Think I want to give up alcohol

[Jeffsmeffsmiff]

I definitely used to be a problem binge drinker. Regularly drank to blackout levels on a night out and that would happen every few weeks. Have been a lot better at moderating the last few years for the most part. Did have one night at a wedding where I drank too much and actually fell asleep at the table (after the meal thank god) a year or 2 ago and last NYE at a party I had a very patchy memory the next morning. Yesterday was my work Christmas party. I had 4 drinks (wine) and really honestly wasn't that drunk. I have no memory loss, didn't do anything stupid (well I was probably boring people with repetitive chat, but nothing too awful) and got home at a reasonable time. I actually was pleased with myself for having a diet coke as my 5th drink meaning I stopped at the 4th glass of wine. But then this morning I was absolutely riddled with anxiety. Almost as bad as when I've binged to blackout levels. I don't know why. And I've realised that I'm just not good at moderation. I DID stop. But I should have stopped at 2 really.
I know there is a genetic element to addiction and both my parents are / were alcoholics. 1 sadly drank themselves to death in their 40s, the other is still with us and I'd class them as a "functional alcoholic" so I'm sure I do have a tendency to not be able to control my alcohol use. So really I want to know - should I just stop? I should, shouldn't I? And if so how? I suffer from anxiety generally and it's always worse when I drink, but then at social events I'm anxious so I DO drink. It's a bit of a vicious cycle really.
I don't want to have to explain myself to anyone, but if I don't say anything then how do I still go to social events? And what CAN I drink? I really hate sweet drinks like juice / lemonade etc.
Also and I know this is really stupid but I feel like I'd like to be able to have a glass of 2 of champagne at special events like Christmas day or a wedding (not just a night out though, genuinely special events) but is that a bad idea? What do I do? Thank you

I used to be like that (binge drinker). I had my first pregnancy this year, unfortunately ended in loss, and the one positive thing to come is that it's totally reformed my relationship with alcohol. I made a big (and difficult!) effort to not drink after the loss, so I didn't numb the emotions. I've now got to the point where I can happily have one or two drinks and then stop - I could never have imagined that before. I hate sweet drinks - I really like alcohol free beer or just a tonic water. if I do have alcohol I make sure it's a proper treat like decent wine. Why not alternate one alcohol and one non alcohol drink? I still go to social events but probably an earlier bed time than before...

I'm really sorry for your loss, but well done for getting on top of your drinking at the same time. Unfortunately I'm not sure that would work for me long term, I gave up alcohol for about a year when I was pregnant then breastfeeding but still find myself crap with moderation.
AF is actually a really good alternative BC it tastes ok and it's not especially obvious that you aren't drinking. Lots of places don't have AF though unfortunately. Like the party yesterday, or weddings etc. the only non-alcoholic options were sweet syrop types. (hence me having a diet coke) I wish they did.

I am shit with moderation too. I don't really drink at all if it's only one or two of rather not bother. But when I do drink it's usually too much and enough to leave me with that anxiety and shitty feeling you talk about. I wish I could just be satisfied with one or two glasses and stop while I'm ahead!

I am also unable to moderate my drinking and I drink quickly when having fun! I am going to enjoy Christmas, do dry January and take it from there.

I do enjoy a lime and tonic water but not as much as I enjoy a glass of red wine!

Deciding not to drink alcohol at all is a liberating decision.

It’s not always easy, because society expects everyone to drink, and it’s sometimes a challenge finding acceptable alternatives, although choice is improving.

But it is so worth it. I used to have really bad social anxiety, but I now find events are actually easier now I don’t drink. I don’t have to monitor myself, and I can have better conversations, although I know to leave when I’m ready.

It takes a while to disentangle the associations with alcohol, but once you do, you can see through the question of “how do I go to a wedding and not drink champagne?”. Why should you have to drink champagne to feel part of it?

In my view, a lot of it is about the glass. Fizzy water in a flute, tonic water with lots of ice and slice in a goblet, mean you look the part. Who cares what’s in it?

You might want to check out this thread of those of us who’ve chosen to live a completely alcohol free life

Living AF every day

Why don’t you just try Dry January and take it from there? It’s an easy answer to anyone offering you a drink, and you can assess how you feel at the end of it.

I think I want to start this side of Christmas really. I have been struggling with anxiety a lot lately, and it just feels like alcohol makes everything worse. And there is so much drinking this time of year. But yeah maybe I could give up for 2 / 3 months and then re-evaluate or something.

