Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

I just read an article about a hospice nurse who made a tik tok on 'dry alcoholics' after quitting alcohol for 11 months she described that as the darkest time of her life, depressed, irritable and isolated. She joined AA which is where she learned the term. Apparently it describes someone who gets sober without the 'official' support, when they lose their 'medicine' it turns them into negative, nasty, depressed people with a higher chance of falling.
As someone who's only support is this thread, I got angry. And this is why I try to steer from such self help videos etc because not all journeys are the same.
Everytime I read a post on here that one of you have managed another day, week, month I can feel the enthusiasm in your words. It inspires me. When one of us is down, about to cave or already caved we are jumped on with nothing but support, encouragement and care.

So there's my rant of the day, as you were...

Ah yes @CoffeeLover90 I saw that too. I feel that AA is quite marmite isn't it, undoubtedly a lifesaver, but also quite rigid.

My understanding of a dry drunk is someone who doesn't really want to give up alcohol but has to. Now, we are all there to some extent!! But this type of drinker is literally using willpower to scrape through each day dry, and they are not seeing any benefits of sobriety, nor giving themselves self-care. They feel they are missing out and if they could drink again without consequences, they would. They have probably quit drinking because of serious ultimatums. They still romanticise and fantasise about alcohol as the only good thing. They get no joy from life. They were probably quite seriously addicted.

Sure, none of us want to give up alcohol but we have come to understand that it's not really working for us. We take breaks and we can see benefits. Sure we'd love to drink like "normal" people but we figure we can't; or we're trying to learn how to. We have other things in our lives besides alcohol. Our drinking normally doesn't look like a problem to others but we know in ourselves we are sober curious and that there is more to life.

Your support can also come in forms of self-care, personal development and growth, exercise, connection, nature, sleep, breaks from alcohol, so please don't feel that you need to do something in a prescribed way xx

@Steppered I know what you mean but (maybe it was the way I read it) it sounds like a way of saying if you don't use the official support you will be miserable or fail.
It felt too generalised to me. A bit like the book mentioned by mammag, it makes it sound like if you quit everything else in life will magically fix itself, my weight begs to differ 😂
I don't know what's support is in my area even, I know therapy, group sessions or regular calls are not for me. I know I could post on here at 3am if I wanted.

I've funny enough not had a craving for a while, I forget how long. I wonder if Saturday put me off? I could do so on Friday but I'm really looking forward to a little pamper and an early night. You know because of 5am wake up calls from the bloody cats!
Next weekend we've got a day out planned so that's off the cards and then we've got sober October. Which im definitely following up with Just say no November.

Well done @seasaltandsand 17 days 🥳🥳 just play the tape forward for your partners birthday you can do this!! Lots of AF options if that helps to get you through it just think how proud you’ll feel resting your head on that pillow sober!! 😊 good luck with the uni course and all the more important to be clear headed what a great incentive.
Also second that @AFmammaG fantastic work love reading how far you’ve come give everyone hope you’re all fabulous on here 😊glad to hear your in a good place @Steppered minus the DC 😂 they will always test our patience!! Ohh love the skin I’m waiting for my glow up 😂 it has definitely improved same as my mood maybe it was the toxins leaving me!! Definitely feeling really calm and able to face life’s challenges more and a nicer person in general not so moody all the time which was probably due to alcohol. Yes same I love the podcast I don’t have time to read so I pop my AirPods in and get on with the house work or walking whilst I listen can’t recommend them enough.
hope everyone is doing ok 😊

Sorry @CoffeeLover90 missed your post!! Yes same I don’t agree that doing AA is the only way, I think everyone is different and I believe you won’t fail or be miserable without their support. Being sober means more to me about my own self care and looking after myself becoming a better person and not being a complete mess!!
Not to say AA isn’t a great support network but it’s definitely not the only way!! We can change for the better it will be soo tough I’m only at the beginning but I’ll teach myself and within time my sobriety will feel normal to me for all the right reasons.

