On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Morning all! Summer weather? What's that? Poured here yesterday. Today the sun is out, but still chilly. Apparently it's not going to last. More rain to come. Most probably all my fault because I bought myself an electric fan for the "hot summer", last year there were none left when I realised that it would be helpful. Oh well.. sorry 😔
Also sorry about your dog @Amdone123 . That is one of the reasons I don't have pets anymore, that and being away loads. Hope you feel better about it soon and yes, you did the right thing if it was poorly. Sending non furry hugs, but hope they help.
Otherwise on the AF front I'm doing OK. I definitively know where @enoughisenough4 is coming from, I also get horrible palpitations when I have too much. That and anxiety. I'm so grateful to this thread (and previous ones) that I haven't had a blackout since starting to seriously moderate and trying to abstain.
I'll give the next 10 AF days a go with you @Amdone123 . I'll be totally honest and let you know if I fail. Most probably will do, but can only try.
Sport wise I'm still going strong. Not losing any weight but I am slimming down, so muscle really is heavier than fat.
Also drinking a lot of (fizzy) water and feeling a lot less bloated. Still persist to listen to the auto hypnosis book, and still falling asleep 10 minutes in, so can't really give an opinion to if it is working or not.
Well, that's all for today, 'cos I'm gabbing on about nonsense.

Hope that you are all feeling strong and happy. Sending lots of positive vibes. SSS

@enoughisenough4 I know you've got the book, but have you done the 30 day alcohol experiment online ? That's really good.
I know what you mean about the concert and drinking so as not to waste it. I'd be the same. Driving is a good idea.....
All these mental gymnastics - I'm sensing on here that most of us would prefer to be af. I may be wrong and I know it's easier said than done.

I've been watching this Australian man on YouTube. He's 33 and struggling. I can really relate to him - more so than any other I listen to. He says things like I'm never drinking again, then I recognise the sheer panic in his eyes 🥴
One day at a time is best.

@Amdone123 no I haven't seen it online. I'll have a look, thank you.

I'm really tempted to just cancel the hotel to be honest. My friend won't mind either way. Her mum is an alcoholic so she is sensible when it comes to alcohol and will understand if I say I don't want to drink. Really I should take it as an opportunity because I know I'll have a great time at the concert without a drink.

I know what you mean by mental gymnastics. I honestly think long term I would be happier if I didn't drink. It takes up so much headspace. It's just a big change, which is silly and shows what a hold it has on me.

I downloaded the NHS app today as it shows you how many units, £s and calories you're saving by not drinking. It said 90% of women my age drink less than me - a bit of an eye opener.

@Nowstrong I've had palpitations after drinking before but never that bad. I honestly thought I might die at one point. It was horrible and currently I have no desire to drink again yet. I just hope it continues because really what else is it going to take? If that's not a kick up the arse I'm not sure what is

@enoughisenough4

As this is Mumsnet, maybe we should start a Cancel the Hotel Room in the same way as Cancel the Cheque?!!!

For me, finally deciding enough is enough and becoming a non drinker has felt much easier than moderating for the 100th time. But it's only been a month, so hey - what do I know - I'm optimistic that it will last but not getting blasé at all.

I just posted this on one of the other great threads on here.. worth a ponder for us too I reckon.

I've listened to a another Sober Awkward podcast today,

It's talking about how problem, heavy and binge drinking is normalised in society.

An example they gave was if you said something like 'I'll have to rewatch last night's Downton Abbey as I opened the wine and have no idea what happened with the story ha ha ha', and your friends would likely laugh along with you .

Whereas they should think 'getting blotto at home on a Tuesday doesn't sound good, is everything ok?'

One of the turning points for me was telling one of my best friend's during a twice yearly meet up that I a bit fed up with drinking as I was doing 3 or 4 bottles of wine a week, every week.

She thought I was going to say 3 or 4 glasses. She loves me and is usually my biggest fan, working out ways to support whatever it is I do. The shock on her face when I said bottles was a wake up call. I was so used to my usual drinking circle saying 'me too, light week, ha ha' that her concern, her saying 'that actually is quite a lot' was something that helped me take stock.

@NextPhaseOfLife you're doing really well to have done a month - keep going.

