Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

That's a really good method @AFmammaG quite similar to that video I watched about imagining the gains of stopping rather than thinking of it as something you're missing out on.
I've gained some perspective the last 2 weeks. These friends from last night, one of them text last week to ask if I was drinking Saturday. Said no, I didn't feel to well, was planning on a movie night with little one in my bed as he was struggling being back at school. Had a little back and forth then but heard nothing until last night was arranged. Then last night we touched on the subject a little but it quickly turned into all about the neighbours. And I just sat there thinking I'm missing Brassic for this!
They only seem to get in touch when they need something. We don't get together as often as before. I'm just going to start pulling back and doing less favours. Difficult as we live in the same street and they're not always negative, we've had some good times.
But after the difficult week I've had, that was not what I needed.

@CoffeeLover90 during covid and the lockdowns I re-evaluated some of my friendships. I was a bit ruthless and decided to pull back from friends that drained me. I didn’t ghost anyone or have a big argument I just became busy and started prioritising the friends I looked forward to seeing. The ones who actually seemed to like me 😆 I think it’s easy to fall into a trap of routine almost and forget a relationship should go two ways.

I guess it’s about putting yourself and your needs first and focussing on the things that benefit you. There were times when I felt used by some friends.

It might sound selfish but I’m much happier since I see that circle less and to be honest they didn’t seem that bothered! They certainly never asked me if there was anything wrong etc I guess people like that just move onto the next person.

Totally agree I also think we change as people and some friends will only be with us for a short ride they were never meant for the whole journey and that’s ok.
i really am a bit of a loner I do everything on my own it really doesn’t bother me I even went to the cinemas the other day my eldest thought it was sad! 😂 I see it as freedom but I’ve changed over the years I don’t people please anymore so my circle is minuscule and that’s the way I like it 😊

Oh my goodness @Chance21 I love going to the cinema alone! I switch off my phone and stuff my face with popcorn. Worth the cost for a couple of hours of peace!

Haha I really loved it looking forward to doing it again!! I went to see it ends with us I thought it was really good but I know there is a book and apparently the film doesn’t quite match but I thought it was a good watch if anyone hasn’t seen it 😊

Sounds like a great weekend@Chance21 ! I am going to go and see The Outrun on my own when it comes out. I've just finished the book and think it'll be a great film. It is also about her alcohol addiction. (It will be the first non-kid film I've seen at the cinema for probably a decade!)

Bloody well done @AFmammaG , so pleased for you! That's such an achievement.

@CoffeeLover90 I think sometimes those breaks from alcohol really show you that alcohol isn't all that, doesn't it?

And there's that saying isn't there: some people are drains and some people are radiators!!! We know who we want to be spending time with :-)

Ohh that sounds good I’ll keep a look out for that one!! Another trip by myself 😃
love that @Steppered soo right!!

Day 50 😲
Despite joining this thread more than a year ago, this is my longest continuous run. Feeling a bit proud today. I’ve treated myself to a cappuccino and pastry as a little pat on the back.
Have checked the diary and there’s nothing to tempt me now until October so really hoping to do the rest of September dry. I can’t really look beyond that far yet.

Heard on the news today that it’s 100 days exactly until Christmas Day…. In case anyone is looking for a new goal 😆

I am really looking forward to Christmas time. Not the buying though. I haven't saved as much as I usually do, in fact in previous years I've had most of DSs presents in by now. This is entirely my own fault.
Definitely no more takeaways, going to leave the bank card at home so I'm not tempted to pop into a shop and come out £10 lighter.

I really loved Christmas last year. It was the first where DS had full understanding and could really take in the magic. He still stole Santa's milk and cookies though (that's a secret, it doesn't leave this thread)

Actually so as not to be too hard on myself I do have driving lessons now, costing me £300 a month so I shouldn't expect too much of myself. There's definitely room for reining in elsewhere though.

Massive congratulations to you @AFmammaG amazing work!! Look how far you’ve come in 1 year!! You should feel super proud definitely inspired me.
I get that about not looking to far ahead and that’s clearly working for you so definitely keep on with that!!
100 days!! I know where I’ll be by Christmas then hopefully feeling amazing!! 😆 we are going away for Christmas this year my two young adults now so doesn’t feel the same!! So no presents but will be on the beach Christmas Day.
driving lessons are so expensive I only past last December and I must have spent hundreds 3 failed times and with a 6 month waiting time was a lot of money!! But it’s soo worth it I’d be lost without my car now and the freedom it gives is worth every penny 😊

@Chance21 ouch! I don't expect to pass first time, I know not many do but I pray for the second. I know you can get cancellations but there never is any and the current wait here is 3 months.
I have a test booked for November, instructor is great but honest and says if he feels I'm not ready, I can't use his car. But he is confident that week on week I'm improving.

Pizza for tea tonight. I'm so healthy. I forgot to put my smart watch on this morning but as of Sunday, I have only 4.3 miles left or my September challenge. I don't feel right counting today with no evidence but I've definitely done at least 2 miles.

Everyone is different @CoffeeLover90 fingers crossed you pass first time!! I lacked confidence and had to change instructors as she wasn’t teaching me anything new soon as I done that I passed with no minors!! Instructor is massively important I think they say find a bad one and your pay twice basically that’s all it was.
pizza sounds good I’m having chicken salad but only so I can have chocolate after 😂 managed a 3 mile run today and I’m not a runner so fitness levels are definitely improving!! Maybe I’ll do the half marathon with my partner next year be a good challenge to set. Good for you enjoy the pizza you deserve it 😊

@Chance21 no way, that was me too! The first one I stuck with 5 months, cancelled lessons, taught me very little. This one I've been with now 3 months, fantastic, can't fault him at all. If I'd started with this one in the beginning I would have at least done a test by now. I've also been told a bad instructor costs twice as much.
At least the pizza is not a takeaway one. Determined to get back on the takeaway free train.

