Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Sorry to hear your mornings are still a struggle with the children @Steppered but your right imagine going through it with a hangover that would be hell!! Maybe a reward system like @CoffeeLover90 mentioned if you haven’t already tried!!
I honestly can’t give much advice my two had their mum hungover most days!! Shameful has to be my biggest regret so what you are all doing for your children is amazing!! And it’s so important you don’t want the guilt I now have to go through. I honestly hope they don’t remember much guess that’s wishful thinking!! Sorry bit deep but soo important to put the children first.
must be really tough at times @CoffeeLover90 but look at you now clear headed and able to cope better with your son I’m sure he can sense the difference so you’ll be making a huge impact for him which is amazing!! Lovely to hear you feel more present with him.
well come @growinguptobreakingdown so great you’ve come across this thread I hope we can be off some help to you.
your story is very similar to mine I’m currently 26 days AF was an ex binge drinker party girl!! Last one standing didn’t know when to stop black out professional!! I’m so sorry to hear that happened on your trip away I could have almost wrote the same thing!! And my friends would have laughed I was always the entertainment always had a story to tell! I really hope you feel better soon, you need to take care of you!!
lots of friendly lovely ladies here 😊 everyone has a tale to tell so many will relate to your post please don’t feel ashamed and beat yourself up you’re not alone in this and I promise once some time has passed you will feel better and hopefully be on your way to having some AF days/weeks/months for me I can’t moderate being trying for years so I have to make being AF a lifestyle change and I’m looking at it more in respect of being healthy and really giving back to myself the things alcohol took away like my dignity on many occasions!! it’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it.
I hope you’re ok and feel free to post!! 😊

Welcome @growinguptobreakingdown
It's great you've managed three months in the past. I was a lot like this when you younger, didn't see it as a problem because it was rare (ish) The real problem started at home, alone, with a bottle for company. Then a bottle has no effect, get 2. Some left the next day, buy a little more. Not to bad the next day, another night with it won't hurt.
I can't believe I'm here, I can understand the embarrassment and the shame. I should know better.
But onwards.
If it's not too much too soon I'm always happy to have company for Sober October. I'm strangely looking forward to the challenge. The real struggle will be November 1st, I did a month before. Can I push 2? I'm going to give it a go at least.

Thanks ladies. I've really tried everything. I think the problem also is that I'm not consistent and I get very dysregulated when the aggression starts so I need to work on keeping calm and not arguing back. And not taking it personally!

Well done on your 26 days @Chance21

Hi there @growinguptobreakingdown thank for your post. The more the merrier here! That is great you have taken breaks in the past. What is your hope this time? I've had a few random blackout injuries too. Blackouts are the absolute worst aren't they. I'd really recommend podcasts if you haven't tried any, there should be some listed a few posts ago. I also set up a private sober instagram where I just follow sober posts and it's pretty helpful. Journalling, walking, and we do love a bit of sugar too! Also, even if you slip up, stick with the thread as we have all been there. Several times!

@Steppered I'm not the best at posting links on here. These do great charts the kids can fill themselves. And the interactive school day boards- one I found best
https://asdbrightideas.co.uk/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1262

Then this website may have something you haven't yet tried. I know it's hard to be consistent, I try to leave, count to 10, or 50, try again
https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/back-school-17-tips-help-autistic-kids#:~:text=Create%20a%20daily%20school%20schedule,the%20school%20follow%20that%20schedule.

I know I've just given ASD centered stuff there but can only share what I've used myself.

Fingers crossed for you anyway. You're not alone.

@CoffeeLover90 @Chance21 @Steppered thank you for your posts and advice.I honestly feel so much better reading them.I'm wearing my glasses hoping they cover my black eye.@CoffeeLover90 I'm starting a 100 day challenge so definitely sober October.I've also decided to be honest with husband about what happened and how i feel about it rather than making light of it.My mum was an alcoholic and had several black eyes from drinking so I'm really morrtified by it.I'm going to be kind to myself and use it as a reminder to why alcohol is no longer giving me any benefits.I'm going to check in here daily so I'm really pleased I found you all today.

@growinguptobreakingdown on previous posts and previous threads there's a lot of suggestions for books, blogs, podcasts etc if you think that will help.
My mum not an alcoholic as such but definitely a problem drinker. Got some not very nice memories. The only thing I've done is not drink in front of my son, it's always when he's in bed. But then I find I'm rushing through bedtime which is not great. It's nice to be back to reading 3 bedtime stories and answering 58 questions. Kind of.
Child free on Friday, which is rare, but I'm still looking forward to a bath, nice meal, deadpool and an early night.

