Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

@SummerScoop well done on bagging your first weekend. That was a HUGE thing for me!

Lovely to have a catch up on the messages from the last few days.

My son is 4 and so started school in September, the number of messages are unbelievable - either directly from school or the PTA with fundraisers/seeking volunteers, I assume it'll only get busier in the run up to Christmas. We've also started getting birthday party invites so another thing to remember!

I am after your words of wisdom, especially those who are further along this AF journey. Just finished my 4th weekend and I'm 'needing' AF beers/gin/wine to provide my 'treat'. The first 2 weekends I just drank squash/lime and soda/water but that just hasn't cut it the last 2.

I know that, health wise, AF are loads better than alcohol versions but wonder if I am reinforcing behaviours associated with alcohol and so might not be doing myself any favours in breaking the habit.

Am I likely to go off the AF too? I can only drink 1 or 2 so it's not like I'm having a crate of lager. Words of wisdom welcome - thank you.

@MissSmith80 the book I’m reading says not to romanticise the idea of drinking because it feeds the craving. That said, putting squash and lemonade in a wine glass got me though those first few weeks at home so personally, I don’t think it’s such a bad move.

Thanks for the earlier words of encouragement. I did go for my run and I was glad I did. I also spent some time tackling the shit hole that is the downstairs of my house. Plus I made the kids help! Small steps and all that.

I would recommend joining the WhatsApp groups but staying silent. As soon as you start contributing the endless questions start and it’s relentless. Sometimes they can be useful for the last minute reminders about PE etc especially if you have more than one child. Keeping up the correspondence from the kids schools is draining. It’s one of the reasons I crave the holidays. For a break 🤣

Choosing a school is tricky. Personally, I’d go for the closest if they are much the same, ofsted wise. It makes getting them there on time a bit easier, plus getting to all the reading mornings, sports days, Christmas concerts etc etc etc. just feels easier closer to home.

Thank you for the warm welcome, day 6 for me. I've changed my usual routine of watching TV downstairs with a number of drinks. I've been having my tea then upstairs for a bath and a couple of chapters of the naked mind book. I didn't think I could get through the weekend as I've always looked forward to my Friday night drinks and then Saturday evening/ night drinks.

@MinecraftRose i skim read ‘naked’ and thought you were revealing a very revealing new routine! 😱🤣

It is an alcohol support thread but let's not forget some of the reasons for the dependency and the fact that life gets in the way and we can suppprt each other.

Just home and in a hot bath. Had to finish something off before tomorrow!

Tomorrow's challenge is a memorial service, for a colleague of my age who died as a result of decades of alcohol abuse. There's a drinks reception afterwards. Her wake was liquid. The issue wasn't mentioned and won't be tomorrow.

It brings one up.

I had wine with Sunday dinner last night . And then fancied something sweet and there was a Gu thing in the fridge. Alcohol sabotaged diets. Except for the ice cream on Friday, I haven't had refined sugar since August. Feeling very pissed off with myself. Foregoing dinner tonight. DH is getting his leftover roast out of the microwave himself and grumbling about my late return home. He who walks through the door at 9pm every time he goes in.

Good for you on the run @MamaGhina

I managed a walk in the terrential rain and it still helped. I felt more motivated when I got home so decluttered my clothes. That makes you feel good, I recommend 👍, life feels more in order than ever. This knock on effects are happening.

Re the glasses and substitute booze. I enjoy making a drink special in a gin glass. I don't think it has hindered, more helped. I'm all for good quality AF drinking. It makes life good. Treat yourself to the ice and garnish.

I'm hoping for a rock solid sleep tonight. Hope you all get one too. 🙏

Evening all, it’s been interesting hearing about your challenges. Even just a normal level of text messaging drives me a bit nuts so I can’t imagine how relentless it must be when you add all that in.

still chugging away (like a train, not a booze hound!) but seeing the festive diary filling up massively, including weekends away and burying my head in the sand about saying no. I had another dream about drinking and I felt so disappointed. It’s good I think to have a window into that feeling without actually drinking! Also good since I spent the weekend struggling a bit with it.

Morning all, I did sleep well until my youngest woke me to tell me he had wet the bed 😭remind me again when it gets easier…. I now have more washing to do and I’m sleep deprived.

Hope you are having a better start to your Tuesday. I’m out tonight but it’s for work so I won’t be drinking. Very confident about that. Plus this was one of the reasons for joining this group. My Friday and Saturday evening drinking at home were gradually becoming more nights on then off. This time in July I would have been looking forward to a ‘legitimate’ excuse to drink on a Tuesday without judgement. At least those days are long gone.

