Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

@AFmammaG How old is your daughter? Some amount of truth-bending/lying is normal. Do you ever listen to Dr. John Delony? He’s an American therapist (of some sort) but he says he gives his kids 24 hours to tell the whole truth because often when we are confronted we go into fight/flight/freeze/ or fawn and lying is the easiest way out of it. So, after we calm down we’re able to come back together and be more honest, but if we’re not, the consequences are worse because the lie was truly intentional.

Does that make sense? Also I am so so sorry your folks hit you. Mine did too. My mother especially and from a very young age. She’s still extremely immature. Her own mother beat her mercilessly, and her mother was also beaten be try very badly, to the point she could t go to school as she was bleeding through her clothes. So glad we’re all working hard to improve our children’s lives (and being a good parent is healing for our inner child).

(((((((((((hugs to all my friends)))))))))))

I am so happy I didn’t drink tonight. DH asked me to grab him a beer while in the fridge and I put my hands up and said “not me” and walked away. It’s poison for me.

Picture is my girls doing my hair the other day 😂

Morning all
sorry to hear you’re having a tough day @AFmammaG being a mum is the hardest job in the world, it’s a continuous process with lots of ups and downs, the fact that you’re going through the turmoil shows what a great parent you are.
A little heart to heart conversation after a heated debate should clear up the tension in the heat of the moment it’s easy to come across to harsh or to hard but we know it’s coming from a good/ best place.
as @CoffeeLover90 said you’ve made some great positive changes and you should feel proud, life will still have bad days even when we make better choices but we can deal with things in better ways with a clear head 😊
Hope everyone is good!! I’ve been feeling really low this this week think my hormones are out of zinc!! Bad skin and tears for no reason!! 😆 going to spend the weekend with myself and work out wtf is wrong or right!! 😂
will definitely not be reaching for my usual escapism!!
how’s everyone’s weekend looking?
weekends are hard to get through if anyone needs any support don’t forget to post!!
together we are stronger 😊
20 days AF longest time in years!!

@Chance21 yayyy you're nearly one month down!
Tomorrow will be a write off for me I think. I'm child free and friends are coming over. But I'm day 12 today which is a lot more acceptable. Apart from the odd cravings, its been so much easier. That month of AF really helped.
Sober October is approaching!

@SadMama87 I bet we all have so much in common if we wrote a list we’d all be sat there ticking them off. My Mum is dead now. A double edged sword right? Because sometimes I feel like she got what she deserved and then I immediately feel awful for feeling that way, plus I’ve been deprived of a ‘proper’ Mum and had to do everything alone. I feel such jealousy when I see friends having their Mum’s pick up the kids, or when they have a parent who baby sit or even do childcare. I never had anything from my parents.
As you say, all I can do is try and be better then who they were. I’m succeeding there without a doubt!

I have a big night out tomorrow and I gave myself permission to drink but to be honest I hope I don’t. And then I think if that’s how I feel then just don’t! I will see how it goes. I don’t want to regret anything.
Day 47 here. Wouldn’t it be lovely to hit 50? This is the longest I’ve done since joining the thread a year ago. I have to admit I’m feeling really wonderful. Despite shit sleep last night I’ve woken up with a clear head. I don’t stink of wine and stale fags. I’m not hiding bottles or washing up glasses. I don’t have a headache. I could go on…

Yes I’m getting there!! Sleep has been better past couple of nights, as I say my hormones are playing up not sure if it’s the dreaded perimenopause people keep saying I’m too young but at 42 I think maybe not. @CoffeeLover90 you’ve made some great improvements and achievements everyone is different on this journey for me I know I can’t moderate been on this rollercoaster for years but we are all different sober October is fast approaching!!
well done on 47 days!! @AFmammaG and 50 would be a fantastic achievement!! I’ve been hearing on a lot of podcast that the real benefits kick in after 100 days and that takes some doing so most people give up before the better days come.
on the mum front can totally relate my mum has bipolar so was a very tough childhood often she never met my emotional needs and she often triggers the fuck out of me now so for my own mental health I don’t see her a lot it pains me to see her happy at times because of the trauma I faced from her poor decision making!! It’s a tough one and I think it’s to blame for most of my escapism

@AFmammaG It may sound strange but, having her absent from your children’s lives is probably a blessing. In a way, she inspired you to be a wonderful mother, by showing you exactly what NOT to do.

