New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Welcome @EastCoastDamsel ! Day 4 is a perfect day to join (any day is perfect to join, tbh - and there is no “only” about it, many people never make it to day 4).

You will start to feel better very soon, and your brain will try to tell you that it wasn’t that bad, maybe you could moderate, everyone does it …. We’ve all been there! But there really is a different way of living out there, if you give it time

@Onewildandpreciouslife Thank you. I know it won't be easy. I have told DH that I want to quit booze for good and not just "take a break" as; have tried to in the past.

I have 2 close family members who have been sober for years (one 10 and the other 6) who live normal, happy, fulfilled lives so they are good role models for sobriety.

But in some ways, they framing of Alcohol (AA) has actually been a stumbling block for me to admit I have a problem.

Morning all.
Long day yesterday. Lots of siting.
Welcome @EastCoastDamsel

I have been to AA a few times, I found it useful. However I don't agree with the fear of dying that seems to be prevalent. I'm not one drink away from the gutter.
I did meet some interesting people but I also lived in a nosy town so it wasn't for me.

Quiet day today.

welcome @EastCoastDamsel you've come to the right place. i found this thread especially helpful in the very early days and still so altho am only 40 days or so in. sounds like you are already finding podcasts and online stuff to help you and that helped me too. i've also been listening to the sober powered podcasts a lot so would recommend those. lady who records them is a psychologist with lived experience of giving up booze and she gives a really scientific overview of what happens to your brain when you drink / give up drinking which i found really helpful and is probably a good counter to the twelve step philosophy. not that im against aa at all i just think everyone has to find what works for them and it definitely won't be the same things!

@Onewildandpreciouslife @threeandmeandthedog thanks so much for taking the time to give me your thoughts experiences and tips for a booze free holiday. i like the idea of waking up clear headed and enjoying the peace etc.

@threeandmeandthedog i also felt very motivated by your point about coming home rested and not exhausted and pickled from daily drinking. my holidays are usually an excuse to drink early and long. good point to about modelling a sober holiday to the teens. 🥰

Hey all, happy Wednesday to us 💕

@ponzusoup - I loved the Sober Diaries part where she wrote about a UK holiday by the sea, where she saw everything through news eyes without the evening wine witch cracking the whip. It's well worth a read.

Hi and welcome, @EastCoastDamsel

I love this thread 💕 I'm about 6 weeks AF now and have had so much support,

@ponzusoup I'm feeling a bit worried about our holiday as well. We're doing all inclusive which is sort of made to make you feel like you need to "get your money's worth" I'm planning on stuffing my face with all the food (!) and maybe trying to book into early yoga classes or something like that. Something that I wouldn't want to do with a hangover so that I have a reason not to drink each evening. We have 3 days in the capital city before the AI which I'm really not worried about at all though. I guess we just have to try and play it forward the whole time. Think about the lovely morning's without a hangover

@Itsrainingten - how long have you been AF now? It's 6 months isn't it?

You'll be fine on holiday. I've read your posts on here and you are doing the work.

You've really got to know yourself - it's so impressive.

@NextPhaseOfLife what a lovely thing to say thank you ❤️
Yes I'll be 6 months next week.

6 months. I mean that's just such a fantastic achievement. I bet you're a different person, mentally.

Aw. Thank you so much @ponzusoup @NextPhaseOfLife and @WendyWagon this seems such a supportive space 💕.

I think the issue is my perception of the AA really. Not necessarily the reality l. But for the longest time I have been able to fool myself that I (and other drinkers like me) don't have a "problem" because I (or they) haven't hit "rock bottom".

Anyway, just come off an online support meeting which I found helpful and have subscribed to a couple of podcasts (Bee Sober).

Will check out Sober Powered and The Sober Diaries.

The ‘rock bottom’ thing is dangerous, I think. Even comatose in a drunk tank people think there is further to fall, or it seems like that if they really want a drink. If people wait for the worst to happen it probably will - but it will come with a whimper, rather than a bang.

I had some pretty low points, but it wasn’t until I was told I would die if I carried on drinking that I took any notice of the obvious. It wasn’t ‘rock bottom’ in the way that’s portrayed on TV. There was no intensive care, no blue lights or yellow eyes - it was just a man in a white coat giving me a diagnosis. All very low key and polite. Maybe if I’d ignored him and carried on drinking I’d have found a real rock bottom if I was waiting for one.

