Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Thank you all for the support. I'm not going to slink off this time. Dry again today and although i drank yesterday that's 6 days this week that i haven't so at least 6 bottles of wine less than usual.
@SadMama87 what an awful evening, it must have been so scary waking up injured. I really hope you are doing better today and have some support in real life as well as here.
@Chance21 so glad to hear you're having a fabulous sober holiday! How was the hot air balloon ride? That's got to be better without a hangover.
@AFmammaG i might see if the library has a copy of sober diaries, i'm sure i'd relate.
@CoffeeLover90 you're right that any change in drinking habits has to be a positive and i'm in this for the long haul. In the past i've done over 100 days but then gone straight back to daily drinking. I need to be able to not spiral when i do slip up.
@Steppered glad to hear your mood is lifting and you're right, the support and connection here is awesome and will hopefully keep us all motivated to change.
Another £5 transferred and the start of a new week beckons.

@mumsy2015 the sober diaries lost me a little last night. She talks about her friend who died drink driving and how she’s “doing it for them” as well as a list of others.

It irked me a little. Partly because that’s easy to say years later isn’t it? Didn’t shock you into change at the time though. Partly because she glosses over the drink driving. Like this woman was a free spirit and the drink driving (twice) was part of that. Partly because I’m not sure this woman’s family would thank her for sharing that story. Partly because I strongly believe stopping has to be for you. Not because of/for other people. Like saying I’m doing it for my kids. Well you would have done it when pregnant then and never touched a drop again. Wouldn’t you? It just feels a bit hypocritical. And what about all the people who can’t stop. Loads of them will have children. Are their children not enough?

I know I’m reading far too much into what was a very small section of the book. I lost a close friend to liver cirrhosis and I didn’t stop drinking myself when that happened. Maybe that’s why it bothered me so much because I would never now be like “I’m doing it for her”. She left her v young child without a mother. Was he not enough for her to change? I don’t know. I guess it touched more then a nerve.

@AFmammaG I agree, I can say one of my reasons for changing is to be more 'present' for my son but that's because I want that. I've seen addictions, where they've really taken over a person, and the only way it changes is when the person wants that change.
Doing it for the sake of someone, in memory of someone or to please someone is rarely going to end successfully.

Today a friend gave me a can of AF gin. It was vile, don't know if it was because it was AF or what but yuck
Been a pretty boring day today, had a productive afternoon though. Feeling the effects of the b12 supplement I think.
Making a southern fried chicken burger for tea. Was going to put on a movie but I'm really into Brassic so sticking with that. Hope everyone having a restful night.

I have had such a productive day. I unexpectedly had a few hours to get some jobs done and boy did I use it. So pleased with myself. I’m in the headspace of good + good = more good. When one good decision rolls into the next.
Managed 75 minutes on the treadmill today. Lots of stretching after and then some salted nuts.
Checked my weight and STS 😆 what is it going to take to drop a few more pounds?! The good news is I’m not gaining. So can’t really complain. Hopeful for a deep sleep tonight given how hard I’ve worked today. Another 17,000 steps in the bag.

@CoffeeLover90 I’ve not tried the “gin” although I like the cider. I’m just happy with a cup of tea these days 😆

Really want to drink the wine I have on top of my fridge. Need to put it out of sight or get rid of it. Helps to think of how scared my kids would’ve been to see me when I was black out drunk, falling into (and smashing) the wooden baby gate. I can’t choose momentary stress relief over stressing them out.

@SadMama87 i would just get rid of it if you can. I know i have to just not have any wine in the house as it's just too tempting. I wish it were as easy as just being strong enough for the sake of my kids but addiction doesn't work like that.
@AFmammaG the idea of doing this 'for someone' doesn't sit right with me either. It's a mixture of almost shifting responsibility and feeling like it's a judgement on those still struggling- like if you cared about others enough you'd do it too. But that's probably my own hang ups. Glad you've had such a productive day and got those steps in too!
@CoffeeLover90 sounds like the B12 is good and glad you've also had a productive day, even if it was a bit boring.
Another dry day in the bag. Hope everyone has a good evening.

Yes you’re absolutely right @mumsy2015 . I will dump it as soon as I get home.

Reminds me of what @AFmammaG said about “kids not being enough”. It’s true. I have no doubt many parents absolutely adore their children and would hang the moon for them, if their entire being weren’t consumed by addiction instead.

I always tell myself “you’re better than you were. You don’t drink nearly that much now. You never got THAT bad (comparing myself to others.”

But I drink more than I want to, and find it very hard to stop when I start. That’s a problem. I have a problem.

