Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

I keep reminding myself of something someone on here said, I’ve never woken up and regretted not drinking the night before. Even during the sober clubbing, I may have felt a bit awkward at the time and even flat the day after but I didn’t regret the decision to do it without alcohol.

I weighed in this morning and I’ve lost weight on holiday! I’ve now lost half a stone since joining this thread at the end of August. Considering I was bouncing between losing a pound and putting on a pound on before that, I’m happy.

I spent a lot of time reflecting whilst away and giving myself a silent pat on the back. I’ve made so much progress this year. I can feel tangible benefits now. I feel more motivated than I have in a long time. My next big goal is to ditch the vape. When I wasn’t well recently there were a couple of times when I couldn’t inhale properly. It was uncomfortable and I felt short of breath at times. It was a bit of a wake up call. I didn’t take it on holiday and I didn’t miss it. So I’ll tackle that in the same way I’m tackling alcohol, with the intention to abstain altogether but without the awful guilt and personal attack if I do every once in a while. Let’s see how it goes.

For anyone looking for a new goal, there are 50 days until Christmas Eve…. Just saying!

Well done on the loss @AFmammaG I haven't weighed myself but definitely feel less bloated. Can see a difference in my face too, not as puffy.

Will have to purchase some scales.

@CoffeeLover90 my scales have an app which shows me loads of wonderful stats. I like the graph best. I just checked my progress since joining this thread. It’s not a straight line but it’s going in the right direction 💪

@AFmammaG I may have to buy those scales.Thats great progress and I like a graph. Just started a no added sugar tracker -just a simple goal setting one as my sugar intake was almost making me feel as bad as alcohol and I've put on weight.
Amazing that you didn't drink on holiday.50 days until Christmas sounds doable.I have some hurdles though.A nephew coming next Saturday who will definitely want to go down the pub.Wine witch is telling me it would be fun to get drunk with him.Reminding myself that when I did that with his mum I woke up with concussion and 2 black eyes might help!
The more days I tot up the more I want to stay sober though which is a first.I definitely find this group really helpful...just others acknowledging how bloody hard it is helps.

@growinguptobreakingdown these are the ones I have but loads do the app.

Today I’ve changed some plans from dinner to coffee or lunch. I just want to feel a bit more in control this month and not have that temptation there. It’s not the end of the world if I do drink but I’d rather not.

Today I managed a quick walk at lunch, the weather was lovely and I really enjoyed it. Hope everyone else is having a good start to the week.

Just a quick update. I'm struggling here. I just needed to write that to really acknowledge it's happening. I'll be back later. I'm trying really hard.

How are you doing @CoffeeLover90 - here if you need to chat.

I’m here too. Almost went to the pub myself tonight (for a drink). I declined. I think of the angel and devil on the shoulder scenario and which one am I going to be today… it is a constant battle but then I keep thinking about how well I have done. So many times I didn’t drink. Every one of those times counts.

Thinking of you @CoffeeLover90

Sorry to have dropped that message and run.
I'm sober, I'm OK.
I had bedtime, dishes, tea to make and I was struck with urges. Although to be honest it's built up from about 5pm. Kept thinking just one, just once, won't hurt. Arguing with myself in my head.
I thought, as I have before, I'll see how I feel after little ones in bed, once I've had a shower, once I've tidied up. 8pm thoughts were still there, not as strong.
Everything is going so well. I won't ruin it.

Well done @CoffeeLover90. I hope you feel a bit better about things. My pile of washing up is calling me but I’m sat on the sofa watching mafs.

@CoffeeLover90 well done.It's so hard.I'm holding in to the fact that people further down the line says this gets easier.And the reason it's hard is the reason we want to give up- it's so addictive and takes up so much of our lives.Hope you feel good today.

I had family turn up at 10pm last night with red wine needed.I got DH to open a bottle and as I got the glasses out almost got one for myself."Just one" went through my head.I think it was the thought of posting on here that stopped me-this thread holds me accountable I suppose.I had an alcohol free beer and a cup of tea instead.
I'm day 4 of no added sugar (I have fruit and natural sugars).Having to sit on my hands my sugar cravings are so strong.It's a worse feeling than alcohol cravings which I think for me are more about destressing and being comfortable /fitting in socially.Sugar is pure craving and addiction...it's a bit of an eye opener.

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling, I know how hard it is. Well done to you all for getting through it. Every time you decline, it gives you more mental power and another day waking up hangover-free. It does get easier with time, although when the cravings hit me last week they hit me hard. As they say,

The good thing about sobriety is that you get your feelings back.
The bad thing about sobriety is that you get your feelings back!

It's not easy. So very well done and I hope today is better.

@growinguptobreakingdown very well done on quitting sugar too; I had considered it but decided against it. I know it's something I need to pay attention to in future though because I'm not making great food choices and could certainly stand to lose a stone.

@growinguptobreakingdown the distressing and social aspects are definitely my triggers, add in celebratory, like at the end of a long but productive week.
Yesterday, it was just full on, I had so much to do and I knew today would be the same. But I also knew today would have been harder if I gave in.
So I just plodded along and I'm pleased with my choice.

I had an unexpectedly difficult shift this morning and when I got home I reminded myself how much worse it would have been hungover!

I know I won’t be teetotal forever and I’m not going to punish myself for that, I’m just going to continue celebrating every dry day I add to my wall. That’s how I’ve stopped myself from kicking it down in anger when I break. Accept I’m doing the best I can and acknowledge it’s good enough. We are all good enough!

