On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

@enoughisenough4 No I don’t really have a hobbie, used to be gambling but that’s long gone . I absolutely love sport all sports and that’s what I mainly watch. I’ve been told I need a hobby, I joined a gym but after few months lost interest , I walk loads and loads but it’s from about 830/9 I’m lost, I have a stress relief ball. I’ve never read really, I do watch tv shows but lately with things going on lost all interest , it’s on but I’m not watching it really. I’m hoping with football starting next week I really get into that, mind you I love going out for England games but I won’t be as I couldn’t drink lemonade all night , I’ll stay in. When you think about things alcohol is in so many parts of our lives

@Nowstrong What you are doing is what my goal is, I just want to be able to enjoy a beer at weekends, not get drunk and rest of week be af , how long have you been able to do this and do you find it hard?

Hello everyone, I hope it’s all going ok.

@Jbob1976 i quite like doing puzzles - which reminds me I haven’t done one for a while. It definitely keeps me occupied. I do 1000 piece ones - but it does take up space on the table!

I’m aiming for less than 20 units a week and at least three days AF. This week is problematic because I was away Mon-Wed which are usually my AF days and I had a couple of drinks each night - not enough to get drunk and I stopped when I planned to so all good, I actually really enjoyed savouring the wine instead of glugging it! But now I’ll have to be AF on the days k usually look forward to a drink! I’m doing Slimming World so using up all my ‘syns’ on food so there’s none left for drink (I know that the whole Fat Friends thing is ridiculous and it’s just about energy deficit but for some reason it works for me!).

@Bigbus Iast time I done a puzzle was on jury service. I just need not to concentrate so much on not having a beer from 9 onwards, normally I’d be watching something and just pour a drink but now I’m struggling not to think about it. Like wise my aim is about 20-25 units a week over 2-3 days. How do you feel on your af days ? Do you wish them away? I know I will be and that hammers home to me the problem , I wouldn’t drink because I just wanted to it’s more a relief to? I feel like I’m punishing myself at the moment, where I always looked forward to a pint I don’t have it now. I know I have continue af for at least a month to prove to me I can do it, not looking forward to it tho

@Jbob1976 it took me ages and this thread, especially this thread. Still work in progress. Still aiming for longer periods of being AF. Have put a couple of rules in place which I more or less respect. A lot more now than a couple of months ago. Never drink alone. Never at lunch time. Try not to have more than 3 glasses.
I now enjoy AF drinks more and more, perhaps because I never really get a "buzz" with just 2 glasses of wine. I don't touch any strong spirits with a barge pole now, used to love enjoy a whisky from time to time, often alone in the evening. Then another, and another...
Have learnt to occupy myself more in the evenings. Really got back into sport so often just knackered too.
I volunteer to drive when going out too, so that sort of makes me AF for the evening too. When I get back late now its herb tea/hot chocolate and bed. Used to be one more for the road then falling into bed. My anxiety has more or less gone.
My sleep has improved tons. I have stopped sweating profusely, especially at night, except when working out 😉.
Feel so much better in myself, physically and mentally.
Been a long haul. Still have my ups and downs. Still haven't managed a whole month AF. But hey, ho, onwards and upwards.
You can do this. Latest motto : death to the WWWs
Take care.

Evening all - how is everyone doing?

@Jbob1976 - well done Day 4 - you're doing so well 💕💕

@Nowstrong I really hoping I’m posting what you just did as it sounds exactly where I want to be. The go out get in then one more for the road is me to a tea. Not really feeling much different at mo, mornings definitely much better but anxiety and feeling down still as strong maybe worse as I’m thinking about not having a drink now . May I ask how long it’s taken you to get here pls?
@NextPhaseOfLife thank you, not doing much really, going to try and watch the cricket and dare say it get some sleep

It can feel like a long process, @Jbob1976 - you're doing it.

Every day that passes, every hurdle you overcome teaches you a tiny bit more about yourself:

I know it's so tempting to want to click your fingers and be 'fixed' - but really the fix is in the process, of finding out why you crave alcohol, why you use it to switch off, how you find other ways, how you find out what your body and brain are like without alcohol, who YOU are without alcohol, and that takes time.