Morning all
back home to reality and back at work!! Holiday was amazing feeling rested no hangovers zero booze massive win for me!! Had my mock tails had decent conversations met some lovely people. Hot air balloon was un real!! Would never had done done that if had been boozing!!
partner still drunk but that was fine mind you he did get a bit annoying when he started to repeat himself 😂😂 but he was respectful and 💯 backed my decision and didn’t keep me out too late!! 18 days AF 10 days in sober September and one AF holiday if I can achieve this we all can.
party girl is fading fast and tbh I think I like the new me!! On a very positive note it’s never too late to change and make better decisions we have a choice and I never thought I could ever go on holiday without a cocktail in hand!! Long road ahead of me but feeling positive 😊

Hi, I hope it's ok for me to join this thread. I've joined a few threads over the years and have been determined to stop but ultimately fail each time. I really want to make it work this time!
I'm a mum of two, married to someone who also likes to drink, work full time in a fairly stressful job and am also dealing with one DS having SEN. I am at the point where I'm drinking a bottle of wine a night and then every day I absolutely hate myself for it and vow to stop, only to pick up a glass again that evening.

I have health anxiety and I've absolutely convinced myself that if I don't stop something terrible is going to happen to me and I'll end up leaving the kids with no mum. So I need to stop but I could really do with some support.

@SadMama87 hope you managed to chuck it down the sink and had a good evening without too much agonising over booze. If it’s any consolation I do that much less these days. It’s less of a drain on my energy now.

@mumsy2015 yes! Shifting responsibility, I think that is what got to me. It’s great to have goals to motivate and yes, of course, I want to be a “better” parent. But I guess there is a selfish component to addiction and rightly or wrongly, it has to be for me. I have to know that I deserve a sober life. I deserve to be happy. I deserve this.

Congratulations @Chance21 on your sober holiday. How wonderful to do all those things and have that thought that you wouldn’t have done it hungover. What an achievement! Thanks for the reminder of what being alcohol free can give us! Sometimes I spend too long dwelling on what I feel I’ve lost.

@cantsayno33 welcome to the thread. There are a few in the early days. My advice would be to post here! There are so many wonderful people on this thread with buckets of experience. @BoilingHotand50something just celebrated their first year dry! I’ve got my eye on 50 days approaching. Distraction has helped me survive this time!

@Chance21 well done! So happy you enjoyed your holiday, again proved that alcohol was not what made the experience.
Welcome @cantsayno33 I second the distraction technique, what I like to do is say to myself 'I'll see how I feel after a shower. Then some juice. Then once I've done the dishes' and so on until it passes. That way I'm not saying no to myself. Once it passes the time I would usually have my first drink, I find it passes.
There's books, podcasts and videos been recommended too, if that's your kind of thing.
And keep posting, even if you have a blip because that's what got me through - I've forgot how long I've been on here - but I know I've fell many many times since joining, each time learning new coping techniques and learning never to be hard on myself.

Hi all, how's everyone doing this Tuesday morning?

@Chance21 I'm so pleased for you, that is such a brick in your sobriety wall. Glad you had a lovely holiday and if we can both do a sober holiday, that gives hope to anyone else on this thread. Sounds like a lovely break.

Nice one jumping back on @mumsy2015 and I hope those savings are stacking up. I've copied you and started doing the same so thanks for the good idea.

How are you feeling today @SadMama87 ?

@CoffeeLover90 I realised that I actually don't like gin. I liked getting pissed but I didn't like gin. I've bought myself some Trip drinks which have CBD and things like ashwaganda etc, apparently are relaxing. They haven't arrived yet. I have also bought some Sentia spirit. It is quite expensive. But developed by the famous Prof David Nutt. It increases GABA and is meant to give the buzz of a glass of alcohol, without any alcohol. I haven't tried it yet. I'm a bit scared to, because I'm not sure getting buzzy is going to help me recover, it's not sitting with my feelings? But I thought perhaps it might be good to have in the house in times of bad craving or perhaps christmas. I'm not sure...

@AFmammaG I know what you mean about the sober diaries. I felt mixed about it and whilst I related to some of it, not all of it. I do think it was probably quite groundbreaking? It was probably one of the first quit lit books about women drinking so kudos on that. I've been reading and enjoying The Outrun by Amy Liptrot, which I believe is being made into a film soon. I can relate to her feelings around alcohol but the description of nature is beautiful. Really glad you're doing well and feeling productive! I'm waiting for the productivity to hit me...I've been reading and podcasting and relaxing a lot. Which I rarely do, so probably doing me good!

@cantsayno33 very welcome here and by the way, you haven't failed at anything. You are here and we're all in this together. You might enjoy the book Alcohol Explained by William Porter as a starter. I'm a big podcast fan too if you want any recommendations. Just try to take it one day at a time... every day sober is a win. Please don't expect to just quit alcohol overnight, it rarely goes like that for anyone, as we have all found. I'm 26 days and trying to quit for good this time: I can't moderate, I have realised.

