Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

@AFmammaG I watched a video from “Of herbs and Altars” about how smoking off brand vapes destroyed her health. Usually I am not this person (I smoke vapes too when I drink) but I feel it’s important to warn people that many companies are still unregulated and use dangerous ingredients.

Let me get down off this high horse for a moment 😞. The night before last I was drinking wine, and hadn’t had enough to eat. I was grouchy with our eldest daughter (completely my fault). I was in a “brown out” in that, I do not remember that part of the evening but remember everything else.

This is happening far too often and I am becoming someone who is not safe for my child when I drink. I am going to give alcohol free a real “go”. No more moderating because for me, it doesn’t work. I just drink much much more on nights I do drink. Last night I was having beers and when I was told about how I behaved the night before I stopped drinking and apologized. It wasn’t enough though, I need to apologize with my actions now. Going to try AA again since it’s the only thing that’s worked for me.

I really appreciate you all in this tread and I’m glad I stumbled across it. Yesterday was very kismet. I was delivering packages (my part time job) and had this one wonky delivery where I had to approach a house from the back due to the extreme hill it was on.

I was walking up when I thought I saw a dead kitten, eyes crusted shut, ants crawling all over it, completely motionless. I gasped and grabbed it up and she didn’t move or meow at all. Just then a little boy said that cat hangs out there, and I asked if it belonged to anyone and he said no but maybe it was the neighbor’s.

Frankly I didn’t give a damn and was going to help the poor thing no matter what. I held her close and she just relaxed into me. I delivered the package and the little boy’s mom came out and he said “are you going to help that cat?” And I said, “Yes I love cats. I have a mommy and her five babies at my house right now (all fosters). I’m going to make sure she’s okay.” His mom said she tried feeding the kitten but she wouldn’t eat and thanked me for helping it.

So naturally I abandoned my delivery route and took the baby to the animal shelter. They gave her medications and I said “please let me know how she is and if she needs a foster I will drive back here to get her (I was an hour away from home).” And I told them I foster with them in another city, and the lady said “Oh that’s wonderful!! You can take her home now!!”

So now we have 10 cats (3 of which are mine and the rest are fosters). The shelter named her “Miracle”. She slept next to me all night and ate and drank a bit.

Please say prayers for the kitten. Please say prayers for my daughter, that she can recover from her mother being a fuckwit. And prayers that I can do the right and hard thing.

Miracle

Oh how beautiful. Thank you for taking care of her. I'm an animal lover. I'd love to be a foster parent but, I'll be honest, I couldn't let them go. Amazing.

You need to prove to your daughter with actions not words.
My mum is a problem drinker. Has been for as long as I remember. I remember things she did or said when I was younger. But I don't see anything to forgive. I accept it happened, I moved on, it's fine. I don't forgive the recent things or the broken promises. When she says she's quitting I never believe her.
I don't turn to her when I should. I go to my friends. I don't tell her anything about my life. She wouldn't remember.
She is why I try to steer away. I don't want my son to feel what I feel.

I hope I haven't made you feel bad or worse. But I thought hearing from the child of a problem drinker might help. I'm sorry if I offend in any way.
I'll say again, I remember what she said/done when I was young. I don't expect an apology. I know she tried afterwards, that's enough for me.

You're obviously such a caring person. I'm sure she'll understand. Best of luck.

I completely agree with you about the vapes @SadMama87 and not knowing what is actually in them. I think when I said it isn’t a scam was because I worry a lot about putting my card details in online, so just wanted to say the vapes arrived (as opposed to them being legit vapes).

I also wanted to thank you for your searingly honest post. One of my worse fears is the impact on my children. My parents weren’t alcoholics but I remember my mum dancing around the kitchen drunk and being left in the ‘play area’ of the pub regularly when little. As @CoffeeLover90 indicated I don’t feel any hate towards them for their drinking. They did the best they could and I’m fairly sure their childhoods were worse then mine.

Never heard the phrase brown out before. Makes sense though. I hate the feeling of being hungover and being rough the next day and just getting through the weekend rather than enjoying it.

That photo @SadMama87 is truly heartbreaking and that little kitten is so lucky you rescued it. Maybe you could use it as a reminder that you are a good person. Drinking doesn’t make you a bad person. I know it’s complicated and there isn’t an easy answer but I fully support you with this attempt and although we don’t post all the time, I know there are so many people on this thread watching and following and cheering us on.

On my last dry spell I wrote a little list of all the reasons I love not drinking as opposed to all of the reasons why I wanted to stop. There’s a lot to be said for reframing our thoughts. Keep looking at that picture, you are a good person and you deserve a happy life.