Have you considered writing her a letter? To get things off your chest and into the universe? I wrote a letter to my inner child and burned it on the solar eclipse. It wasn’t as impactful as it could’ve been if I had REALLY let it fly (emotionally). Going to try again but writing to my mom.

And WOW!! 47 days!! That’s incredible!!!! If you do or don’t want to drink, have a plan. Fridays are my worst days usually, but I absolutely do not want to drink today. The shame of last week and the satisfaction of this week make it clear; I prefer sobriety.

@chance21 there’s so many factors that contribute to hormone imbalances and perimenopause. So hard to know which one it is. We probably know more about outer space than women’s bodies 😝!!

I’ve heard that the earlier you start your period the earlier you begin menopause. Factor in how many pregnancies you’ve had (not releasing eggs during pregnancy), how long you go without your period after giving birth (some women start menstruating immediately and some don’t get their periods back for a year or more), plus excess weight or not enough body fat. So many things 🥴

Exactly @SadMama87 who knows what’s going on!! Trying to see a doctor these days is virtually impossible!! Especially one that cares enough to help.
taking my sorry ass for a walk as that seems to help with my moods!! And trying to be healthy as possible but something doesn’t feel right maybe my body is grieving the lack of alcohol 😂😂 hopefully it’s repairing and I will be back to normal soon!!

@CoffeeLover90 hey, hope tomorrow is okay.

@AFmammaG that sounds really tough. I'm finding parenting a huge challenge at the moment because, having taken away my old crutch, I'm finding myself unknowingly triggered A LOT. Nor have I ever felt good enough.
You are doing so so well, I feel so happy and so pleased for you! In fact, I really don't want you to drink! I want 50 days, 60 days, 100 days for you because I hear a lot that after 100 days is where the magic happens.

@SadMama87 sounds like a difficult family history, sending you my sympathy. I don't think many of us on this board have escaped trauma or difficulty. Thank you for the advice about 24 hours, that really makes sense. Also good advice about the letter, that's something I might do one day.

@Chance21 well done on your 20 days, that's brilliant!

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'm feeling a bit flat...I was alright but I'm finding getting my reluctant DC to school very emotionally draining and it's setting my day up badly. I know we are not supposed to take it personally. I know we are meant to brush it off. I just can't, it's setting off too many other feelings in me. But I'm not going to drink. I don't want to . I am scared about WHEN I will want to drink again because I know it will come and I just desperately want to be strong enough to say NO.

One thing to remember for all of us; most likely we were self medicating with alcohol, so without our “medicine” all those yucky feelings are going to come back to the surface. We have to find ways to actually deal with them or we will reach for an easy fix again and again.

For me it’s anxiety and undiagnosed neurodivergence. I’ve been diagnosed with combined ADHD but I think I have a touch of Autism also. It would explain so much of my sensitivities and proclivities, but it’s so damned hard to get diagnosed as an adult female who is “high functioning”. That’s what my psych claims. I’m too “high functioning”, so they’d rather throw antidepressants at me (even though I’m not depressed) than actually do their job and get me diagnosed so I can do therapy/life coaching that’s specific to ASD.

Grrrrrrrrr /rant over

Thank you for the kind words everyone. It does help. DD had a good day at school and peace is restored at home. We haven’t mentioned last night but I will bring up with her about how I don’t lie to her and expect the same in return.

@Steppered school refusal (if you don’t mind that term) is incredibly draining. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time too. I hate starting the day on a negative. Is there anything nice you can do for yourself today?