I've found the debate about "who we are doing this for" really interesting. Ultimately I think we have to do it for ourselves with the goal of improving our relationships, parenting, health, being more patient, breaking the cycle etc which is for us - and helps heal us - but the benefits ripple out from us to those around us. This sounds cheesy but we have to learn to love ourselves, trust ourselves, give ourselves true self-care, invest in ourselves, all of this plays dividends.

Thanks guys!! 😊 I can’t quite believe I did it!! I have to say I met some lovely people and really had some engaging conversations this would not have happened with booze I remember lots of times I wouldn’t make any sense and come across like an idiot or I’d forget what people were saying or zone out.
love that @Steppered you’re right we can only do it for ourselves 😊

Today can F off.
A slept through alarm thanks to cat waking me 3 times in the night.
B child late for school
C child tells me all morning until drop off doesn't like school, only likes bed
D work. That is all
And
E I opened the cupboard into my own head

Wine will make it worse. Wine will make it worse. I have no chocolates. Child does... Wine will make it worse.

Wine will make it worse

Especially on a Tuesday. It will totally fuck up your week.

Are your DC in bed? I’d opt for a workout video on You Tube if you have no chocolate. I am on the treadmill though, so…. I think I have replaced the wine addiction with a treadmill one

@Chance21 well done you! A succesful sober holiday. Maybe one day i'll bd able to have that achievement under my belt.
@cantsayno33 welcome. We seem to be in a similar position. I'm a bottle of wine a day and join threads but then disappear when i fall off the wagon. I am currently dry for 8 out of the last 9 days and this time i am determined to stay on the thread even if i slip up because that's the only way i'll make progress.
@SadMama87 i can totally relate to the justification- telling myself others are worse, it's not that bad. But if i'm honest with myself it is bad and was only going to get worse. I may have been able to function fairly normally but so can everyone until it's too late and they can't anymore. I hope today has gone ok for you.
@Steppered you'll have to let me know what those drinks are like, i'm struggling to find something i enjoy other than coffee.
@CoffeeLover90 so sorry you've had a rough day. Wine will make it worse. Can you steal child's chocolate? I have definitely resorted to that in times of need. Or sometimes just take myself to bed really early- get the bad day over as quickly as possible.
I'm feeling quite fed up at the moment but am plodding on. Still keeping up my new habits of taking my meds and vitamins, drinking water with every meal, meditating with my first coffee of the day and just started the exercising 3 times a week. Hoping i'll look back in a couple of months and realise how much better i feel.

I can confirm that I have stolen some of child's chocolates and also took myself to bed.
I know wine will make it worse and I kept repeating that to myself. Because I know it will lead to broken sleep, sleeping through the alarm and so on.
Tomorrow's a new day.
I cannot make any promises for the weekend though because, just to top off, the washer is broke.
Aaaaaahhh

Thanks to everyone in this thread, even if I don’t respond individually.

I am okay. Eldest daughter wanted to dump the wine and I said yes. She was quite giddy about it!!! Then I realized it was actually a lot of wine, almost 5 liters!!

Husband came home and said “Wow you drank all that wine?” To which daughter responded, “No, I poured it down the drain.” And I immediately said I had asked her to. He looked confused and hurt (he hates waste to a degree I’ve only seen in people who survived the Great Depression).

I said I had to get it away from me. Don’t really care if he doesn’t understand. He has his own issues to deal with.

All I know is I don’t want to drink today/tonight.

@SadMama87 well done! It takes some willpower to throw away what you already have.
I'm here at 5am because- cat. May as well stay awake now.

morning everyone
thanks @mumsy2015 you definitely can achieve it 😊 well done on your 8 dry days!! Great work.
yes please let us know what the drinks are like @Steppered exercise and chocolate are all I have now 😂😂
hope you feel better today @CoffeeLover90 and well done for not giving in to the wine witch!!
well done @SadMama87 that takes some doing!! You have to do it for yourself and you did what was right for you 😊 you should feel proud. Hope everyone is ok like @SadMama87 said I may not get back to everyone personally but I read everyone’s posts and I thank you all for the support encouragement, you’re all rock stars!! We have good days and bad days but we carry on with the same goal in mind 😊

exercise and chocolate are all I have now
Same!
Do you know what is keeping me on track at the moment? Other mums. I know that sounds weird but before I used to dread bumping into someone I know because I was always hungover. I looked a mess. I was worried they knew. Maybe I smelt of alcohol or they recognised the signs? I was just surviving the week until it was acceptable to start drinking again.
Someone upthread said about enjoying conversation sober and I’m hitting that phase. I’m painfully shy. And slightly paranoid 😆 I always wonder what people think about me but over the weeks I’m overcoming that. I’m actually starting to enjoy bumping into people rather than head down and avoid at all costs. I guess I’m building connections (cheesy)?! Maybe it’s just the contestant feeling of shame and judgement lifting but I like it. I’m starting to feel more like a normal person.