@CoffeeLover90 you didn’t hurt my feelings at all, I am grateful for your kindness and wisdom. I’m sorry that your mum has this disease, but you’ve become a very caring person despite her shortcomings. That gives me immense hope.

I’ve joined AA and have a sponsor. She’s exactly a month older than me, but has been sober for over 14 years!!

Baby Miracle has been “adopted” by the mother cat and is nursing her back to health. This is our first time fostering any animals and to be honest, I think I may have to keep her. It will be so difficult to let her go. But if I keep one every time then I won’t be able to help more animals, because I’ll have too many at home 😂!!

@AFmammaG thank you for your kind words. Ultimately I know that the best version of me is one that doesn’t drink. And I LOVE your suggestion of writing out all the wonderful things about not drinking!! I think I’ll write some here;

Waking up clear headed
Being able to drive whenever I need
Saving money
Having more control over my diet
Being a good influence on my children
No drunken cooking disasters 🥴

@SadMama87 sorry to have a little laugh at cooking disasters. That's exactly me. Hence why I'll order a pizza when in drink. This doesn't help with the expanding waist.
I also wrote a list of reasons to quit and a list of things we need with the money I save. I've already bought some things from the list.

I feel a little more determined as we enter a new week.

You sound more positive @CoffeeLover90 compared to the first and second week, don't you think?

@SadMama87 Lovely kitten! Yes to your list, and I would add that I have noticed just being more present for my kids.

I'm still here - every now and then I'll think 'ill have that drink' and then realise I don't want it. Still relaxed about if I have one, or if I don't...and I'm enjoying the feeling of not being bothered.

Good to see you posting
@AFmammaG

@Thelittlestranger a little more but not as much as I felt the previous times, which failed. Also had expected a little more improvement in mood by now. Although I know this is down to other lifestyle choices.

But still going and Attempt 15, which is day 16, will be successful.

Evening all, back from my holiday to the pouring rain and I love it! I think I might have eaten every pudding in sight so deffo on a health binge now (otherwise known as “no you don’t need a third second pudding”).

Well done @CoffeeLover90 you're doing really well! I would try not to dwell on your previous dry spells. It sounds like you’re mentally telling yourself that you’re going to fail and I suspect that’s the wrong way to look at it.

There’s a sober tiktoker who talks about this a little bit. She says that some people take relapses as a given and that we just have to deal with it when it happens and get back up and whilst that is definitely true, as soon as we start talking about it, it gets factored into our assumptions about what will happen and voila, we give ourselves permission to do it. It’s not necessarily the same admittedly when you’re talking about your average I’ve taken it a bit too far drinker vs a one sip and you’re into the gutter drinker, but it might be worth considering a bit.

Oh dear, where did everyone go? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, whatever I said!!

I’ve really enjoyed a bit of normality this week walking the dogs in the fields and eating normal amounts of food. I did a work out this evening and smashed my last effort at it so am feeling happy. My sleep has been awful recently tho, constant waking and uncomfortable dreams. Not sure where all that has come from.

Hope everyone is doing okay.

I’m here @TimesaChangeling, just getting through the usual end of term madness! Roll on the summer holidays!

waves at @AFmammaG

Hope the child wrangling is successful!

Thank you! Finally have a bit of a plan so 🤞 looking forward to a few lie ins and no clubs to worry about!

I'm also still here. Not getting a chance to think of wine. Or post here.
Child sent home with chicken pox. So summer holidays starting early. Work is manic. To do list gets longer. Mood gets lower. Once little one is no longer contagious I will book appointment with GP. Even if I have to take him with me.
Maybe time to try meditation.
Tried it years ago but turned me into a zombie.
Healthy eating not going so well but rather a large bar of chocolate than a bottle of wine. Managed to keep to a daily walk though. Apart from the weather I've enjoyed that.

@TimesaChangeling - well done on your sober holiday, that's a real achievement. We go on holiday in just over a week and I'm looking forward to it being my first ever sober one! I previously broke a 2 year streak on holiday...... won't be doing that this time.

@CoffeeLover90 definitely speak to your GP, sorry you feel so low. Do you need to wait for your little one to be non contagious or can you just make a telephone appointment?

Oh no @CoffeeLover90 chickenpox is horrible for everyone 😭 I hope your little one feels better soon. A GP appointment may be one way to go, although I would say don’t give up hope on your mood improving. It does take time.

I’ve been on antidepressants before and had counselling and neither was for me. I do enjoy taking walks (alone) but as you say it can be hard to find the motivation to get out in this weather. Definitely keep that going if you can.

