. But for now let me hide and look for something to just take the edge off. I'll come back because I know I can be strong, when I think of the things I've bounced back from I can't believe it. I'm sick of being strong. I just want peace.

Oh gosh, peace is the ultimate goal.

Sorry to hear about your Mum’s tests @CoffeeLover90. i hope they come back ok. I have also drank tonight and I’ve kind of given myself permission between now and Christmas to just do it and then start again in January. I don’t want to feel like a failure between now and then. I just checked on the thread to see how everyone was rather than post this but I saw your post and had to comment. I also have a difficult relationship with my family. That is a whole other thread.

Again, slightly outing but it’s coming up to a very painful anniversary for me. I have posted about this before but I have a dear friend who passed away from liver disease due to alcoholism, except I didn’t know she had a problem or how bad it was and it eats away at me. I knew she drank too much but lockdown helped her hide it and well, when she eventually got sick, it was too late to help her.

Having been on these threads for a while now, I feel more comfortable about my consumption but I feel such regret about what happened to my friend. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it to be honest.

@AFmammaG I'm awake, I feel no better. Hardly any sleep, no food. Not worth it again.
You have to see, if your friend hid this, how could you help? It's a horrible thing to have to go through and when anniversaries come along it brings it all back. You have to grieve and you've done amazing over the last few months.
I've definitely had an eye opener, I don't want this for my future. It's not just the drink, it's my whole life style, needs a change.

Thank you @CoffeeLover90, I must admit I have wondered myself over the years why no one has ever said anything to me about my drinking. There was one point where I was drinking wine pretty much every day. Alone at home. I was struggling to make it into work. I was declining invites to stay at home and drink. I looked awful. So ill. And yet not one soul ever asked me if I was ok. Pretty depressing.

I’m totally up for a bit of an overhaul I just don’t think this is the right time for me. I have lots of events coming up and I don’t want the challenge. January I will be with you. No alcohol, less junk, more sleep etc.

Will keep fingers crossed for your mum's tests @CoffeeLover90 Waiting for results is such a worrying time. I too had a close friend who died as a result of alcohol @AFmammaG Like you I didn't know how bad things were and I'm still not sure exactly what happened to her. She woke up very confused, was rushed to hospital, in a coma for about a week and died. I think people don't say anything when someone is drinking heavily because they think that there is nothing they can do. My friend had lots of help from family, attended rehab a few times but still continued to drink. I too caved and drank wine at my granddaughter's birthday party yesterday. I did in fact drive there with my alcohol free gin in my bag, went for a wander around the charity shops and was on time to be there for 3pm as arranged then got a message to say would I mind coming at 5pm instead. So I drove back home and then my husband came home from work, he drove us both there and I felt like I had no reason not to have a drink then. I had a good time but am feeling rough now. Have a headache and my face is all blotchy. I've just had spaghetti hoops on toast and have made a cup of tea so feel a bit better. Are you planning on just drinking when you go to an event @AFmammaG ? That is my long term wish, that I can have a drink when I go out, at a sensible limit, but not to fall back into the trap of drinking at home, sitting on the sofa watching Eastenders, every night.

@duckduckgooseduckagain sorry to hear about your friend, what happened to mine was incredibly similar minus the rehab. When the doctors told her she could never have another drink she confessed to me that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to live if that would be the case. Sadly, she was already so ill by that point that she never left the hospital. That always scares the hell out of me, that you’d rather die than be sober.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drink normally. I always want more. My short term plan is to allow myself to drink between now and Christmas if I want to and then I may sign up for something like one year no beer. I just can’t do it alone and I don’t want to admit publicly that I’m struggling. This thread is amazing but I think I’ve realised it’s not enough for me and my ultimate goal is to never drink again. As I said previously, I am super proud of everything I have achieved this year. I quit smoking and that’s made a huge positive impact to my life. I had a 60 day run of not drinking plus a few 30s under my belt. I’ve done dry holidays and even dry clubbing (not that I fancy repeating that one)! I’m in a much better place than I was this time last year so hopefully I’ll be able to start again properly in January. The last thing I want is to finish this year beating myself up because I had a few nights out over Christmas.