On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

I was the same, @Amdone123

Very certain that as a unique person, I would always be the one that broke the mould.

Turns out I wasn't so unique after all 😂😂😂

I'd say 80% of the people on this thread might describe themselves as 'all or nothing people'. We are probably all very driven, over achievers, over thinkers... and over drinkers!

It's probably what got us here.

*mold? Molde? 😂😂

Thank you @Bigbus

You've set the tone for such a supportive place 🙏🏻

@NextPhaseOfLife true - most people on here have those traits.

@NextPhaseOfLife that’s kind but it’s wasn’t me who started this all those threads ago - I always thought it was @Amdone123 but it may have been someone else.

Thanks all for the info about anxiety. I've got a follow up app from my a&e trip with my GP on Monday, so I'll have a chat with him and see what he says.

@Shiningout you sound similar to me. I just can't moderate, plain and simple so I think I just need to be AF for a while and sort myself out a bit.

I'm on day 7 atm. It's been very easy because of how horrible last weekend was. I almost feel like it's poison now (which of course it is), and I'm worried that drinking again will kick off the racing palpitations so I'm happy to abstain for the foreseeable.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Ah, sorry, I haven't been around too long.

@Amdone123 thank you so much 💕💕

Morning all! Had an argument with one of my daughters. One of those silly ones about nothing important. We did have a laugh about it the next day, yesterday, and guess what? I had a drink. In fact 2 glasses of wine perhaps even 3. The WWWs joined me in the "ungrateful daughter" rant that I had while seething and cleaning up the kitchen. Sorry @Amdone123 , I felt dreadful about it afterwards, feeling that I let the 10 day AF side down. Then I read the thread this morning and I'm sorry that you had a bad day too. You'll be on holiday soon and I just hope that you will enjoy that.

Yes, I'm an all or nothing person too. Over achiever, well try to be, definitively an over thinker. Most probable mouldy too. Would very much like to break the habit, but I can't seem to manage. On the other hand I am extremely happy to be moderating pretty well. Just can't seem to go the total AF way of life.

@NextPhaseOfLife I get the notion that the blips are getting me there. Perhaps I will in the end. Went out the other evening and had a sip of red wine as friend asked me to taste it, it tasted vile to me, had one mocktail that was too sweet then stuck to water (was driving), thoroughly enjoyed my evening. So can go AF. Just not permanently. Yet.

Weather here is cold and damp, when it's not pouring. Too wet for hiking so sticking to the water sports (inside). Had a beautiful experience meditating, so will continue that as much as possible. Still falling asleep while listening to auto hypnosis book to lose weight. So I'm over weight but have no sleep problems 😂
Wishing you all a pleasant Sunday.

@Nowstrong 🤣 - when I first tried hypnotherapy, it didn't work, but the dog was happily snoring away.
It's awful when you have arguments but sometimes it just needs to come out. And good to know you don't feel like you let anyone down. You're always so positive and supportive on here, so quite the opposite.
I drank yesterday too - but all good. I had a house full and they always bring wine, chocolates and flowers !
Ah well, today is hopefully a quiet one.

@Amdone123 - love that the dog is getting tbe benefit of your meditation!!!

@Nowstrong - great update. Maybe we can rename ourselves the Mouldy All or Nothings!!

Morning all
I'm still here. Slight issue with very scary hacking of all my social media / e mails / even Amazon account. Had to freeze everything and change my phone and still not sorted but I'm back on Mumsnet and hopefully able to post (tried twice and wouldn't let me but think sorted)
Lovely catching up just now with some posts with a cuppa and the sun is shining .
Not been AF during the week as planned for two weeks now so back on board with that tomorrow. Day 1 is always a struggle, but I will do AF Mon to Thursday and remind myself of all the benefits.
Got a hefty report due at work , dd not too well , hiccup with imminent house purchase and my mums had a fall .... so stress is full on this next couple of weeks and the best gift I can give myself is to not drink .
Hope everyone has a glimpse of the sun I'm seeing here in Cheshire

@mumzof4x sounds hectic, but you also sound pretty organised and determined. You'll cope so much better with all that whilst af.
Some sun here. I went for a 2 hour walk this morning, was very hot. Just been in the garden, I'm cold so I've come in. Typical.