Oh brilliant that’s great glad you changed instructors fingers crossed you’ll smash it!! If I can do it you definitely can I almost gave up!! Turns out it’s not me was just a really bad instructor. I like the pizzas from supermarkets can get some really nice ones now. Enjoy!!

I made a spaghetti bolognaise. I have a fussy eater so I rarely cook one meal but wanted to today. I need to cook more family meals and rely less on the freezer. I think with me it’s a case of picking my battles and food isn’t one I want to die on but I really would like us as a family to eat a bit more ‘normally’. I just keep chipping away at this stuff. Doing my best. Little changes to improve life.

Been ticking more jobs off my list today. Haven’t managed any exercise the last few days but will try and get back on the treadmill tomorrow. Haven’t weighed myself for a while either but happy to just try and eat sensibly this week and not worry too much about it. What will be will be and all that.

I read the sober diaries declutterring chapter last night. Do you know what I don’t like about this book? She makes everything sound easy. Quitting alcohol - tick. Transforming her garden - tick. Sober dinner parties - tick. Declutterring the house - tick. All whilst writing a sober blog that will probably end up making her money.
There’s just no struggle. I need to read how hellish it is/was. I need that relatability. I can’t just declutter my house. There’s work, that kind of gets in the way. Plus we use most of the crap we have stored everywhere. Plus the kids refuse to get rid of anything. Plus I don’t have time to go drop it at a charity shop and to be honest, I try and sell most of the stuff we have finished with. That’s a job in itself.
I know I’m going to feel really flat at the end of this book.

@AFmammaG I definitely need to get back to cooking too. I remember when I first went from everything frozen to cook from scratch, cut the shopping bill by almost half.
When I did make things such as bolognese I'd make twice as much as needed and freeze half. Takes same amount of time and is quick to make a meal of later on the days you cba.
I'm not liking the sound of your book (sorry) sounds the complete opposite to our threads, where everyone is real, the struggles aren't hidden and no one is made to feel they're in the wrong because they're doing things different to you.

Morning all hope all is well
I know exactly what you mean @AFmammaG picture perfect fucking life’s!! It’s not realistic for many of us, it’s like sober influences they say they want to help people but then they start charging it’s like when did genuine help come at a price 😂😂 I’m not saying all are like that but most see it as an opportunity to make money.
I listen to podcasts about real life every day people I find them more relatable to hear about how they got through it and also remind myself how bad the drinking can get especially if you black out a lot like I did but yeah have to be mindful not all quit lit is helpful

51 days @AFmammaG , that is wonderful to hear, so pleased for you! If the book isn't working for you, and making you feel low, bin it off! It's not sparking joy! Bryony Gordon's book was relatable in places. I've read loads of quit lit but mainly while pissed... I need to dust it all off and re-read it. I do find some of them skip over the hardest parts. Try podcasts, they are very good. "Hello someday" with Casey, she has some where she lists her diary entries from day 1 to 30, etc. I listen to loads of podcasts, my faves are :
Sassy Sober Mum
Sober Dave
On the mend
They think it's all sober
Mel Robbins
Sober Powered
Sober Awkward (with Lucy, not so much Hamish because he was never a problem drinker)

There are loads though, try a few and see if you find one you like.

Well done on the mileage @CoffeeLover90 that is a great achievement.

And amazing on the run @Chance21 , that's brilliant!

This feels like a good news thread today which is nice.

But doing a quick reach-out to everyone to check in and see how you're doing? @SadMama87 @Cantdoitalll @Limeandsoda2023 @jonkibri112 @mumsy2015 @seasaltandsand @cantsayno33

Thanks for the list @Steppered i find myself listening to about 3 podcasts a day at the moment so will check some of the ones you mentioned!! I just find they really help me and remind me why I’m doing this sober life!! How are you getting on? Hope all is good 😊

@Steppered thanks for checking in, being meaning to post and really pleased to say that I haven't avoided it due to struggling.

I have managed to maintain my alcohol free days all month so far. I had some intense cravings around day 7 but managed to power through and now day 17 and feeling hopeful that I see out the month sober.

It's my partners birthday tomorrow so will be reminding myself of all the reasons not to drink tonight so I enter the day prepared. Further incentive is it's day 1 of uni course Thursday so have a busy day and commute.

@Chance21 think I'll also be tuning back into my regular podcasts and looks like there are a few more ideas to expand on. Like you I find they help keep my focus

@AFmammaG well done on your clocked days, you're doing great and your support on the threads has been amazing.. everyone on here you're all fabulous and keep it real and non judgmental.

Hope everyone is doing well and finding their way on this tricky path.

Thanks @Chance21 , I'm doing okay. Having challenges getting Dc to school in the mornings which is a hard start to the day but otherwise I'm okay. Noticing that I'm singing along to songs, laughing a bit more, rushing a bit less, taking time to relax rather than Do, a bit more mental clarity. And good skin! The benefits of a month free of alcohol! I think the podcasts are great, they go in by osmosis hopefully.

Great to hear @seasaltandsand , 17 days is AMAZING! I'm so pleased for you x