Think I want to give up alcohol

[Jeffsmeffsmiff]

I definitely used to be a problem binge drinker. Regularly drank to blackout levels on a night out and that would happen every few weeks. Have been a lot better at moderating the last few years for the most part. Did have one night at a wedding where I drank too much and actually fell asleep at the table (after the meal thank god) a year or 2 ago and last NYE at a party I had a very patchy memory the next morning. Yesterday was my work Christmas party. I had 4 drinks (wine) and really honestly wasn't that drunk. I have no memory loss, didn't do anything stupid (well I was probably boring people with repetitive chat, but nothing too awful) and got home at a reasonable time. I actually was pleased with myself for having a diet coke as my 5th drink meaning I stopped at the 4th glass of wine. But then this morning I was absolutely riddled with anxiety. Almost as bad as when I've binged to blackout levels. I don't know why. And I've realised that I'm just not good at moderation. I DID stop. But I should have stopped at 2 really.
I know there is a genetic element to addiction and both my parents are / were alcoholics. 1 sadly drank themselves to death in their 40s, the other is still with us and I'd class them as a "functional alcoholic" so I'm sure I do have a tendency to not be able to control my alcohol use. So really I want to know - should I just stop? I should, shouldn't I? And if so how? I suffer from anxiety generally and it's always worse when I drink, but then at social events I'm anxious so I DO drink. It's a bit of a vicious cycle really.
I don't want to have to explain myself to anyone, but if I don't say anything then how do I still go to social events? And what CAN I drink? I really hate sweet drinks like juice / lemonade etc.
Also and I know this is really stupid but I feel like I'd like to be able to have a glass of 2 of champagne at special events like Christmas day or a wedding (not just a night out though, genuinely special events) but is that a bad idea? What do I do? Thank you

Thank you. I did use the Alan Carr Easyway to give up smoking about 15 years ago so I know it works. I've already ordered a couple of books mentioned by PP so I'll try them first since EasyWay is SO boring a read 😁. I will definitely give it a go though if I need more help.
And I do think now is the perfect time to try really. If I can get through Christmas then it's got to be all downhill from there. And if I fail then me and DH often do dry Jan anyway so people will expect that of me, and I'll already be month in before anyone would even think I might have a drink. So I guess it's a win either way.

I'll try them first since EasyWay is SO boring a read

I agree. It is actually!!!!! 😂

I had to keep telling myself "this is better than a hangover at least...."

I want to give up sugar now, so I will probably have a bash at that one which will also be repetitive.

I am giving up sugar because I bought my Xmas goodies early, scoffed the lot and felt ill. Argh. Need to enjoy Christmas without mainlining sugar! I can't wait until after Christmas to do this. I will however allow myself Christmas cake on the actual day. That will be worth it, instead of guzzling cheap crappy chocs anyway.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Also, you can invoke being on antibiotics. Say it's for your gums or something. I had a friend who had to go on those for 3 months once. Low dose antibiotics (doxycycline) but alcohol was discouraged.

And what CAN I drink? I really hate sweet drinks like juice / lemonade etc.

There are more and more alcoholic free things now.

What is your usual drink of choice?

I am free of it. Also alcoholism running in my family. I feel great without it. First week was difficult but I just stopped dead, which is not recommended. Better and safer to wean yourself off.

Now I've got to work on cutting down coffee. I tend to go all out on everything, I don't do things by halves.

I drink j2o, Aldi flavoured fizzy pop like elderflower and apple, coke zero, pure orange, cordial, fruit punch, alcohol free craft beer or lager (had a funny name i cant remember). Ice cubes, I add to all drinks. I'm obsessed with cold drinks that feel like they could be mixers.

Well done.
I don't drink anymore. My mental health couldn't handle the hangovers. The feeling of doom was engulfing. I literally felt like something really really bad was going to happen to me or my loved ones and until the hangover faded, nothing could get rid of it.
Even now, the thought of the hangover is enough to put me off drinking.
I too have alcoholism in my family and desperately do not want to go down that route.
Life is so much better without alcohol..
you will feel so much freer once you stop.
I drink a sparkling water with plenty of ice and a slice usually and no one comments.
I have young DC so if anyone does I just say alcohol and early mornings don't go well together- shuts them up!