@Chance21 you said that much better than I did. Exactly the point I was trying to make, it really came across as AA and the like are the only way and I wanted to say actually #browniesnotbeer are pretty good too!

Sorry ladies, forgive me but are you all very young? Or just learning to drive at a “later” age? In the states we do driving lessons at 15, or not at all. At least in places you have to drive to get around (which is everywhere except big cities).

Day 11 for me and I’m so calm. Like, freakishly calm. I haven’t even been taking my anxiety meds but I feel like I am a better partner, mother, and human. Don’t want to be prideful but I am so happy to not be drinking.

This is one of the many reasons I do not like AA. It’s very cultish. And as a Christian- I refuse to put anything before my relationship with God.

The “dry drunk” thing is like a slur they use to shame people who don’t have a “program” (the program of AA). They tell you that your brain is broken, you can’t trust yourself, you have to put AA before everything (including your family), and on and on.

It doesn’t even work for most people.

What we are doing here takes guts, and, compassion. Look at all the lovely people in this thread who support each other and don’t ask for anything in return. That’s how friendship is supposed to be. And we don’t judge each other if we slip up. That’s what the “fellowship” (of AA) is supposed to be. But if you slip in AA you are a pariah and no one will talk to you anymore.

/rant over

In some beautiful news; my daughter’s bully last year is in her class again this year (they both changed schools into the same school) and today his sister has a medical emergency and she gave him a big hug because he was upset. She’s such a wonderful little human. Her birthday is Thursday. I am so blessed to be her mommy. The further I get away from alcohol the closer I feel to my family and it fills me with so much joy 🥹.

Sorry I haven't replied. Had a set back again but woke up this morning clear headed after night 1 (again ). I'm not going to say this is it and I'm going to be able to do it now as it's only been one night, but it's a small step and I want to do the same again tonight. Hope every one else is ok!

Morning all
@SadMama87 no I wish 😂 I’m 42 living in London all my life pretty much never needed a car to get around plus my partner’s always had cars so I was chauffeured around!!
Do you still live in the states? I’ve been to America twice New York and Florida which I loved.
yeah you’re right AA is very cult like i don’t like rules and regulations would make me go the other way!! 🤦🏻‍♀️
had my first drinking dream last night!! Omg so glad it was a dream the shame I felt was horrid!! My cousin was in it and she was just about to tell me my antics of the night before as I had blacked out I was in the men’s toilets!! 😂 for gods sake!! the dream was so real I could taste the alcohol as I was drinking it was almost as I was there but I was above myself observing has anyone ever experienced this?? Great reminder for me so kinda pleased it’s done me a favour!! In a weird way 😆

Sorry to hear that @cantsayno33 don’t be too hard on yourself it’s tough!! The main thing is you didn’t drink last night and that’s a win!! You can do this!! If you need any support then lean in later for a chat 😊

Morning all and thanks for the podcast recommendations. I will finish the book because it’ll haunt me if I don’t 😆 I read Glorious Rock Bottom and it was more my cup of tea. I just need to feel the struggle. The way Matthew Perry kept relapsing, although the poison is different the act is the same. I don’t want to feel like it’s me making this more difficult than it needs to be. That reassurance is something I get from this thread too, so thank you to everyone who posts!

Welcome back onboard @cantsayno33 I have more day 1’s then I can remember. I hope you are ok today.

Well done on day 11 @SadMama87, glad you are feeling the benefits. Won’t it be lovely to celebrate with your child this year knowing how hard you are trying to make a better life for your family. I hope you guys have a great day tomorrow.

@SadMama87 well, in my mind I'm 21, my back says I'm 73 but in the real world I'm 34. Here, we can learn on the roads from 17. I did get a provisional (learner) license at 17 but didn't do lessons, I was more interested in clothes and partying back then. Spent my 20s being dragged down by an abuser who took every penny I earned. He told me I was too stupid to drive and I couldn't afford it anyway. Then I've spent the last 2 years pulling myself up so I finally started lessons a few months ago.

