Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Well done everyone who managed an AF weekend I unfortunately had a slip yesterday I wasn’t mentally prepared for the festival never been before no excuse but it was soo young!! And because of then rain was a mudslide!! Still no excuse but I ended up having a bottle of rose during the day/night.
my head is pounding this morning and I can already feel the effects reeking havoc inwards!! I didn’t black out and I didn’t do anything embarrassing still not the point I didn’t stick to my word so I am a bit pissed off that I wasn’t strong enough.
I really feel I need to stay away from social events until I can stay firm with myself it’s to tempting and I don’t think I would have liked the festival sober it’s not for me to many people to noisy etc etc. why oh why!! Fuck you alcohol!! This is so ingrained in my life that I’m going to have to work extra hard not the Sunday I had planned 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Chance21 I've found it easier this time around by not socialising in the evenings/weekends. Instead meeting or visiting friends during the day so only coffee is consumed. Can totally understand the pull when you're out somewhere like a festival. There is no way, absolutely no way at all, that I could walk into a pub now and not end my dry streak. "It would be rude not to"
Wish I could be normal and not feel like it's hanging over my head.
Physically I can't see any changes, face still looks bloated, belly still looks fat. But it's the mental changes I'm focusing on. The brain fog still occurs now and again but that's due to stress, not happening every day as it was before.
Still don't know where I want to be at the end of this. If I stay AF and I cave one time, I'd feel shit. People are bound to ask, what would I say?
But if I go for moderation will I find myself going from once, to twice, to three times a week? Back to square one.

Ahhhhhhhh

Hi. Just checking in. Back soon.

@CoffeeLover90 Thanks for the advice, I think thats a great idea I had so many things planned before I decided to try and ditch the booze!! I thought I could do it sober!! I have another festival next Saturday 🤦🏻‍♀️ I was meant to be out tonight friend’s birthday in a bar but for obvious reasons I’ve had to decline that invite this evening. Yes definitely the mental changes I desperately need alcohol just makes me feel depressed, it was too tempting yesterday a split second and I’m drinking rose I don’t even like rose!! WTF. Managed to get out for a walk in nature feeling better and decided to take away some learning from my slip up and I now know that I need to stay away from social events and isolate a little just till I work out what’s best for me and how to move forward and cope with being around booze/ drunk ppl etc.
Absolutely moderation for me leads me back to drinking more and more!! And before I know it I’ll be back to getting black out drunk at parties and embarrassing myself and having the worst anxiety. Well done for staying strong at the wedding you should feel so proud 😊

WHY did I choose the summer holidays to quit? Why? DS drove me mad today. DS woke up in a bad mood, it's rained all day, nothing occupied him for more than 5 minutes, the cats are fighting. Guess what I need? So of course, I have to fight myself in my head while all this is going on and get through bedtime.
Why make these holidays so bloody long?

As a side note, I'm on day 9 of no takeaways. That's a better feat than going AF. The battle of the kebab addiction has been going on longer. But honestly, I'm bored of them now.
Just like I'm bored of bloody school holidays.

Oh I hear you @CoffeeLover90, my kids fighting is just sucking the life out of me. I keep telling myself it would be so much harder hungover but then at least I would have had an evening ‘off’. I guess that is what I use alcohol for. To zone out. It’s pretty relentless, 4 weeks of sobriety. I may go for a walk outside tonight rather then the treadmill just to escape.

Aw mum life! @CoffeeLover90 its tough…..breathe and have a relaxing bath after bedtime!! You’ve got this look what you did this weekend you done amazing reach for the chocolate that’s what I’m having.
well done on the no takeaways I love a kebab I’m making a jacket potato bit boring but I’ve got a big mug of hot choc and biscuits to dunk!! Instead of going out and watching everyone drink my partner was a bit upset as it’s all couples but I just can’t take the risk today!! So night at home with a film currently listening to some sober podcasts I like to hear other people’s stories and tips for abstaining

Thanks ladies. I seriously think these holidays should be reevaluated. Maybe cut down to 4 weeks with an extra 2 weeks off at Christmas? At least then they have new toys and we're not trailing around in the miserable weather on school runs.
I'm doing my getting through now. I'll see how I feel after bedtime, a shower, some juice...
I've got a ready meal of tikka masala and rice from Sainsbury's to try.

