Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Morning all. Still feeling moody. After I got home and posted my friend sent me a message was enraged me further 😆 can’t risk being outed by saying what but suffice to say, I wish I hadn’t gone out.
Will be back in the comfort of my own home tonight. DH is heading out so I don’t have to watch him drinking all night. I intend to treat myself to a nice pudding as I missed out last night and watch my favourite program on the telly.

I watched a video online, came across it by accident so I can't remember the man's name, but what he said may help. Especially with your feelings last night @AFmammaG
He's been sober for 10 years, hadn't been a problem drinker as such but had been the go hard or go home type.
When you decide to stop drinking you need to think about what you're gaining not what you're losing. Because you're losing a hangover, a black out, sickness, over eating, chain smoking, potentially embarrassing yourself or injury.
And you'll gain (insert everything @@BoilingHotand50something said) as well as saving money. You can still go our with friends except this time you'll remember and really engage, another gain.

I'm not normally into podcasts, self help books and videos etc but what he said really stuck.
Then I thought back over the last year at some of the good memories I have, 99% occurred when drinking wasn't involved.

I'm not saying hes converted me to completely AF, I'm still not sure if that's for me. But I know I don't have to drink, I don't have to take it too far if I do drink and as long as I'm not back to 3-7 nights a week I know I can focus, sleep well and enjoy life's simple pleasures.

I've been taking b12 supplements and I do think they've had a positive effect already.

I can feel your pain @AFmammaG! it’s complex isn’t it, nailing down what is so infuriating about it. The fact you got caught unawares, the fact they couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge it or take an interest in why you were doing it or how you were feeling. You’re doing something quite big and that didn’t get to be part of the conversation. Or maybe it’s the type of mirror, showing you how easy it would be to just change your mind, which is all the more annoying when you spent the whole day talking yourself into not drinking. But you didn’t and that is something to be immensely thankful for.

Ais be whole year! Woo hoo @BoilingHotand50something, how wonderful! I would join you in the sugar management phase but I have just bought a load of gingerbread hot chocolate, so….no.

I didn’t find last night very easy. I had to do work drinks (weirdly 0% beer is making me feel as if I have had a drink) with some challenging information dealing with more crap I don’t want to deal with, then I got home to discover none of the chores had been done and my brain was just telling me to go to the petrol station for wine. I am definitely having to work quite hard to clamp it down at the moment.

Urgh it’s so tricky isn’t it. But then if it was easy, none of us would be on this thread talking about it. Culturally, drinking is just so engrained in society. What I also find interesting is that people don’t support / celebrate sobriety if they drink themselves. It threatens them. I know I used to feel like this too but even so, I have been disappointed by the radio silence from friends and family when I have celebrated my dry days on social media.

My DH still drinks. And I know he would rather I drink also, primarily because it would make him feel better about his own drinking but also because I think he thinks I am more ‘fun’ when I drink. But I am not giving in!

Huge congratulations on your year @BoilingHotand50something , I thought it must be coming up soon! That is great, and hearing about all your gains is really inspiring. I'm so sorry your peers haven't been supportive of your dry days; I think like many things it's one of those "walk a mile in someone's shoes" scenarios.

Hope you're okay today @mumsy2015

@TimesaChangeling I find the AF beer quite buzzy sometimes too. Sounds like a tough evening, hope you're okay today and ready for the weekend.

@AFmammaG oh I'm so sorry, I felt like this on my first day of holiday. Like all the careful AF plans I'd put in place had fallen by the wayside and what's the point not drinking when you're not flipping perky with it?! It's so frustrating and hard sometimes isn't it and takes up so much headspace. Sorry your night with your friend was a disappointment. Very well done on day 40 - I have never got that far (yet), so bloody well done!

Well done @Limeandsoda2023 , we are day twins :-)

Have a great holiday @Chance21 , please lean in for support here if you need it.

@TimesaChangeling you are spot on. This is a big deal for me and I usually drink loads with this friend and the fact they didn’t ask me about it, well I found that a bit…. rude. From the minute I met them they were talking about themselves, a bit like a brain dump and I guess I just felt a bit neglected. I’m over it now. They are a very good friend and I guess they missed the importance of this for me.

I had a coffee this morning with a work colleague and ended up laughing so hard I cried so that helped. I think a coffee is the way forward for me. Evening meals are too intimate and tempting.

Someone upthread said about all their best memories are sober ones. Unfortunately(?) I don’t feel that way. I’ve spent years surrounding myself with people who drink like I used to and we had some great times. I can’t deny that. Maybe that’s why I find sober evenings so boring. They just don’t compare for me.

Something I've heard a few times though @AFmammaG is that alcohol gets all the credit for something that would have been good anyway?
Holidays, Christmas, sunset, BBQ, weddings, laughing with friends, having a "moment" with your kids, hearing a song that makes you go TUNE, seeing a great band, a comedy night ...........