I've got a niggling feeling. Not as bad as yesterday. I'm just telling myself 'not yet. Early start tomorrow' I've got an early start and activity planned Saturday too. But I'm worried about Saturday night. I don't have anything planned for Sunday to excuse myself.
I didn't have any problems staying off during pregnancy and the first 18 months of DSs life. Before then, I'd drink maybe once a fortnight but if I felt like I'd had a terrible day or something to celebrate I'd have a drink that night.
Before child every day over Christmas and new year would be gin filled.
But I never got cravings like I do now, not this intense and not very often. A drink wouldn't automatically lead to fatty food and chain smoking either.
The problems started when I never said no to myself and I never thought ahead.
So, I'm rethinking my plan to moderate. But then, I'll also not be AF.
Instead, to avoid any disappointment, I've accepted I will cave. And when I do, I will prolong the next cave, however long that may be, a week, a month, as long as I can, using the techniques I think works best for me.
I probably haven't explained anything in a sensible way. I'm mostly writing my thoughts here, to rely back to.

It’s interesting @CoffeeLover90 because I did get the cravings before, they just didn’t feel like a craving that I was resisting, rather it was my brain making a plan all the time about when I would drink next. My thought process has changed a lot since I’ve had these long breaks but I did always have the cravings. The more often I drank the more frequently they came.

I’m dry tonight. I went to an exercise class, it was good fun. Not sure about tomorrow night, will cross that bridge when I come to it.

@CoffeeLover90 I don't crave alcohol like I used to cigarettes or I do sugar.It is different but I think because of that harder...like you said my brain kind of perks up at the thought of it and makes plans, overthinks it, gives me reasons. It's not a physical craving as such more mental trickery.

Yes, it's not physical but mentally it's hard and it's draining. I know I never craved like this before last year. I used to drink maybe once a week, then some Saturdays I'd realise I had no wine in. Never thought to go to the shops to get some, I'd just do without. Never drank on a weekday, thought wouldn't even cross my mind.
I'm not even sure how it got out of hand, it just kind of crept up on me.
Now I know I can't go back to it being a regular, once a week thing, it's too risky.
And I can't always say no.
So I just need to be as and when and hopefully in time, the cravings pass.

I thought I craved alcohol - and to be fair, my brain chemistry had adapted so much I probably was. Now, when I think I'm craving alcohol, I ask myself WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? It's not usually alcohol at all. It's a quick fix/hungry/angry/lonely/tired/bored/sad/overwhelmed/resentful/triggered.

Eg - I want a drink. No, it's because I feel left out. I want to fit in. Why is that a problem for me? Because of my childhood. What would help instead? Go to the toilet and breathe/go home/go talk to the lonely looking person over there/grab a soft drink and bear it for another half hour. Etc.

Have a great weekend one and all x

I met someone for lunch today and when they saw me the first thing they said was “wow you look really good”! I guess it’s a combination of not drinking, losing half a stone and having recently had a holiday but it really made me feel like the changes are making a difference. It spurred me on when I fancied a glass tonight when making dinner, instead I had a squash with frozen fruit.

DH will be drinking tonight but I won’t be. I just worked out in the past 103 days I’ve drank alcohol 5 times. That’s not bad! Feeling pretty positive about that.

Morning all hope all is good with everyone been thinking about alcohol a lot recently and maybe talking, reading, and listening about not drinking is actually giving it more power I really don’t think it consumed as much of my thinking before.
I have managed to get to 75 days, starting to feel bored I’ve been here before!! I know I just have to push through this like when I run and want to give in 2 miles early.
I don’t know wether it’s the dark nights, Christmas or the fact I have 3 social gatherings coming up that is making this war of words in my mind tougher than ever.
even last night the daughter was drinking gin and left half the bottle in the kitchen I had a free house could have easily finished it with the fancy lemonade I had bought, drinking alone is thankfully not my thing so I settled with a hot chocolate but the thought was there where usually that wouldn’t interest me.
Im feeling good I wouldn’t overly say I’m at my best maybe that’s why I’m swaying I feel like I’ve had most of the benefits up to this point if that makes sense!!
maybe it’s the hard work everyone mentions that I have to put in now in the early days it was easy not to drink as I felt so awful now time has past it’s amazing how quickly you forget what that felt like being at day one!! I’m still striving for 100 days as I feel like telling myself I can’t ever drink would be to hard at this moment in time.
But I’m happy and healthy just a little sick and tired of thinking about ALCOHOL!!
hope everyone has a great weekend is it too early for Christmas decs yet!! 😂 I know mine are calling me already 😆

@Chance21 I can't wait to get my decorations up.1st December in this house but I've already put fairy lights up in my house as it's so nice to come home to. Went down the pub last night. Toyed with ordering a gin but followed @Steppered thought process (before reading your post) and realised I was only considering drinking to make my friend feel more comfortable. She wasn't even bothered.Had a tonic and ice instead.
So feeling good this morning.Upping the yoga at the moment and taking care of my diet.@AFmammaG it's great when others notice the difference.

@growinguptobreakingdown mine will probably be up next weekend 😆 already watching the channel 5 Christmas movies my guilty pleasure but I just love them. Well done for not having a gin last night I think I could have easily caved if I had company last night

@Chance21 I am so envious of people who don’t drink alone or who don’t drink at home. I used to love drinking on my own at home. No one to judge, nothing to feel self conscious about. I was in my element.

I weighed in this morning and I’m another 2lbs down. I can feel the difference. To be honest I’m surprised more people haven’t commented… rude 😆 anyway, I had a nice lie in this morning. No anxious tossing and turning. No headache. No wondering what I did or said. That far outweighs the cravings and the feeling of missing out.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!