Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Well, this week I thought the gods are looking down on me. My moods better, DS doing so well, cats aren't waking me through the night (just keeping me up late), works going OK. Then yesterday I take DS to McDonald's for tea, a treat for doing so well at school. The place was practically empty, unusual for a Saturday tea time, for once I opted for table service. He gets a seat by the tablets. Food arrived and it was HOT. This is never known! I'm chewing my big mac thanking whoever it is.
Oh and the clocks go back, I get a lie in! Nooo, cat awakes me at 5am. 5am. Because he's done a number 2 in his litter tray and God forbid, it stay there. 5am.

How's everyone's Sunday going? Having a bit of a lazy one. Going to make a sandwich for tea and some snacks.

Hi all. Back on UK soil and very happy to be home. Last week was so, so hard. My flight home was delayed and honestly had I not needed to drive the other end I think I might have cracked and drank because I was so stressed and upset. It wouldn't have helped. I had a bit of FOMO not staying up drinking til 2am with my usual buddies but not so much when I saw how rough they looked (and smelt!) the next morning!

Half term for lots of us. Hope everyone is okay xx

Hey all 😊
Sunday was really good managed to get another 10k run done!! Going to treat myself to some new running trainers this week as a reward.
feeling really tired today not my usual high I would normally feel so having a quite afternoon and an early night!!
not much going on this week apart from work and gym may go fireworks somewhere at the weekend, was reflecting yesterday as this time last year i was recovering from a binge after attending a Halloween party I actually wet myself as I was soo intoxicated in my fancy dress clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️ on my partners sofa yes he was mad!! So a moment of clarity and a huge relief to not have been doing that this weekend!! 😆 still have a load of embarrassing moments that will come up but guess that’s part of reminding myself why I’m choosing to be AF.
glad to hear your back safe and sound @Steppered you should feel proud of yourself Well done for getting through a tough week I hope now your home things get easier and you’re find yourself on a pink cloud!! Hope everyone is doing ok
say NO November is fast approaching 😊

I've not had much of a productive day. One of those days where you're on the go the whole time but feel like you accomplished nothing...
Anyway I'll try again tomorrow!
Going to have a chicken burger and a shower, early night and got some videos to watch to revise for my driving test.

Good luck with your test @CoffeeLover90 .I didn't leant to drive until I was pregnant, 35 and moving out of London. Passed 1st time and i hope it is the same for you. I'm sure it was because I was more mature and focused than I would have been at 17.
I've been in bed getting over this illness.Wierd illness- exhausted , woozy and had a temperature but just never really became a proper cold. Anyway I've slept loads and feel better today.
@Chance21 sober karaoke would be an exit for me too.I've embarrassed myself enough doing it drunk. My worst drunk moments involve losing friends I care about or treating them badly when drunk -one big, shameful incident in particular . Nights ruined by causing rows with my DH especially pre marriage and children.Urg.
@Steppered you stayed sober on a work event abroad for several days.You can now stay sober through anything! Bloody well done.
Hope everyone else is doing well.No urge to drink here so dry November WHILST tackling sugar is the next step.

@growinguptobreakingdown lol I'm also 35, never had lessons before this year.
You may be worth taking a covid test, this is how many started, not much cols symptoms. The fatigue lasted weeks

@CoffeeLover90 I really didn't want to learn to drive but had to and it's been the best thing for me freedom wise.
Not covid-we have all been testing.Think partly work stress hitting me now I'm on A/L.
It's gorgeous outside at the moment so actually got a teen to go on a dog walk in the woods yesterday.
Out with DH tonight and I'll drive to stop temptation.Had a little wine witch whisper in my ear when DH walked in with a bottle of red last night but I acknowledged it and sent it on its way.DH bought me a little cake as I'm not drinking which was perfect and not chocolate which I was also grateful for.Seriously can't be trusted around chocolate.
Feeling pretty good today and plan to get outside again.

Happy Halloween! It's the final round, successful despite a month of illness after illness. That cold was lifting but Tuesday I felt crappy again.
Let's do say No November instead, hopefully no illness giving me an excuse this time, just willpower.

November goals:
Driving test (groans inside)
No weekly takeaways
5k steps a day at the least
Complete project Christmas
All of the above achieved by saying nope to the alcohol.

