New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

@WendyWagon I think you should definitely try and get yourself a new outfit. It will give you a bit more confidence if you know you're looking good.
I totally understand why you are dreading going to an event like this. I went to a wedding when I was pregnant. I also wasn't allowed to be on my feet for more than 20 minutes at a time, doctors orders. obviously I couldn't drink either. I was dreading it. So stressed. I really didn't want to go. But I went. And it was fine. Everyone was nice, and by the time everyone else had a few drinks I felt glad that I wasn't acting like they were. And I left before everyone else got too messy. Woke up next day feeling fresh (actually really I probably felt morning sickness but assuming you're not pregnant, that won't be you)
You can do this

Morning @WendyWagon . I hate going to the hairdresser. Which means I spend a large portion of the year looking disheveled. I have very thin, fine hair with a slight wave. If it gets long enough to tie back, it is lanky and lifeless and short enough to manage doesn't suit me and my increasingly middle-aged face any more. Mid-length is better but I find it irritating having hair in my face so I feel like it is a total loss/lose situation.

Good luck for tonight!

Good morning everyone, happy Saturday to you all.

@WendyWagon you're right - any kind of apprehension or fraught situations can send our brain back to try and find old comforts.

You didn't do it - you are bloody awesome.

I agree with the other posters - get yourself to the shops and buy something you feel comfortable and good in. There's tonnes of great dresses in Next etc. and TK Maxx might throw up a winner.

My advise is to go with some slightly different to normal but not too much, so you're at ease with it. You could also scrunch up your hair a bit - I have a dark bob that I wear smooth for work. If I curl it a bit, it looks just the right side of messy, which is my non-work look!

Please let us know how you get on.

How was the Kombucha, @EastCoastDamsel ?

I had two strawberry mocktails last night - they were bloody lovely - although at £9 a pop, they flippin should have been

Agree.
I went to my first wedding sober throughout a month ago...i was so worried...but i got through it... got there at 10.... went home at 8. Only drank coffee, water and lime, and so others weren't asking so much, blackcurrant and water in a wine glass... weirdly, my brother and son in law asked if i could get them one too 👍.
It was difficult but not too much, im life soul of party with drink...i was just a quieter life and soul of party ..sober.
I also kept myself busy and talking to people i didn't really know... and going outside for a e-cig break. Its doable...when i go on holiday im not drinking...get an itinerary whereas you need to get up and be sober, hiking, walking, etc.
Someone mentioned that they upset someone in talk when drunk, ive done that so many times, not offensive on purpose but too honest, so many have fallen out with me over it...im a lovely person and im glad i haven't got to apologise for offensive shit i say when drunk... and usually didn't remember. Tg im out of it.
9 weeks sober.

Ah thank you lads.

If anyone has fine hair try wella senso calm. I buy it in tkmaxx. Huge bottle.

Thanks for the shampoo advice @WendyWagon . Will give it a try.

@Loubelle70 that was me. It was exactly this! I didn't say anything particularly nasty or rude, and my intentions at the time was.to try to help the person see a situation from another's perspective, but it laid bare some truths that this person doesn't want to face about themselves and is in direct disagreement with their own self perception.

In the cold light of day, could see how telling them these things actually risked not only my relationship with them but the relationships of people really dear to me woth individuals they really care about. And that indiscretion scared me, as I would never want to be the reason they become estranged. (Sorry for the lack of details but they are very outing)

@NextPhaseOfLife it was delicious! However, as I only bought one bottle, I drank only a single glass and then had a lime cordial and sparkling water (from the soda stream) and a hot water with lemon after that.

I have treated myself with coming to Waitrose and stocking up on loads of fancy AF options, using the savings from being 1 week AF.

Though, there is so much that I think it will last weeks!

Ooh @EastCoastDamsel I've been toying with the idea of getting a soda stream for years but I was worried I'd use it once and then it would take up counter space. Are they any good? I'm a big soda water fan and the idea of just fizzying up the tap water really appeals

We used to buy a lot of Sparkling Water and then DH was given one of the basic line a few years back for Christmas. They are good but as we live in the countryside I find the canister exchange a real pain. They do have online exchange programmes but I have never found that cost effective

Morning All!

How was the party @WendyWagon ?

D8 AF for me. Looking forward to being present today.

Need to drop DS of for paintballing with school friends and am going to take DD pottery painting while he is busy.

What is everyone else up to today?

Sounds like a lovely day @EastCoastDamsel enjoy!
I'm going to the gym this morning, while the kids are at rugby club then we're going for a family pub lunch. I'll be on the AF beer! My sister (who will be there) has just told me she's taking a break from alcohol too. She's about 7 days in and considering whether to stay AF for a few weeks or permanently ❤️

Morning all

@Itsrainingten - that's great to hear about your sister too - you've started a movement 👏👏👏

@EastCoastDamsel morning! Ah, paintball - I remember those days. The bruises the kids came back with 😮😮🙈 but they loved it!!!

