No alcohol April - the place to share, moan and support

[Thelittlestranger]

Hello everyone!

Starting a new thread, my first one! Big thanks to @noalcohol2024 who originally set up these threads.

Come and chat if you are just giving it a go, starting a longer journey, or sober-curious.

Day 91 for me. I started this thinking I would do 100 days, and now I'm not sure when I'll stop. If at all.

This thread is certainly helping me though. Last night when I saw the bar and that instant thought entered my head I did actually think how awful would it be to come on here and admit I hadn’t got through the first week. I know people would have been understanding but honestly, that would have made me feel really low.

I have just checked the TryDry app and I'm 119 days sober.

I know I keep banging on about them but sober Instagram accounts have really helped me.

My mantra is 'play the tape forwards'

For me that means:

Blackout drunk.

Giving people unsolicited advice on jobs, health, relationships. I get really self righteous.

Buying randoms drinks.

Eating shit food

Sometimes crying or starting a row with my partner.

God knows what else as 'blackout' would kick in.

Waking up the next morning with the awful physical symptoms, but worse was the...

...Horrible mental health (anxiety and depression) that lasts for days

Fear of checking bank balance and WhatsApp messages

Fear of friends or colleagues texting 'how's the head? LOL' etc

Fear that I'd lost something important on the night out

Strange bruises or cuts where I'd fallen over and didn't remember

The main thing was the anxiety and super low mood. I can't handle it any more. I'm mid 40's and already worried about Peri menopause! I can't through ethanol in with that as well.

DESPITE all this, I still get cravings and feel like I am missing out a bit on a 'good night'. I have been well and truly brainwashed! I am staying strong though and have filled the fridge with AF drinks. My dangertime though is socialising. I've stayed a bit of a hermit these last few months.

Well done @DormantDragon for challenging your behaviour. Keep WHY in mind. We are all in this together.

Well done @AFmammaG as well. I would also have felt the pull of the bar!

I have to say, waking up with a clear head and feeling smug after temptation like that is very satisfying.

@wannabedry 119 days is awesome, congratulations. I really recognise myself in your post below, I also become self righteous and often rude when I've had too much to drink.

It's my day 100 today - not my first one either, though this time I have zero intention of ever going back. I've tried it, and shocker - moderation doesn't work.

@DormantDragon I recognise where you are, I was also a bottle a day a while ago. No shame here, the only way is up.

Well done on day 100 @TeeNoG!!

How have you found it this time round? Have your friends and family been supportive?

I feel like I can moderate in certain situations (drinking at home and when it's just me and partner) but on nights out and weddings/bdays, I just lose the plot. I guess that means I can't moderate?

Eurgh I wish the world wasn't geared around 'let's meet up for a drink'.

Another one here who simply can't drink in moderation. If the bottle's opened, it's as good as gone.
Been involved in a toxic friendship recently, based largely on day drinking, which I've now ended so we'll see how I fare!!

That's great you've ended the friendship @Dexterrolledoffthesofa

I had a 'friend' who was a massive drinker and would turn up with mine with two bottles of Prosecco and we'd get through four bottles between us on Friday and Saturday nights. He was a 6' bloke and I'm a 5'3 woman whose glass was being constantly topped up by him. I experienced loads of blackout nights with him and he said he would blackout as well. And yet we kept on doing the same thing.

I don't see him at all now thank god.

I was a big drinker. 2 bottles easy a night, every night.

Then I had a Stroke and I haven't drunk since. I'm at 11 months now. I do miss occasionlly but I think about it once every 1-2 months.

It's done wonders to my panic attacks. I don't get them at all anymore - 11 months of nothing.

Hi everyone. I’m on day 3, still feel so tired & a bit sick.
I haven’t given any of my back story yet…
I’m not a everyday/night drinker, but come Friday through to Sunday I would binge/black out completely ruin/miss the weekend & hate myself on a Monday vow to give up & be right back to square 1 the next Friday, made some absolute shows on nights out, & done something’s I couldn’t even write down, I now tend to not go out so I can drink without eyes on me 🤦🏻‍♀️ missed out on so much because I have absolutely no switch of button, my kids have both seen me absolutely smashed/blacked out, they are both adults now, I just want to enjoy my life without wine as I’m certainly not enjoying life with it, but it’s got me in it’s grips, I’m really going to give this a go, I want to be that outdoorsy, 5am wild simmer, hiking, happy sober person 🥰 I keep seeing on my sober pages on fb I follow xx

Thank you all for sharing your highs and lows - so much of it hits home.