All good here. Day 1 ✅ - it wasn't as easy as anticipated ( there's a surprise), but so, so glad I left all monies at home because after work, I definitely would have purchased it.
Anyway, glad I didn't. Slept well, lost a pound, and this morning I've jumped up to walk and do a few errands.
( Not feeling too sad about my dog either - I can put it into perspective when sober).

Still no desire to have a drink here. Normally by this point even after overdoing it I would be feeling like I wanted a glass of wine but not this time. I feel like the best thing for me would be to go AF, at least for a while.

I haven't cancelled the hotel room but my friend knows I don't want to drink. She can take it or leave it, which I don't understand but I suppose she has seen the affects growing up. Although I don't mind if she has a drink of course. I imagine there'll be a good selection of AF drinks available where we're going anyway.

For those who have anxiety and are AF - how long did it take for you to notice a difference after stopping?

I'm considering talking to my GP about medication but not sure if I should give it some time to see if not drinking helps 🤷‍♀️

@Amdone123 well done on day 1!

@enoughisenough4 I think it's a good idea for you to stay af for the time being. Just to have a break and some time to evaluate. ( Hope that didn't sound patronising - I was a teacher for a longggg time 🤣).
I'm lucky because even after 1 day af, I sleep better ( I know some people struggle), my skin is clearer ( again, not the same for everyone) and my anxiety is definitely lessened. Funny though, reading your post, I was reminded of how anxious I felt last week after just 1 bottle of wine. I also thought about medication.( I'm really close to my sister and we talk about everything but medication. I'm sure she's on setraline - I can even tell when she hasn't taken her tablet 🥴).
Is that what you mean - setraline or is that for something else ?
I don't take any medication at all. Nothing against it, I just haven't found the impetus to go on anything.

@Amdone123 yes that's the sort of medication I mean. It's interesting you think you can tell when your sister hasn't taken it. My anxiety is usually worse after drinking but it's still there otherwise. It's taken me a while to recognise that's what's going on and tbh I'm not sure I can manage it on my own. I've got an app with my GP next week as a follow up for the palpitation thing, so I'm going to try and force myself to discuss it with him then. Something has got to change and I'm not sure cutting alcohol is the only thing (although of course that will help!)

Also sorry I know I'm posting a lot atm, sorry!!

@enoughisenough4 that's great you've got an appointment next week - I think you've been very reflective here and you'll be able to convey all this to your gp.
( Don't worry about posting - that's what we're here for ❤️. )

Hey @enoughisenough4 @Amdone123

Happy Wednesday to you both 💕

@enoughisenough4 - I take Citalopram. I bloody love it.

Ive had anxiety and intrusive thoughts for most of life, on and off, with severe and less severe periods.

I've probably been on it for about 12 years now and it's given me my life back. No panic attacks, no knot in my stomach, no intrusive thoughts. just able to do what I want, when I want, without worry.

@NextPhaseOfLife that sounds bloody amazing!

Did you have any side effects? Are they temporary when your body is adjusting?

It's been a long time since I started it, @enoughisenough4

If I recall, I just felt spacey for a few days, but gradually felt like the weight on my chest was lifting:

I have a number of friends on Citalopram too. They are also fans.

There are a number of different medication options these days - your GP will be able to advise on what might suit you.

I'd had therapy and CPD too, but it was the medication that lifted me and put me back on a position to get well.

@enoughisenough4 I think I’ve mentioned here before I take CBD. I take it as powder in capsules because then I don’t have to be in charge of how many drops I’m taking and I can be sure of the dose. I started taking it to help with sleep and anxiety. I take between 10mg and 30mg a day - always 10mg at night and then sometimes more during the day or if I wake in the early morning. I just buy it from Holland and Barratt and it has made a huge difference to me.

Morning all! @Amdone123 starting day 2 here, feeling good. Very positive.
Just hope this feeling lasts. Have stocked up on my favourite AF tipples, just in case I get a wobble. Am going out with friends tomorrow evening so will be designated driver and I'm determined to try, a not too sweet, mocktail. Very busy which is just as well. Am trying to keep up to date with reading the thread and I just wanted to say hello to all and share my positive vibes.

