Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Well done to all those who are resisting. @SadMama87 I have also resorted to just chucking wine down the sink. Sometimes I’ve even done it when drunk just to force myself to stop because I couldn’t otherwise 😢 you just added another brick to your wall.

That makes perfect sense @AFmammaG I couldn’t stand to see anyone after a night of drinking even my own family 😂 good for you great to hear your gaining confidence and you should be walking tall and proud!!
I had lovely conversations on holiday with strangers I never thought I could do that sober just goes to show I think the alcohol made me come across stupid at times I’d loose track of what people were saying and my words would get mixed up!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@CoffeeLover90 well done for not succumbing. I hope the stolen chocolate tasted even better! How are you today? Talk to us.

Well done for dumping the wine @SadMama87 . Own that power. Whenever you are tempted again, visualize pouring that wine away and taking your power back.

How are you @cantsayno33 ?

That's a brilliant daily routine you've put in place @mumsy2015 , well done.

@AFmammaG I totally know what you mean, it use to feel like the school run of shame some mornings. It is so much nicer to not have to feel like that isn't it. Sounds like you are in a good place and all your hard work is paying off? I cannot wait for the shame to lift, feel like it will take a while.

I'm 27 days now and feeling quite good. My sleep is good though the drinking dreams are brutal - but probably necessary. (I dream I have been drinking and I wake up feeling guilty and shameful, urgh). My skin is good. I feel a little calmer (still far from "normal" though). Haven't lost any weight but I am mainlining sugar. I am doing a lot of the "work" listening to podcasts, reading, and I have a sober insta which I have actually started posting on. My emotions are still like a tangled up ball of wool to decipher but I'm doing my best...we all are x

Thanks @Steppered I am Shattered. Notice the capital S there? That was no accident. Full on at work again so could do without the tiredness. Imagine how much worse this could have been if I'd done my usual.
DS had a bit of a hard time going into school this morning, he was fine until it was time to go in and then he got clingy. Broke my heart a bit. I had a word with the teacher and they're going to sort a meeting so we can hopefully, support him. He's struggling with the transition from reception to year one. I am too.

You need to treat yourself to a very early night @CoffeeLover90 . So glad you didn't drink last night otherwise imagine how much worse you would be feeling today. Sorry your DS is struggling. My DD is too with school... her way to being upset is to completely lash out at me, scream the house down, full blazing meltdown. It's very hard not to take personally and feel guilty and powerless when you have to "make" them go to school x

Oh sounds like our children will be grateful friends @Steppered
I knew this was going to be a challenging time for him, the switches from nursery to reception was too but he soon settled.
I got him a star chat for being good going to school, it has helped a little, apart from this morning.

😂 Forgive me for laughing!! What is the cat doing? We have had to keep them out of our rooms at night because they will do weird things (depending on the cat, we have four now 🥴).

I really like that. “Another brick to my wall” against alcoholism. 4 days AF and I went on a long walk with a new friend this morning. It was lovely!!

Oh well there's two of them. The girl does zoomies, you know where they just race from wall to wall. I can hear that wherever she is in the house but if I lock her out of bedroom she then screams while zooming. She's also been known to bite my toes.
The boy screams at her then lies on my head.
They both shit through the night, can't stand the smell so I have to pick it up. It wakes me up sometimes!

So yes, early night tonight, definitely 😂

Dry though! Day 10! Bloody miracle really.

Whoooo hooo @CoffeeLover90 !! 10 days!! That’s awesome. Have you noticed any changes?

The zoomies and cries will definitely do it!! The poo too 🤢. Terrible!! We have a special needs cat who likes to poo right in front of the bedroom door in the middle of the night (usually when I refuse to let her sleep with us), so I step DIRECTLY into it if I get up in the middle of the night.

They have seven, yes, seven litter boxes to choose from but prefers to do it on the floor or in the bath….. Not cool.

@SadMama87 not so much changes, to be honest but then my diet still not great. I do have less bloating and cramps. Skins clearer and apart from the cat issues my sleeps improved. They're not normally this bad, just so happens it's 3 nights in a row with them.
And when I'm tired I over eat.
And my boy cat hasn't used a litter tray for poo in years 😂 he likes to leave his right next to the toilet. Very helpful. The girl kicks litter everywhere after doing it because she is very dramatic.

Awwww is he elderly? If he poos next to the toilet could he possibly be trained to do it in the toilet?

@SadMama87 he's 15 now and he's done this for around 10 years, possibly more. Tried so many things over the years but nothing helped. He just likes to do it by the toilet 😂 otherwise uses tray as normal.
I just wasn't meant to have the average, ordinary family members or pets.
The dog, who sadly passed, hated rain but was also a very clean boy. If raining you'd open the back door and he would just stick his bottom out to do his business. Literally 💩 on his own doorstep.