They all have the potential to be simply brilliant for what they are.
Alcohol might have happened to be there in the past but we CAN keep having good times without it.
Especially when we think about all the bad times we've been through with it.

This is what I have to keep telling myself because yes I too had some laughs with alcohol and I miss the loose buzzy relaxed switched off feeling. But, we CAN have this.

Alcohol is like a shitty useless ex-husband. He might have had his good parts, but jesus do the bad parts far outweigh, and like hell would I go back.

@AFmammaG that was me, because a lot of my good memories (mostly a good laugh) happened at work or revolved around DS. It wasn't until I watched that video that I realised that.
See those laughs you had with friends when you were all drinking, was it the alcohol or the situation that made you laugh? Because without the drink you can still laugh. You proved it today over a coffee.
You are doing so well and should be incredibly proud of yourself. You encouraged me to go for a sober August, you stayed with me on that and I can't thank you enough.
Always remember what you gain from not drinking, not what you lose.
Speaking of losing, I'm scratching off that takeaway dry streak.
I had a driving lesson this morning and he went on and on and ON about going to the fish and chip shop. I see that as a sign.

Alcohol is like a shitty useless ex-husband
🙋‍♀️ got one of those and definitely don’t want him back 🤣
Thank you guys. I get what you are saying. I know there’s some truth to it, sometimes I just need to dwell for a bit.

I’m not drinking tonight, instead I went to M&S and treated myself to these chocolate whip things (will share a link in a sec). They were devine and totally worth the calories. Happily sitting on the sofa now watching my favourite show in peace.

These 😋

I'm so sorry last night didn't go well @AFmammaG. I hope the chocolate whips are helping you feel better.
I'm still feeling a bit low and grumpy but this is my first Friday in a long time without wine so that's a positive.
It's interesting how we all have different experiences with the 'fun' times with alcohol. I'm not sure i ever really did. I definitely used it to get over social anxiety so can't even imagine how i would get through certain social events without it. I'll just be avoiding them as much as possible. But i'm not sure i associate it with having fun or a laugh, more just coping.
@CoffeeLover90 that video makes total sense about focussing on what you are gaining. We tie our feelings of a good time to the alcohol rather than what we were doing/ who we were with.
Hope everyone has a good weekend whatever your plans are.

Thanks @mumsy2015 yeah, I feel better now. I started reading the sober diaries, needed a new book so happy about that.

The good news is when I was mooching around M&S I didn’t even think about buying a bottle. That’s a massive win.

Have a great day everyone.

Checking in dry. Have done an hour on the treadmill, eating plain nuts and have been shopping today to get myself a few treats.

It’s quiet on here today. How is everyone doing?

Evening. I’m dry too. Had a good day with a 2hr walk with a friend this morning (lovely way to catch up with no temptation of alcohol) and a shopping trip with my DD in the afternoon. Neither of us like shopping but she needed some clothes for college and it was lovely to spend time with her and I was much more patient than I would have been with a hangover !

well done on your treadmill hour. I really need to add diet and exercise to my AF life. Maybe from Monday…

Hope everyone doing ok

Also dry. No treadmill but a 1.5 mile walk complete. Cut short due to rain. Pizza for tea. Decided against a diet, just taking one step at a time. As long as I'm not eating 3 or 4 takeaways a week I'll take that as a win.
More rain expected tomorrow so think my walk for Sands will include a lot of me walking up and down the stairs, while the cats look at me like I'm a dickhead.

I'm ashamed to say i've had some wine. This would normally be the point when i'd stop posting and disappear from the thread due to shame. But i'm determined to do things differently
Why did i do it? I'm not really sure to be honest. It has been a rough couple of days but i don't think that's it. I had a hard day emotionally due to some family stuff, but i don't think that was it either.
Both kids are away at camp and this is the first time in about 12 years without a child in the house and i honestly think my brain was like this is too good an opportunity to miss! Crazy isn't it! I bought nice food (the kind the kids wouldn't touch) and just so wanted that wine to go with it. I'm not proud of it, but as long as i get straight back to not drinking tomorrow i'll be ok.
I really hope this is ok to post, i just didn't want to go back to disappearing when things don't go well as i then spiral and go straight back to daily drinking.
@CoffeeLover90 @AFmammaG @Limeandsoda2023 well done on a dry day. You're all doing fab.

Starting all over. Again. Last night I drank on anti anxiety pills and blacked out. Woke up with a fat lip, a messed up hand, and some horror stories from my daughter. Apparently I was very rude and threw up. I don’t even remember drinking much beyond a couple beers and a glass of wine.

I am so ashamed. I prayed for God to take this obsession away from me and had my dad pray over me and my kids also. 😔

.