@cantsayno33 I hope you're not feeling too down about the blip. It takes strength to brush yourself off and try again.
I always like to look back at the dry spell before I caved and think of it as 9/10 days I didn't drink, it doesn't sound bad then and shows you can do it again. Any break is better than none.

I've woken up with a headache and heartburn. Which is lovely considering last night I was dry but I did eat a bit later.
Can see how this day is going to go.

Hey Wednesday Warriors #browniesnotbeer

@SadMama87 that's great on day 11, well done! Calm is good. Calm is the dream! I'm not young either, in fact I've been driving for 24 years... jeez, how did that happen?! Sorry to hear about your daughter's bully being back in her class, sounds like she is navigating it like a star.

@Chance21 yes the drinking dreams are coming thick and fast, it's pretty normal but they are scarily real aren't they! Apparently very normal, and I'm sure there is something very useful going on in our subconscious.

Hey @cantsayno33 don't worry, I tried to moderate for 4 years and had quite a lot of day 1s over that time. No judgement. Lots of understanding.

Here's something I want us all to remember. We cannot emotionally detox from alcohol overnight. Where we are has taken time to get to, and it will take time to undo.

@AFmammaG I started a book a few days ago...it is quite scientific and I need to read the words slowly! But it's written by a lady (Judith Grisel) who used to be an addict and is now a neuroscientist who's written about addiction "Never Enough (the addicted brain)". It is fascinating; I find the way it groups alcohol into drugs quite helpful in redefining my thinking, but it's also the way drugs alter your brain - scary but fascinating. Ooh, looks like she's done some TED talks!
Judy Grisel: Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction | TED Talk

@CoffeeLover90 heyyy sounds like a tough day. Have you got any self-care planned in for yourself?

@Steppered school run, a 9 hour shift, pick up child, bath, bed then early night is the plan. Heartburn and headache shifted but I feel tired and achy. Possibly the start of a cold. How exciting.

Makes you wonder what’s going on doesn’t it @Steppered but I feel like its a positive even though it was horrible and not a nice experience I’m hoping my subconscious aligns with my reality but definitely made me think about the past this morning.
will check out the ted talk sounds like an interesting book I’m interested in the science behind how it effects brain chemistry etc I think once I’ve understood how bad it is which I know a lot already it will definitely keep me on the right path I almost want to feel disgusted by alcohol that I would never ever contemplate picking up a drink again like why would I want too when I know all the facts and it doesn’t give me any benefits

Oh @CoffeeLover90 , it's a slog isn't it. I hope you can find something for yourself today and get an early night in.

@Chance21 I have heard quite a lot of people experiencing them. I guess when you spend a lot of the day with sobriety on the brain, it manifests at night too. They are horrible, but I think they make you wake up going "thank god that wasn't real and I didn't drink!"
I feel like being disgusted by alcohol and seeing zero benefits to it is probably the only way that I'll quit alcohol. If I still see it as a "reward", "coping mechanism", whatever, part of me will always desire it.

AND just to put the ice cream on the brownie, the child has gone up a shoe size. 2 weeks after being back to school so new trainers, shoes and boots required. Fantastic. Brilliant.

Hope everyone Wednesday is going better than mine?
Anyone watching a good series or anything lately? as I've finished Brassic on netflix. Don't know whether to get Now TV to watch season 5 or have patience and wait for it to be added to nf.

Checking in! I finally got the motivation to get back on the treadmill, currently doing a 30 minute walk before I put the kids to bed. Weighed myself this morning and I’m down another 2lb so that has helped with the motivation. Had a salad for dinner and I’m thinking about a four week plan in my mind. That will take me to October half term.
@Steppered I’m not very good when it comes to science or long words 😆 I will search for some of her podcasts though, that I can handle.
@CoffeeLover90 that sucks about the shoes. Did you get them fitted? I heard Clarks does some sort of guarantee if they outgrow them. If not, I got my son a fairly cheap pair from Asda and they seem to be lasting well.