I will not be tempted tonight as I have in my mind that I can drink tomorrow if I want. Whether I will or not remains to be seen. I hear what you guys are saying about not feeling all the benefits yet and I totally agree, I’m just not sure about how it will go.

Wishing everyone strength for tonight, I know how hard Fridays are.

I absolutely agree @SadMama87 and I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need. I've heard there are some good podcasts on ADHD and adult autism?

Glad things are okay @AFmammaG , you sound like such a good Mum. Let us know how Saturday goes ....

Have a great weekend everyone. I'm staying sober. Hitting my 1 month on Sunday.

Hi everyone, just wanted to check in quickly so that i don't disappear entirely. Still AF but finding life quite tough at the moment. Like quite a few of you parenting is being particularly challenging at the moment. Maybe it's the start of the new school year that's thrown things.
I am reading everyone's posts and it's so great to see how supportive everyone is to each other. Well done to all who are staying alcohol free and to those who are reducing. It's all progress.
I'll admit i'm likely to drink tomorrow. I have a kids party at our house followed by the oldest staying at a friends. I'm pretty sure i will end up having a drink when the youngest has gone to bed. I think i'm ok with this but probably need to do some real digging on why i feel i need to reward myself with alcohol. But right now i am completely emotionally drained and can't face it.

Definitely was self medicating with alcohol!! @SadMama87 I was listening to a podcast earlier and they mentioned about alcohol giving us that dopamine hit and that’s the high we chase etc I’m wondering wether it’s the lack of dopamine that I’m not getting now so that’s why I feel pretty low and flat atm. They also do podcasts on ADHD like @Steppered said it’s called sober powered I found it on Spotify and it explains the science of what alcohol does to the brain/body in some episodes.
sorry to hear the little cherubs are making life tough!! Mine are older now but I remember the morning fights and it was relentless not the best way to start any day!! I’d like to say it gets easier but it just doesn’t 🤦🏻‍♀️
well done @Steppered one month on Sunday go you!! 😊 amazing i hope your super proud!!
hope everyone has a great weekend I’ll be mostly at home couple of gym classes and a walk in nature with my podcast and I’m perfectly happy with that most definitely some sugar treats as that’s giving me my dopamine 😂😂 and is making me happy for a minute or two 😆😆
if anyone is struggling then hit us up!! 😊

Eeeeeeeeek my poor new baby kitty has tapeworms!!! What the heck!! She has been dewormed multiple times!!! Poor baby. Now I have to keep her separated from the rest of the family, and she’s so social, poor girl 😭.

Bringing her to the vet after I get the girls from school. Baby boy stayed home the last two days because he has a little cold, so I took work off to care for him, and now to clean my entire house before bed because WORMS!!!

@SadMama87 aww no poor kitten! And after all the effort of deworming. Hopefully gets clear quick, it's horrible having to separate when they love the company.

Update on my walk for Sands, I'm only a few miles off 🤣 easy when I walk nearly 2 miles on school runs, 3 to 4 at weekends while counting steps at home too. I bought a smart watch specially for the challenge but can't sleep with it. I can tell when I've slept well anyway.

Saw a post about walking 10k steps a day in October for Mind. This feels more challenging. There's a high suicide rate in our area, especially with men, and I have a young son, this maybe something to consider doing. Along with my sober October.

Hope everyone's Friday is going well.

Have a good weekend everyone x

Good morning everyone
cold but sunny down south!!
just got to gym first class since my holiday couldn’t get the motivation this week so hoping to feel better after some HIIT 😰
hope everyone has a great Saturday grateful for my clear head this morning waking up fresh no better feeling!! 😊 play the tape forward and reach for the chocolate!! 21 days AF

@Chance21 Well done! I'm day 14 but I suppose that doesn't count now. Moderation was helped by the month free I think. I have craved but not every night or strongly.
I'm actually looking forward to October, may even do November. I've done one month I want to see how I go with two or maybe 50 days?