Morning all!
Wow this thread has moved fast the last few days!
Well done to those who are keeping on AF; those who have achieved their first weekend; and those who have joined the thread - hello @Haggisfish3 and anyone else I might have missed.

Also bloody well done to those of us who might have slipped and fell, because we are still here. Still learning to speak our new language. Sorry things are hard right now @NewLifeHappyLife and for anyone else struggling.

Can very much identify with the chaos of life as described by @MamaGhina and others. I'm a Mum and Stepmum and sometimes it just feels neverending. And the time just seems to whizz past and the same boring jobs need doing over and over again.

I did drink on Friday night when I went out. DH offered me a tin of G&T on the train and I had a sip and gave it back because it tasted rank. I had some drinks in the hotel, none at the gig, then some drinks afterwards - all in, probably a bottle pf wine, I had a good night but I surely would have done without the booze. And wow did I feel it the next day. My resting heart rate was up to 88 from 55. I was tired, jaded, carb hungry, foggy - you know - hungover. Was it worth it? Probably not? But it hasn't made me want to start drinking again. I have no plans to drink for the foreseeable however, like many of you I'm sure, the thought and concern of Christmas is looming. I'm fine with not drinking at home now, but it's being out that is the challenge. And then the fear of Christmas with drinks coming into the home. I've already told myself I'm doing Dry Jan or 100 days already as some sort of pre-penance for my inevitable slippery fall. How bad is that? SIGH.

Morning all!

@Steppered its not bad. It’s what the drug has done to us all! I am having the same thoughts about Christmas. And have avoided going out since I started this. I just don’t know what I will do in a social situation. But the days we are dry are still a massive bonus to our health if we do have a slip up so we need to hold onto that.

Substitute booze has become my weekend treat that I look forward to. I think I might struggle without it and I suspect that is not altogether healthy but it has got me to where I am today so I am sticking with it for now.

I think the chaos of life / all the kid admin sounds like a key driver for many of us. I have both mine at high school now and the volume of stuff to remember in terms of money for this, dress up days etc has definitely decreased. But replaced with new stresses. The good news about my health reset is that mom taxi is now available 24/7 and I don’t resent them going out because I can’t have a drink. This is a feel good outcome of being dry for 2+ months. But also a pain when I spend my weekends / holidays driving them around!

Hope all those battling stresses are ok. Wednesdays are hard …!

I did 103 days. Then had a glass and a half on 21.10, a glass the following Tuesday, a glass of champagne on the Friday, two glasses on Sunday and a glass last night after the memorial service. Not good is it although I guess it's within 14 units a week. Need not to slide because 14 will quickly turn into 28 and the result will be back to square one.

I thought I had it cracked and I was on three glasses tops a day. Funny how a little drink makes one want another and then carbs

Hope everyone has a good day. Work is absolutely punishing at present.

@SpringNotSprung well your streak of over 100 days is amazing and all those dry days still count! So keep counting the days you don’t drink, not the days you do. You have come an awful long way and have had an understandable blip. You are not back at day 1 - you are just starting a new dry streak to add to your banked days. That’s how I would look at it.

Morning all. I went out last night and I didn’t drink. I arrived slightly late and everyone had a large wine in front of them. I was the only one not drinking. Tells you a lot about our drinking culture I guess for a work get together on a Tuesday evening. I did hesitate at the bar, especially as I was ordering a glass of red for a friend but I stayed strong.

It got me thinking about moderation. Most people there had one or two large glasses and stopped. That is something I would have found extremely difficult but they didn’t seem to struggle. The book I’m reading says moderation doesn’t work because it’s just feeding the craving. He’s very careful to use the word craving as opposed to addiction.

Once I had ordered my AF drink I did relax more. If I had been drinking I would have been thinking about making the glass last, when is it ok to order another, was I drinking more then everyone else, does anyone know I drink too much etc. Maybe the fact everyone else was able to stop so easily tells me it’s actually fine to be drinking on a Tuesday evening and the issue isn’t the day of the week it’s the frequency and quantity. All that being said, you don’t know who picks up a bottle on the way home and carries on at home.

It’s nice to wake up this morning without the headache and having had a good sleep. I’ve nothing in the diary until late next week so feel fairly safe until then. Hope everyone else is ok.

FWIW I totally agree, @BoilingHotand50something. I know it’s 78 days since I joined this thread and I’ve drank three times. I regularly remind myself how much progress that is and how different my body feels today versus on the first day of this thread.

