On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Hello @Swannyb and welcome back. Jealous of being in Oz - I lived in Sydney for six month in a other life, and miss my friends there! (Well, they're in Brisbane or Canberra). Sorry about the hangxiety - that's one of my reasons for cutting right back this year. I'm early 40s and perimenopause is creeping in, and alcohol is exacerbating symptoms I feel (like insomnia, paranoia and anxiety).

I saw this earlier on Insta and couldn't agree more with what this person is saying re alcohol and the media and parenting...

https://www.instagram.com/p/DANx3dhsfAW/?igsh=Y3VtaW92a3g1ZjBt

Hi Everyone on this Sunday evening , well the weekend was far from af, the opposite , I had planned it so was comfortable drinking . I really have a lovely lovely weekend, even went to a theme park on my own for first time today and was fine. Got home had something to eat and just feel really sad? I don’t know if it’s the booze of last 2 days , I’m on my own but I feel like crying and just drinking, I have drink on fridge so I know I will. It’s 4 weeks next week since break up and still finding life so hard. Welcom me back @Swannyb
thanks @Flumpywoo

Hi, folks !
Hi @Swannyb - sorry to hear about the hangover - erghhh, horrible things.
Well, I'm still on holiday, fly home tomorrow. We've had a lovely time. I have drank but not been drunk, only smoked 2 (!!) cigarettes, no hangovers and we've been up early, walking. Lots of water.
I'll catch up with everyone's posts soon, just going for an evening stroll.

@Jbob1976 sorry you're feeling sad again, big hugs. I have noticed that I get down in the dumps in the days after drinking; another reason for me to cut riiiight back. I'm envious of you going to a theme park on your own!! That's awesome! Hope it was fun and took your mind off things for a couple of hours. One month since the break up is a bit of a milestone isn't it?

Has anyone used the app I Am Sober? My ds has got me onto it, as he used it to stop self harming (he was cutting his arm) and I quite like it. It is for complete sobriety though, but I ignore that countdown thing and just like the motivational messages it comes up with every day. I like the NHS Drink Free Days one because I can look at the month view and see how many drink-free days I've had; hoping to keep logging and then reflect in a few months that I've added more and more DF days. Then I like the Drink Aware one because I can log my drinks and it tots up the units and calories for me, without any shame (as I've not gone over the recommended 14 units a week yet!).

I had a glass of prosecco last night and didn't even enjoy it! Forgot how acidic it is, and it gave me heartburn. I was going to have my usual glass or two of red wine tonight, but feel like I've got yet another cold brewing (my immune system is shockingly bad, always has been; another reason to reduce alcohol as it doesn't help) so may have a hot drink instead.

Glad you've had a lovely holiday @Amdone123 and well done on the moderation of cigarettes and alcohol!

Morning all! Typically automnal morning here. Drizzling and sad. Busy today, helping out a friend, hair, sport, should keep me out of mischief. Or should I say out of the now empty biscuit tin. Managed to nibble through that yesterday. I really do have a hand to mouth problem. Managed to stop drinking alcohol, but still putting something into my mouth. Will try as of today to stop that too. Weight still dropping slightly. It's such a slow process, but my fault.

Glad you've enjoyed your holiday @Amdone123 and welcome back! You did well, ciggy wise and drink wise too. Back to the old routines and battles now.

@ForeverTipsy I'm so glad to be rid of the dreaded heart burn. Also my taste buds are changing and I don't even like AF beer anymore. I am amazed daily by subtle changes that being AF are bringing.

@Flumpywoo glad that my challenges and successes, and reporting them here, are encouraging you too. This place is my go to place when things are complicated in my mind. I find that writing them down here helps me to analyse my feelings and sort things out. Alcohol is still on my mind a lot. But now I'm also thinking more about the negatives of drinking and how much I've gained by being AF. Quality of sleep being number 1.

Thinking about drinking again frightens me. I'd lose my sleep, get heart burn again and not too sure about everything else. Most probably massive anxiety. So for the time being (5 weeks now) I'm going to try to maintain the effort and continue to abstain. It is getting easier. Also I never want another hangover in my life.

@Jbob1976 I think that perhaps the sadness and drinking are going hand in hand. If you can stay AF for a few days you might feel the sadness ebb a bit. It's still early days and it's normal to feel bad after a separation. Be kind to yourself but also remember that you won't stay sad forever. It will pass. Think of your family and the joy that they bring you and vice versa. Let that be your goal. Happiness. Don't forget that alcohol is also a depressant and won't help you reach that goal. Stay strong.