I can't remember which of you said about moving money you've saved not drinking to a savings account but thank you for that. I did last Saturday and again Wednesday and found that motivating.

Thank you @CoffeeLover90 just had hot choc and choc muffin!! to curb my cravings!! Of course it 💯 counts all your days add up you’ve done amazing!! I get cravings all the time but I know the outcome and I don’t want to feel like utter crap anymore if I opened a bottle of wine I would drink the whole bottle and want more then tomorrow I would be depressed as fuck!! No gym no walking no productivity for the week ahead that’s where I’m at now so I know for me I don’t want it in my life. Bring on sober October 😊 you would smash 50 days you can do this! That’s a great idea saving the money you would spend !! I’m not noticing any savings really because I never bought drink for at home and when I used to go out my partner would always go to the bar 😂😂 I think he has more money though haha.
But I’m definitely better in myself and money can’t buy that I look forward to the next day knowing I won’t feel any self inflicted symptoms from the night before and I love that 😊

Checking in dry. I gave myself permission to drink today and chose not to. It wasn’t easy, I walked past 3 off-licenses on the way home. I’m in bed now, looking forward to a decent, sober sleep.
Hope everyone else is ok.

Morning all
yay!! Well done @AFmammaG love that amazing work that would have been so tough I know but you did it the best choice was made you will feel so good this morning that you never gave in!! Great to hear 😊
50 days must be close??
feeling calm and at peace this morning off to the gym soon feeling better in myself skin is still breaking out which I never have problems with maybe it’s the sugar!! Or the toxins from years of booze who knows but there on the chin so probably hormonal never mind can’t have it all 😂 hope everyone has a great Sunday!! 😊

That's amazing @AFmammaG I can imagine how hard it must have been but giving yourself permission seems to have worked, it's not you saying no to yourself.

@Chance21 hate hormonal spots 🤣 when you go through all that effort to get let down by something you can't control. My skins definitely less greasy since I stopped the ridiculous amounts.

I wish I hadn't bothered last night. Had more than I planned. I made sure eat before, because I never do, took some water to bed. Woke up feeling OK.
Shame because I had been looking forward to it but as the time got closer, I didn't feel like it. I then spent an hour listening to them complaining about neighbours, couldn't join in because in my opinion those they're complaining about are doing nothing wrong.

Got a child free night on Friday. I had planned on telling these friends last night and inviting them for a drink but I changed my mind.
Instead I'm going to have a bath, stick a face mask on and chill on my own.

I think I am just bored of it. Especially because if we drink at home it's the same friends that come round and lately I've been feeling like a convince to them.
The friends I go 'out out' with, don't do it often 3-4 times a year, don't drink much either and we have good conversation and a good laugh.

I know right always something to try and bring you down 😂 @CoffeeLover90 I’m sure the glow up will be worth it my fine lines look reduced though!! Small wins.
sorry to hear your night wasn’t great!! But the fact that your making better decisions for your next free night is a massive progress and a pamper night on your own sounds perfect love having my home to myself.
I had a similar group of friends that would talk about negative topics on nights out and it was never fun with alcohol I’d be dying inside thinking let’s talk about your holidays planned and positive things good news etc!!
I don’t see them anymore it was quite toxic and I find myself having no input in those conversations anymore i would be mute like get over it!! If you can’t fix or change the outcome control how you feel about the problem!! Some people get so pent up on things that really don’t matter 😊

Thanks both. I hadn’t heard of playing it forward before this thread but that’s what I did yesterday. I have a long train journey today, did I want to do that after a night of drinking? Do I want to feel sick or enjoy my breakfast?! Do I want to read my magazine or have to look out for a toilet? Do I want a peaceful sleep or toss and turn all night?
It’s not easy but it’s doable, I just keep talking to myself and weighing up my options and the longer I abstain the more I realise I don’t actually want to drink.