Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

I did Dry Jan successfully not because I didn't go 31 days straight but becuase when I slipped up I kept going instead of my usual response of I don't know why I can't do this. This felt huge!!!

i also put more attention into facing the cravings rather than running from this. This was something I'd heard Anna say on her 90 Days later podcast and even though it sounded crazy, would you believe that it worked. I also downloaded a simple way to handle cravings rather than my old cross fingers and hope for the best approach. I can share the link if you want. Let me know.

I'm taking the same approach this July.

Yeah that would be great, thanks @Verraten. I definitely go into hiding as a way to cope.

Attempt two.
Honestly, it's been one of those days which feels manic yet I didn't get anything worthy done. Hard to explain this well without going into details of my role, which is boring and potentially outing.
To come home to a sink of dishes, uniform and lunches to sort, cats to feed and litter trays to clean. And of course bath, bedtime... shower.
And that's my trigger there really. Because all I want to do is relax but I feel overwhelmed.
In reality each of these jobs will take 10 minutes max. The dishes can even wait until tomorrow because something has to give.
I need to work on my high standard of myself. Being a sole parent while working full time is enough to burn you out. I've been there. I shouldn't expect myself to keep on top of everything else 100% of the time. I don't even face judgement from people. Only myself. Own worst enemy. So cracking open a bottle and ignoring it all has been the easiest option.
That's a very deep hole I could find myself in. I risk losing everything I've worked so hard for.
And I didn't mean this to be an essay but it helps to put it into words. Helps me to understand how I got here and, if I can learn that, I'll find my way back.

Ah @CoffeeLover90 that sounds really hard. I’m not a single parent but I also feel completely overwhelmed. So much end of term shit going on at the kids schools. I’ve had to write each day down and everything I need to do/where I need to be. I had to ask my boss for some flexible working to get myself through this. It’s stressful alright.

I have been good at working through some jobs though. That has helped me feel a bit more in control.

An example of a conversation in my house last night.
DH: Bill’s boy does football on a Sunday morning, we should sign DS up.
Me: No. The kids do enough clubs and I’m not committing to another one.
DH: I think it would be really good for him because of x, y and z.
Me: Absolutely no way. I have no space for another club.
DH: But….

Me (explodes): It’s not just the club, its the uniform and the WhatsApp group and the messages and the drop offs and the parent participation and bring a toilet roll this day and attend this concert at this time and pay these subs and make sure this kit is clean and don’t forget the snack and all of that falls on me. Not you. Not the kids. On me.

Silence.

Anyone relate? Why do I need to spell it out? It’s not 50:50 in this house unlike some of the perfect families on here. DH has a full on job and I’m part time so it all falls to me. Yes, he may collect from a club once or twice a week if after 7pm but all the remembering and organising and keeping on top of the comms, that’s on me. I’m at max capacity. There’s no room for anything else. And yet if I suggest dropping a club it’s like I’m the worst and mum guilt creeps in and I see Barbara from down the road juggling it all successfully and why can’t I?

And breathe.

@AFmammaG this is why, as hard as it is, I'm pleased to be a sole parent at times. I would explode daily. Hourly even. I see it all the time. Yes, you're part time compared to his full time but all the kids and house stuff is full time in itself.
I'd suggest showing him the daily lists you mentioned and relegating (where possible) tasks for him to pick. Unfortunately, the mental load seems to stay with us. It's filtered down through the generations but there's still the expectation of us being project managers of the household.

Now, with DS weekly appointments, driving lessons PLUS the usual day to day I've got to debate cutting hours or taking some time out. I can afford to tighten my belt. Something has to give here.

@AFmammaG oh and as for Barbara 🤣 I know the type. They always have lovely hair too. I don't even get to brush mine some days.

What you need to remember is that someone, somewhere has seen a snip of your life and, to them, you're the Barbara. It's nice to remember that some days.
Example- I'm reading this as you're managing a home, more than one child AND clubs...
You're my Barbara 😊

I've never been Barbara. I was the one that turned up at school on inset days, or with the kids in full uniform on mufti days. They survived, as did I. Wine helped...they are older now, it gets a lot easier. Most of the time. I promise

Attempt 3
Really struggling with the lack of concentration and focus. It makes working so difficult. I've zoned out for half the day again. I'll end up being pulled up on my performance.
This results in an urge.
But then that would result in me starting at square one again. I know if I push through the brain fog will clear.
We had a little takeaway for tea as I couldn't find any motivation.
Now I'm off to bed. I'm so tired.

I know this is a win. I just wish it felt like one.

I am also off to bed, thanks for the messages! Ah Barbara. How I wish I was more like her 😆 she does have good hair.