Will do my best to continue abstaining in October. That is going to be my main battle. But will cross that bridge when I get to it. Will try to think of a strategy to get my sibling to leave me to my alcoholfreeness in peace.

Well folks busy day ahead so better get going. Enjoy your day. Sending positive vibes to all, to stay strong and resist the various witches out there, whispering sweet nothings into our ears.

@Nowstrong yes I've been finding the heartburn awful recently and am looking forward to feeling fresher and sleeping better with no alcohol. Even last night my sleep score was only fair, when I thought I had slept really well, but hopefully tonight will be better. My husband was VERY hungover yesterday and still feels rough a bit this morning, but he doesn't want to do sober October with me. Ah well, at least I tried.
Have a good day and enjoy the benefits of feeling healthy!

Morning @Nowstrong your words ring so true. When I have af days I feel so much better , always sad but not like I’m feeling now . I’ll go af to Friday now as I won’t drink during week now, I get to Friday and it’s the reward thing. Although I know I’ll pay for it mentality. Yes early days still and I couldn’t ask for better family and friends and I know I’m lucky. I’ll most probably do the same next weekend , why do i do it to myself? I guess it’s those rare moments when it just feels all ok when the drink is kicking in?

Well, abstaining didn’t last long - I drank again yesterday (bank holiday here) but I think (hope) it’s out of my system now. My biggest driver to cut back on the booze again is my head - I hate having a fuzzy brain and not being sharp for work! I also slept so badly last night - worrying about nothing.

My goal is to be AF until Sunday. Who’s in??

@Swannyb I'm in !
I've actually started the 30 day alcohol experiment today. I've done it before and I thought you could only do it once, but I'm in !
Nothing planned now til Xmas.
@Flumpywoo are you doing sober October?
@Nowstrong 5 weeks is amazing, well done. That's gone fast - though maybe not for you. Just goes to show how the days mount up.
Even though I did ok on holiday, I still drank too much. And more worrying is that I didn't really want it half the time. Annoying, really.
And yes, hangovers - I used to have terrible ones, even on holiday. I don't anymore so that's a positive.

Hello all! Thank you @Amdone123, and yes, it's not all easy going. But I'm now looking more at the benefits and don't really want to go back to "before". Friends are starting to notice a difference in my looks (hey!!!), getting slimmer, slowly but surely, trying to reign in the nibbling and get rid of my sweet tooth. Have stopped the apple juice, as it's sweet and was ruining my intestinal health, won't go into too much detail...

Will continue the battle against the WWs. Nearly had a sip yesterday, out of curiosity, to see if I still liked the taste. But decided not to, perhaps just as well.

Think that saying I'm doing Soboctober or whatever it's called... might be enough of an explanation to sibling. Determined to be strong on that one.

Leaving with a friend tomorrow for 10 days. She's not a drinker so that will be fine. Will be nattering a lot so that will keep me from nibbling, because you can't talk with your mouth full😜

Sending lots of thanks for not getting fed up of my waffling on. Along with positive vibes. Have a great rest of the day. Will report back when possible. Hopefully still AF. Fingers crossed.

@Amdone123 I've also signed up for the 30 day alcohol experiment. Do you know how long it takes to be approved?

How are you @PositiveDays sorry I haven’t asked and to everyone else, been wrapped up in my own sad world

@PositiveDays hi. I didn't know you had to be approved. I just googled, they sent a link via e mail and I'm in.
I've listened to the 1st video clip - she's really good Annie Grace.

@Amdone123 yes I'm going to do Sober for October, it is definitely needed!
Well done on signing up to the 30 day challenge, I'll look it up.

Have just caught up with the thread. Thank you for thinking of me @Jbob1976. It's still so hard to be honest. I drank too much last night and had an upset tummy today. Which is why I want to try the 30 day experiment. The drink aware app is helping a little bit. I hate to see my calendar red, so I drink a day, skip a day just to see some green. It's working a little bit but then I double drink on the drink days which is silly really. I hope you're feeling better, I'm sorry things are difficult for you with the breakup but you're allowed to grieve a relationship breakdown because it is heartbreaking. Take your time to heal. @Amdone123 I am now in the 30 day experiment, it was saying waiting for approval in the app. It's quite ambitious of me but even if I do drink I will keep trying. I know I'll get there. Wish me luck!

