The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

@Womanshour that's just it. stealing tomorrows joy. my DP is drinking beer but nothing on hols. i think he'd rather have sober me than pissed hungover me. ideally he'd probably have moderating me but that version of me doesn't exist, sadly.

DP drinking beer but no wine rather. his choice. he says he feels bettter for it.

I also found that choosing not to drink was key. As opposed to not being allowed to, I mean. I went to bars, and there was booze in the house, but I chose not to drink it.

For my personality that worked better than being ’told what to do’, even though it would have been me doing the telling. I’m not very good at self-denial for the sake of it, but making choices and having agency was (difficult but) easier, if that makes sense. A bit like being vegetarian, I guess. I was veggie for years, but knew that if I fancied a steak I could have one - it was just that I didn’t want to. Until I did, that is. . . 😀. Maybe not the best example then.

@ShyMaryEllen 😂😂😂

And thanks for the advice @Womanshour @ponzusoup

I feel ok about it now, but yes, considering it a choice is a good way of thinking about it.

I am another one who cannot moderate. I'm not even sad about it tbh. I cannot honestly say that I want to be a moderate drinker. Moderate drinking sounds awful to my boozer brain and my sober brain.

I'm very happy being able to say I don't drink at all. But when I did drink, I didn't ever want just a small glass of wine or just one beer. Didn't see the point in it! I usually wanted two or three big drinks or just drank the whole bottle minus a small glass (so I could say I hadn't drunk the whole bottle of wine). Or some days just the whole bottle. Occasionally more than that.

This realisation isn't flattering but it has been key to me not wanting to drink again (this time)!

See I'd LOVE to be the sort of person who could have a glass of champagne (just the one!) on special occasions. But I'm not. I'm absolutely not. I don't even know how that works.

By the way I've started listening to on the mend by Matt Willis. He interviews people about recovery and mental health. I've just listened to the first 2, not always that relatable as people talk about expensive trips to places for breath workshops! But I enjoyed it.

Morning all.
Gosh busy thread last night.
I was watching Titanic.

I can moderate but it isn't worth the risk. The issue would be alcohol building up in my system. My GP said the problem drinkers are the daily glass or two as it doesn't allow the liver to recover. First time I had heard that.

From a vanity point of view I would eat more (I don't eat the cheese or crisps these days ) and my skin would age quicker. I was so very fat and bloated.
The other thing that puts me off is the shame. It's never left me.

Morning, gloomy Cornish morning here.

All your stories of not being able to moderate are very relatable. I am just the same. I am sort of like that in everything aspect of my life though. I go "all in". It was exactly the same when I was a smoker. I was totally committed to the smoking cause 🤣. I loved my fags and I smoked them proudly (and defiantly) until stopped the pill to try for a baby. Then I just stopped.

Thing was though that society really supported my quitting smoking. The smoking ban had come in a couple a years before and the environment was generally more "hostile" to smokers everywhere.

It wasn't easy, I still craved a cigarette at the start but my "Why" and choosing to smoke being made more difficult made the process simpler.

I also had a bit of a revelation yesterday evening. We arrive in Cornwall after our long drive and ferry over the last 2 days to join DHs family (MIL and his siblings, partners and kids).

Holidays with them have always been big drinking times as his mum supplies lots of good quality wine and drinking form lunchtime onwards is totally acceptable.

It is also a situation I find relatively stressful as the combination of DHs sibling rivalries and the all the projected sibling rivalries through the kids can be overwhelming.

I took myself for a run after we arrived and settled in and ilit was a complete revelation. I was tense, stressed and very wound up when we got here and after my run I was relaxed and happy and while running, I realised that in the past I would have drowned out the stressful emotions with booze, which would just serve to compound them the next day.

Day 44

Morning all… been a busy end of term here so haven’t had time to post but have caught up on the thread.
All well here. Today is my day 75, and my mum arrives for a visit. I am tired, and have things to do to get ready but it occurs to me that I might well have had a hangover after watching the football in the village pub if I hadn’t stopped drinking. So all good.
I suspect I do in fact have PAWS as I am still getting spells of intermittent exhaustion… grrr. But overall I’m glad I’ve made this decision. I’m happy with my AF drinks and seem to have acres of time now.
Keep on keeping on all.

@EastCoastDamsel I totally agree with your post. It's pretend relaxation from booze isn't it! Not real or lasting just sedation!

Where as a run, walk etc that genuinely lowers the stress levels. Enjoy your sober break. X

Anxiety is a blighter.
A couple of you know me personally and I'm like Tigger. But I'm becoming more anxious. I admitted it to the DH last week when he dropped me at the station.
I don't think it is the AF, I think it was just covered up for years.
Anyone would say I'm an extrovert but I crave quiet. I can't stand background noise. I can do classical music but that's about it. Old age or recovered brain?

