On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining - new thread for summer 2024

[Bigbus]

@amdone123 @touty @coppergate7 @swannyb
@Hohofortherobbers @YoghurtPotWashingMachine @Mj20 @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The last thread got full before a new one could be started. I’ve tried to tag some of the regular posters but I don’t really know what I’m doing! Let me know if this works and please tag people I’ve missed.

Morning All and thank you so much for your kind words, sticking to af on weekdays and today is day 3. I don’t enjoy it and am looking forward to weekend so l can have a beer but I guess that’s way i will always be. At least I exert some control ? Life still a struggle with break up and still waking around like a zombie,
@PositiveDays it’s just a blip, I’m exactly the same , bad news in any shape or form and that’s it. Trip to shops for booze to take it away. Don’t be harsh on yourself , I know I am so I understand . You done 2 days and and can go again. Let’s go af to end of week together , we are all in same boat on here and all support and look out for each other and most importantly we get it. I know I’m going to have loads more blips, feel mega down , cry but that’s part of who I am. I’m 48 and would love to be stronger but I’m not. For me not buying it is key, try and do what works for you and if posting helps do it as we all here 🫶

I think I'm just lucky in that if I'm sad or in a foul mood I don't usually turn to drink. I usually just want a bath and sleep, or a walk and rant to a friend. I wonder if there's been any research looking into how successful people trying to give up alcohol are if they use it to celebrate/happy reasons Vs if they're down or mad? I definitely fall into the first category; if I've had a good day I want to celebrate or reward myself. I know it's about changing the reward. With people who use booze when they've had a shit day, how do you go about changing that habit?

Sorry if this comes across as smug btw, not my intention at all. It's just most of my alcohol consumption is habit, celebrations and reward.

@ForeverTipsy it doesn't come across as smug. I'm exactly the same. If I'm upset, or annoyed, I'll either go for a long walk or sit in bed, eating chocolate.
I drink when I'm happy. Unfortunately, I'm happy most of the time !
If I've had a great day, it's definitely tempting and that's actually what I'm working on.
Had a good day today - got loads done, work was rewarding - I was so tempted but managed to not give in. I'm tired, too which is a big trigger.
It's good to be reflective about your emotions and drinking - it helps you combat it.

@Amdone123 ah, glad I'm not alone! I'm annoyingly an eternal optimist/social butterfly and love being out having fun (and drinking, obvs). Oh yes, if I'm in a mood I'm far more likely to pig out on ice-cream or chocolate.

Glad you had a good day ☺️

Morning all! @ForeverTipsy and @Amdone123 I find it really important to find out what triggers us to drink. It used to be because I was mad or upset. When I lost my mum, many, many years ago, I was downing a bottle of red every evening, perhaps even more. On my own, because my ex was really pissed off and sulked in bed, as I was thinking of someone other than him.
Now I'm not so sure. My triggers have changed. Boredom definitely, perhaps tiredness. Rewards as well, if I want to celebrate, I think of wine. But at the moment everything tends to drive me to nibble, more than anything. I'm mainly a positive glass half full sort of person. Rarely sad or mad. But only human so emotions do tend to flow and ebb, like tides. So it is complicated. But then again like everyone else. More to pander about.
Still AF here. Tend to drink too much apple juice at the moment and the erm "intestinal benefits" that I gained from being AF seem to have disappeared slightly because of too much juice. Can't win!
Wishing you all a good day. Sunny here. With a chill in the morning and evening. Winter is crawling in, as long as the WWs don't, I'm OK. Stay strong. Sending positive vibes.

@ForeverTipsy and @Jbob1976 Thank you for the kind words. I just find it so hard. I drink when I'm happy. I drink when I'm sad. So I'm always drinking. I feel really sluggish and tired today because ofcourse I drank too much last night. I'm in bed all day no booze in the house so here's to another AF day1 again!

Hi @PositiveDays i totally get you, I could have typed your message myself over and over again. I’m day 4 af and it’s hard. I can’t wait to have a beer tomo and sat. I just don’t buy it and grin n bear it. My son helps, he’s voice in my ear. But he has own life to lead and after next week he goes back home so I’ll be on my own except when I have my youngest and that’ll be acid test. Yesterday has happened and nothing can be done to change that, you haven’t done a bad thing , just do your best to take one day at time , yes that old saying but it’s so true. I had craving last night as I had issue with my now ex. I could have easily sank pint after pint but as none in I didn’t and it passed. Contact me tonight if you want ? We all here to support and I know I have many rough patches coming , prob this weekend when on own and thinking

How's it going everyone? @positivedays Are you feeling better this evening? @jbob1976 are you aiming to be AF when you have your youngest with you? I hope you manage to moderate tomorrow night and enjoy a couple of drinks after your AF days.

I'm definitely substituting wine for food at the moment...done nothing but eat all evening and now feel grim! Have left dh downstairs drinking lovely cold Cider and have come to bed with my book.

Hi @ForeverTipsy yeah even at weekend I’ll reign it when have youngest with me, I’m going to buy bottle of cider tomo and enjoy it, I’m out sat too but come Sunday af again all
week. I could easily have a few glasses now but I haven’t got any so can’t!
@PositiveDays how you doing this evening ?

