The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Morning all.
I am with the dog and he's hiding.

I think with the liver issue I will never be on the champagne again.
Funnily enough I am allergic to pork. I start swelling. @blackberryblossom and @fortheloveofgod will confirm my love of the big cooked breakfast. We meet occasionally. I have never finished one but I try. A couple of weeks ago I had real trouble 🙄

I haven't been in an all exclusive for decades. However I do like getting my monies worth so I think I'd be on the mocktails and fresh juice. It will be refreshing for the staff to have a sober customer!
Im another one who loves Ireland. I worked there for a bit. Best beef and diary.
There is a job available but I need to spend every other week in Ireland. I thought the travel may be too much for me now. Thursday was a success so I might try a flight next. I have been putting it off.
Big tidy today as friend due this week is picky. I don't really won't to do it but she was kind in the past. Now it's competitive mum still and our boys are 25!

@ponzusoup thanks for the welcome, even just reading this thread everyday or here and there helps, I feel like I’ve finally found some normal folk who get it, you are all amazing, wonderful, normal floored human beings, reading that it sounds like an insult, it’s really not meant to be, I was told that my brain function would be better after not drinking alcohol, but I still can’t string a proper sentence together 😂😂😂😂

Morning all, Happy Sunday to you all!

Hi there @ponzusoup - lovely to see you xxxx

I'm reading through all the posts - hello @cookiebee and thank you for posting.

I agree with your post and those on the stereotype of problem drinkers - also was nodding along to your thoughts around moderating.

I've come to the conclusion that ' moderating' is a marketing term - it's the soft word designed to appeal to our egos, used instead of 'limit, control, safe' because none of us really want to be associated with what the flip side of those words mean.

I've always known that I'm an all or nothing type, so when I have actively set out to moderate, many many times - it's been short lived, pointless, resulted in binge cycles and even more consumption . A bit like all the health kicks and diets I've been on over the years.

I know there are many, many people who genuinely don't think twice about alcohol - they either have it or they don't. They exist in large numbers and they don't have to think about their consumption because it holds no power over them,

Those of us who've tried to moderate have done so because we've needed to - free levels of alcohol in whatever form and frequency doesn't work for us.

I guess I now feel that most of us who have actively needed to moderate, who have had moment where we feel we need to put controls around what, how much and when we drink, are only at the start of their journey, and in the best outcome, will ultimately end in sobriety.

Morning everyone 👋

Why thank you for the Ireland love 🇮🇪 ♥! It's always nice when people are nice about Ireland.

@WendyWagon your friend sounds hard work. I get not being able to avoid seeing her though. But sorry you've now got extra work to entertain her.

I've got people coming over for dinner today. I made a big pavlova last night and left it in the oven overnight to finish cooking. Then dh decided to grill some bacon and cremated my pavlova 😩😂😭. Now I have no idea what to do for pudding 🙄. I thought I was getting ahead there...Best made plans and all that.

@BigFatSober i use to leave things in when I had an Aga. Next thing you know they were pushed to the back.
I'm having the war of the metal tools atm
I bought a new omelette pan last year but the DC have ruined it. The next one I'm hiding. I keep putting the metal bits in the garage for bbq use.
Can you make a sponge and fill it with cream and fruit?

I've got some berries in the fridge and frozen ones in the freezer and cream (intended for the pavlova). I used all the eggs in the meringue but I have white bread, so might try and make summer pudding! It'll have to do

It’s been harder here - DH has been having wine several times over the last couple of weeks, and we have some nice cheese in at the moment. Red wine and good cheese is quite the temptation.

He’s also made cocktails but I don’t miss them at all now. I like Guinness 0.0 better, which I would never have believed back in January.

Sympathy to those with health concerns. Sorry about the pavlova, Irish!

@WendyWagon - OMG - the war on pans is real!

My DS and partner are staying this week. I bought a Japanese-type omelette pan a few months ago and they've bloody fried sausages in it 😡😡😡😡

Little shits.

Mind you - I remember my mum telling me egg pans were only for eggs when I was a teenager so she's probably looking down on me with a wry smile!

@HappyAsAGrig

You're a superstar and a super strong woman. Other people and my DH drinking really doesn't register with me at all, but if it did, I don't know I'd be able to abstain:

I take all my hats off to you.

@BigFatSober

Oh nooooo..... is the bottom of the pavlova any good for Eton Mess?