I stopped much more easily than I thought possible and immediately wished I’d done so earlier, though, so I’m pleased I didn’t.

@ShyMaryEllen thank you. Yes, one of the things that was holding me back from stopping was the fear of failure.

Like, I was so worried that it would be so difficult that I would fail and then be a disappointment to myself (again).

I actually decided just on a break (90 days) on Sunday and told DH and other family members that, but knowing that breaks have been tough int the past, I decided to look for an app to keep me accountable and stumbled onto this board from Active Conversations.

I started listening to A Naked Mind which I saw mentioned on here somewhere and by Monday evening knew I wanted to stop for good and had the confidence that it IS possible!

Having said that, yesterday was difficult, not that I wanted to drink so much as feeling low and a bit flat. Having learnt about anhedonia and alcohol's effect on my experiences and emotions, I could see though that it was part of the healing journey and tried to be gentle with myself.

Anyway enough rambling, thank you for reading.

Day 6 here we come 💪 .

One Day at a time.

@EastCoastDamsel you can do this today. we've got your back

@ShyMaryEllen good to hear from you as ever. hope you're ok.

i've discovered sparkling kombucha as my friday evening treat drink btw. it gets me through DP having a beer and that witching hour. there are these ones from asda which are nice and low cal low sugar

groceries.asda.com/product/energy-drinks/lo-bros-living-drinks-organic-kombucha-ginger-lemon-cans/1000198047543

they aren't an energy drink as such dunno why listed as such. but a good price.

lovely over lots of ice with a slice of lime.

Morning all.

Hair do day today.
I had a nice compliment from my cousin that I looked twenty years younger! I'll take that. I think when you're very big and chesty you can look mumsy.

My DHs friend has invited us to his silver wedding party tomorrow. I am a bit nervous to be honest. I don't know the people and my old action would be Dutch courage. I might have to get some AF tins for the handbag. It's a big compliment from the husband because it's been a polite decline for years. I was too embarrassing.

AF gin tonight and bitter lemon.

You'll be looking great with your new hairdo, @WendyWagon ! Don't worry - everyone's anxious in the first 20 mins until their drink kicks in - and then they'll start to relax, and that'll take the pressure off you!

It'll be nice to observe these new people with clear eyes - and some of them may turn out to be non-drinkers too. The sloppy ones will soon become apparent, and you'll be glad you're not one of them.

Have a great time!

@WendyWagon

Bloody brilliant - that's a great compliment.
Your work is paying off 👏👏👏

That's a powerful message, @ShyMaryEllen

Thank you for sharing. Rock bottom coming with a whimper, not a bang, is a frightening thought.

Had a visit to mum today - in her 90s, with dementia, 5 hour journey away. Bloody awful but her carers were so kind to me afterwards- I was pretty upset but they reckon she’s mainly guilt tripping me. The thought that went round and round my head as I left was “no wonder I bloody drank”

Being kind to myself this evening.

Hope everyone is doing ok, particularly if you find Friday nights tricky

well done @Onewildandpreciouslife that sounds tough. doing the visit in a day is hard but the best way it's what i tend to do with my mum otherwise i just get triggered and want to drink. glad the carers were kind and confirmed your mums modus operandi. i always think there's no point drowning alongside my miserable mum she may as well just take herself down.

i'm getting through friday night with some kombucha and chocolate. hope everyone is ok.

That's really tough @Onewildandpreciouslife . Families can be so tricky .

Oh and @ponzusoup , I got some kombucha for tonight. Sparkling Peach and Strawberry. 😋

hope you enjoy it @EastCoastDamsel hope your friday night is ok and keep your eyes on the prize which is a clear headed guilt free saturday morning!

Morning all.
Up early as my meds have changed.

I had a huge urge to drink last night which I know is fear. I'm not looking forward to tonight. I can't stand so I can't dance.
My clothes are either too big or too corporate. Anyway I took myself upstairs and watched the gardening. I survived.

I might try Tmax for a frock later. My hair is a great colour but my hairdresser ignored my wishes. I am back to a bob which I didn't want. I quite like the Jenny Éclair I had last year. Family though so difficult to argue.

Have a good day all