Hi there, I’m brand new to this site. Reading Everyone’s posts have made me realised what a battle lies ahead. I’ve drank heavily , almost everyday for last 25 years. I’ve known for years I have a problem but too scared to say it to myself or anyone. I now admit o have a drink problem , I consume about 80 units a week recently more. I suffer badly with depressive moods and got put on Citalopram for umpteenth time. I just want to talk to people who get it, how hard it is now to have a bottle of cider or beer every night. I’m physically dreading tonight, I’ve bought some oasis to drink, I’m preparing for a hellish night and whatever comes my way but I need to change . My aim is to go dry for at least a month , my dream is to be af sun to Thurs and just enjoy a few beers on Fri and sat, can I ever do it? I really don’t know ? My problem is that I use it as my go to when happy sad worried the lot, it’s my best friend. Sorry for rambling , all the best

Hello @Jbob1976 well done for posting. Have you tried to have a night off before? How did you feel? A proper break sounds like a good idea but what we have all learnt from all these threads is that there are many blips along the way and the best thing is to be kind to yourself. Just be careful
of stopping suddenly and if you feel poorly make sure you get some help. Best wishes.

thank you for your reply , I have managed 3/4 days off a few times but I always end up back on it daily. I actually feel better for it but it’s the night times I hate and why I drink. This time it’s particularly hard as I’m having big relationship trouble and lately I’ve been drinking loads which has resulted me getting into proper state at home mentally .i find it so daunting not having a drink to relax me and basically help me sleep to forget troubles. I’m going bed soon , not looking forward to it but I must try, take care

Morning all! It has stopped raining here, hopefully until the end of the summer. Or at least nearly. A few showers would be acceptable to water gardens et al, but only at night. Wishful thinking ehhh?
Going well AF. On day 2 (again). Have upped the sport a bit and have noticed a net positive attitude in myself. The last 2 days have been un stressed and I don't know if my argument with my daughter, even if now forgotten and forgiven, was an opportunity to get rid of aggressive vibes. Sometimes it's like a thunderstorm and clears the atmosphere, the said atmosphere being my inner self.
I haven't nibbled or had wine. The WWWs seem to have gone on holiday. Good riddance!
@NextPhaseOfLife I'm fine with Mouldy Oldies too 😂we'll have to be proactive at the end of this thread and find a suitable rude title. By then we might also be Rusty and Dusty.
Anyhow...welcome to @Jbob1976 and take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Even moderating takes time and lots of self love. Stay safe. Try all the AF drinks, snacks, to occupy mouth and mind. It will get easier.
@mumzof4x that's really scary being hacked. Glad it's all sorted now. Encouraged me to check my safety stuff etc...
@Amdone123 thank you, I am mainly a positive sort of person. Can't hold a grudge either. It really is one of my weaknesses, as sometimes I do get marched over. But hey ho. I just try to see the positive side of that too and refuse to dwell too much on nasty people. However, when I do get mad, better not be here. Because I sort of explode with a built up anger that has simmered for too long in the slow cooker. That is how I finally left a very surprised abusive (unfortunately for him also now deceased) ex. He really didn't see it coming. Me. The "I'll do it" person. All of a sudden didn't want to do it any more. Have since also built a protective abuser radar too. Not having that happen again.
But I digress, blue sky is peeking through the clouds, can nearly feel the warmth trying to get through too. Nearly. Off I go to the swimming pool. Hoping the WWWs have finally buggered off disappeared from my rainbow style mood and enthusiasm.
Hope you all have a great day. SSS. Should add an extra S (Stay Strong and Sober and Safe) plus very un mumsnetty hugs to anyone needing them.

Morning all and welcome to @Jbob1976 !

So today is the day of the concert and I'm still AF! 10 days!!!!!!! This is the longest and easiest streak I've ever had. I seem to have scared off the WW with my a&e trip 🤦‍♀️ shame it took that but never mind.

I saw the GP yesterday and he thinks I have a mild heart condition which means my heart can suddenly start racing (makes sense). It can be triggered by things like caffeine (haven't been able to drink that in years) and of course alcohol is included too so the advice is to avoid or moderate. Since I can't seem to moderate I had better avoid for the time being, especially since I seem to be on a roll.

Tonight is the night of the concert. We have kept the hotel room but I have decided not to drink (my friend would literally tell me off if I changed my mind as I had a chat with her about it!). She's a good one and had some wise things to say having grown up with a long alcoholic mum. I have bought a nice bottle of AF gin for us to have in our room while we're getting ready and of course I don't mind if my friend drinks, I suspect she probably won't though.