Friends who have given up alcohol when they realised they were drinking too much and went down the route of cutting down their intake or gave up and then persuaded themselves to have just one glass at a party, just one glass after work on a Friday, just one glass after work. Just one glass became just 2 glasses and then 1/2 a bottle, then a bottle then they found themselves making their way through the 2nd bottle

It is a slippery slope. I think if you know that once you have 1 glass it leads to a 2nd, 3rd or 4th then it has to be 0 alcohol and you have to think of yourself as tea total

I would dearly love to be able to have a glass of wine as I do like the taste but even the alcohol free wines I have bought all have a tiny amount of alcohol in and I get very drunk on very little.

A liqueur chocolate can make the room spin.

What? Alcohol free wine has alcohol in it? That has blown my mind. If I can't drink AF substitutes I actually don't know how I can do it at all. Do they all have alcohol, or just some of them?

Just some of them. Some are 0% and some are 0.5%. There is probably more alcohol in a ripe banana than 0.5% wine, but different people have different sensitivities and different views on what they’re comfortable doing.

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife I think I'd be ok with 0.5% personally but 0 is better. That's put my mind at rest though. And thanks for the link to your other thread. I've had a read. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to join you guys yet but maybe later

I have up completely around 18 months ago. I did moderation but found the constant negotiation with myself exhausting (eg I'll have some tonight but not tomorrow, I'll only drink at the weekend, I'll only have 2 etc etc). It's easier just to not have any.

There is a great app called Try Dry from the charity Alcohol Change. I really recommend it if you want to stop drinking.

You might find it easier to take the approach of going dry with the attitude of it’s just making the decision not to drink (and having one soft drink ) one drink at a time, one day at a time, so it doesn’t seem like a completely insurmountable challenge.

If you drive, maybe be the designated driver for social events where driving is part of the plan. As a pp said, pour drinks into nice glasses. If people ask and you don’t want to say you are stopping drinking you could try saying it’s a big festive season and you just want to space out your drinking a bit. It is so much more socially acceptable not to drink now.

When I decided to stop drinking I did use alco free beers as a bit of a psychological trick. There are lots of great ones. Seedlip (expensive) is quite nice although it is an acquired taste. Generally I am very happy with a lime and soda, elderflower or coke.

Read This Naked Mind and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. Also, listen to any podcasts with Andy Ramage. One for the Road is also a good podcast for grey area drinkers. Good luck; I gave up 4 years ago because the hangovers just weren’t worth it.

Alcohol DOES increase anxiety- it's a physiological response to alcohol being a chemical depressant. Your brain dumps a load of stimulants into your system to counteract the depressive effects of alcohol hence post drinking anxiety even when you haven't had that much.

Read the book alcohol explained by William Porter, it's truly eye opening how alcohol affects anxiety levels and really quite scary. Giving up completely will lessen your anxiety levels significantly.

You don't have to wait until Dry January. You don't need anyone else's permission to stop. Just stop. It will be fine. The sun will still rise in the morning! And you will feel at peace.
( Alao daughter of an alcoholic)

OP I hear you! Its so hard to give up and the social pressure is immense. I agree that moderation isn't the answer! The people I know who are in control of their drinking do not drink alcohol at all! It's the only way.

It sounds like you're ready to stop and I believe that you will succeed!

I'm writing this whilst hungover from my work Christmas party and contemplating how I'm going to get through the rest of the weekend. I know if I don't drink tonight I will be letting my friend down but its the last thing I want to do... madness, isn't it?!

Personally, I'm giving up in January as it's more socially acceptable and there's less pressure (amd less FOMO). As pp habr said, you don't need to wait to give up booze so if its what you really want for yourself then stay strong!

Mixed messaging there but you get my drift! 😂

Yeah I hear you about letting friends down by not drinking. It's so weird isn't it? I have a Christmas dinner with a group of friends this evening, then a family Christmas party / buffet tomorrow. Both ones will be pressure to drink. I'm going to try and be strong. But I'm also going to try and not beat myself up (who am I kidding?? - I will definitely beat myself up) if I don't manage either / both because December is the month with the most drinking pressure all year. So if I were to start in Jan then by the time Dec rolls round people will be used to me saying no.

I can recommend giving up.

I drank to blackout almost every night of my twenties and some of my 30s. Alcoholism runs in my family. The mornings after were becoming problematic for me. They used to be fine, just physical - headache, nausea. But the mental stuff that started happening as I got older, feeling very depressed and so on.