My back story is that I can moderate, but it's really hard work. And my moderating is two measured drinks daily, more on weekends. No-one would point at me and say booze was ruining my life, but when I started to get gin related Christmas presents I started to realise that alcohol was very much seen as part of who I am.

I've had my fair share of day long hangovers, giving advice where it wasnt asked for, being argumentative for no reason and at the end of last year the nights out started become more often and more hedonistic where I found it hard to say no. I started dreading the hangovers more than the night out. Time to stop.

I'm on a bit of a journey in general to find out who I am and what I enjoy and not drinking is helping that. Perhaps a mid life crisis, or perhaps it's just the right time.

And well done @TeeNoG on your milestone 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Lots of sentiment expressed here by people that I’m coming to agree with . I see the value of my life and i want to be as healthy as I can be for as long as i can be. I don’t want to be incapacitated on the 40s or 50s with heart problems/stroke/medication etc etc etc. I want to see my children grow up and see my grandchildren. And i want to be an active part of their lives.

I actually enjoy my life so why did I drink (what I’m now coming to realise is poison) alcohol to dull my enjoyment of my life?

don’t get me wrong - I actually hate aspects of my life and know that i drank to escape parts of it (looking at you teenage daughter!). But guess what? I was like an ostrich in the sand! the problems were still there and drunk me got to deal with them - and drunk me dealt with them BADLY!

another win for me this week. I’m in my in laws house for a week. They are very generous and have copious amounts of wine available. But I haven’t drank anything! i bought a grown up cordial with sparkling water and I’m really enjoying that instead.

Day 89. Looking forward to Saturday night which will be 3 months!

@Oopsdiditagain . I identify ! My kids are grown up and it worries me so much now looking back thinking they saw me in some right states .. arguing with my ex husband etc . I got divorced but went off the rails for a couple of years .. but I have always been a drinker. Last few years really happy .. remarried. All ok . I'm 57 and drank to varying degrees since I was 16. Have had soooo many day ones but I've really had enough now. I don't drink on a binge basis .. more a steady half bottle of wine most nights, sometimes almost a bottle , leaving that bit in the bottom to prove I didn't drink it all, then tip it down the sink the next morning...I'm on Day 4 .. we don't have to get up at 5am and go swimming either .. we just need to stay sober

Day 11 here.

Does anyone have any advice please?

Who are you without booze?

I feel like since I've stopped (again) I don't know what to do with myself, especially the evenings.
I'm trying the distraction/self care but I just don't know what I like or what I want to do. Single mum, so stuck at home most nights. The nights I could socialise I stay in... because my entire social circle is based around the pub & thats what had me falling (Well, spectacularly diving!) Off the wagon last time.
It seems my 'hobby' was drinking wine!

I feel lonely & boring sat on the sofa in my pjs with a hot choc every night.

I don't know yet. That's part of the journey for me.

I do know I'm learning that I don't like busy, loud pubs. Or being around drunk people when I'm not. Or feeling rubbish in the morning.

I'm discovering long walks, board games and I really, really want to discover my love of reading again (always impossible after a drink)

Just had an after work drink where I opted for my first non-alcoholic gin in 2 months. It was revolting 🤣 I see that as a win.

Ah yes! I have bought 2 books 📚
Haven't read properly for years & they are still sat there!
I am loving being a more present mum, feeling like I'm not dying dragging my arse out of bed & slowly the sleep is getting better.
I avoided starting many series on Netflix etc or taking so long to watch them because I knew 3 glasses in I wouldn't be able to follow anymore & forget what I watched.
I can't seem to settle though, now I just scroll mumsnet/random socials all night 🤣

Thanks for kind comments about my day 100 🙂.

Have my friends and family been supportive? In a word, yes. My husband is very supportive and I think he really understood before I did that I am much much happier without drinking. Friend wise, all my current friends are supportive. That said, I did 2 years sober 2019-2021 and during that time my 'best friend' ditched me. I can only assume that's it's because really we were drinking partners, and she didn't want to change the dynamic. Did it hurt? Yes. Would I change it? No - if my not drinking doesn't suit people, then fine. I'm not going to drink to make other people feel at ease.

@Manchestermummax3 I think it's a great question, and I agree with @Thelittlestranger, it's part of the fun finding out.