Ahh well done @growinguptobreakingdown it’s a really brave move being honest I’m sure your husband will be very supportive it’s a massive step in the right direction. We will all be here to support and cheer you on through out I’ll definitely be right here with you!!
sorry to hear about your mum that must have been really tough I can imagine seeing the black eye really brought it all home for you I’ve knocked myself out before was only brushing my teeth before bed but lost my foot smashed my head and fell backwards I was lucky I didn’t cause any serious damage!! Well maybe a bit 🤪 at times jokes aside it’s a really scary dark place.

Extending a very unmumsnetty hug to @growinguptobreakingdown. Yes to being able to relate to your story. I’m in a similar position to @CoffeeLover90, in that I have a long history of drinking too much. Kind of progressed from binge drinking on nights out to drinking at home. I’ve had periods of daily drinking and then back to weekend drinking. When I joined this thread a year ago I felt ill. Like really unwell. Every hangover was awful. Broken sleep every night. Dry retching most mornings, whether hungover or not. My heart would race in bed at night. Every bathroom visit would be diarrhoea. With hindsight I think my body was close to shutting down. Oh and let’s not forget the constant anxiety. Awful.

I’ve had a few dry runs since then. Still a bit confused about what the future holds for me but I’m pleased to say I’m on day 50 something of this run and feeling so much better. It is possible. It is hard but worth it.

The PMDD is hitting me hard the last two days. I did NOT miss having a cycle. Going to try specialized supplements before going back on low dose birth control (the only thing that’s worked before).

My poor birthday girl lost an entire toenail yesterday after accidentally kicking the brick stairs outside our home. The entire toenail popped off. She was NOT happy. Then today she got stung by a wasp at school.

We’re going to my in-laws for dinner (I have my anxiety meds onboard, and may bring a non-alcoholic beer or two). They’re not big drinkers so it shouldn’t be too much of a threat to my sobriety. Approaching two weeks without alcohol.

@Steppered sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. My DD can also get verbally aggressive and I hate it. I grew up in a household with lots of shouting and the feelings of being powerless flood back. I have managed to not shout back. Sometimes I ask her why she is shouting at me and I ask her whether she thinks the situation (whatever caused the anger) is my fault. Most of the time forcing her to reflect calms her down. I see so much of myself in her, it scares me for her future but hopefully we will get through this… as will you.

Are you getting much support from the school? My son‘s school is fab. They are like “if they refuse to get dressed bring them in in their pyjamas” or “we don’t care how late you are, we just care that you get them here”. There’s very little judgement, which helps.

@SadMama87 oh no 😭 having lost a toenail myself I know how painful that is and how sensitive the exposed nail bed is. Poor love.

Hi everyone, great to read the recent updates. I've popped by here several times and have intended to post but either it didn't feel the right time (I'd have interrupted the flow of important exchanges) or I got distracted, but @growinguptobreakingdown your post resonated so much.

I too was a great drunk - loads of laughs with friends. Once fell into the (unlit) fireplace on a weekend away with friends. I honestly cannot remember it and was so shocked when I thought my side felt sore - the bruising was immense I don't know how I didn't break a rib, and yet...I laughed it off and carried on. The things I did/risks I took are shameful and I am so regretful of the hours I've wasted either drunk or thinking about drink.

It took another 6 years for me to decide to call it a day after that incident (and there were several similar ones over the years). But I'm now 2 weeks off my one year sober.

This group was there for me for the early weeks and months, it inspired me to keep going. Stick with it, I have never seen anything other than unwavering support.

I feel like a new person, there is no part of me that wants to drink again - why would I? It has nothing to offer me anymore. And if I can do it - anyone can.

I still listen to the Sober Awkward podcast, the female host has many stories like many of us and so it really resonates. There's loads out there but I find myself listening just to try and figure a bit more out in my head about why I did what I did.

So once again, thank you to all that have contributed to this thread and earlier ones, you've all played a part in my journey and if I can help in any way - I'd be so pleased to do so xxx

@Steppered I feel your pain, this time of year seems to be even worse with getting used to a new school year, new routines etc. I hope things have been getting a bit easier. It definitely makes it harder to say no to drinking!
@MissSmith80 congratulations on almost a year! Your story is so inspiring and I hope I can get to that point one day soon too.