Please do keep posting @mumsy2015 . I have done as you previously and stopped posting because I had a drink and before I knew it I was back to daily drinking. Much better if you can do what you are suggesting and acknowledge the drink, think about what the trigger was and then get back to not drinking tomorrow. Good luck.

@SadMama87 sorry to hear how last night went for you. Are you able to identify what made you take that first drink? Have you a plan for thr next few days?

Hey @Limeandsoda2023 thanks for asking those questions. Usually I take the first drink to relax, have fun, or as an easy escape (while still being home with the kids). Stress is a huge trigger and I’m stressed pretty much constantly right now.

My plan is to pray, go easy on myself, drink as many mocktails as I need, indulge in the sweets, start back at the gym, and look into a celebrate recovery program near me.

Also- the local shelter was having a huge sale where they waved fees to adopt all the animals so we were able to go get the mama cat we fostered!! It’s so lovely to have her back, she’s a great cat. A bit sad she keeps looking for her babies and calling for them. My friend has one of her kittens so hopefully they can see each other again at least.

Good morning all just a quick check in as going on a hot air balloon soon 😨😨 having a great holiday am so so happy to report no alcohol has touched my lips!! Only one more night to go and I’ll be home!! Having the best time not feeling like crap in the mornings still eating lots 😂 oh well!! Actually met a couple last night who wasn’t drinking either so that made a lovely end to a busy day!! Hope everyone is doing ok haven’t had a chance to read any posts but will catch up tomorrow. Enjoy your Sunday 😊

Morning all. Thank you @mumsy2015 &@SadMama87 for reporting in. As @Limeandsoda2023 mentioned I have also disappeared after “failing” on many threads. I’ve even done it on this one around February time I think, when I just couldn’t sit there as the OP giving advice and support knowing I was drinking offline.
The updates are slightly different. @mumsy2015 I absolutely love an empty house and it was my favourite time to drink. No accountability. No one watching. No one relying on you to be up. I totally relate. You sound quite at peace with your decision, which should help you to jump straight back on. Let’s face it, complete abstinence is so, so hard.
@SadMama87 I am really rooting for you. The injuries are worrying me 😢 maybe because I have been there myself. I remember waking up bruised and no recollection of what had happened many times and it was when I was in a really bad place. It was like I didn’t care about myself. It’s hard to acknowledge that but that was what it came down to. There was a time when I didn’t want to be here anymore and that came out by drinking so much I made reckless decisions and didn’t care about the consequences.
You can stop. You deserve a sober life. You are a wonderful person. Look what you did for miracle and now her Mum. Please do reach out for help and support. I don’t want anything to happen to you.

walking up and down the stairs, while the cats look at me like I'm a dickhead
Sound like my kids. Most days they look at me like that 😆 good luck with getting the miles under your belt today @CoffeeLover90.

I’m reading the sober diaries and it’s like I wrote it. It’s uncomfortably close and I’m surprised at that because she writes about drinking every day. Topping up with wine at 11am in secret to get through the weekend and I’d like to think I was nothing like that. However the sober journey is surprisingly similar. The belly fat. The shit sleep. The hiding from other Mums. The weight gain at the beginning. Maybe it’s the fact that I might have been close to where she was that I find uncomfortable.

Anyway I’m looking forward to reading further and hitting the benefits of stopping!

@mumsy2015 please don't disappear. I had some wine 7 days ago, I explained this on here, and if I'd been child free last night I 100% would have had more. When you change your drinking habits that's a win, whether it's sobriety, moderation or just the occasional blip.
Anything is better than most days or every day.

@@SadMama87 do you still have the AA sponsor to speak to? Poor love it must be scary to wake up to injury and no memory. But you're a strong woman, you've stopped before, you can again. And we're all rooting for you.

Sounds like a good day @AFmammaG , @Limeandsoda2023 and @CoffeeLover90 . Nice day here yesterday, weather was good and we caught up with family. Starting to feel my mood is lifting, looking forward to a relaxing day today.

Oh @Chance21 a hot air balloon ride - how incredible! And so much better that you're not hungover for it too. Well done for your holiday sobriety so far and enjoy that amazing trip.

I'm so sorry @SadMama87 , blackouts and random drunken injuries are utterly horrendous to go through. I feel like they take a little bit of your soul. On the positive side, they do absolutely turn you off alcohol. Well done on caring for the cat again, your plan sounds good, just be kind to yourself the next few days too. Get journalling if you can, I find that helps.

@mumsy2015 empty house for me is a big trigger too. It's just so tempting. I bloody loved being left alone, not having to answer any questions or cook any meals, just plopping down in a heap and getting buzzed. It's alcohol again stealing the credit for what would be a lovely relaxing evening anyway. Dust yourself down and jump back on the sober wagon! And well done for coming back, I've done thread runners in the past too but if we all stick together, I reckon we will be okay. There is so much support, "walked the walk" experience, learning and growth here together. Connection is the opposite of addiction.