Well I had my first big night out last night and managed to not drink. Dinner and seeing a band with a group of friends. I was a coward and said I was on antibiotics but it worked and nobody pressured me. And I had a really good evening. I even had a dance with an AF beer in my hand. And I'm about to head out for a exercise class which I definitely wouldn't be doing if I had been drinking. So I'm feeling quite pleased.
I have a family party later on though. I think that might be much harder.

Well done OP! and no post party anxiety is wonderful.

It's ok to say anti biotics, doesn't make you a coward at all. What I say now when people ask me why I am not drinking is: "because it makes me feel like shit". It's not a lie- it absolutely does, and what on earth can they say to that?- "well, I want you to feel awful?", no-one so far has had the balls to say that to me. Plenty of people don't drink, it's becoming more and more usual/common and it doesn't mean all who choose that must have "a problem" any more.

Other things to say are:

"I'm focussing on health/fitness and alcohol just makes me really tired"
"I just don't feel like it tonight"
"I don't like the way it makes me feel- gives me awful headaches now"
"I just can't sleep after alcohol, it makes me feel exhausted the next day"
"I want to be up early tomorrow to go to xyz"

I am sure you don't go around policing what is in everyone else's glass (eg "why on earth are you drinking vodka, you should be drinking wine!" etc) so they have NO right to do the same to you!

Hi OP, hope the family party went well. You sound extra toy the same as me. I don't drink every night, nor every week and sometimes I'll have a couple of drinks at home with my partner and I can stop after two. My issue is socializing with friends and work related activities. I can never stop at two and just go 'full throttle' with it only to wake up the next day with anxiety and shame, guilt etc. I often black out although friends have only ever said it seemed like I was fine and having a good time. That scares me.

The tipping point came last Thursday on a work Christmas lunch where I had a wine and three cocktails. I felt 'merry' but not drunk. I then went out with others and had a few spirits - again, not loads and I remember all of the evening but the following day I experienced such awful anxiety and low mood. It's the worst I have ever felt. I didn't have a hangover, so no headache or feeling sick, it was all just mental and it was the absolute pits.

I've not had a drop since. I've done a further work Christmas meal sober and a meet with friends which I did sober. I just told them my anxiety is too bad the next day for me to be boozing at the moment. I'm not sure if I will quit for good but at the moment, the depression the next day is not worth the few drinks the night before....

I managed the family party too. As the only adult not drinking alcohol. And I was honest about anxiety being the reason. Nobody pressured me. I drank Nosecco when everyone else had champagne and then AF beer. And it was absolutely fine. I actually had a really nice time although I was much more aware of other people being a bit drunk than I would have been normally which was weird.

Well done OP..

I'm exactly the same, @wannabedry . Crippling anxiety and depression the next day, even after just 2 or 3 glasses of wine. Ten years ago I gave up for 6 weeks, with a view to becoming teetotal, and I felt amazing. Happy, full of energy. My skin improved dramatically. But then I thought I could go back to the odd glass of wine with a meal, etc. and of course, it was soon back to at least a couple of glasses of wine most nights. I really regret not sticking with it, but hey ho.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle the Christmas period, but I'm now planning my Dry January – not as a deprivation but as a very positive glow-up, with some health and beauty treats, nutrition, exercise etc – and am seriously considering totally stopping.

@TeaRose29 - that's the thing for me, I think it's just got to the point where I know deep down that I can't moderate and it sucks!! Why can't I have just a couple of drinks with mates or colleagues? Why do I always flick the 'f&@k it' switch and order another?! Then it's game over. I can moderate with my partner but it's always big social (like weddings or birthdays) and always work events where I go mad on drink and then have severe depression and regret the next day. Plus the paranoia of 'what did I say/do?' And had I upset anyone. It's just too awful so I'm going to give myself the gift of peace of mind by doing 100 days sober and then hopefully that will help me quit forever.

I'm planning on navigating the festive period with AF wine and gin. I've got some in and road tested it and it's actually alright. It's so nice waking up on a Sunday morning with no dread as well, so I need to keep reminding myself of all this time and getting back and to play the tape forward when I think about saying yes to a glass of bubbles. It's just not worth it and I want to free myself from the stress of moderation and drinking 'rules'. Good luck with dry Jan, but why not really challenge yourself and join me in alcohol free Christmas and NY!