I've woken up after my third non drinking night. I'm definitely waking up in a better mood after much better sleep. I'm also finding I've already got more patience with the DC because I'm not nursing a hangover.

I actually bought a bottle of wine last night as I needed some for the meal I was cooking. I bought a big one instead of the little cooking bottles. Originally I did it because I thought I'd 'treat' myself with a glass because I'd managed two nights without (so stupid i know!) but in the end I left it as I thought of this group and it kept me going, so thank you!
I think I will pour it away this morning though because it's my first weekend trying not to drink and I know I'm more likely to want it later out of habit. Hope everyone else is ok!

Good morning all 😊
what a great post to wake up to this morning @MissSmith80 thank you for sharing really gives us all hope and wow just so inspiring I hope you’re reaping the benefits.
A lot like you this is my second attempt at sobriety I managed 6 months before but then it took me five years more to realise I can’t moderate so here I am again!! Lots of horrible black outs and stories along the way not to mention the embarrassment and anxiety.
hope everyone has a great weekend!! Any plans? I’ve got my mum visiting this weekend unfortunately she does trigger me!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t see her as much these days complicated relationship, it’s only 48hrs I can do this!! Hopefully she won’t be on a hyper as she does have bipolar and not taking this away from anyone with mental health issues but it is hard all round. Will check in over the weekend 😊 remember nothing feels better than waking up fresh and hangover free reach for the brownies!! 😆

@MissSmith80 thank you for the inspiring words. Please post on your day 365 so we can join in the celebration. Brownies all round! The fact it took 6 years to snap out of it, really goes to show this is a marathon not a sprint and no one should be feeling down or ashamed of a blip. Dust off and try again.
@cantsayno33 pouring out anything was the hardest bit for me. I did put wine in my online basket more than once, but later removed it because I know the only place I'd pour that was in a glass.

After a week of poor sleep, thanks to work stress, I've woke up feeling refreshed today. Probably because I've got one more shift left.
I do love hearing how everyone is feeling the benefit to quitting, especially the anxiety. Although it's made me realise mine is still quite high, admittedly not as bad as before. I'm going to try kalms for a little while and if no improvement go to the GP. I know anxiety and stress are some triggers. And if I give in, I'm more anxious and stressed. That is not a good circle.

Thank you so much everyone and for that link @CoffeeLover90 , much appreciated. I'll take a look. Enjoy your quiet night tonight, sounds lovely.
DC is an absolute saint at school @AFmammaG , teacher couldn't believe their ears when I told them the trouble I was having! Which is ... good they are happy at school but also rather confusing. It's interesting to hear quite a few of us are noticing back to school is quite an adjustment for our kids.

Probably not helping I'm just a bit crabby at the mo. Weird dreams/nightmares. Lots of suppressed memories that pop back up when I start drinking, ughh. Fear of the wine witch. Worrying about a family holiday next year. My mother and sister are annoying me.

@growinguptobreakingdown I'm so glad you spoke with your husband. Honestly, I think having people on your side is so helpful and also takes some of the shame out of it. Alcohol is ADDICTIVE. It is a DRUG. 1 in 8 people will become addicted. If your mother was an alcoholic, you may well have addiction in your genes as well as environment so ... let's none of us beat ourselves up.

It's not our fault if we can't drink "moderately". If people drank moderately, the alcohol industry would lose £13 billion a year!!! (Can't remember which podcast I heard that on but really gets you thinking and angry at the industry!)

Pour it away down the plug @cantsayno33 , you know you want to!

Oh @SadMama87 your poor daughter! Good luck for the weekend.

Oh my godddd @MissSmith80 thank you for such a beautiful update! That is so inspiring, really well done to you and thank you so much for coming back to encourage us.

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend free of poison! x

@MissSmith80 that has really lifted my spirits, so thank you for updating. I remember you from thread number 1, you have done so well.

Someone said upthread about emotional rollercoaster. I hear you. I wish my emotions would settle down. I bounce from ecstatic to rage to teary pretty much daily. The spell check on my phone isn’t working properly and honestly, it is making me so strangely angry… why? It’s hardly the end of the world! I can’t wait to feel a bit more …. Stable. I think it’s being the calming influence on everyone at home. Keeping up that persona means when alone I need to let it out somehow. Anyhow.

