Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Hi all.
well I got back from a 2 week holiday (all inclusive) carnage 🙈 I did have a fabulous time but drank a lot, now I’m scared as I know this feeling far too well….just carry on drinking to get rid of the anxiety & end up sick again, I’m back to work tomorrow so going to bed early & try & swerve the wine witch, not had chance to catch up, but hope you are all doing ok? Xxx

Yes, I bought a whole round of b12 injections from a “med spa”. I didn’t see a lick of difference though, and there’s a huge risk associated with injections over here (USA). The med spas that sell them are not regulated well enough and people have gotten seriously dangerously ill.

I buy a b12 spray that tastes like fruit.

@AFmammaG weather shit. 90% of the time it's rained. On the glorious sunny days I'm at work. Saturday comes aaaaand rain.
Last two days the air is so stuffy that I'm praying for rain. No sunshine just clouds. Affected sleep.

Yuck.

Kids also on his tablet while I eat burgers so know you're not alone.

Oh I would much prefer a fruit tasting spray. Thank you, I'll have a look.

Well I drank tonight. Breaking an 11 day streak. I’m not mad about it. I had a very relaxing time and enjoyed myself. Hopefully I still feel fine about it tomorrow??? Trying not to beat myself up.

@SadMama87 you done well to get to 11 days. The first few days are the hardest for me.

Morning all, I’ve just woken up. Was my lie in and I made the most of it 😆 so nice to sleep well and not be awake at stupid o’clock feeling ill.

@SadMama87 I completely agree not to beat yourself up. That negative self talk does so much harm. You did 11 days! You never know, maybe next time it will be longer.

Thanks for the solidarity @CoffeeLover90, thankfully the better weather has meant we have gotten out these past few days. I hate thinking about all the time on devices. My kids fight much more without the screen time but I guess that is to be expected as they are interacting with each other more (?)

I’m feeling hopeful for the week ahead. Hope everyone else is.

@Oopsdiditagain nice to hear from you again. Although carnage alcohol wise, was the holiday a good break? How has the return to work gone?

Evening all, had a mega weekend hiking in the sunshine, it was glorious! My legs are feeling it today though. I idly thought about what exercise I was going to do this evening, because usually Monday evening is an exercise night, and then tried to stand up. I have not made that mistake twice.

Hope everyone is enjoying the late arrival of summer. I did have an early walk with the pooches in the woods today and it was just the nicest thing, dappled sunlight and cool calm air and all that poetic malarkey. Thoroughly recommend.

Well done on the hike @TimesaChangeling! School holidays have killed my exercise mojo 😭 and diet ☹️

I’m reading the Matthew Perry memoir and it’s really hitting home. I heard someone say about how self absorbed addicts are and I think that’s a really hard character trait to change. I’m pretty selfish. I also feel completely hard done by when it comes to my childhood. I thought I’d chalked it up but maybe not. It is thought provoking if nothing else.

I know @TimesaChangeling made the comment about not being able to relate to a global megastar, well he estimates he spent $7million on therapy and rehab and still couldn’t get clean long term.

I’m about half way through but he has many theories about his addiction issues. All come from childhood. I’m waiting to read about how his Dad stopped relatively easily and how he never could. I do find it interesting.

It also reminds me about that word choice. He does give the impression it was out of his hands. Or he couldn’t stop (for various reasons). I’m in the choice camp. I chose to walk over to fridge and open wine. Sometimes more willingly than others but for me, it is a choice. I’m not addicted. That’s the truth. I can and have stopped for long periods. It’s a choice to start again.

It’s hard isn’t it, and thought provoking I agree. I do believe childhood trauma (or even difficulty) can drive a lot of adult behaviour, and I should think that swathes of adults struggling with alcohol would show hard childhoods and those patterns are really deeply rooted and I genuinely feel sorry for those people. But entirely on the flip side of that, there is also a type of adult that constantly blames the state of their adulthood on their childhood, and sometimes seem to me to abdicate responsibility for their own lives (more people perhaps who always think it’s someone else’s fault and won’t do anything to help themselves).

Also I wouldn’t confuse selfishness and boundaries. Saying no to other selfish people doesn’t make you selfish in turn…I don’t think I am (mostly) selfish - there are people who I have risked life, limb and job for because I love them. But I do have really strong boundaries (now) and I won’t let others trample all over them because they deem their needs to be greater. I don’t ask anything of others either.

Also (and I will stop ranting in a second!), women are conditioned to be helpful and kind and do everything everyone asks and are then told they are selfish if they don’t. Scuse my language but fuck that.

Right, that’s me nicely steamed up for work

Ducks head in - still keeping on top of this thread.

Choice is an interesting one. As I entirely agree with that in principle, but in the book I read, it effectively says that it's the fault of alcohol, not of people, that we go back to the drink. Because it is made to be addictive. So, blaming yourself isn't going to help. Blame the alcohol. Makes sense to me...

@TimesaChangeling as I have got older, and this year in particular, I have been putting myself first more and making choices that suit me, not others. If that makes me selfish, so be it. It has also made me a much calmer, nicer person to be around. I actually didn't see one of my best mates for most of this year because of this choice and we met up recently to try and move forward. She had come with a list of all the things she thought I was thinking about her. Actually, none of it was about her - it was actually all about what I wanted from our friendship and what I wasn't getting from it. I felt that I could ask for things from the friendship too for the first time in many years - it felt good.