Hi all, day 20 af here. I know I need to go completely af because I can't moderate. I trick myself into thinking I can because I'll have a few occasions of only having a couple, but then it ALWAYS results in blackout drunk happening at some point and I'm back to square one.

I honestly think some people just can't moderate. Even now I feel better not drinking but that little voice in my head is telling me well I've gone 20 days so I clearly don't have a problem, which is bollocks.

I find that moderating is so exhausting, it's the decisions on when I can drink, how slowly I need to drink it, when I need to stop, etc. It's less exhausting just not having the option at all.

I am envious of people who can, but the fact is I just can't.

For me saying forever is too much so I'm saying to myself to do 6 months with none and see how I feel, as I know that the benefits and changing of habits will take a good few months to take place.

Well done @Shiningout it sounds like you’re doing really well. I agree that moderation can be exhausting. Before my weekend blip I felt like I’d got to the point where I was doing it instinctively which was nice but then it all went to shit again!

I had two small glasses of Prosecco last night in the garden. I didn’t really want any more and it was nice. I’m going out tonight but have an early train tomorrow so will not drink too much. Sad to say I still find it easier to have an excuse to explain why I’m not drinking or drinking less! I guess that’s just a useful tool for now.

@Shiningout well done on Day 20. You're doing really well and your post makes complete sense to me. I'd be better, happier af but I can't do it. I can't even get into double figures recently. Maybe it's the holidays, bank Holidays etc - celebrations - there's always something.

Day 2 ✅
Was hard yesterday, too. I was ok all day til dh said he'd pick me up from work as it was raining. I was so close to saying let's stop off somewhere, either a shop or a pub for tea. Either would mean wine.
Anyway, I didn't suggest anything so that's the important bit.

Brilliant job, @Amdone123

I know what that's like, suggesting stopping off on the eat home. it's not easy to go against a habit - massive well done.

Good evening all. I hope everyone is ok. I am away for the night staying in a hotel I’ve stayed in before. I’ve had a couple of drinks then stopped. Feeling fine and pleased with myself. It reminded me that last time I was here I was so much less in control, even stopping at a shop at 10.30pm on the way back to the hotel to buy wine to drink by myself in my room! Such a change in attitude now (ignoring last weeks disaster!)

@Bigbus that's brilliant, well done.
@NextPhaseOfLife thanks, it wasn't easy but I sometimes think it's about forging new habits - difficult when the habits have been there for decades ! How are you doing? You're doing so well.

Well, I got to day 4 and fell. Drank 1.5 bottles last night. It wasn't a good day overall, felt down etc.
Anyway the good news is I had 3 af days, it could have been worse.
Holiday on Tuesday - a change of scenery ( and weather) will be good.

Morning @Amdone123

I'm really glad you posted - evaluating the blips is a massive part of understanding and addressing them,

It's a process that builds to success.

You asked how I'm doing - I'm doing really well - this time. I've had attempts to moderate for YEARS which have been half arsed and unsuccessful. I did a lot of thought work on overeating last year - the process really helped me understand myself - and finally realise that alcohol was a big part of the eating.

And that set me up for success.

So my point there is that if I was posting last year, my posts would have been riddled with blips. But they are what got me here!

@NextPhaseOfLife what a lovely post to write. What I really like about this thread is that some people are abstaining and some are moderating, all with varying levels of success, and there is no judgement from whichever path each person is trying to navigate.

@Amdone123 you’ve had a difficult month so go easy on yourself (as you always are so kind to us, also be kind to yourself!). I’m sure if you look back a few years then days like those would have been more numerous and the alcohol consumed higher.

@NextPhaseOfLife I have to laugh at myself sometimes. I'm very much an all or nothing person and when I first decided to abstain about 6 years ago now, with Club Soda support group, I honestly, naively, thought it would be a walk in the park. I'm very driven so when I set my mind to something, I usually do it. Anyway, I'd read other's posts, saying they'd had thousands of day 1s. Must admit I scoffed a bit - 'That won't be me' 🤣.
I knew what was going to happen yesterday. I knew I'd drink, smoke and cry. At least I'm consistent 🥴
@Bigbus thanks. Yes, I've definitely made a lot of progress. I'm ok with myself, I don't beat myself up anymore.