@ponzusoup thank you. I've survived and tbh just felt relief I wasn't drinking. Everyone else drunk but the women shared a bottle each night. I couldn't have done this. I would have worked on drink one to myself but it would have taken effort and restraint even to achieve that and I would have felt embarrassed it was more than I should have been having. So all in all felt good to just be out of all that mental load.

@cookiebee thanks. I like being in imperfect human sounds just right!

@BigFatSober that is very frustrating about the pavlova! Hope all goes well!

@HappyAsAGrig so sorry about DH and the temptation. It's hard. My dh drank last night he was drunk but not as awful as last weekend. X

Thanks, @Womanshour and @NextPhaseOfLife - red wine, cheese and olives is my idea of a good time, so talking myself out of it is harder than most.

I used to love champagne, but after tasting it now I don’t drink I found it horrible - I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, @ponzusoup and @WendyWagon !

Sorry to just burst in, I know I'm not psoitng regularly anymore.

How is everyone feeling about the football tonight?

It's such a big "drinking" occasion and I'm feeling a bit prickly about it (pubs extending opening hours / schools starting late / my company offered last minute AL to anyone that wanted it etc). It feels like the whole world is going to get pissed tonight and I feel left out.

My DP only has 3 beers in (left over from Christmas, he isn't a drinker at all, thankfully) but I'm still a bit "meh" about it all. No urge to drink but irrationally pissed off that everyone else will be.

I feel like this at Christmas too. Its like a license to drink and I don't have that license anymore.

Some interesting feelings for me to unpick I guess as I'm almost 900 days AF and never want to drink again.

* I realise not everyone is into football so this may be a moot point for some but we're quite a big footballing family so I've not been able to ignore it.

@Crunchymum football is big in our house too but nobody drinks.
I'll be on the fake gin, DH DS on the Guinness zero.
DD might watch.
I need to work out a dinner, I'm back to the stove. No

@Crunchymum I think I associate football with beer rather than alcohol per se. So for me AF beer will be OK I think. Any good for you?
I think I'm lucky in that I wasn't really much of a beer drinker. It was all about the wine for me. So watching football I would have only had one or two beers anyway and then drunk wine afterwards.

I have my AF Leffe's so I'm all set in that respect.

I was never a daytime drinker so if this match had been a 3pm kick off in my drinking days, I'd stick to tea. I just know I'd have drunk a lot in the evening.

I had a lot of weird rules around my drinking. It's such a relief to have this out of my life now.

I'm actually pretty disheartened in how as a nation we deal with these big occasions. Essentially schools and businesses are catering for everyone to be hungover tomorrow 🙄

I'll be fine. I always am, but it was just important for me to express these feelings.

Are they though? Surely (for schools at least) it's just because of the late night. I'm sure it's not being put in place for parents and teachers to deal with their hangovers. I hope not, anyway!

I assume you're joking, but have you been taking thiamine? Vitamin B1. It is very important when you first stop drinking, as deficiency can cause brain damage (confusion, memory issues and 'wet brain'). My advice to anyone detoxing is to get some high strength tabs and take the maximum dose or higher. You excrete it, so can't overdose. It can make your wee a strange glowing orange colour, but that's harmless, if alarming. Do it sooner rather than later, as the damage happens in the early days (if it's going to, which seems to be a matter of luck).

When I stopped, I was on a now defunct forum on which a poster developed quite serious brain damage because she didn't know to do this, which was such a cruel thing to happen - she survived years of drinking then got hit with that when she stopped, and it's irreversible. Obviously lots of people stop and are fine, but for the sake of a bag of vitamin pills it's a hell of a risk to take. I think mine were from Amazon.

@Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime well done on getting through your event, which cannot have been easy. Much kudos to you.

@EastCoastDamsel sorry to hear about the oyster thing. I am very allergic to nuts (somewhat ironic, given that I am something of a nut myself) and carry medication at all times. You have my sympathy, along with anyone else afflicted with allergies to something we'd normally love. Christmas is like a game of Russian roulette for me - especially when a selection box is going round the office and the ID card for the chocs has been swiped from within. I have actually never tried oysters though. Anything with the name "valve" in its name tends to put me off. Frank Skinner (comedian, not old MP) once said "eating oysters is like licking phlegm off a tortoise". 🐢🦪🐢

