New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Day five here. Pleased to have got through my first Friday night without booze for years. I took my son to a nature talk at the church (7pm) to break my usual routine. The bastards put on wine and cheese 😬😬but I managed to ride it out. I also have a cold (or at least a sore throat) so I am not really feeling the benefits yet but I did get through my to do list yesterday. Off to Wembley on Sunday for the women's FA cup final - fortunately the wine there is shite.

Well done @Loubelle70 I think weddings can be particularly hard. There's the all day thing, the fact that everyone else is drinking, the toast, and why do they never put on anything nice that's non alcoholic? I don't expect cocktails but a tonic water might be nice! Anyway very well done getting through it.
I went to a concert last night at the O2. It's not somewhere I would have really drunk much anyway (maybe a glass or 2?) because I can't deal with the queues, but it's the first time I've really been thinking about it and I noticed how bloody annoying the really drunk people were. Some were dancing with their (plastic) glasses in the air, spilling them on everyone else, and people kept pushing past me to get to the bar and back which is a palaver because there isn't much space and then you miss a bit of the concert because they're in the way. Made me really glad I wasn't one of them.

Morning all.
Weird sleep as hot and in pain.
However I felt brave and furious this morning so resigned in a elegant manner.
It feels great and gives me some self respect back.
I doubt I'll get a sorry but having been told to wait for a FOF call I thought you can stuff it. My phone died at 9pm and I was still left hanging.
I won't make old bones so I'm going for happiness. I didn't even think about booze just had my beloved milk.

Good luck to all out and about today. Order a seedlip and enjoy the expense. You're worth it. X

Well done on day 5, @Bohemond23 . You did well to resist the wine at the nature talk. The things that sneak up on you are hard. At least when you know there will be temptation you can prepare for it.

I think that having a 'cover story' that covers everything is really helpful. Something that would make you look like a liar if you had a drink. Pregnancy won't cut it most of the time, so general health, medication, weight loss - all of those are ok (I used 'sorting out my health and sleeping') but something more watertight would be better - 'I will drop down dead', or 'my firstborn will have to go and live with goblins if I touch a drop' level of watertight would be ideal. Any ideas people can share? The leakier ones such as mine do give some wriggle room if you need it, but I honestly believe that there is no room for wriggling - we need to convince ourselves that we can't drink, as much as other people. If we know that 'just this once' is ok so long as we climb back on the wagon it just won't work - we are moderating, not giving up, and I don't think that moderation works. It's much harder for a start, and we aren't moderate drinkers anyway.

Do you have a work plan, @WendyWagon ? I don't know the backstory, but it sounds as though you are better off out of it. Are you retiring/giving up work, changing direction or looking for another job in the same sector? Good luck with it, whatever you're planning to do.

I think it’s an interesting question @ShyMaryEllen . I prefer not to use a cover story - in the early days I used to say I was doing Dry January/ Sober Spring (both of which were true), now I just say I don’t drink. Nobody’s pushed me on it for a while - if they do, I tend to get evangelical on the mental health and physical benefits, and they soon regret it 🤣

I just say I don't drink now, but at first I wanted a story - partly as I was desperately ashamed, and partly as I didn't know if I could do it, so the thought of telling the world that I'd given up was too scary. Plus, I don't think it's anyone's business but mine, and people were used to me being the one topping up her glass and opening another bottle, so not drinking was noticeable in the early days.

Even now, there are those who ask why I don't drink, or if I ever drank, and I can avoid going into detail by saying that I used to, but wanted to sort out my health when I left work, so gave up caffeine, alcohol and junk food, and realised that I didn't miss the wine, so didn't start again. It doesn't happen often - usually it's someone struggling to make conversation, or the terminally nosy - on the whole nobody cares.

Thankyou ♥️.
Yayy wd too...i know what you mean...i didnt mind when people were getting tipsy, i missed drinking then, but im glad i stayed longer to see how drunk people got (without shaming oc) im glad i wasnt one... embarrassed myself so many times...omg. i just remember last time i drank and embarrassed myself, i would hate for my grandkids to find out...i cant drink at all. Xxxx

Im a foodie 😁...whats your opinions on being sober and making a tiramisu which involves marsala? Its something im ermmm on Xxx

I think it's fine. What needs to be broken is the link between going out/staying in and drinking every evening. Or whenever you did it. I suppose it's possible that the TV trope of a long-term sober ex-drinker accidentally swallowing a mouthful of whisky and just having to have a whole bottle might be true of some people, but for me it was habit. A deeply ingrained habit that I enjoyed at the start of the evening, but which often turned toxic by nightfall, but a habit all the same. If I went out and bought a glass of wine I wouldn't stop at one. Once I'd had two, there was no chance I wouldn't finish the bottle and get another one. There's a limit to how many tiramisus one person can eat in a sitting 😁

Having your meal with water instead of wine is sensible, as it means you won't want to move to more wine, but not having your pudding of choice is self-denial for the sake of it, IMO. Others might feel differently, and if you find that a portion of tiramisu makes you crave a tumbler of marsala then don't do it, but otherwise, I doubt it will do any harm.