Anyway, to cut a long story short I am out the other side. I read Allen Carr's (no, not THAT one) EasyWay to Stop Drinking.

If you don't mind spending around £150 (I used to spend more than that in a week on booze) you can watch a video programme.

How to stop drinking alcohol – programmes to help you quit (allencarr.com)

Or just buy the book on Amazon.

He has also done a book on Controlling Drinking rather than giving up. I didn't read that one though - my goal was to completely pack it in.

Allen Carr came from a background of smoking 60-100 cigs a day while wanting desperately to stop and being unable to, so he knew all about addiction.

We've all been brainwashed into thinking we need this stuff in our lives and we really don't. The book's aim is to undo the brainwashing, so it can seem a little repetitive, but you have nothing to lose.

I am not affiliated in any way with EasyWay and there are many, many other books and programmes out there to try if you want.

I wish you luck. I understand the pressures. I have a health condition now that wouldn't be helped by drinking. I find people just accept it if you just tell them you won't be drinking and why. Look cheerful about it! Enjoy your soft drink. Don't let people feel sorry for you because that's when they start giving you permission to indulge.

I have family still addicted and I feel bad for them, not at all jealous I don't indulge any longer. Their addiction is progressing as expected and it's all starting to get very ugly - homelessness, mental health issues, broken relationships, estranged from their kids.

The feeling of freedom it will give you not to be chained to alcohol/cigarettes/whatever is phenomenal! I feel like a child again, when I could be free and enjoy life without ingesting toxins!

I wish you all the very best. You CAN do this!

I know that feeling. Harness it! You want to DO IT NOW. So you do it now. It'll be the best Christmas present you ever gave yourself, I promise.

I actually feel a bit ashamed of myself that I even feel a need to quit. Like I SHOULD just be able to get on with life, with moderate intake, that causes me no issues. But I just don't seem to be able to really do that. But at the same time I'm not going on massive blackout benders and I don't drink every night so I feel like people will think I'm being overly dramatic by stopping. These days I just tend to drink a bit too much and it really does seem to crank my anxiety up.
God. Why so much angst? I think I feel a bit ashamed of my anxiety anyway and it's all tied in together. Agh!

Aw, you're being really down on yourself! Alcohol is addictive. This isn't a weakness on your part, it's science. I higky recommend Huberman's podcast on alcohol. He's a neuroscientist and explains it really well.

I totally understand how you are feeling, I often feel the sane way. If you think quitting right now is right for you then maybe think of a few white lies, such as bring on medication to get you through.

I also recommend the Dryy app for a supportive and non-judgemental community of sober curious folk. I attended one their courses abd my one big take away is that you need to focus on what you gain by quitting the booze, not what you lose (or perceive to). Fll your life with something else. Foe example, imdoing the London Marathon in April so have planned to quit the booze in the new year and focus on ny training. I absolutely believe I can do it because I've been visualising for weeks.

The other thing I wanted to share is that I am drinking a lot less often than in previous Decembers. I've been sober curious for a while now, including periods of sobriety. Many people I've interacted with who have successfully stopped had many days ones! Eventually something just clicks! This gives me so much hope. Keep engaging with quit lit/online content :)

There is no reason why you SHOULD be able to get on with a moderate intake. Do you know why? Because alcohol is ADDICTIVE. Plus, it's in your family genetics, as it is in mine.

The EasyWay book refers to this. We do addictive things and at the outset, none of us know who will become, say, a full blown alcoholic. None of us KNOW beyond any doubt whether we will go on to get addicted to a substance or not when we have that first drink, that first cigarette.

Why should you need to even drink and moderate? Why do we drink at all? That's the beauty of EasyWay. It just shows you the smoke and mirrors of the whole addiction.

My DH is not an alcoholic. He is a very moderate person in all things. He can have a drink in the evening and at Christmas can go to town a bit on various special drinks. I can see this and not have one flicker of temptation any more. I am not saying I am some kind of fun sponge now I am on the wagon - other people can do just as they please. I'll be there, having a good time, just not drinking.

Children are not allowed to drink. Obviously, it's bad for their systems. It's just as bad for our systems, but for some reason at age 18, we are allowed to start legally pouring a metabolic poison down and throats and take the gamble that we won't become addicted!

The science of alcohol: How booze affects your body - BBC News