You've got the @CoffeeLover90!
November goals here..trying to write no chocolate but there's a bucket of celebrations downstairs waiting for the trick or treaters so I'm going to say only at weekends.
Keep to 3 meals a day (I keep trying intermittent fasting but it makes me overeat)
Aim for 10000 steps a day (I have a dog no excuse)
That's it.And no booze :)

Really struggling at the moment ladies. I haven't done anything yet but it's there, calling me.

I think last week really took it out of me. I'm also doing some group therapy which is throwing up tough feelings. Not sleeping well at all. Problems with stepdaughter. Worried about my relationship with my husband. The idea of some form of moderation is calling me - I think it might be Christmas fears stressing me out too and thee thought of never again. And my temptation is not to drink with others, no, my temptation is to drink sneakily and alone.

I feel so miserable x

@Steppered I'm sorry to hear this.
What has kept you away in the past? Can you concentrate on this? Look ahead, will giving into temptation give you another problem to deal with when you have enough going on already.
Keep coming back here regardless, we're always here. You can do this

This smelling thing is a good incentive for me. I hate the smell of DH when he has been drinking. I actually also hate the smell of wine on people’s breath. I love to smell nice and I love perfume and I would absolutely hate to be stinking of booze now, although there will have been so many occasions when I did in the past!

This season is hard - hang on in there everyone who is struggling - you have got this! Festivities are so much more fun when you can remember them and do not suffer the following day/s.

Hey all 😊
sorry to hear your struggling @Steppered i know exactly how your feeling it’s been with me also I definitely think Christmas has a lot to do with it!! I cracked before at Christmas then spent the past five years convincing myself I can moderate and won’t embarrass myself but time and time again I end up drinking too much and blacking out.
I know I will have to dig deep these next few weeks I’ve been thinking about the nights out Christmas brunch with friends etc I almost booked a brunch!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ think it will have to be one day at a time.
I have the house to myself this evening and even during work was thinking ohh nice bottle of wine no one would even know, I hate the fucking wine witch trying to drag me back down!! I can relate so much I hope you manage to pull through same for myself really had so many good benefits the past two months need to find out what the triggers actually are I feel then it may be easier to control. For today I won’t drink I haven’t bought any and I’m not giving in but the thoughts are there.
i guess sometimes are going to be harder than others I really wished I had journaled my first few weeks because then I could read how bad I felt it’s amazing how quick you forget how shit you felt in that first week the anxiety, the depression the fear!! I was in a bad place and to think that I could moderate is just crazy talk sure first few times would probably be ok but I guarantee I’d be back to black out eventually and I could end up doing more damage next time!! 🤷🏻‍♀️
hope everyone else is doing ok 😊
say No November will be a tough month for all I feel but together we can get through this and we can beat the wine witch down they’re just thoughts we don’t have to take any action let them pass through like all the uncomfortable feelings that come up, go for a walk have a good cry get frustrated and scream but just don’t give in. Sending positive thoughts on this shaky Friday!! 😊 remember the WHY!!

@Steppered how are you today?I hope you are managing but if not keep checking in here.
I can't think about Christmas as the moment-taking it day by day.Dynamics of family at Christmas are hard plus all the social stuff.I'm trying to remember that my DD got annoyed and embarrassed by me for being too drunk to play a game sensibly last year...and that she told me I was drunk when we were camping with friends in the summer.Neither of my teens drink and neither of them want to see me tipsy let alone drunk.
My absolute rule is to never drink alone.Both my parents were alcoholics and would drink alone and it's something I always vowed I wouldn't do and have stuck to.I find going to bed when I feel like that stops me.I have definitely made up for it when with others though.
This week I started using body cream again.Just Palmers but a little bit of self care that i had stopped.Watching Lost Boys with DD tonight and having an early night.

@Steppered here when you're ready, hope you're OK.
@growinguptobreakingdown I haven't seen Lost Boys in years. Loved it as a teen and it was vintage then, glad to hear the next generation are taking an interest.

I've ordered most of my Christmas shopping for little one. Couple of more bits to get. I've told adults I'm not doing as many gifts this year, they were understanding. Blamed it on the 100s spent on driving lessons but really I could have cut back on the needless spends.
Can't believe I let myself down like this.
BUT going to make myself a chicken wrap, some salad and I have a bar of galaxy. After little ones in bed I'll settle down and watch Brassic, although not enjoying season 5 as much as previous 4