Hi @Thelittlestranger I agree about the addictive nature of alcohol and I don’t believe in blaming the individual but I also don’t believe in blaming anyone else. No one made me drink. I did it. A lot of it alone. What I’m finding thought provoking is this connection to childhood and how 2 people can have the same upbringing and one can be ok and the other gripped by an addiction (if you don’t mind that word). Also how one person can just decide to stop and does and how another can struggle to get sober their whole life.

I didn’t sleep last night. For the first time in ages. Lots churning round in my mind.

Pinch punch first of the month 😆
My favourite day of the month! I’m feeling really positive about this month. No alcohol, plenty of exercise and lots of good choices!

Have a great day everyone!

Dry July resulted in a total of 4 fails for me. Now the last 2 days I've sweated profusely, brain fog and slept terribly.
But on the plus side, doing dry August instead.
I've moved money to my savings, bought paint etc and a new bed. Leaving me with just enough for shopping and the odd day out. I could move money out of savings if I wanted but I'll only do this in an emergency.
I've deleted the takeaway apps since I can also order alcohol on those.
I've filled the fridge with fruit,veg and fresh juice.
I've got a GP appointment Monday with the aim of getting a sick note, at least 2 weeks so I'm not dealing with any extra stress.

I think these are all the right steps but I'm open to any other suggestions.

And I actually want to this time. Which I think makes a massive difference. I had to really push myself to get as far as I did last month. Whereas now, I'm tired of being tired. I'm bored of it. I've found one bottle has very little effect on me now. That's not a good sign.

Big congratulations to @AFmammaG who did better than me and should feel very proud. Actually looking forward to joining you this time.

Yes @CoffeeLover90!!! You sound like you’ve got your shit together 👊
Feels great to have a plan in place and I’m here cheering you on!

My frequency of drinking in July may have been less but oh my, the shame. Having to see my friends the morning after and knowing what they were all thinking about me (piss head at best). Mortified.

I will share a little rant if I may. Booked myself on an exercise class tonight to start the way I mean to continue… got home and DH is drinking wine. It’s Thursday night. I just feel like there’s so much temptation all the time. He’s got work tomorrow too. Sigh. I know most people probably drink wine in the evenings but it just makes it so much harder. I can smell it.

Anyway, you would be super proud of me because I ignored his wine. I ate a banana and a yoghurt and I thought at least I’ll sleep well tonight after polishing my halo 😇

Day 1 of August in the bag!

Those are all really great steps @CoffeeLover90! I love the new leaf feeling and it seems like you’re really motivated. I hope you get the time and space you need

I don’t envy you at all @AFmammaG, I do not know how I would do it if I lived with someone who drank. It really makes those non drinking wins all the more incredible.

My August involves ( I hope) a determined crack down on the chocolate bar consumption. Sweet treats are okay - like a slice of cake or wotnot - but the mindless shovelling of chocolate has got to stop!

I'm awake, have been for 2 hours. The heat isn't helping.
Food is the other thing I need to work on. Although staying alcohol free is the priority.
Looking forward to sleep improvement.

@TimesaChangeling sometimes I really resent it/him. He seems to think I should just crack on being alcohol free if that’s what I want and what he does makes no difference. Except the reality is, it’s like someone dangling temptation in front of you all the time.

What I’ve come to realise is, him having a bottle of wine and me having a bottle of wine is quite different but I would match him glass for glass. Not only is the impact on our bodies different but so is the hangover. I fail to function the next day, whereas he is up early and whistling (😡) while unloading the dishwasher.

Last night I was chanting in my brain, focus on me. Focus on my goals. Focus on my feelings.

@CoffeeLover90 is there anything else affecting your sleep? I take a collagen hot chocolate each evening and I read before bed rather then use a screen. I’m also working hard to reduce my caffeine and make sure the time I drink coffee is before 12.

Also exercising has helped my sleep but admittedly the impact of that took time.

@AFmammaG caffeine is the other thing I need to work on. I'm using it to get through the day after poor sleep. Another reason to take time off work so I don't feel the pressure to be alert. No caffeine or sugar after 4 now.
I've also ordered b12 supplements rather than risk an injection. My friend takes them and has gone from 5 coffees a day to 1 with having a natural energy boost.

I'm excited to start the refresh of the house, some walks and some outings over the coming weeks. Going to need a clear head for this.

Also making learning to drive my main focus. I will get that licence by Christmas!

Was feeling really weak tonight. Started to talk to myself about walking to the shop. Why?! Why is the pull so strong? I’ve managed to talk myself out of it by looking at the calendar and seeing it’s the 2nd August. Come on now Ghina.

Instead I’m going to get on the treadmill. Better choices and all that.

@AFmammaG I also felt it today. Strongly. I poured a cranberry juice, hired a film and sat in the garden for 20 minutes.
Now I'm sat among the mess I didn't have the energy to tidy.
I've wrote a to do list. I'm determined to achieve these positive changes.

Day 2. Headache, sweating (although I think maybe the heat) and it will get better. Just stick at it. We can do this.

@CoffeeLover90 thanks for posting. It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone.

This is the emotional rollercoaster I find of addiction/sobriety. Yesterday I felt strong, positive, focussed. Today I felt weak and almost gaslighting myself into walking to the shop.

Well I did 30 minutes on the treadmill while DH had a cider. Now stuffing fruit and watching tv. DH has opened his bottle of red. So glad I got through the craving. Now I know I’ll have a much better day tomorrow. Hope you do too @CoffeeLover90 🤞