Hi everyone! Doing really okay I think thanks @Jbob1976
After a long time I seem to have shifted a gear and completely abstaining during the week for a while now.
I've suddenly got so much more time, energy and patience !
Next step is to reduce what I have at the weekend
Meeting girlfriends tomorrow afternoon and usually I would going them in a glass of bubbly but tomorrow I'm choosing tea ! God they'll think I'm sick
Someone mentioned on here a really good listen (sorry I can't remember who ) but it's: 7 Things Everyone Should Know About Sober Life "
It's only about 20 mins long and a really inspiring easy listen.
Right going to catch up on everyone's thread updates .
Hope everyone has a restful and kind night x

Thanks @mumzof4x I've just downloaded this on Spotify and will try to listen tomorrow

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6YvtcBJQl8qSiVyuUOgrWd?si=G3XL25ZjTsaYpoBlZePGhg

I listened to a Sober Awkward one the other week and they were saying that we can change the dna of our future generations by going sober ! That resonated with me because there is a long history of alcoholism on both sides of my family. I really want to be the cycle breaker and help my children and their children have longer, happier, healthier lives.

Is anyone else thinking of doing Sober October btw? I'm going to do it, but with one evening off near the start as I have something planned.

i joined a similar thread in January and put far too much pressure on myself to go totally AF that I failed massively and tbh jan-jun I ended up drinking probably more than I ever had. The one bottle and a bit ended up to where I was managing two bottles some nights. Instead of just stopping Iv decided a couple months ago to just increase the number of days between drinks and focus on exercising, tryin to eat better. I’ve not had a drink since last Saturday. Not loads for some people but that is for me! I am starting to think well it’s Friday I fancy wine, I’m honestly sitting here though thinking do I? I won’t be doing stoptober this year as have two breaks away. I’m actually quite happy just to have reduced the drinking from what it was.

Morning all! Welcome @idontknow1001 , moderating to start with was how I managed to go AF at last. Still early days but definitively reaping the benefits. Take it easy, don't go all mad and go AF as you can manage. I did a lot of Days 1.
@ForeverTipsy interesting information about dna changing. I think that coming from a family of heavy drinkers on both sides, didn't help me. Hopefully my children will see a change in my habits and will hopefully not be alcohol dependent later on in life. Definitively not at the moment. But when I think about it honestly, my eldest DD does perhaps have a tendency to regularly overindulge in wine. But I can't say anything. Yet. It would have to be in a casual, general alcohol consumption related conversation.
My problem at the moment is food. Yesterday evening I did overeat (finished the leftovers, which also happened to be cheese cake, I don't even really like the stuff) and still feel bloated this morning, so will calm down and eliminate all the "bad" stuff today. But I do know why. My yummy dear BF left yesterday after spending a few days with me, I felt lonely. So I compensated. Normally that would have been with alcohol, so I am proud that I didn't slip down that road, but a bit mad at myself too.
Listened to a bit of the audio book "Alcohol Explained 2" when I went to bed, but fell asleep pretty pronto, so can't remember any of it. Will do a repeat tonight. It is a very interesting book, when you stay awake. Perhaps I should listen to it more in the daytime.
Thank you @mumzof4x for the podcast info, will listen to that too. As for your friends and the cuppa, I'm sure they won't really notice. You do you.
@Jbob1976 you're doing fine! Think of all the money you're saving by not buying alcohol, you can spoil you little one more. Hang on in there.
@PositiveDays how are you feeling today? Also @Amdone123 how are you doing?
At the moment, generally, I'm feeling and doing OK. That doesn't mean that there are not a lot of moments when alcohol is definitively on my mind. I wonder how long that will last. My main worry is also when I go to the UK in October and stay with my sibling. How I'm going to manage AF I really don't know. That will be THE TEST. I'm sure that I'm going to have a lot of "whys?", and "you're no fun", plus no end of eye rolling, that I'm not supposed to see, but do, I'm even having bad dreams about it. Oh well, will cross that bridge... might invent a sudden need for antibiotics or something.
Sorry droning and waffling on. Beautiful day here and I'm off the visit a castle not too far away. Day outing will do me no end of good. Plus this evening cinema with a couple of friends.
Have a great Friday everyone. Stay strong. Do your best. Love yourselves 💐

Hi @idontknow1001 and welcome onboard.
Yes, I'm the same - in the past, I've always put too much pressure on myself. I'm all or nothing (sort of), as are a lot of posters on here. I say sort of because I have great intentions to do a, b, c, etc, etc, then the all becomes nothing.
Well done for your af days since Saturday. You're doing well.
It's hard when weekend rolls round. It's become such a habit for society in general to get that Friday Feeling and drink, so you're not alone.
What do you want to do, carry on abstaining or just moderate and have a couple ?
Do you get hangovers ? Sometimes playing it forward works for me.
Have you noticed any benefits since being af ?