Telly? I recently finished watching a series that was good. Dare I say it’s based on Irish gangsters?! Will post this and then look up the details. I don’t want to lose what I’ve already written.

It’s Love/Hate on ITV X. I found it quite gripping if not a bit dark in places.

@AFmammaG not Clarks, but there was no snuggness when I bought everything a week before he went back. Thanks to how heavy footed he is he needs quite sturdy shoes, I've bought asda and Tesco in the past and they didn't last him long. M&S was good. Will try there. Doubt he'll grow out of it either as im heavy footed too lol
I thought you were going to say Kin, that was great. I'll give love/hate a go.
Massive well done on the 2lbs! You've made some really positive changes, it's great to hear.

Morning all
hope everyone is good 😊
@Steppered yes that’s the only way for me now and it’s working I’m not interested in drinking atm I know cravings can come out of nowhere so I’m not safe but my plan is to keep educating myself.
good for you @AFmammaG 2lbs great work I’ve been doing my workouts but definitely not lost any weight still got an attack of the munchies most evenings 😂😂 I will tackle it soon.
thanks for the tip may give that a watch!! Glad MAFS has started guilty pleasure!! 😊
@CoffeeLover90 hope you have a better day!! 😊 the expense of little ones!! Always need something replacing

God I'm up and down like a rollercoaster at the moment. Though, the highs are better (and natural) and the lows aren't crushing, or self-inflicted.
I'm having an absolute nightmare with DC. School refusal, epic tantrums, I'm just so drained. In my head I'm like "mate I'm trying to get sober, leave me alone!"
But then I guess if I can get through this tough time sober, that's a real gain. I'm sure I have coped far better in the mornings with a clear head rather than being hungover. To be fair, I had a proper "pink cloud" great day on Tuesday and it helps to know that those days are possible.

Well done @AFmammaG on the wt loss and workouts.

How's everyone doing? Hope you're having a better day @CoffeeLover90

@Steppered same here with the struggle getting to school, not so many tantrums but a lot of stroppy attitude.
Have to keep walking away to breathe. Then when he is in a good mood it's talk, talk, questions, sing, talk, question... mate please.
But then as you say I keep reminding myself how much more annoyed this would have been 2 months ago. How hard it would have been to stay calm and encouraging (mostly) with a hangover.
DS is autistic and I have to do a lot of thinking ahead to avoid a meltdown, so I can set expectations or give instructions well in advance. You can just stroll along then cross the road for example, you have to explain when we get to this crossing we need too X, Y, Z and I'm ashamed to say there was little of that with the over drinking. My brain lagged behind so before I knew it I would be too late to really deal with it properly.

It's hard for them to adjust this time of year, which I know doesn't make it any easier for you. There's some take a while to come round but everyone has their own clock, there's no race to it.
Timers have helped us, sticker charts, treats after school with a reminder of this is for getting up on time and staying all day.
I'm a bit more positive today, yesterday was a bit of a downer. Got a driving lesson tomorrow that I'm looking forward to. Works not as bad. Still annoyed about child's shoes although I now know what to do next year.

Hi.Name changed today.Can I join?Day 2 here.I've been googling alcohol support groups today and have started a 100 day streak on the dry Jan app.Every January I try to give up, do 3 months then it slips back in until it becomes problematic again.Everyone says I'm super fun drunk but what they don't know is that I can't remember anything.I feel like I've hit my rock bottom after a few days away with a friend when I planned not to drink.We ended up getting super drunk and I remember nothing from buying the last drink until I smacked my head off the tiled floor alone in my hotel room.I have a black eye appearing and have injured my knee.My head is so painful but thankfully the swelling has gone down.I'm so ashamed and feel sick thinking about how much worse this could have been.I could have lost my teeth or worse.My friend says we had a great night and laughed all the way home.No one knows I cant stop when I start and I really can't moderate.II'm mbarrassed and just don't know how to do this alone. I did This Naked Mind 30 days last year, have read Annie Grace and Catherine Gray. All my friends and husband drink and I really struggle with this and the social aspect.Thanks for reading.