Friday night. DH will be glugging the red down as usual. I will spend the witching hour on the treadmill trying to ignore the pull of the kitchen. Good luck everyone.

@Steppered sounds like masking at school. I’m sure my DD spends all day trying to be good, trying to manage friendship dynamics, trying to conform and then when she gets out those gates it’s like a brain dump. Her thing at the moment is being ill or injured. Initially in the morning to try and get out of school. Then when that doesn’t work she wants me to tell the teacher she’s ill (attention seeking) and then at home to try and get out of chores. It’s so tiring trying to manage. Also because she has quite a serious medical condition I’m constantly trying to work out if she’s telling the truth and actually is unwell or, as is usually the case, one of the above. I’m so tired of it 😭

I’m spending my lunch break today getting my smear test done. So well done me for finally ticking that long overdue box. I’m trying so hard to look after me. Can’t pour from an empty cup and all that.

So important to take care of you. Praying it’s completely normal and just only a tiny bit uncomfortable/akward. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I had to have a procedure to take the top off my cervix due to some strange cells. So glad we can catch bad things earlier these days. My poor MIL had to have a hysterectomy due to the same exact issue (albeit 40 years ago), where as now mine was just an outpatient procedure.

Blessings to all the wonderful people in this thread, new and seasoned. We are doing the hard thing, and we are all the better for it.

I didn’t have any trouble saying no at the party last night. No one else drank either, my husband included. We finally got in bed at a decent hour, but I couldn’t sleep until late 😑. DS is still sick. Really hoping he’s better by Monday as I can’t keep staying home (financially). I have to purchase some expensive safety glasses for my new warehouse job, as well as some more professional clothes (I exist mainly in workout clothes 😅).

Treat yourself @AFmammaG haha. No seriously though, making time for health checks is self-care. That sounds really tough with your daughter especially if she has an illness, it is really hard to work out the best thing to do sometimes with children. As is sitting with your feelings. (I'm the rollercoaster at the moment.)

Part of me is like MATE I just want an easy few weeks, trying to be sober is kind of enough of a project!! Let alone all the extra crap! But then I guess, life will give us these moments in sobriety so it is a win to get through them.

Mine has entered that stage where bedtime is the time to need the toilet, ask a question, have a drink, ask a question, need a hug, tell you something important, ask a question... bedtime is getting later and later and I'm pleased i no longer get him to bed 30 minutes earlier or rush things so I can pour a glass. Although I do have to cut short the chatter and questions or I'd be there all night.

Looking forward to an early night, I'm now feeling tired and sluggish. Excited about a bath too, my back is aching.

Yessss @CoffeeLover90 . My kids will drag bedtime out for an hour or more, but can’t understand why I prompt them to start getting ready for bed after dinner (6 pm). When/if I wait until 7 it’s 9 pm before they’re actually asleep and then they’re so cranky in the morning without enough sleep.

It’s mostly our oldest. Our middle will start begging to go to bed around 7 😂, just like daddy!!

I just finished work and took some time to read today's post.I can't tell you how helpful and supportive it is to hear others who have a similar approach to alcohol as me (a liability!)Thank you all so much.@MissSmith80 your story is really inspiring. I'm amazed I didnt knock a tooth out...I now have 2 black eyes but I managed to cover it with make up and my glasses today.It's been enough to scare me as I was alone in a hotel room when it happened. I spoke to my husband and was completely truthful about everything last night and he was amazing.Said after 2 drinks he has realised he can't stop either and will support me in not drinking.He was reassuring about me being nothing like mum and to stop being so hard on myself
. Still feeling the fear -anxious and low from the alcohol but I've taken some photos of my eyes and puffy face to look back on whenI I'm wavering. I really can't moderate. Positives :I'm going out for a meal tomorrow and I'll drive.From sober spells before I've learnt I can still socialise without alcohol which was my fear in the past .Also that I like ducking out early and going to bed when people start repeating themselves.Maybe this time I've got this after a good few attempts.@cantsayno33 I hope you managed to pour away your wine and everyone has a good Friday night.

@growinguptobreakingdown pleased to hear you've got your husbands support.

I've just got out the bath and now I'm freezing. Hopefully the hot chocolate warms me up, it's a galaxy one in the dolce gusto, in a fancy glass cup. I've brought my throw down from upstairs.
Now, don't judge me, it's pretty bad what I'm about to tell you, I feel so guilty... I'm watching twilight. I understand if you would like to throw me off the thread. I understand.