Honestly I don’t feel any better at the minute. Had a few awful nights sleep, waking up at 3 and headaches (could this be withdrawing even though I wasn’t a daily drinker?) I don’t really get hangovers and function pretty much as normal the next day. I have got a new book so thinking of trying to get into that instead. I have no reason to go to the shops. I don’t think I want to be af completely but who knows long term. Well done to you all though wherever you are on the journey and whatever your goals are. Thanks for the mentions already nice to know I’m not alone.

@Nowstrong hi, you're doing so well. Keep going - stay focussed and don't worry about October just yet ( I appreciate it's not too far off but one day at a time). Can you take/ buy af drinks when you're there and just pretend? Drastic measures I know, but sometimes it just shuts people up.
I'm doing OK. Drank Monday night but not the past 3 nights, even though temptation was high.
I've had a great week though, felt really happy and in control ( I don't know what happened Monday!! ).
We're going away for the weekend so I'm obviously not going to be af, but I am going to moderate.
I've been ok on my holidays this year.

Thank you for checking up on me @Jbob1976 @ForeverTipsy @Nowstrong . I went to bed early last night. Was feeling better but was so bored so decided to sleep. I have realised how long the day is when I don't drink. My evenings are usually short as I'm drinking and 'feel good' then just fall asleep. Now I'm awake I'm not sure how to deal with the 'extra' time. Does anyone understand what I mean? I suddenly have feelings and issues I have to deal with that were "never" there (alcohol masked them). During the day I'm so busy I have no time to think, but come evening I'm now settled and use alcohol to unwind and the next thing I know it's tomorrow morning. That's how I've been exisiting. Very sad and unhealthy I know but it's been working or so I thought..

morning all and welcome @idontknow1001 to this fantastic group, interesting on genes. I have 2 adult kids, daughter is tee total and son only drinks when out , never indoors , I’m so glad they’re like that and I think it’s a generational thing. I was drinking regularly at 15/16.
done 4 at days and going to drink tonight , weekends always hardest and it’s first day on my own with no kids since my break up. I’ve been dreading it but I have to get used to it. I’d love to be af all weekend but one step at time . Done 3 full weeks of weekdays af so from where I was and under circumstances I’m proud. I know tonight I’ll sink a few a probably end up crying but maybe that’s what I need ? Been 3 weeks yesterday since break up and still raw but thanks to friends and family getting there

Hi @PositiveDays totally get you , drink just took it all away until I had too much and it worked the opposite . Drink to me was and still is fun to a point but the devil too. I’ll never have a good relationship with it but like life it can be a better one . At the moment o had my son to distract me and chat and whatever so I haven’t thought too much and been bored, after next week all that changes so let’s see? But you aren’t alone in these thoughts , that’s what I love about this site, we get it? If you aren’t a drinker most dont and for me that’s why I feel comfortable here

Yes I love this thread too so much. Helps me know I'm not insane or alone. We all want to be better that's why we're here. I take comfort in that even though I'm not anywhere near my goal yet. I've already had more than enough alcohol this week. I'm going for AF day 2 today.

Hi @PositiveDays take any af day as postive, I do after 25 years plus of every day drinking . My goals change, at one point back in June I done 16 days and madly thought I could abstain for ever, but then life is life and I went back big time. For me now no drinking midweek and only weekends is huge progress and I’m good with that , every day at the moment is hard but I stick to it somehow? I hope you will too and once you get on a roll it’ll be easier , I don’t know if I make sense but we are here helping each other in anyway we can 🫶

Ladies, will you take me back? Third weekend in a row where I’ve woken up with the BIGGEST hangover. I feel so terrible and getting flashbacks to the conversations!

I have done so well this year with moderating and calling it quits after feeling tipsy. The worst thing is, I’m getting back on the booze the next day to try to cure how rubbish I’m feeling.

For those who don’t know, I’m in Australia. It is going to be a beautiful day, my DH is desperate to go out with me and the dog for a walk and I can barely move.

It is like a switch has flipped and I’m back to my old ways overnight! I think a full abstain until I can trust myself again is the only way forward.

I will check back in later and look forward to catching up with you all.

Hello all! @Swannyb of course you come back!!! We're all here for the same reason. To help and to get help. We sometimes need to be on here more than at other times. No need to explain. Sorry about the hangover, hope you feel up to moving soon. Take care of yourself. Quiet Sunday here. Just hope that I can resist the nibbles, and the booze.
Enjoy the rest of the day. Stay strong!

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while, been drinking on more days than I would have liked so wasn't ready to read or post. Drank too much last night and stayed up late so am tired and a bit hungover today. For the first time in a long time I have that guilty hangxiety feeling and I hate it! Someone mentioned sober for October and I'm in, I just need to reset my relationship with alcohol...again. Seeing your positive posts @Nowstrong has spurred me on.
Welcome to the newbies on this thread, we are all in the same boat and are here to support each other in good times and blips!
@Jbob1976 you are doing so well, just keep going, you've got this!

Meant to add that this week will be 6 AF days after today, but the one day (last night) I binged and feel bleurgh. The week before I drank 5 days out of 7 and didn't like seeing it on the Try Dry app, which is what made me be better this week and it was easy, I didn't even want a drink but knew I was having some yesterday, so it kept me going. So now I feel ready to abstain for a bit again...roll on October I am ready for you!!