This is a great book, if you fancy a read.

Alcohol Explained Workbook (William Porter's 'Explained') amzn.eu/d/b31foh7

Evening all, nearing the end of Day 4 for me and today I replaced wine time with exercise time - now I'm crippled but pleased with myself too.

I'm finding going to bed early also helps.

I've bought some Trip CBD drinks and some of those are really nice and taste grown up.

Hope everyone else is doing ok 👌

Evening all. Day 4 today. Successfully moderated for the last two weekends so determined to do the same this weekend. Enjoy a drink after a long week but still function and get stuff done of enjoy activities.

Hope everyone's having a lovely evening and looking forward to the weekend. X

@NextPhaseOfLife Thank you , your words are so true, even today I thought shall I? Been good but that’s not true, I want to know why I use it like I do? I’ve never been a reader tbh but I’d love to listen to it if poss. I am looking for quick fix, I know but that’s me in general. I’m really quiet person, without alcohol I’m super quiet in unfamiliar surroundings. My target is 1 month.
Well done @theflyingcow out of interest what is CBD drinks and what do they do?
Have lovely weekend too @Liverpool52 well done on weekend moderation, never been quite able to do that

I think understanding the why would really help - here's a link to the audible Version 💕

https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B0785VYXPS?sourcecode=ASSORAP0511160006&sharee_location=pdp

Thank you 😊

Hello again moderators.

I wanted to come by and say I have not been around these parts for a while because I have had a lot of personal stuff happen but I am delighted to say I did not use booze as my crutch. I am not sober, I am drinking a few drinks every night but I am limiting and I am mentally in a better place. I am seeing my triggers and handling them better, my mental health is now far better than for a long time and things have gone back to before this very very long 'binge' which seemed to have lasted so long I never thought I would get through it. I do love my wine etc but I am not relying on it. I have seen in myself why I have used it and now things have started to change for me and I can see how little value booze brings to my life. I won't stop totally but I won't be drinking half what I have.

I will come back again in a week or so but I needed time away from everything including this thread to see myself again. I do so much appreciate every bit of advice from all of you and hope now I am in a better place I can come along and help others myself in future. x

Morning all!
@Jbob1976 How long? Over a year. At least. I have also done a lot of work on myself, looking for triggers, upbringing, habits, read books, listened to books. I've recently taken up meditation and I'm really enjoying the letting go of things that it brings to me. As I said, work in progress.
@theflyingcow I also love a chilled can of Trip CBD, ginger and peach are my favourites. Also so pratical can get it delivered straight into my letter box. One of my daughters always pinches some from me too. I don't find that the CBD does anything to me, just enjoy the tang of ginger and sparkling AF drink.
Got a busy day today. Invited to lunch but quite a drive so AF. Then have lots of DIY jobs to do and clean my car, inside and out, because family are coming to stay and don't want to get them dirty or listen to snide remarks "oh I keep my car pristine, as all of my belongs". Yes, my sibling is coming to stay 😇, 2 weeks. Give me strength to resist the WWWs and their welcoming friendly arms and their ear blocking murmurs.
So you see @Jbob1976 , it's always a struggle. It does get easier but there are always little niggles that pop up to challenge you.
Oh by the way, had 2 glasses of birthday celebration wine last night, so back to day 1. Again.
Enjoy your day everybody. Love yourselves. Stay strong.

@Nowstrong you sound like you have a good balance. Definitely I would like to have more AF days. I manage 3 a week now without too much internal negotiation but like others have said, there are certain circumstances I would find hard to envisage without a drink like going to the theatre or a concert. But then again I’ve had three pregnancies without alcohol and still did things!

@Liverpool52 i also like the CDB drinks, I have some called Goodrays which have some really nice flavours. I also like the Remedy Kombucha which tastes grown up and is apparently good for you!

Well done @theflyingcow on day 4! How do you feel (apart from crippled 😂)?

@NextPhaseOfLife thank you for sharing all your experiences and your success is very inspiring. Do you feel ‘safe’ now or is it still a daily mental negotiation?