I know how tough it is ladies my two are older now but they used to fight like cat and dog spent most evenings supervising so they didn’t fight yes majority of it hungover I didn’t bat much of an eyelid if I was drinking but remember the hell of parenting hungover absolutely horrendous. Enjoy your evenings keep calm and carry on 😂

Hi all
Afraid I drank at the wedding yesterday. Not too much - a glass of Prosecco and three glasses of wine - so I have mixed feelings. Annoyed I broke my dry streak but pleased I did at least manage to moderate my intake.

Determined to restart my dry streak and not feeling any craving today. My next social situation challenge is mid Sept so aiming for a decent dry streak before I even think about what to do then!

Hope the last week or so of the summer holidays gets easier for those of you with younger DC.

Me too @Limeandsoda2023 I understand exactly what you’re saying glad I didn’t go over board but mad at myself for giving in!!
the Only thing I can take from it is that social situations are probably going to be very tempting at this stage so I should think about having a couple of months with nothing on my calendar just don’t know what to do for the best I know I will face many challenges. We go again 👍🏻😊

@Limeandsoda2023 you didn't take it too far, that's the main thing and what you needed to concentrate on.

Maybe this is a form of moderation? Trying to stay dry, blip, staying dry again, blip... but because we all got into the grips of alcohol we're not the 'only drink on a Saturday and don't think of it again' kind of folk. Like I used to be.

I'm afraid to say the cravings haven't passed. Even though it's passed the time I would usually have my first drink.
I've ate the curry and, for a ready meal, it was nice. Fraction of the cost of a takeaway and the calories. Going to try some others on the range.

Think I'll head to bed with some comedy on. I feel really down about the cravings being there. It's been a rough few weeks though, things will get easier eventually

@CoffeeLover90 I’ve ended up munching my way through a packet of biscuits think I’m feeling sorry for myself!!
cravings are tough, you’ve done amazing you can do this!! The only way is up this to shall pass 😊

Morning everyone
how we doing? Woke up with headache again think I had too much sugar yesterday!!
it’s a new week let’s hope for good things dragging myself to the gym in a couple of hours then a food shop, think I need some healthy alternatives in the evenings can’t be eating biscuits every day 🤦🏻‍♀️ I hope you all have a great start to the week I have nothing in my diary this week other than work/gym so I’m hoping the next 5 days will be relatively easy fingers crossed!! 🤞 😊

Hey ladies.

The school holidays can indeed be long and hard, my child is being a grouchy sod and I'm kind of over it! I have got over my sulky Saturday and am now enjoying my holiday. Had a fab day yesterday and didn't miss drinking at all. (I do scour other people's tables though to see what they are drinking, like a crazed stalker!) Newsflash, not everyone drinks!!

Sorry to those who are struggling. it isn't easy, I know. This sitting with feelings malarkey is an acquired taste. Keep posting when you are struggling, we can always prop.each other up.

And well done for the sober wins even when it feels like a hollow or hard fought win.

I feel like sobriety is like building a wall where you have to gather all the material. You may start off by collecting a brick. It just sits there. Then you collect a few more. Sometimes you might try and stack them on top of each other. But they fall over because there's nothing to hold them together. Bit by bit, you collect more bricks. And then you find ways of building the wall and it stays standing a bit longer. When it tumbles it is disappointing but we know we want the wall now. So we keep trying. Sometimes we jump over the wall to the dark side because we are still interested in that side of the wall. But it burns us with shame and we always return to the light side, we collect more bricks, we collect more experiences to cement these bricks. Our wall gets taller and stronger. One day it is so tall that we don't think about the other side. We can't see the other side. We're happy where we are.