I don't think it's necessarily either, although it could be both 😀

I suspect that many people drink because of anxiety, and then the thought of not drinking makes them anxious. But the kicker is that alcohol causes anxiety in all sorts of ways, which we then have to deal with when we stop drinking.

Also, every part of our bodies gets used to a regular intake of alcohol, and cries out for it when it's withheld, which is anxiety-inducing in itself. We probably aren't sleeping well, which doesn't help. We can be a bit jumpy whilst the nervous system recovers, we start to absorb vitamins more efficiently, which again can put systems on red alert. We are also dealing with cravings, when our bodies tell us it's time for that glass of wine/poison of choice and complains when it's not forthcoming. That can mean stomach pains or a more general feeling of being 'not very well'. Meanwhile, life goes on as though nothing's happened, and we have to deal with it. If we stick with it, the body adjusts though.

I can't always deal with background noise. It's fine if it's music (most kinds are ok for me) or something like the News on in the background. That can help me to concentrate as I need to block it out. But two noises (eg music and someone talking, or some idiot using their phone on speaker) is awful - it's not really quiet I need, it's brain space. I don't know if I was like that before I started drinking. It was so long ago, and things have changed since then.

I think we need to make allowances whilst we get used to not drinking, but also be aware that detoxing doesn't preclude other ailments being responsible for feeling grim. If something persists it's still worth having it checked out.

Ah, yes, @BigFatSober - the trick of leaving an inch in the bottle so you can say you didn't drink a whole one!

😂 exactly! I don't know exactly who I was trying to kid.

@WendyWagon, my dh has anxiety and it is a bugger.

3.5 month sober today.
Sorrry ive not been around much .work is nuts atm. Love sent to everyone xxxx

Well done @Loubelle70 that's amazing especially when work is wild x

Congratulations @Loubelle70 👏👏👏👏👏

@Womanshour @FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME
Thanks guys ✊. Tbh because im work swamped i know if i drank i couldn't keep up..so win win 😁♥️. Hope youre both ok..i will catch up on posts soon xxx

Amazing! Congrats @Loubelle70 🎉

Ty ♥️😁✊ xxx

Good morning and congrats @Loubelle70 @SeasideRock

Friend coming for breakfast today. Hopefully she will help a bit with my book sorting.
Picky friend tomorrow.

Blinking rain here yesterday was harsh. The DS had chucked my hall rug in the garden as the dog had christened it. Now it will be ruined. He has form on not valuing antiques.
I used to leave half a glass in the bottle too, or fill it up with water!

Hello all. Hope you're having a good day. Congratulations @Loubelle70, that's brilliant.

@WendyWagon I was interested to see you were watching Titanic the other day. I've been fascinated in the Titanic and her fate ever since I was a little girl - when I was ill at home back in 1985, a friend of my dad's brought me some magazines to read that he thought I'd like. One was National Geographic, and it was the edition that covered Robert Ballard's expedition that they sponsored which finally found the wreck at the bottom of the ocean. It was full of the history and underwater photos of the wreck and debris which, in 1985, were rare and incredible. Since then it has been a real interest of mine. I've got so many books and bits, as well as some memorial pieces from 1912, and have contributed to articles about the history (and some kicking the a##es of conspiracy theorists). The dog is partly named after a dog who was aboard the Titanic of the same breed. The James Cameron film was amazing in the accuracy of the detail and events it depicted (although not the fictional Jack/Rose aspect, which was largely b#ll#cks).

I am now approaching the stage after my last 'blip' where my brain is whispering to me "look how well you've done. You can handle this now. Why don't you treat yourself... you've earned it..." Lies, all lies. For the dog. And he's worth it. Here's a picture of him last evening. He looks like he's imparting Jedi wisdom - actually, he's cross and refusing to look at me because of the soaking he got on a very rainy walk...😉 I'm trying to stay strong against the urges and the internal whisperings. It's hard to fight, but very much worth it.

There was a first class lady on the Titanic - one of only four first class ladies to die in the sinking - who reputedly stepped out of a lifeboat because she did not want to leave her dog behind on the doomed boat. She preferred to take her chance with him than abandon him. Some days later, passengers on a ship passing over the site of the disaster saw numerous debris and bodies floating in the water and one sight was that of a fully dressed lady with her arms tightly around the body of a large dog, frozen entwined together as they had died. No-one can predict how they'd react in a desperate situation - but I don't think I could have stepped into the lifeboat and leave the dog behind. I'd rather take my chances with him than survive, knowing I'd abandoned him.

Strength and love to you. xx

@REP22 you brought a tear to my eye.
I'm a big film buff and repeat watch things. The DD and I have a movie night on Sundays. She studied film.

I am having a hard day. The ex company have done the dirty on me and replaced me within two days. I think they had already but didn't want to pay me any severance. People are f*cking awful.

I am so fed up with my blinking industry.

😢😢😢 @REP22

We love our dog like that too 💕