I hope everyone is doing well. Keep posting if you're struggling, that's what we're here for ❤️

I have never really tried or got my head around af drink. I just can’t imagine going to a concert and not drinking at the moment, that’s why I want to moderate not abstain. I used to have a gambling problem 5 or so years ago, betting every day, morning noon and night. I just went cold turkey with that and didn’t bet for about 4 years. I can now enjoy the occasional bet and if I lose leave it, it’s not a problem at all, that gives me hope I can do the same with drinking , but tbh this is going to be so much harder . Last night was day 1, got just over 3.5 hours sleep, sweated loads and ended sleeping on sofa as couldn’t stop moving . I do feel tad better this morning but dreading tonight, already thinking of when I do a month going to reward myself with 4 beers, thanks for replying to me, I really appreciate it

@Jbob1976 I'm amazed that I'm going to the concert AF tbh. Even up until last month that would not have happened for me. I don't know if you've RTFT but I had a trip to a&e last Sunday evening for racing heart palpitations likely caused by too much wine the night before (and also a minor heart condition as it seems, but it was likely triggered by the booze). It's not the first time it's happened but it's the worst time and it's only because of that that I'm actively put off. It's like it's killed the wine witch for me which I never thought possible. I don't know how long it'll last but I'm worried a couple of glasses will set me back so I'm just not going to start. Anyway what I'm trying to say is take it at your own pace. If I had this concert a month ago there's no way I'd be going sober!

... I'm strangely looking forward to my AF gin!

I had a blackout on booze bout 2 months ago, I don’t remember leaving pubs woke up on mates sofa next morning , I had regret but it didn’t stop me the following night. I’m going through a lot of problems right now, I just had to leave work as I was in a state . I’m so tempted just to get pissed. I won’t, I have called my mum to come over for a cuppa. I think only side effects I have had is mental health, mind you I don’t know what it’s done to my inside over the years ? My heart is constantly racing at mo, I’m not a strong person and booze has always been my go to, I have read so much on what to do but for me it’s so natural just to pour a drink. Really hope u have a lovely time tonight and enjoy af

@Jbob1976 I think we've all been there! I would vow the day after that I would take a break but then by the following day I would feel fine and that would be that. This time feels different but it's only because of the medical wake up call. It is hard!

My first (and biggest) hurdle over with - we went to an Italian for lunch and normally I wouldn't entertain having an Italian without a glass of wine. But I knew that one glass would lead to another and then more and that would be that. So I didn't order one and now I'm glad!

I think a medical wake up call is what I need, my mental state has brought me to where I am today, when that improves and I think I’m all ok and it worries me that I’ll revert to what I have always done. I’m a strange drinker really, I am fine going to pub or be at someone’s house and not have a beer when readily available , however the thought of not having a drink before bed scares life out of me as I get nights like I did last night . I cram my drinking into few hours to have maximum effect at home , when I do go out to drink I always have enough to feel drunk, I could never just have 2 or 3

@Jbob1976 is there someone at home with you? It’s just that (and this absolutely no judgement from me, I had a terrible night about a week ago when I don’t remember getting home, which was disappointing as I had been doing so well) to go from 80 units a week to none is a risk factor for withdrawal - although I’ve come across many people on here who have done just as you are doing and have been fine, is there someone you could call if you felt really unwell?

Hi bigbus, yes I live with my partner and kids. I did consider scaling down the drink but I don’t know if that is what I can do? Can I just have 2 pints? I have been thinking this afternoon and I want to do a calendar month dry, after that I am going to have a few pints on a Fri and sat only. Maybe that’s unrealistic to think I can exhibit that much control ? I have never gone a month off it since I been an adult . I want to see if I can sleep without it, how my mental state feels? The big worry is I start again and I’m off.

Hi @Jbob1976 . There's a couple of apps you can download that help me with moderation. One is Drink Free Days and the other is Drinkaware. For the first you just track the days you don't drink but for the second you can actually track how much you drink. It gives you warnings if you're going over a safe limit. Probably says a lot about how my brain works but if I've already tracked a couple of drinks, the telling off I'll get from the App puts me off another drink.

I also get a little happy kick when I get to the end of a weekday and press the button to say I haven't had a drink.

Two weeks of not drinking during the week now and two successfully moderated weekends. Taking everyday a it comes.