On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Thanks liverpool52 I’m going to download those. It may be naive to think I can manage this but I’m gonna try my best . For now I want to do a dry month and see how I feel? This time of the day is the worst as normally I’d have a pint soon

Evening everyone, evening @Jbob1976

@Jbob1976 - massive well done on recognising the need for change, that's a great first step.

@Bigbus is right to give you some sound advice. If you drink a lot every day, it can be a problem to stop straight away without medical support to 'wean' your body off the addiction.

If you feel that that is you, it is advisable to speak to your GP or get advice from a healthcare / alcohol support group asap.

In terms of whether you can have a few drinks here and there, I'd just take it one day at a time for now.

The ideal will be to (safely) remove booze from your life whilst you get support with your life and the reasons that are causing you to numb your emotions with drink,

This takes a while but is so worth it.

I found last night hell, I was sweating so much in bed and barely slept. I knew this would be the way. Thing I can’t get head around is I’ve used alcohol for everything , happy times bad times stress the lot, what replaces it ????

@Jbob1976

I can't answer that question for you, but I can tell you that you're not alone. Thousands (if not millions) of people will have felt the same, and have come through the other side.

What i will say is that it takes strength and determination - and it takes help.

High levels of alcohol affect your mood, your body, your behaviour, your sleep.

It doesn't get fixed overnight, but it CAN be fixed.

You and your children will benefit from you becoming free of alcohol while you learn about yourself and how to address the reasons you drink.

What support can you access tomorrow?

I know the benefits are huge and everyone around me will too. I have a good support network, my partner is supportive but worries I’m already looking to moderate than abstain. I dunno if I have said this, I had similar issue with gambling , guess I got one of those personalities, i gambled every day and night. I just went cold turkey and stopped, now I can many months not even thinking of a bet and I’ll think I’ll have bet on whatever , and that’s it, I can take or leave it now? I know me and drink has got me more than gambling but I’m hoping I can do the same. Time will tell but il so grateful to talk to other people in same situation

Take it one day at a time, @Jbob1976

Try not to look for other areas where you 'succeeded or failed' - it's not a good indicator.

What official support can you access?

The more quality help you can get to understand your reasons, the better your chances of success.

I haven’t actually sought official support , I want to but something stops me, maybe it’s me thinking I can do this with sheer will power? I’d love to understand why I drink like I do? Why do I use it like I do and others don’t ?

That's what proper help will tell you, @Jbob1976

My take on it is none of us are actually as unique as we like to think. Realising that we are fallable and human is part of the process. While you think "why am I like this when others aren't" you'll stay stuck.

I did a lot of work on myself last year for over eating. I learned a lot about reasons, emotions etc.

Of the sayings the coach used to say was

"Don't be disappointed about the results you didn't get from the work you'd didn't do".

There is no magic wand. There are no easy answers. There is only progress you will make when you accept you're not unique, and there ARE specialist who can help guide you through the journey.

As @Liverpool52 mentioned, I find the Drinkaware app really useful. Apart from my recent blip, it’s helped me to keep my drinking down. Another thing someone on here said once was that only the first two drinks really have any benefit, after that it’s all downhill. This is really true I think. Also I have come to dread hangovers!!

i have a self referral number / form I have been sent by GP, i can’t say what’s stopping me? Maybe it’s denial still? I have downloaded Drinkaware app put down my First dry day yesterday. I don’t know if I’m going about this the right way really ? It’s the first time I’ve ever openly admitted the problem to people

That's a massive step in its own right, @Jbob1976

Well done on recognising the problem 💕💕💕 the cat is out of the bag - you can begin the fixing process now.

There is no right or wrong or perfect way.

I can only say that if you've been drinking heavily and frequently for a long time, it's probably a good idea to speak to someone qualified to help people with alcohol problems soon.

These threads on here are fabulous and can support you alongside.

Thank you, I think I am going to speak to someone as i do think I need more than just will power to get on top of this. This thread is brilliant , talking to people with same problem and understand what we go through

I did it! 10 days AF and an AF concert! The concert itself was actually easy in the end. The hardest part was lunch and this is going to sound really silly but I almost felt like you were all there holding my hand through it.

@Jbob1976 it definitely sounds like you could do with some extra support. Going from every evening to nothing must be even harder. Have you tried AA or SMART? I think you can do them online if you can't face a group, but something like that might really help? Or a chat with your GP? You CAN do this. How was last night for you?

@enoughisenough4 so glad you enjoyed your concert and lunch , 10 days af, haven’t seen those since I was a teenager! I can’t imagine at the moment going gig/concert and not “getting on it” I have one in August booked. 2 days af for me know, didn’t sleep well but better than night before, still sweated loads. Feeling better in my head today as well , weekend gonna be so hard not having a drink but I’ll do it. My other half is out Friday night and I really struggle , long story but I have trust issues, it’s all me really, when I’m worried mind runs away and I drink more and more. Gonna be real test but I’ll do it

Hi everyone and a special welcome to @Jbob1976 . Firstly, well done on trying to do something about it. That takes courage. Secondly, what do you think about seeing your gp, as a starting point ? I agree with the others that stopping completely is harmful.
Also, I understand gambling is an addiction like drinking and I'm sure people get the same rushes, highs, etc but I'm concerned more about the physical effects. That's why I think the gp is a good idea.
And, good to hear that your 2nd night was easier. How are you doing today?

