New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

That's brilliant, @HappyAsAGrig

Congratulations 💕👏💕

Thanks, guys! It feels good to have made that mental step.

I found I’m not thinking about alcohol from day to day; I don’t need resolution to stay off it (except probably special occasions) because I’m fine with the Guinness Zero as a grown up drink and otherwise just water.

The sweet cravings haven’t stopped though. When does that get better? I passed the three month mark this weekend.

Morning all.
My scans were all clear - whoop! Whoop! And we agreed I’d move on to annual scanning, which is a bit scary but feels like the right thing to do.

Sorry to hear about your DC @threeandmeandthedog but you are doing brilliantly to take it face on and not trying to escape.

@HappyAsAGrig great to hear you’ve had that mind shift- it’s magic when it happens, that sense of freedom. I am sorry I can’t remember when the sugar cravings stopped, and I do still use sugar as a comforter now, but I console myself there are worse things I could do.

Im reading Push off from Here by Laura McKowen at the moment and it is really good. One thing she talks about is the importance of community in sobriety. This thread IS my sober community, but I really think I need to build one in real life too. I have had a look at “sober events near me” but they all seem aimed at much younger people. Someone shared info about a group on here, but it was £15 a month which sounded a bit steep at the time, but maybe it would be worth it.

One of my favourites….

Wonderful news about the scan, @Onewildandpreciouslife !

On a personal level, I want to thank you. When I was dancing around the edges of sobriety, and in my very early days, you were extremely encouraging and kind. I gave up being MalbecJunkie and picked a more outward-looking name at your suggestion too. It helped me reframe my thinking.

I know we all help and encourage people here, and I’m immensely grateful for that. I just wanted you specifically to know what a difference you made.

Thank you

Great news about the scan!!

I am still a sugar hound after 7 years🙄. I wasn’t before, but when I stopped my appetite was poor, I was transitioning from working full time to being at home, so things like meal times were erratic and I ate a lot of things like rice pudding and ice cream, plus the sugary AF wine. I didn’t try to regulate what I ate, as my energies went into stopping drinking. I do need to cut out the sugar now though. Covid didn’t help as I was locked down hard, so exercise was rare, and I’ve gained a lot of weight (which is also bad for the liver).

Honestly, it sometimes feels as though life’s about giving up one damned thing after another 😂

For now though, I would prioritise staying off the booze, and if you need a sugar hit to get you through, so be it.

There's a saying at our AA group, 'you won't get charged driving under the influence of quality street'.
Sugar can be your friend for a while.

Morning lads.

@HappyAsAGrig congratulations! That's amazing!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm so pleased for you that the scan was good news.

@threeandmeandthedog that's a lot to be managing. Sending you strength x

@ShyMaryEllen fingers crossed for you. I second Pals, within the stretched NHS they can help make sure you are heard.

Lovely news @Onewildandpreciouslife

I am sure they wouldn't move you to annual scanning if they didn't think it was the right thing to do. It's a very positive step!

I am currently embarking on another stint of being sugar free (I have stopped all refined / processed sugar.... again!). Sadly I notice parallels with my sugar and my alcohol consumption. I am very "all or nothing" with sugar and was with wine. Once I had one glass of wine, I knew the bottle was going to be finished. Once I opened wine on a Tuesday evening, I knew that week would see me drinking every night.... I am the same with sugar. I cannot moderate / control myself.

I am over 2 years in to being AF though so it's time to tackle the sugar demon.

In the early weeks / months (even the first year) I was very much of the mindset that I can eat what I want as long as I am not drinking. Think I took that little mantra a wee bit too far 😂

@Crunchymum sugar is really addictive, isn't it? Let's share recommendations for cutting down? I can recommend rhubarb and custard flavoured boiled sweets (sugar free) from Aldi. They come in little boxes so fit in a handbag, and are good for cravings as well as breath freshening and if you feel a bit thirsty but can't get a glass of water. They are also popular with dogs. I was in a kitchen showroom yesterday and the owner had his dog in there. I put my bag next to my chair and a few minutes later saw the dog munching on my sweets - he'd opened the bag and run off with them 😂
Anyway, they are as good as sugary ones, and cheap as chips (and lower fat than chips, too!)

@HappyAsAGrig that feeling of being a non-drinker is great, isn't it? I'm sure it will be downhill from now on for you, which is fabulous. Congratulations.

That’s such a lovely message to get @HappyAsAGrig - thank you.
How we speak to / about ourselves is so important - a change of user name can be surprisingly powerful

@HappyAsAGrig what a lovely message - @Onewildandpreciouslife, I too am loving this thread, so thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻 for continuing your amazing support xx

these are good but expensive. high protein so will really fill you up. low sugar. i've treated myself during early sobriety.

day 19 here.

bettervits.co.uk/products/protein-bar?_atid=iWdCexzds69YDJptOwthzPFadkqzn9

@ShyMaryEllen that is exactly shay my dog would do if she sniffed sweets!

what not shay!