After I put the kids to bed I got in bed myself for 30 minutes of quiet. I really needed some time where no one was talking at me. Can’t believe I have to plan the summer holidays. That’s my next job on the list. Otherwise there’s a real risk the kids will spend 6 weeks on iPads…

@AFmammaG bloody summer holidays. Work would normally let me compress shifts or start early, finish early but now I'm being brushed off. Which is great considering I've always volunteering the late finishes because they suit me during term time.
Have a child minders 3 days a week but the majority of it, I'm stuck.

@CoffeeLover90 I’m in a term time job supposedly so I have the summer holidays with the kids but the way I feel right now I”m just dreading it. Last year school holiday club was £23 a day at sibling rate. This year it’s £40 per child per day no sibling discount. It’s just unaffordable. Looks like it’s me and the kids for 6 weeks straight 🤯

@AFmammaG it's shocking the cost of holiday child care. Luckily I need childminder all year round she does pick ups from school too. Just dreadful the days he's not there and i can't get him out and about.

Attempt 4.
I'm really surprised I'm on 4. I don't know if I'll make 5. I will try.
Terrible week. Not even over yet. Already dreading work tomorrow.
Bring on the weekend. Got a couple of activities planned. A little more driving. A lot of house work.
I'm so tired again. Bedtime getting earlier each night.
Hope to see improvements after 7 days.
Going to weigh myself Sunday, as I'm sure staying AF for a time will have an impact. Might motivate me a bit more. I've still got no motivation, no determination. I'm doing this because I need to. Not because I want to, but I'm sure the want will pass.

Last year having that one week booked in just kept my sanity. Can’t believe how much the cost has gone up 😭 just can’t justify the cost (given I’m at home 🤣)…

I'm feeling much the same @CoffeeLover90. I know I won’t drink tomorrow night as I have an early start on Saturday. Saturday night may be more challenging. Especially with the football on. One day at a time and all that.

@piggyissmall how are you feeling about the weekend?

Still AF over here, day 20. Funny enough tonight I could have easily drank. Haven’t been sleeping well and have been grumpy. I really thought about it, managed not to. Even went out for a meal and drank sparkling water. Packing for holiday so will see how I get on… stay strong everyone

Well done @rogueone! That’s a big win. Wishing you a great holiday!

Day 5. I will not drink tonight, I’m sure of that. An early start tomorrow and although that wouldn’t have stopped me previously, I need a good night sleep tonight.

Hope everyone has a great Friday!

Attempt 5
I don't feel well today. Got a terrible headache, probably through the stress of this week. On the plus side, I feel no urge for wine, just my pillow. First AF Friday in a long while.
I've made sure to pack the weekend with activities so I can't risk a hangover. Even though I've got house work and washing to do, that will have to wait until the evenings.
Going to get little one to bed and get laid down myself.
See you all tomorrow for attempt 5. The hardest yet.

I’ve had such a busy day today. Just got home. Turned down an invitation to the pub, so hoping for a good night of sleep.

How is everyone? A quiet thread never bodes well…..

I just found this thread and I wish I’d found it sooner! It’s day 247 for me. For anyone needing some inspo, I was thinking about separating from my husband for a couple of years, but could never have done it if I was still
drinking. I stopped, and after a few months it gave me the clarity, sanity and bravery to finally do it. We’re now in the ‘separation process’, whatever that means. For me, a lifesaver has been Nozeco and alcohol-free beer as they both still feel like a treat and celebratory. I know maybe not for everyone, but for me they’ve been great. I’ve always felt left out of things when I’ve given up in the past (and I’ve had many attempts!) but finding something that looks like a proper drink has made me feel more included. I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but I do. I’ve also told a lot more people this time that I’ve given up, and it’s surprising how many people open up about their own struggles. Yeah I miss it, I miss that feeling of getting giggly and silly, but my god do I feel more sane without it. Hope this helps someone.

Attempt 6
Successful.
Yesterday's headache didn't shift so I had little sleep. Had a busy day today. Fuelled by red bull.
So I'm already in bed. Just wanted to check in quickly.

Well done @AFmammaG Keep up the good work!

Also here, still haven't had a drink despite saying to myself it's ok to have one now I'm past six months.

Away this weekend, not feeling particularly well - not eating much because every time I do I feel pukey.

Impressive @Nitflux that you have done this while going through a separation and that it gave you the courage to do it. I do enjoy a Lucky Saint.

Keep going @CoffeeLover90

Fab updates and welcome @Nitflux, that’s great to hear! Such a long run must feel amazing.

@Thelittlestranger sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well, hope that passes quickly. One of my tricks is to say to myself if I really want a drink I’ll have one tomorrow. Once the urge passes I’m usually fine,

@CoffeeLover90 well done! Hope you slept ok despite the red bull! Hopefully that headache will shift soon.

@AFmammaG slept well, still tired. Long day again. I'm one of those people who could have a coffee before bed and still sleep haha. I do often wake through the night and not be able to get back to sleep if I have too much though.