@wannabedry 100 days sober is a great idea. I'll join you. I'm 4 days and counting. And if we can do Christmas and NY the following months will be a piece of cake

@Jeffsmeffsmiff Great! That's what I was thinking, if we can do Christmas and NY, then the rest will be easy. I also want to strike whilst the iron's hot and memories of last Friday are still fresh in my head. I still don't want to drink because of that night. I'm ready Janey Lee Grace's book Happy Sober (or something like that) and also listening to loads of quit podcasts! We can do it! I'll start a new thread and tag @TeaRose29 and anyone else who is currently doing or wants to do 100 Days Sober this side of Christmas!!

I have found tonic water, ice, slice of lime /lemon - without the gin - just as nice as a proper G&T. I'd been looking into the AF gins but actually don't need them. And no one can tell there's no gin in there.

The feeling of doom was engulfing. I literally felt like something really really bad was going to happen to me or my loved ones and until the hangover faded, nothing could get rid of it.

That brings back horrible memories!

Yes, it was amazing when I had my lightbulb moment and realised I never had to feel like that again. I was weird, I kept thinking (after I gave up) that one day I'd feel it again, so used as I was to regular hangovers. Then one day, weeks later, I realised this was it - I never, ever needed to feel that way again. It was all up to me! What a feeling of power and freedom it gave me.

Exactly and so good for your skin too.

Wow!!!!! I am so thrilled to read this!!!!! You are amazing!!!!

As you can see, I am quite evangelical about all this. I suffered this misery and I am thrilled when I see other people escape the same prison.

Well said!

Plus more people than we realise are probably secretly wishing to give up too. Who knows who you might inspire to following suit?

As you can see, I am quite evangelical about all this. I suffered this misery and I am thrilled when I see other people escape the same prison.

You and me both! I will not allow myself to feel panicky, anxious and mentally horrific for several days after drinking just to appease someone else's idea of what I "ought" to be drinking. Why should I put myself through that because someone else can't handle me drinking a Diet Coke? It's absolutely ridiculous.

There is no other scenario where people would encourage others to do something that causes them to greatly suffer as a result and drinking is no different. No-one is stopping them drinking, they can have at it as much as they want but they don't get to tell others what to do.

When I gave up, I was worried about my best friend's reaction - I expected her to be judgy but she just said "if that's what you want to do, that's fine." So that was fab

White comes to taste, don't overlook the power of orange, lime and lemon peel. The zesty oil gives you a similar mouth feel to alcohol. I crush mine down and pour over cold coke. My taste buds could be fooled into thinking it's voddy. I think it's one of the reasons I have managed to stay dry.

You and me both! I will not allow myself to feel panicky, anxious and mentally horrific for several days after drinking just to appease someone else's idea of what I "ought" to be drinking. Why should I put myself through that because someone else can't handle me drinking a Diet Coke? It's absolutely ridiculous.

You're absolutely right! Looking at it from the outside, it's utter madness really.

We have such a drinking culture in this country, I wish these types of conversations happened more frequently.

I'll never get the years back I wasted, I hate to see youngsters going down the same path.

A new 100 Days thread would be brilliant, @wannabedry . I’m going to Tesco today to stock up on tonic water, which I love, and I’ve also got a big stash of Nozecco, which is my favourite AF sparkling wine. (I love Noughtys but it’s prohibitively expensive). I’ve also got some Sentia, which I like - it tastes like a sort of bitter mulled wine - but again it’s rather expensive. I haven’t been able to get on with AF gin, I’d rather just have the tonic, I think.

@Kittensat36 , your idea about citrus zest is brilliant. Could you explain how exactly you prepare it?

Hello @Jeffsmeffsmiff how are you doing? Yesterday I had my first alcoholic drink since that fateful evening in December. I'm on holiday and had a limoncello spritz. It felt really weird ordering it and having a sip after five months of no drinking. I didn't enjoy it. I'm not sure if was the flavour (I don't think I've ever had limoncello before and wanted to try it as I'm in Italy rather than 'I want a drink) but I didn't finish it and went back to ordering lemon sodas.

I'm not saying I'll never drink again but I'm still in the mindset of 'it's not worth it' and I've not really missed it either.

Anyway, I thought I'd check in and see how you are? And anyone else @TeaRose29 etc ? Hope you are all well x