I love a lemon sherbet.
I don't really like chocolate and don't eat cake or puds, (I wonder why I was so big?), ah it was the wine!
5-7 bottles a week. Add in the cheese that I no longer eat.
When I was first on here I use to buy mangoes and pineapples. I love them but I don't get a sniff in. Leaving them in the fridge is at huge risk of pinching by adult son. Scoffer.
The dog loves a shortbread biscuit. I rate Aldi fingers better than Fortnum.

I got some AF wine from Amazon, which one of the reviews said was low in sugar. It has 6g per glass, which equates to 1.5 teaspoons. As I am likely to drink the whole bottle, that's a lot - 10.5 teaspoons. Slightly lower than the fizz, but sugary nonetheless. There was no sugar info on the listing, so I went by the reviews. Someone said he liked it as it was so low in sugar it didn't affect his diabetes😐

Oh well, it tastes ok, which is just as well as I got 12 bottles, 6 red and 6 white.

@ShyMaryEllen what does it taste like? drinkable? my posh sparkling kombucha arrived today but saving it for the weekend.

i am so annoyed that i have had this flipping cold for over a week now! i thought i was getting better then went back to work today and had to cross the city to go to a meeting and came home feeling terrible again

it's really masking any benefits from being sober. probably shouldn't have gone out on sunday night but didn't want to let my friend down.

am feeling very harrump about the whole thing.

I've got a glass of the white on the go. It's nice enough. Not great, but AF wine never is. Now I'm used to the lack of body though, it's not bad compared to others I've tried. It's called Bon Voyage, they do red and white, and it's only about a fiver a bottle. I'm reluctant to spend more on AF wine, as there is no tax on it, and that represents most of the cost of the real thing. I've tried McGuigan (not awful, but not nice), Eisberg (yuck), JP Chenet (vile) all the supermarket ones (variable, even in the same range sometimes they are ok and sometimes not - I think they vary their suppliers) and various ones from sites like Dry Drinkers of which I can't remember the names. This is amongst the best of a fairly ropey bunch.

If you like larger try smashed. It tasted like fosters to me.

There's one called Not Guilty that's not bad. It has a lovely Frenchie on the label, too.

I'm not really a beer drinker, @WendyWagon . I don't mind a lager with curry or on a hot night, but I'm more of a wino really.

Hello everyone hope you're all doing ok.
@Onewildandpreciouslife congrats on your clear scan, that's fantastic news.
@HappyAsAGrig congrats on your realisation about yourself too. Also great. And I remember you from before your name change (I've also changed) and I much prefer your new one!
@threeandmeandthedog I'm sorry to hear about your child. You should feel proud of yourself that you're keeping strong and present for them though.
@WendyWagon I'm sorry to hear about your shitty work situation. I hope things are looking up for you soon.
I just watched the Matt Willis programme about addiction. If you don't know who he is (I didn't) he is the bassist from the band Busted. He's also an addict. I sort of wish I hadn't watched it really. I saw so many similarities between him and his life and the other addicts that he spoke to and me. Like having very very few memories of childhood, trauma, no photos of himself as a kid, being the one as a young teen who always got paralytic when out with mates and they're having a few. Just drinking to oblivion from the age of 14 or so. And they had a psychiatrist who described addiction as a repeatedly relapsing disorder. I don't know. It's just made me feel a bit helpless. Like what's the point of I'm just going to bloody relapse anyway. He went 8 years at one point. And he still relapsed.
And I've come to the realisation that I am actually an alcoholic. Fuck. I hate that word. I haven't had a drink in 22 weeks but I'm still an alcoholic. And I always will be by the sound of it. And it's shit.
I'm in bed now so I'm not going to drink tonight. But I don't know about tomorrow. I guess 1 day at a time.
Ugh sorry everyone. I feel like I'm letting you all down. And myself.

Morning all.
Hope you’re feeling ok this morning @Itsrainingten. That sounds like a difficult watch, and I’m sorry it’s stirred up some painful feelings. But his story is not your story. All we can do as messy humans is take it one day at a time. 22 weeks sober is an amazing achievement- there are plenty of people for whom one week sober feels like an impossible dream. But maybe now is the time for you, if you’re not already, to start doing the work - to start addressing all the things underneath your drinking. I don’t know what that looks like for you - maybe it’s therapy, joining a group, reading some books specific to your trauma. It’s hard, but I have to believe it can be done (for all of us). Sending strength and love x

I'm so sorry your having a rough time @Itsrainingten. You've not let anyone down. You've had some challenging thoughts and gone to bed. Im pleased you shared them here. You've helped many people here including myself. I have had to stop listening to the archers due to the alcohol relapse on there.

Claire pooley talks about the voice of the wine witch. I just think it's the voice of addiction... 'come on just have one... what's the point....' etc etc.

That voice of addiction tells us all sorts of crap, alcohol is fun, it'll reduce our stress, we can just escape, it'll make us fun. Etc.

But it's all bolllocks including this. Yes it's bloody hard to stay sober. But people do manage. I have managed a longer period of sobriety previously and relapsed. But, I learnt so much for that time, and I am here doing it again now. I do not for one minute think what was the point of that time before, I'm grateful for it and I'm bloody grateful for not drinking yesterday.

And above anything else I can never think too far ahead. Just stick with today @Itsrainingten what can happen today to care for yourself? X