But I'm sorry that you love them and can't have them. Anti-histamines (normal hay-fever tablets, the ones with Loratadine in them) are what I carry. They work for me and I have had such a severe allergic reaction that I literally all but died (14 April 2020 - fortunately I was in hospital already for something unrelated and VERY fortunately the doctors were still doing their ward rounds at the time). I had injections of adrenaline into arteries and was "zapped" back into existence with the electric shock paddles. Deeply unpleasant after-effects, but I am so very, very thankful). I only mention this to say that basic over-the-counter hayfever tablets may help with the allergy as, despite that unfortunate extreme, they work for me still - so that you might still be able to enjoy oysters. Also (and I couldn't tell you this if I was still working at a vet's, as I used to, and no reputable pharmacist will be able to confirm this) - but, take it from me as truth, if you take a dog or cat to a vet with an allergic reaction (such as a bee/wasp sting), then what they will give your pet is Piriton (or suitable alternative), the same Piriton you buy off the shelf. We used to keep it under the till for emergencies. Worked every single time. - All this said though - please do check if it would or wouldn't work for you with your doctor; we are all different and I'm not a medical expert. And if in doubt, it is absolutely not worth even the smallest risk, ever.

@ponzusoup welcome back!! Glad to see you again, and very glad that your pain is subsiding, that's brilliant. I was incredibly and very deeply moved to read your kind post about the dog. I am so glad that he brings joy. It's a honour to be able to share him with you. ❤️❤️

I use the "I Am Sober" app on my phone to keep track (it's free). On it, it invites you to put a "reason for doing this" and invites you to make a pledge to "not drink today" each day. If you choose to do that, up pops a window that reads "Why I am Doing This", with your stated reasons below that. Mine just says "For the Dog".
It's an utter privilege - for him and for me - that he's your sober mascot too. Here he is - in a special picture taken just for here, when I told him what you had written.

Strength and love to you all. You're fabulous, all of you. xx

@REP22

Your dog is soooooo beautiful. His character is obvious even through the screen!

On a different note - My DH threw me a bit of a curve ball yesterday - we were talking about our upcoming holiday, and he mentioned he thinks I might decide to drink while we are away.

He positioned it as a 'maybe you're going to be an 'only drinks on holiday' kind of person.

I think it's wishful thinking on his part, to have his drinking buddy back, but for a fleeting moment I did think 'hmmm... maybe I AM an 'only drinks on holiday kind of person' and the thought of doing that crossed my mind.

Then i thought 'fuck that, no thanks, I don't like drinking anymore'.

So that was good!

I do need to find a way to be more interesting and interested though. I haven't quite cracked that yet.

@NextPhaseOfLife that sounds hard. I think our partners will take time to get used to us AF. Something I find hard is having any energy in the evening... I just want to go to bed. But I'm still early days. How long until your holiday?

Thanks @Womanshour

He's a good guy, I don't think he will pressure me but I'm in a strong place. Fingers crossed.

I do need to spend some time finding the new AF me though. I'm becoming less and less sociable in the evenings. I just don't find pubs and social gatherings very interesting at the moment when most people, in fact, all people, are drinking a fair amount and staying late.

Maybe the holiday will be a good start to figure out what I can enjoy 🤞👍

Sorry - 3 weeks till hols.

Am around 2.5 months AF now.

Maybe it's worth having some planning time before.

For example, I can't turn drinking on one day and stop the next.... just part of rhe reason I can't drink. I stopped for about 18months/2 years had a drink and thought i could moderate. That was 4 years ago and my drinking was pretty dreadful.

Maybe it would help to prep DH? My DH misses me drinking, as you say he's lost his drinking buddy. I have done a sober holiday and had a lovely time. I didn't miss drinking. I was relieved i didn't drink. Don't get me wrong i morn the drinker I wish I was, the one who could have a glass of white every now and again and stop at the one. But that's not my style.

At best I wake up every day with a hangover that I pretend isn't present so I can get up with the kids, but it's there everyday stealing tomorrow's joy.

Maybe you could see this as an experiment some time on holiday to find your new AF style?x

i'm on holiday. it's sunny and everyone is drinking ! i thought i would decide to drink. i gave myself the option. i have chosen each day so far not to drink and i promise i have not missed it. normally on holiday i have beers at 6, a massive gin or two and a bottle of wine. the. the next morning i feel pickled and vile but push thro grumpily until 6. then start again. by the time i get home i am pickled. this time i have had lovely clear headed mornings and am having moments of joy. just try it for the first night of the holiday and see how it feels in the morning. then make another decision. we can do hard things ladies and sometimes they're not as hard as we think they will be.