And we are all getting there and doing our best x

Thanks for that @Steppered i needed that today and I want to build the wall I’d like to block myself in at times 😂 but no that’s a really good way of looking at it and your right one brick at a time.
I’m glad you’re enjoying your holiday and well done to you!! I also find myself scanning the room to see who’s drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve got a holiday coming up in September of course it’s all inclusive the dread!! 😨 I’m hoping I’ve started on my wall by then it’s 3 nights which is not long but when your used to drinking on holidays it will be tough I couldn’t even make it through a festival. Thank you for your post and enjoy the rest of your holidays you’re doing amazing I take my hat off to you 😊

Love your post too @Steppered. My wall is tall right now! I also like to see what other people are drinking. A cider at lunch? What’s the point 😆 I’m silently judging them for being a shit drinker! One cider. Nope never happened here.

Anyway, I’m feeling rotten this morning, hot and cold shivers, headache, sneezes. I’m sure it’s this awful changeable weather. I was hoping to get out and do something today but it’s a duvet day instead.

This is my app this month. Is it me or does August just feel like the longest month of the year? Maybe it’s having the kids home for a month or maybe it’s the shit weather but I can’t believe there’s still another week! I’m wishing the summer away 😭

Haha @AFmammaG that made me laugh 😂 I think the same thing why bother with one or why are you drinking wine with a jug of water 🤔 my thought process is off!! But generally checking if they are being like me with the soda and lime 😂. Hope you feel better soon duvet day sounds good!! Just spoke to my partner who was out last night so glad I didn’t go sounds like a complete shit show everyone was drunk there was a fight in the pub etc etc and he sounds very deflated today when you weigh it up it’s not worth it I’m hoping he realises this but I’m not here to push my sobriety onto him I don’t think you ever can it needs to come from within but he get inspired who knows. Just glad I didn’t go

Yep, good decision to swerve that night out @Chance21. The other thing I have found is this massive smugness when I’m not hungover and DH is (however much he pretends he isn’t). Sober Smug. Maybe that can be the name of my book.

Haha mine does the same he says nah was a good night my answer is now who are you trying to convince me or you 😂😂

I feel a little better this morning. DS in a good mood. Let's pray it stays that way.
The smugness is something I can't share. I feel jealous of them. Hangovers with kids is awful but the odd one, worth it. And that's the old me talking, with one or two hangovers a month it's easy to say. I still wonder if I can get back to that.
I do always wonder at these people who have a single little glass on an evening or with a meal? I've always thought that way though, before it became a problem for me. Surely you drink to get drunk? Maybe they just love the taste? Don't know, not for me. I'll stick to juice when not drinking.

Hi everyone. Thanks for your supportive messages following my drinking at wedding. I managed yesterday AF without any cravings and am feeling positive today.

I like your analogy of building a wall @Steppered. I don’t feel as if the wedding was my wall crumbling down, more that a few bricks got dislodged!

sorry to hear you’re not well @AFmammaG , hope you feel better soon.

Glad your feeling better @CoffeeLover90 everyone is different I guess but I hate hangovers they really affect me to the point I would rather die at times!! That might sound extreme but truthful.
I’ve always drink to get drunk I never saw the point of having just one I really am all or nothing my nickname was go hard or go home 🤦🏻‍♀️
so I know I had a bottle of wine on Saturday that would be no way near the amount I would have gone through I probably would have been drunk before I even arrived at the festival.
well done @Limeandsoda2023 its a new week we can go again, we get stronger each day 😊

@Chance21 go hard or go home rings a bell here too!

The thing with me is I find rules around drinking exhausting. Only have one bottle. Don’t drink 2 days in a row. Alternate water and alcohol. Switch from wine to spirits. Stop drinking before midnight. I could go on. It takes up so much head space and again, for me, I stick to the rules for a little bit and then beat myself up the minute I slip up.

I don’t know what September holds but I feel so much better for having had a break this month.