I have end of term drinks tonight. I plan to go, have a large mocktail or two and head home at a reasonable time. I would say I’ve been worrying about it but that isn’t the right word. I’m not worried. I just hope I enjoy it sober. If not, I’ll head home for chocolate 😆

@SadMama87 how are you doing? Been thinking of you and the kitty 😻

Thank you. Little one OK, apart from spots, not poorly. Was a bit snotty over the last week but that's calmed down.
Our GP rarely do phone appointments, especially if prescribing anything. So I'd be best waiting for contagious is over so someone can hopefully watch him while I go.

Hello everyone!! I am doing good, not drinking. I got a sponsor in AA, and have been doing at least one meeting a day. The meeting is one of my favorite parts of the day so far, and it’s all online so I usually just listen in during an hour when I’d normally be drinking.

Husband doesn’t quite realize the extent that I am done with alcohol yet, as I’ve had so so many times I’ve “quit”. I want to keep this time to myself if that makes sense.

The kitten “Miracle” is doing so much better!! The mommy cat has adopted her as one of her own and nurses her along with her five kittens. Her eyes are almost better and she has a healthy fear of humans.

The other kittens and mommy swarm me for snuggles when I enter the room, so it’s possible Miracle was harmed by a human. She was absolutely neglected by whoever saw her in the condition and did nothing to help her.

Hello. Can I join please? I had 65 days under my belt and then I came away on holiday. I’m on the last night of 7.

I have undone all of the good work. 2 hangovers, I’m so tired and groggy and have given myself a UTI as well from being dehydrated.

I’m so cross with myself. I had never felt better from not drinking. If you will have me here I promise to change my username 😊

I'm so pleased she found you. How people can mistreat animals I'll never know. They're a pleasure to have, I can't imagine life without my two (slightly psychotic) cats.
One is 14, had him since he was 8 weeks, the other is 1.
I also had a dog who passed away 3 years ago. From a puppy to 14 he was my heart. I still miss him to this day.
They deserve a life of luxury because they don't expect it. They love you no matter what you have. They sense our low moods and bring us comfort.
My dog turned very protective over my little one, from the moment I grew a bump. He'd lie by his moses basket and outside our bedroom door at night. He'd walk in front of the stroller when we were out.
The youngest cat adores him. She cries when he leaves for school. Follows him everywhere.
My oldest doesn't like him much, he stays away but he loves to curl up to me in bed to sleep.

I've a lot to be thankful for. Thank you Miracle for that realisation.

Best of luck to you @SadMama87

@Camparijane You've not undone anything. You went 65 days and that's amazing.
I think 1 out of 30 days drinking is better than 25 out of 30 days.
There's no undoing, just brush it off, start again because you know you can.
This is why I originally tried moderation. But I wanted to join @AFmammaG in a dry July. I'm struggling with the challenge to be honest. It's been a stressful month, with one thing after another. But I'm sure it would be worse with a hangover to contend with!

Attempt 18 which is day 19. Have my first counselling session booked for next Wednesday. I will talk to them about trying medication but I'd rather leave that as a last resort.
Doing better on my driving lessons. I never drank the night before those but I was probably still effected.
Work is terrible. Time off is definitely needed. Was also pulled up on my poor performance. Which has improved dramatically in the last 2 weeks.

Animals are everything! I couldn’t imagine our lives without them. Mine bring cuddles and joy every day, along with some irritations (one vomited in the bed this morning as I was leaving for work 🤢, thank you 🐶).

I didn’t quite make it through the holiday completely dry @TeeNoG but it was 95% and there was a reasonable reason (hah) for it.

@Camparijane don’t knock yourself. It’s a holiday and really hard to break the association there. This was my third holiday since I embarked on this adventure and the first time I have drunk on one. Apart from the actual reason it was bloody difficult when the rest of the world was lounging around kicking off at 11am. My other two holidays were much more activity based and so it didn’t really occur to me as something to do.

Hope you had great mocktails @AFmammaG ! I had a Lucky Saint tonight, for the first time which I know people rave about. I think I prefer the Peroni tbh, but since I am a Luddite that prefers Pepsi Max to everything else and was never a fan of alcoholic beer, maybe that make sense.

Morning all. It was my bday yesterday and I have broken my six month sobriety journey. Well, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days to be exact. Half an aperol spritz with colleagues on Wednesday, and 1.5 glasses of champagne last night.

I'm happy with my decision (for now) I enjoyed the moment. On Wednesday, we went to dinner afterwards and I stuck to non-alcoholic (I didn't want another one)

I hope to have reset my approach. Let's see. I'll keep on posting and checking in - and being honest about my own journey, so if the reset hasn't worked, I will be happy to revert again. We all have individual destinations on this thread.

Ps - Lucky Saint is my favourite