Plus, saying fuck it at the first fall is how I’ve ended up having a billion day 1’s rather than making real, sustainable changes. I do feel different this time. More positive. Stronger. That’s probably because I’ve been consciously thinking about my alcohol decisions rather than chucking it in. I haven’t gone back to day 1 three times, I’ve kept going. 78 days in.

This is all very encouraging to read!

@MamaGhina That is a great achievement, not buckling at the work event. 👏

Some really insightful reflections too. You're improving your life, no end. This can be the hard thing to appreciate and reflect on, it's like trying to notice your own child grow when you see them several times a day (and night in my case).

That's why I keep holding on to the vision of Spring. I'm hoping when those bulbs come up, I will be stood there giving the bulbs a nod knowing I've cracked it.

@BoilingHotand50something I think Christmas is going to be a challenge for a lot of us on the thread but at least this year we all have each other, support and understanding.

@SpringNotSprung it is so easy to slip back into, isn't it? Having said that, you hit over 100 days which I failed to do, so you're a better woman than me! Well done on that, it's a big deal. I hope you have something nice to look forward to after a tough day at work.

@MamaGhina legend - bloody well done to you. It is funny isn;t it that when you're not drinking, you notice the behaviour of others. So many people really do drink moderately and aren't matching me drink for drink. Then again, plenty matching or exceeding me drink for drink. It is very interesting but certainly when you wake up the next morning, it is a good feeling, especially on a school day. Yes Yes to the billion days 1s and very much to the fuck it effect - it's a real thing.

How are you doing @Thepeppapigfanclub ? @Bluegirl19 @Haggisfish3 @NewLifeHappyLife @VittysCardigan @smegley @excitedemmi @SummerScoop @MissSmith80 anyone I've missed??

All good here; I say as I'm very unwell and struggling with day to day tasks. However, NOT drinking, so there's that! Really frees up a lot of headspace not drinking, and I'm feeling more confident. 🙂 Day 45. I'm not too worried about Christmas, but I still miss drinking. Wish there was something even remotely similar I could enjoy, but then I'd just be starting another addiction! Have really toned down on the sugar cravings now, so maybe the weight will start coming off soon!

I'm on a no drinking day today, the plan is work and then opticians and home via the shops for a really nice shower gel/bath and a new book.

I'm trying to give myself other little things to look forward to.

I have a comedy show Friday and a dinner party early December that I'm already dreading :(

hi everyone sorry for the silence, just catching up on this thread.

@SpringNotSprung i hope the memorial service went ok - that’s incredibly sad :(

yes it’s definitely the time of year for insurmountable emails from schools! It’s never ending. ……when I was choosing schools some years ago, I chose the school for the child (but ended up with a few school runs mind!). But when you do chose a school, do it unapologetically and don’t let it be a trigger. Funny how my DH couldn’t care less about schools or keeping up with the ‘mental load’ which I do. Funny also that he drinks like a fish. Sorry for my rant there!….

im still AF and not feeling like I want a drink but here are some triggers:

• my DH family coming over (will comment if I’m not drinking)
• going on an Xmas night out

going AF has been great I’m just starting to sleep better - week 10ish I think. And ailments gone, weight shifted, skin clearer and I’m smiling brighter. However!!!! It has brought about a major factor in my life which is how little I care for my DH anymore. So that’s hard but not triggering for alcohol so that’s the only saving grace.

keep going everyone!

@Cloudsclouds6 that's sad to read. I've been married for more than 30 years. I would say that about the 17 year mark was the hard bit. DC becoming teenagers and I think we turned things round because he had a couple of years working more in NY than in London! Came home every other weekend and declared the house was a mess compared to his serviced corporate flat!!!!

Morning everyone. (I am in tomorrow already).

@Cloudsclouds6 you are in a difficult situation. I hope so much things get better- I am thinking of you. ❤

Still lurking here and very much appreciating everyone's insights- I can relate so much.

I am determined today will be an AF day. My mother is stabilising thankfully but it is difficult making plans etc as I live so far away. My sister is understandably annoyed that the bulk of things fall on her generally. I am missing home.

But today will be AF and I am not yet thinking about tomorrow.

🌻to everyone.

Good to see you @NewLifeHappyLife - glac to hear your mother has stabilised.

@Cloudsclouds6 That is quite a big revelation to come out of being sober. Although, I reckon quite common. I don't have any advice or recommendations on this one. I just hope you are okay.