I'm now into week 7 AF and loving loving loving it.

Went out for a meal in a village 30 mins away last night: it was fantastic, I drove us and another couple, had a wonderful chatty fun time, and drove us all home again,

Bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning.

The biggest positive, waking and up and at them whoohooo 👍

Morning campers.
All well on the western front here. No hangover which is great. Seedlip. I had to get up so it's definitely the tonic @REP22

I wore a new turquoise silk shirt and wool /silk cigarette trousers to the party. I have a huge opal necklace from my friend in London who owns a jewellery brand so it looked dressy with that added. We bought the happy couple some Waterford crystal so I hope they like the gift. I think we get given lots of dust gatherers and nobody has the space.

Garden sorting for us.

Morning all
I'm sorry for the radio silence. Work is overwhelming. Not a good thing.
Hope all well- will catch up with the thread asap. X

Thank you @Loubelle70 - it really is isn't it :-)

@WendyWagon that outfit sounds so elegant. More info please - how was the night, how did you feel, did you feel as anxious as you thought you might, etc. etc. !!

@livingalivelife hope all is well with you even though work is stressful - would love to hear how you're doing.

hi all. @NextPhaseOfLife you sound so positive! great news. i'm up and down really and have started waking up feeling exhausted and groggy even tho in week 7 or so. still appreciate the clear head and lack of hangover but this is not as straightforward as i thought it might be with more sober weeks under my belt.

Hey @ponzusoup

So sorry to hear that. Could something else be going on?

Have you had any blood tests recently? Could be worth asking the GP to check out fatigue.

You're doing amazingly with AF. I forgot we are kind of duration twins!

@ponzusoup would you try a glass of water before bed? I drink milk which works for me. Strangely I don't need a midnight tinkle on that.

@NextPhaseOfLife i met a lovely lady last night. Was a top hairdresser.
We might meet up. Not mobile enough for dancing yet but some lovely food. I just had cheese. Which I can eat but no longer gorge on.

I felt concerned yesterday as someone confided me re their husband. No DV but control over where and what they do. I think because I am such a strong person I give them confidence but of course the husbands hate me. I'm not sure I can take another one on.

That's great that you met someone you connected with, @WendyWagon - what a benefit from being AF and level headed.

Regarding the other lady - that's healthy too. Sometimes you can only signpost people to help. Knowing your own limits
In terms of capacity to support someone is really important for your own mental health.

@ponzusoup just wanted to say it took a while for me to feel good sometimes. I felt overwhelming anxiety and kept crying for quite a while. Then the moments of joy started to creep in... it took me time. Are you taking vitamins?

Stick with it you are doing amazingly x

@WendyWagon thanks for sharing about your anxiety. I have always been anxious and have (I now realised) used alcohol to self medicated. (which I now ALSO realised only made things worse)

Today is the start of D9 AF.

Feeling physically exhausted today despite (according to my Garmin) a good night's sleep. Had a bit of a stomach upset yesterday and ran 4miles (slowly) so that might have something to do with it.

Felt really anxious last night as a consequence of feeling a little under the weather and just had to go to bed at 8:30.

It was interesting as I could identify consciously that this anxiety would usually lead me to having a drink to get rid of the feeling but with what I have learnt from The Naked Mind etc could see that it would just make things worse!

Came to bed instead and listened to a history podcast to take my mind off things.

Going to do a bit of Yoga now.

PS I think I might have been slightly overdoing it on the vitamins which might have caused the tummy upset

Overwhelming anxiety was one of the reasons I decided to give up alcohol. I DO still suffer from anxiety but it's a fraction of what it would be every day with a hangover and wondering what awful things I'd done. That feeling of dread on waking up was awful.
Other than going AF things that have helped me have been:
Vit D daily
HRT
Regular exercise - actually scheduling the time for it so that I don't make excuses
Headspace app
Also - and I know this sounds stupid but I was really worried people would think I was boring / weird / obviously a raging alcoholic for giving up alcohol. I was expecting massive judgement. No one has cared. But on events or nights out where I don't want to draw attention to it I just drink something that isn't obviously "soft" so AF beer, AF sparkling wine, AF G & T etc.this also makes me FEEL like I fit in.
And I know it sounds daft but just accepting that everyone experiences anxiety. It's normal. And I did have some therapy (which I hated) which uncovered lots of reasons for my drinking and anxiety / depression. I was completely aware of my reasons TBH because they were blindingly obvious to me but lots of people DO find it helpful. It's expensive. But I was lucky enough to have it covered on my health insurance through work.
Good luck.