Personally I like sherry trifle but I didnt drink the stuff. Cooked out wine in sauces is OK to me too.

@ShyMaryEllen I am one of the oldest execs in my industry. I am also one of a very few women at my level. Since covid I have been undermined by three men of my own age group. None as well qualified as me or from my industry. None have been my line manager but all have insured I have left so they could shine. One even referred to me as The fat see you next Tuesday! Another made up total lies about my work practices. He even forged signatures. That one is off to the clink shortly.
Young guys are fine with me and anyone over 60 like the chairman. My three best bosses have been women. Sadly a lot of my female cohort retired post covid, I didn't. I love my work and I have a dependant med student. The earliest I can retire is 60..
I do have a interview next week but the headhunter has fannied around. I am too disabled to stack beans otherwise I would. However at least none of my fights can be blamed on the booze!
One day at a time lads.

I don't think alcohol In dessert would bother me, @Loubelle70, because my Wine/prosecco is a habit (and a want) rather than a need.

I don't think I want to risk it though!

Alcohol in food isn't advised for people with alcohol addiction though - and as in tiramisu, it's not cooked at all (I think?) all the ABV remains,

What's your view?

Thankyou...im not sure tbh...its my favorite dessert 😁...i dont think it would make me rush back to booze..like yourself i like wine not sherry, marsala etc. i think i will sit on it for a while. No its not cooked ♥️ xxx

You sound like me .. one drink...never happens.
I think i will be safe with tiramisu..like you say i think id die of heart attack before getting tipsy 😁. I think i will sit on it for a bit until ive stopped drinking longer...i dont think its that i will start drinking again but like ive cheated , do you get me?

I don't think it's about cheating. We can only cheat ourselves with this, and I'm not sure that counts, as we're the only ones who suffer from it, and obviously we are the ones who know if we're telling lies. If we're drinking enough for others to suffer too, we aren't cheating - they know. It's easy to overcomplicate things, but either we drink or we don't - it's actually very straightforward. I'm not saying it's easy, as it isn't. Stopping drinking after years and years of it being a big part of our lives is bloody difficult, but it's not complicated.

It's about finding what works for us (as individuals) and making it happen. Some people will want to be properly teetotal and avoid alcohol in nearly AF drinks and in cooking, others will be happy if they stop drinking.

Thankyou @ShyMaryEllen

the way i say it i am chasing the buzz of the alcohol not the alcohol per se. so if i sherry trifle won't give me a buzz i can eat it.

@WendyWagon your industry sounds really hard for older women. shame on them. but sadly all too frequent in the working world.

i being driven mad by teenagers this evening. have had to walk away as am craving a g&t in response to the stress

see it, not say it.

@ShyMaryEllen totally agree with what you said there - giving up drinking is very hard but not very complicated.

Great way of looking at it. Ty..i agree. I think i will make a tiramisu next week with marsala but no tbf mad xxxx

I have just downed a af G&T from marks. Very nice.
@ponzusoup my industry is beauty. Founded by women after WW1 to give hope and employment to those women whose fiancées didn't come home. The problem is a lot of men think how hard can it be to sell a bit of lipstick? I've had to report to doughnut sellers, nappy men and viagra pushers. All think we are as thick as mince and they know best. It's really making me question if I like men but my DH is lovely as was my dad.
I shall just have to avoid what the DD calls the gammons! Bring on the young ones or the dapper old boys, they like me, I remind them of Maggie!

Third Saturday, alcohol free.

Went to a lovely friend's party last night. Had a great time, drinking Stella Zero, chatting, laughing, and driving home.

And best of all... the sleep score 😮😮😮

well done @NextPhaseOfLife that's great!

may i ask how you get that sleep score? looks useful!

also third saturday AF have a cold so drank tea and watched telly. all good though

Congratulations to all!

I am seriously considering giving up my AF fizz, as it's full of sugar and I need to lose weight. I have a bottle most nights, and dread to think of the amount of sugar that represents. It's odd, as the calorie content isn't anywhere near as high as that of wine. Each glass is 32kcal, but has 75g of sugar! I don't understand how that works, but it's not good, is it?

If anyone can recommend a low sugar, alcohol free 'adult' drink that I could switch for the fake prosecco, that would be amazing. I'd rather have something in a wine-size bottle, so I can spread it over the whole evening, but I'm open to any suggestions people might have, please.