I've been thinking about it today. I used to live for music and I honestly don't think I've listened to music properly for years..... so I enjoyed doing that today. I love reading, I've been doing more of that. Walking more. Just generally finding an interest in more things and being able to absorb the information. I definitely lost myself a bit but hopefully I'll be fully formed again one day soon.

I think I need to give it the same perspective as you & @Thelittlestranger suggest.

Embrace it! 🤗

I actually have this weekend child free (I'd usually be pissed/hungover most of it) maybe it's the perfect opportunity to try out some of the things I've been procrastinating about!

I'm joining you all. On day 5. Did DJ and then just drank far too much in Feb and March. Yesterday was hard - I don't work on Fridays so Thursday is the first day of the weekend. I managed to stick it out.

I've already started having trouble sleeping but am hoping it will get better. Just booked a holiday in September so am going to aim to keep going until then. But at the moment just planning to get through today.

Good night all

Morning all.
Just reading through and it struck me (again) how subjective “problem” drinking is, and the terms around alcohol consumption in general. I’d hazard a guess that most of us on here would shy away from calling ourselves alcoholics. Perhaps we don’t drink anything before midday and haven’t got a vodka bottle hidden in our handbags…
Yet, for me, I’ve long been uncomfortable with my alcohol consumption and therefore surely, being unable to control it, that makes me an alcoholic. Or alcohol dependent at least.
Than I’ve been thinking, does it really matter what I call it? On this thread, we’ve all had the courage to face our dependencies on drink. For every one of us doing that, there are thousands who have the same issues which aren’t yet facing them or naming them. Whether we stay dry or not, we have accepted that we don’t like the dynamic and are trying to do something about it.
”Moderating” is another loose term. I can see that for most, to moderate means drinking without getting blind drunk. I’ve realised I can’t “moderate”, but for me that means have alcohol free days. I rarely get drunk, but massively struggle to not have a couple of glasses (and maybe more) every single night.
What’s my point? Not entirely sure… maybe just that this is all really personal. I might think I have an alcohol dependency, when my friend drinks exactly the same and doesn’t think she has an issue at all. I can’t really expect her to understand my fight, then, if she doesn’t think there’s even a battle.
So, it’s a lonely, personal journey, this, for me. One front in front of the other and hoping I get to the point where I am not dependent on alcohol, in whatever way I see that dependency to mean.

@PissPotPourri well said x

@PissPotPourri
What you say has struck a real chord with me.
I wouldn't have called myself an alcoholic, as I don't have that hidden bottle of vodka, I don't drink every day. Yet my husband thinks I am because when I do drink, it's like a demon is unleashed in me.
And yes, moderation for me is being able to remember the night before.
I've done and said some horrible things to the people I love most whilst in drink, and don't remember the next day.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. Sorry, I'm rambling (and I'm stone cold sober!!)

@PissPotPourri total get where you are coming from. I’m in this situation with my DH. He thinks our level of drinking is completely normal and sees no need to alter it.
Whereas I’m seriously worried about how much I drink. I’m worried about how awful the hangovers are. I’m worried about what my kids see as normal drinking in our house.
It’s time for a change, for me at least.

@PissPotPourri I can totally relate.
I've decided not to label anything... because what use is it? I know I use it as a coping mechanism, I know I can't moderate.

It's all definitely a very personal experience for us & I've spent months on these boards before posting. I get the loneliness. I don't know anyone who is an 'alcoholic' or anyone who does or appears to have an unhealthy relationship with booze so I have no one in RL to talk to. Plus there's the shame/guilt/embarrassment I feel.

Does anyone have any recommendations of people/accounts/sites to follow? I find myself seeking people I can relate to, who won't judge & also won't recognise me on the school run! 🤣

Morning all. I agree about the personal nature of our relationship with alcohol. It's interesting that those questionnaires you can do about "are you an alcoholic" have questions about whether you have felt guilt or remorse about drinking, whether you haven't been able to do things you should have done etc.

I think that if your drinking is making you feel miserable then it's time to rethink whether you are drinking a glass of wine a week or a bottle of wine a day.

The issue is that the more you are drinking, usually, the harder it is to just stop as it changes the way our brain functions.

I'm focusing very much on that "just one drink" thought - a lot of the thinking about drinking is the anticipation of the first glass of the day and all the nice feelings it will bring. I'm trying to big up my long term thinking - how will I feel tomorrow, and the next day to overcome those reflex impulses.

I'm out for a quiz tonight and have offered to drive which of course will make it much easier for me to not drink - strange that isn't it? I know I won't sit there through the quiz wishing I had a drink.