@Steppered thanks for checking in. In a way I've failed because I've drank the last two nights, but I've only had two small glasses instead of a whole bottle. My SEN child has been really struggling this week and so things have been really hard, I know that's just me making excuses but I'm still kind of happy that I have cut down. My next aim is to be completely alcohol free tonight!

Progress is progress @cantsayno33 . Sorry you're having a tough week, hope today is better. Good luck tonight x

@cantsayno33 you can do it!! I’ll be AF tonight with you also. Holding hands from across the pond in solidarity!!

5 days for me and I hopped on the scale this morning for the first time in a while and I’m back down to 158 even though I’ve had pasta everyday 🤪. Seriously. I had spaghetti and meatballs for breakfast. It was fabulous.

I adopted the mama cat that I was fostering this summer and she is so wonderful. She is fast becoming a part of the family. Whenever I sit down she immediately curls up on my lap and starts cleaning herself. She is so so sweet (and tiny). I can’t believe she birthed 5 kittens!! She’s smaller than our 8 month old kitten!! Probably means she didn’t get adequate nutrition while growing up, but I have some wonderful food to help her recover postpartum at least.

@cantsayno33 cutting down or limiting yourself is still progress so don't be hard on yourself. This time of year is one of the worst for our SEN kids, have they started school? Mines gone into year one and he's not happy, it's breaking my heart every morning. To be honest I wake up and think 'I don't want to take him' but he thrives with routine so i hope this is just a struggle with the transition.

@SadMama87 she is such a beautiful colour.

Hope everyone doing OK
I'm having one of those days where I haven't stopped but feel like I got nothing done. So I took some time to reflect and if I compare today to 2 months ago I wouldn't have got half the tasks completed.
I see everything as a task. Even showering, so the more tasks I tick off the more I accomplish. Strange brain of mine.
So I have accomplished a lot today. Not work wise though. Still, that's a tomorrow problem.
Right now I'm snuggled under a blanket, watching Brassic with a cat on my knee. The cats allowed me to sleep until the alarm sounded so I'll forgive them. Until the next time.

I’ve had a bit of a sad day. Caught my eldest in a lie. I know this is probably a normal phase for her age but I absolutely hate lying. She knows this. We’ve had this discussion many times. Normally I’m pretty soft on the kids but this time I told her she’s let me down. I’m disappointed in her. Now she’s in bed and I feel like crap 😭 I was possibly too hard on her but I need it to stop. I can’t be doubting her. Plus there are repercussions to lying. She’s needs to understand why she needs to be honest with me. Maybe if I had been harder on her before it would have stopped. I don’t know. I used to lie loads when younger, mostly as I was desperate for attention. She’s a lot like me and I worry about her treading a similar path. Although I’m a very different parent to mine, so hopefully not.

Anyway, 2 cakes and a cup of tea later and I’m thinking of heading up to bed. Not sure I will sleep well tonight though.

Thanks for the kitty picture @SadMama87, she’s beautiful and lifted my spirits when I logged on just now.

@CoffeeLover90 I relate to the not stopping. I feel like I’m constantly doing things for everyone and sometimes it’s a bit lonely. My DD is particularly bad for not picking up after herself and leaving mess everywhere, it’s just all got on top of me today, I didn’t actually get the kids to bed until 9 tonight (DH is out on the beers). I guess that doesn’t help. I’m tired.

@AFmammaG I think, rightly or wrongly, we all lie to some degree at some point in our lives so really don't think you should be blaming yourself here. You've explained the importance of telling the truth/not lying, there's not much else you could really do.
I hope the situation resolves itself soon. I personally like how you told them you felt let down. I was just punished when younger but as an adult I know that words would have had more impact and I would have learned my lesson.

Thanks @CoffeeLover90. I did a parenting course and on it they said to not “tell off” as it leaves them feeling shit, rather praise the good, ignore the bad and I try to follow it but I don’t think it’s always the way to go. I’m so soft with my DD as I was physically punished as a child by both my parents and I’ll never, ever hit my DC. I digress. I guess I just feel sad that she went to bed on that note. I don’t want her to feel awful because she is a good girl and I want to build her up. I think a lot of the bad choices I made when younger were because I never felt good enough. I’ve always seen my drinking as a form of self harm 😢

At least I didn’t feel like drinking tonight. That’s a huge step in the right direction.

@AFmammaG you're right, you've made some really positive changes and should be very proud. Regards to DC, you shared your feelings and I don't see anything wrong in that.
I may not use the right words here so forgive me but as much as DC may see this as a punishment now, is it really? Or is it a life lesson? Actions have consequences like it or not.
I'm in favour of praising the good though, positive enforcement seems to work well with mine. Although I appreciate all kids are different.
Anyway, no harm in having a heart to heart when you both feel up to it.