@Needtokickthehabit it’s so good to hear from you! I do think about you and what a difficult year you’ve had and I’m so glad to hear that things are going well. You sound like you’re really getting to grips with things. I wish you the best for the next few weeks - I totally understand the need for a break, apart from this thread Mumsnet can be quite a mad place!

@Amdone123 thinking of you on your holiday. I hope all is going well and that it’s been good for you to get away after the last difficult month or so.

Thank you @Bigbus :-)

I think my success this time has been because I'm ready. I've spent years getting more and more entrenched in the drinking habit - the social circle and work drinking culture and mummy 'wine o'clock' just made me see it as inevitable.

Plus I was 'only' drinking 3 or 4 nights a week, 1 bottle of wine (plus a glass or two from a second bottle if with my husband) that I normalised it. I ignored the multiple wines every day on holiday, christmas, any excuse for a celebration.

I had numerous half arsed attempts at moderating, at dry Jan, at only on weekends, at never at home, which of course lasted only a matter of days, before finally getting to the emotional point that my drinking wasn't adding to my life.

That's why I've quit all together, which has felt easy it's time. Moderating just is too hard for me - it would be like being a heavy smoker and trying to only smoke on a Friday and Saturday night.

Also, deciding to quit altogether has meant I'm really enjoying seeing the small changes happen in my thoughts, energy and outlook on life, rather than white-knuckling through to when I'm 'allowed' to be 'normal' with wine. I didn't learn anything about myself that way, other than that I could sometimes power through if there was an end in sight.

These threads have helped me enormously :-)

Hello @Needtokickthehabit new to this thread , sounds like you’re in a better place.
@Nowstrong I know I’ll never have a good relationship with drink no matter how much or little u drink in the future. But I can improve it. I’m really interested in CBD drinks, I’m on decent strength anti depressants so don’t know if I can mix ?
just want to say thank you to everyone , first week on here and it’s made real big difference to me, it’s comforting that I’m not the only one and the support is great

Hey, you can drink the cbd drinks with anti depressants no problem, you can pick them up in a lot of supermarkets of the flavours are really nice. It doesn't have any effect on my anxiety or anything but it's worth a go as seems to help some people and can be a good starting point for replacing an alcoholic drink :)

@Shiningout Thank you , I’m gonna give them a go, nothing to lose. Bought some non alcohol beers to try tonight, not really looking forward to them but I’ll try.
@NextPhaseOfLife this is my first genuine attempt to moderate ever , never bothered my dry jan or anything as I just denied I drank too much and didn’t need to . I really don’t know if I can moderate or whether it will be too hard but I’m gonna try. At this stage I can never imagine I will quit but then again it’s only day 5? I have an unsettled home life really and I know I haven’t got the strength to do it if I lived alone, in fact I worry the complete opposite would happen. I’m not ready like you at the moment but then again it’s too early.

You are still here after on Day 5, @Jbob1976 I think you're doing bloody brilliantly. After your first sleepless night of sweats, many people would have ditched, but you didn't.

Your world isn't perfect, but you've got guts, that's clear, and you are finding out about yourself as go. And getting stronger.

The journey to moderating or total abstinence is filled with flippin potholes, that's for sure. But you're on the road and that's what matters.

I'll have an AF beer with you, @Jbob1976 - I put lime cordial in mine cos I'm fancy ;-)

@NextPhaseOfLife thank you so much, you’re right at least I’m on the road where before I have taken easy option and drank. I know I’ll start to stress tonight as I’m on own tonight and temptation is huge. That’s good idea about them time 😊

I'm also going in with an AF beer and trying not to listen to the wine witch...

@Jbob1976 - are you 5 days af ? ( sorry trying to read everyone's posts quickly), you're doing really well.
I read one of @Nowstrong posts to you about setting yourself some ground rules - I think that would really help you ?!

All good here. Holiday is good, I've not had one hangover because I haven't drank too much. (@NextPhaseOfLife I'm with my sister, she doesn't drink. So, that helps.)

I know, though, I've been quieter than normal, not as lively ( still depressed about the 🐶 ).
My sister said she's worried about me as I've barely drank - makes me feel like some kind of performing monkey.
You can't win.