@enoughisenough4 did you not see me at the concert ?!! I was there, holding your hand - awh, it made me smile that. And, well done - you did brilliantly. I wonder if the thought is worse than the actual event sometimes.

Day 1 of my holiday here. Had champagne with breakfast, a few beers on the beach and I've stopped now. On a boat trip tomorrow so it's the sensible thing to do.
I drank quite a bit before I came away - 5 bottles over 3 days. I was so depressed though. It wasn't making me happy at all.
I'm going to have to sort it out when I'm home.

@Amdone123 Thank you for your message , physically I feel ok, it’s the late evenings and sleep that I find hardest. I self referred today to nhs , getting a call back in 1-2 weeks , I said that I didn’t want full time abstinence and they said I should go 6 months dry. I don’t think I could or want to ? My long term aim is total moderation a couple days a week, if I can? I guess your holiday will be hard, I have an all inclusive booked for August, don’t know how I’ll be by then ? It’s the depression afterwards that’s driven me here, it’s awful

Can I join in? I've been lurking a while...

Lately - or let's face it, for ages - I've been drinking too much. Not one for spirits or beer but wine... oh yes. Not every night but it's been creeping up to most nights without me realising - or realising but not doing anything about it, let's be honest!

So here I am, Day 3 - ashamed to admit that's probably my longest off the booze since February .

@theflyingcow hi and welcome. Well done on Day 3 - are you feeling better in any way ?
It definitely creeps us on us !
What's your plan ?
@Jbob1976 I wonder why they'd say go 6 months dry - that'd be enough to have me running for the hills. I think one day at a time is best, and after each day, list a few positives.
I wouldn't think too far ahead. I've done that so many times, and then just thought what's the point, I've got x,y, z, etc
Just for today, try to be af.
How did you sleep last night ?

Hangover free here, ready for the boat trip. Relatively pleased. I must admit I was a bit bored yesterday before dinner, but I pulled myself together 🤣

Morning all, Morning @Amdone123

Boat trip sounds great - I'm off to walk the dog around the streets 😂😂😂

How many people are you away with? Are they drinkers?

@enoughisenough4 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 you did it - bloody well done - what a great milestone for you 🥳

Hello there @theflyingcow, welcome.

I was the same as you describe - only drink wine, not everyday, but creeping up up and up.

I'm around 6 weeks AF now.

Are you reading any Quit books/listening to any podcasts?

Morning everyone ,

welcome @theflyingcow only been on few days myself but so comforting to talk to people who understand you.
@Amdone123 i agree, 6 months sounds daunting and not what im hoping for. I went to the pub for quiz night last night, drank lemonade and af peroni which I didn’t like. I was fine , I have never had problem going to pub and not drinking . It was harder getting home and not having drink then as usual, I had terrible sleep again, no sweating but my mind racing. Ended up going downstairs sleeping on sofa . Day 4 today, I know I can do it but it consumes my mind all the time, never thought about it when I was drinking daily. Dreading weekend as I know it will be even worse not drinking as I always treated myself to nicer drinks weekend. Have good day everyone , take care

@Jbob1976 day 4 is amazing! Well done and keep going! I agree that 6 months sounds really daunting, I'm not sure I could get on board with that either. Taking it a day at a time is definitely a good idea and soon the days will turn into a week. You've got this!!

Thanks @enoughisenough4 my target is 1 calendar month and then have a beer, i feel lost in the evenings this week, sounds daft ! Not really interested in tv as mind going? Just adjusting to new routine that I had for 25 plus years

@Jbob1976 are you particularly crafty at all? Is there any hobby you can do to keep your hands busy? I never thought I'd say this but I quite like a bit of cross stitch! Could you maybe take up crochet or something else? Let us know what you're interested in and we can try and think of something for you to try! I'm similar to you and don't really find the tv interesting these days but I am quite partial to postcast and cross stitch! It's also quite time consuming which helps

Morning all! Still AF here, must be at least day 4 again so in progress. Feeling a little bit excited about being AF (how sad does that sound?) and hoping to not fall off the wagon yet again...

@Jbob1976 well done and @theflyingcow welcome and don't worry, a day at a time. I'm now the best re starter at going AF but it has helped me tremendously in moderating. I'm now capable of being AF for at least 6 days and then having a few drinks, then starting the cycle again. Not ideal for me, as perhaps in the great scheme of things in my mind, I would like to be AF, but moderating is still better than everyday drinking and too much. Still physically very active, doing my exercises and /or swimming daily. Which does give me a buzz. Have lost a little weight, feel less bloated. Face looks better too.

@Amdone123 enjoy you holiday, boat trips and fresh air are just what the doctor ordered. Hope you manage to get out of your negative mood and get into the swing of things. Relax!

@enoughisenough4 well done you!!! That is so good. Keep up the good work!

I agree with PPs about the 6 months dry comment, that would probably kick me back to the curb with the WWWs. Not a very encouraging way to welcome someone who's asking for help.

Anyhow, must stop rattling on. Wishing you all a great day. Be strong. Love yourselves. Death to the WWWs.
p.s. to @NextPhaseOfLife 6 weeks. Awesome! Gosh, wish I could do that...
Edited, can't spell...