@PositiveDays , ah, I didn't download the app. Wishing you luck, just do your best - it's all any of us can do ❤️
Last time I did it, I was successful for the 30 days, but then limped on for about 10 more I think and caved. It was a long time ago.
I was really motivated and felt great last time.
The 1st lesson is asking yourself why you drink and challenging your mindset. Interesting for me. I always think I drink because it makes me happy. It clearly doesn't.

morning everyone , hi @Amdone123 @PositiveDays i have never heard of the 30 day experiment? Tbh I don’t think I’m in right head space at mo, for me 4 days at mon-Thurs is an achievement , I just look forward to weekends and having a drink to give me break from what’s going on? Had dreadful day yesterday , crying again but didn’t drink . I’m ok with af during week at mo even tho I could easily slip back but I have show to myself I can exert some control even if I can’t weekends ? It’s pouring down where I am and feeling so sad, when will this go away and then I can try and beat the drinking too

@Jbob1976 it's so strange you say that about the 30 day experiment because yesterday I was thinking it would be perfect for you, but when you're in a better place.
You just carry on one day at a time, and your week plan sounds good.

I hope you don't mind me saying this but in April of this year, I had to have my 10 year old dog pts. Honestly, I was an absolute mess - all the horrible emotions of grief - guilt, anger, denial. I've honestly never felt such pain. People told me it would get better. I did not believe them for a minute. But, with counselling, and time, 5 months later, I'm beginning to see things a bit clearer. I'm still sad and can't look at photos of him but I'm having good days.
Grief is losing someone or something - it doesn't matter whether it's a person, a job, a dog - there are stages, and you will come out the other end.
Hang on in there because 1 more day is getting you further along ❤️

Hi @Amdone123 no of course not, this is like grief of losing someone which I have. I have never lost anyone in my family (I have a weird family) that close to me so I guess it’s something I’m not used to ? I have read so much that I will get better in time and that I will heal but I’m just fed up waking up day after day feeling like this ,I know that I am improving as I’m crying less but I just want to feel normal again and enjoy life , but I can’t see how without my ex? I think that’s why I’m putting so much importance on not drinking during week so I have some good? I have my kids who I absolutely adore and my grandson but I just feel lost without my ex? And sadly it’s only drink that takes this feeling away right now

@Jbob1976 and you're doing really well. Every step, no matter how small, is progress.
One day at a time ❤️

I'm in! Currently on my 5 millionth Day 4 after starting to slip back into daily drinking again. I'm doing a half marathon on Sunday and want to be in top form, it feels a bit easier not to give in when there's a specific reason somehow!

Evening! Really struggled yesterday at a dinner. We were about 15, and everyone went on and on about how good the flipping red wine was. I managed to stick to my sparkling water. But it was a battle.
Now away with a friend. Still on water. But struggling. Promise I'll manage. Will stay strong. Must stay strong. X

@Nowstrong you're doing so well. Keep going, you'll be glad in the morning.

Well done @Nowstrong for getting through that dinner with just sparkling water, I'm not sure I could have resisted amazing red wine! I hope you have a lovely time away with your friend.

@Jbob1976 you do sound like you're in the depths of grief. These are early stages like @Amdone123 has said about. They're horrific, they really are (I've lost a lot of loved ones over the years). Hang on in there and keep posting on here. The mental health charity Mind have a great website and online forum too - have you looked on those? It will get better, although grief isn't linear, it just doesn't feel like it yet.

I had a small glass of red wine last night after my exercise class...bit of a habit to have a Celebratory drink after sweating a lot (maybe it's to do with endorphins and serotonin? That I want to prolong the buzz? Or maybe it's because red wine really helps me relax and unwind as I associate it with that...I was in my cosy chair with a blanket, a lamp and my book...heaven basically! Really didn't fancy a hot chocolate and I'm moderating so it was fine). Have woken with a headache and remembered this is one reason for stopping...I honestly can't have one drink without getting a headache the next day now. Will be fine after plenty of fluids, and only have housework and food shopping to do today.

The rain here in England is mega depressing right now isn't it?! Hope you all manage to have good days/nights if you're in Oz.

Oh, I listened to that 30 mins podcast someone linked to upthread the other day. To be honest I didn't like the woman's American accent and there were a lot of commercials...but it was good to listen on the school run and reminded me of why I'm doing this. The lady is 100% sober now and listed some great benefits and reflections such as

When you're alcohol free your world gets bigger, not smaller.

The early stages are hard. But you won't always constantly think about drinking and stopping.

You're more calm, confident and creative.

You have more time, energy and money.

Stopping drinking is the foundation of your future, not the end goal. I think this is a great way to look at it!

Has anyone else listened yer? What do you think?