Morning all 😊
so glad it’s Sunday felt like a white knuckle ride this weekend!!
even last night the daughter and boyfriend bought two cold bottles of pinot round for the fireworks, as I sat across the room watching I felt envious at first.
was interesting to observe and watch how they became a bit obnoxious and the glaze look that comes over, they even went and got a 3rd bottle so had to bite my tongue but was I judging them, definitely! I was happy to see half of that bottle in the fridge this morning a little thought maybe they can stop when they’ve had enough. Not like me.
Any how it’s Sunday and all temptation is off for me now a week of early starts and work so it feels easier this morning I’m just rambling here but just to be honest and say this really is hard work at times and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
I hope everyone had a restful weekend it honestly does feel great to wake up sober going to do a park walk this morning clear my mind and re set for the week.
hope all is ok with everyone I’m rooting for you all 👍🏻😊

@CoffeeLover90 DD17 has the poster on her wall.She loves it especially the opening scene with the 80s street style.
We didn't watch it last night though as I went to bed at 8pm as the dog was terrified by the fireworks and it settled her being in bed with me.Also meant avoiding DHs red wine.Also I love the dog!

Hi all. Thanks for the supportive messages. I'm just really moody and struggling the last few weeks. Then I took a wrong turn down an unfamiliar supermarket aisle and landed in the booze section and ALL the christmas alcohol and everything.... it just hit me, it was too, too much. My husband is away next week and the wine witch has been "WEEELLLLL you could just have a drink! Nobody would know" and even after 80 days I thought I would be changed, be better, that people around me would understand or even care but they don't! I feel like I'm walking around with my head missing and nobody noticing!

I have to caveat this ladies because I don't want to scare anyone off sobriety. I have had really good times and I'm just taking for granted the good bits like no hangover, more cash in the bank, generally not thinking about drinking in the evenings. 80 days I have been well, healthy and physically felt great. I am doing a very intense group therapy course which is dredging a lot of tough feelings up and I am really feeling it in sobriety. I would have done the course sober, don't think there is any point in me doing it otherwise, but I don't think I am a typical sobriety portrait. Don't let me put you off. Refer back to my post of a few weeks ago where I was more joyful!

@Steppered I think it's fair to say, even after 80 days, there will be hard times. Especially this time of year. It's a roller coaster, as I've learned from the long time stay off-ers on here.
I lost count of my days. I'm sure it was the weekend before the 1st October. Either way, I know I only found it easier this time round as I've had a horrible bug.
Then the 1st of November arrives (on a Friday!) and I've signed myself up to something, mentally, that I may not achieve. I just have to try.
And I know if I cave I'll have done 31/32 days AF which is better than 10/32 AF

Hi everyone, so much to catch up on, I might need to post a few times and please forgive me if I miss anything. Sorry I haven’t yet read all the updates, I wanted to jump back on as it’s back to school tomorrow and back to the usual routine. I’m sitting here with 22 consecutive days under my belt. So many opportunities to drink on my holiday. So many people drinking. Somehow I didn’t.

@Steppered gosh I hear you, especially the part about dealing with feelings/dredging up the past. Group therapy sounds intense, I hope you have a good group. I’ve done one to one counselling in the past but didn’t bond with the counsellor. I really admire you for giving it a go.

Do you have a plan for next week? That may help silence that awful nagging voice that won’t go away. I still get it, pretty much every day. Ignoring it is easier some days than others but distraction is still my biggest tool. My plan for next week is to jump on that treadmill every evening. I’m currently sitting on the sofa 😆 my last evening of chill before it’s back to reality tomorrow with a bang.

@Chance21 its funny what you say about journaling, as I’ve always turned my nose up at the suggestion before but on holiday I spent 5-10 minutes every day just jotting down some notes in the evening. I found it really useful, just shaking the day off. Before if there were things I could not resolve, I would churn over it at night and sometimes for days afterwards. Journaling seemed to help stop that, I think it’s something I will try to continue.

@BoilingHotand50something & @Steppered gosh yes the smell. One of the things I was always so paranoid about the next morning, was the smell (and my breath)! I used to hate bumping into other Mums on the school run in case they knew.

The smell is real! They were reeking, in all the previous years it was me too, it wasn't nice!

Well done on all your days guys, especially on holiday @AFmammaG , that's great. Really pleased for you all, it's a great effort. I've found journalling really helpful, no rules, just flow and write.

I'm focusing on my 100 days now which should see me through this next few weeks. It's a good aim. The moderation voice is still there somewhat but I'm just saying - let me get to 100 days. Let me get to 1 year. If I'm still miserable then we can re-assess. Oh, and lots of chocolate and Rivals to binge watch when himself is away!

Hope everyone has a good week.