Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

@BoilingHotand50something congratulations! And also to everyone else celebrating any length of sobriety!

It’s day 1 again here for me, so I’m checking in for accountability. I drank Saturday night and then again last night. A bottle each time. I don’t feel shitty today, but really wish I hadn’t bothered. I’m through the PMT now and feeling a little less dark and bonkers. I made it to yoga last night. It’s the first time I haven’t felt lightheaded in a few weeks, so I must be getting better from whatever ailment I’ve had. I see the GP at the end of the month (it’s the earliest appointment I could get) and I really need some help getting to the bottom of my various symptoms. I’m aiming to be mostly sober between now and then so that I can hopefully eliminate drinking as one of the causes.

I do wonder if my recent run of near-sobriety has just made me realise how much the alcohol has been masking how lousy I feel generally. Did anyone else here suddenly get a load of weird symptoms once they cleaned up?

A lot of really interesting and reflective thinking here. I am up to about 200 days with a couple of slips but on those I really end up thinking but why? It has added literally nothing and has generally started with some form of work stress (always work stress!!).

I too am at the peri stage and there is a whole lot of confusion. I spent ages feeling like complete crap post giving up and about 5 months in I started taking a better vitamin and some magnesium. And woof, my energy levels came roaring back up. So I think it is important to try to look holistically at how we are feeling because not everything, tempting as it might be, is down to alcohol. It isn’t an entire fix and there is a massive tendency for women to medicate menopause with alcohol which makes it all worse. There’s a really good podcast on it by sober Dave (I think, with a doctor)

Morning all. How’s everyone doing?

I’ve had another 2 sober nights since the last drink. The sun is out, so today’s mini goals are to walk the dog, do a little work in the garden and then perhaps sort out one of the many dumping grounds in my house.

Immediately after the pandemic I was thrust in to the unwanted role of clearing my hoarder parents house, (while moving them to assisted living). It took a good year and was challenging emotional work. Everything else in my life took a back seat, including my own house…which now looks like Steptoe’s Yard! The whole experience was so overwhelming that after an average day clearing and cleaning, the only thing I could face doing was slumping on my sofa with a bottle of white wine. Don’t get me wrong - I had alcohol issues long before all this happened, but it sure as hell didn’t help!

At least I’m finally working on it now, eh?

Anyway, I hope you’re all getting some of this lovely sunshine!

@TimesaChangeling Your post just reminded me about magnesium. I’ve been taking B complex, Iron and vitamin C, but wondering if Magnesium might be the missing link. Probably worth a shot!

Can’t hurt! I was also suffering from some general jitteriness and it seems to have helped with that too. I’m making it sound like a miracle cure and I’m sure it isn’t but things definitely improved shortly after I started taking it so who knows 🤷‍♀️

Morning all. How is everyone doing?

I am on day 7 of this new attempt and already sleeping better and feeling less anxious/self-critical etc. I've decided I am going to try to get out and walk more - sometimes I feel I need to 100% focus on not drinking and not try to do anything else but then I think if I can do something healthy it might reinforce the positive change.

But I know I can be an all or nothing person and the risk is that I fall down on one thing and then everything else crashes down too!

So, for today, my plan is just to do a short walk during my lunchbreak at work.

Hope everyone has a good Thursday.

Walking is everything to me @Limeandsoda2023, with dogs, holidays etc. I have just been away and found that for the duration of the monster hike my head was clear and I didn’t really think about it (too bloody knackered) and then as soon as I was sitting idle for a couple of days at the end, the bargaining started again. I think there is a part of quitting which is focusing on absence of and then another part which is building an alternative framework and new hobbies that give you a bit of joy and peace and fill the space. Just bit by bit until it becomes the new norm.

I agree @TimesaChangeling about part of quitting being about creating something new to fill the space. I don’t want to just focus on the absence of drinking although I think I do need to focus on how much better I feel without it!
I managed a 40 mins walk at lunchtime so feeling pleased. I walked along the river and the sun was trying its best to shine so a real opportunity to think about the positives.

hope everyone else is doing ok.

Morning all. I’m reading your updates and I’m feeling super proud of everyone still here, doing their best. Love reading the thoughts about hobbies because I’m also in that space. I do like walking but the opportunity just isn’t there with 2 young kids. I found this woman on you tube and her workouts are short(!) and fairly easy to follow so I’ve been trying to fit those in here and there and I’ve dropped a kg this week.

I’ve eaten really sensibly this week so that probably helps. I was thinking yesterday about how decision making is a bit of a chain of events. For me, when I’m making good ones, I seem to use that to continue to motivate myself and when I’m not, that’s when I spiral down.

I drank last night and I’m ok this morning. My hangovers have improved significantly since I cut down and stopped smoking. I will try not to drink tonight so I can get a decent run under my belt again. The one day on, six days off seems to work well for me.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

Life is punishingly busy at the moment. On top of it, the grown up DC are in the throes of descending for mothers' day. Both DC were here last night, dil and bf arrive today. I'd have been happy with a card!

However a bottle of wine or two were opened last night, I had two small glasses and then my glass was topped up. I looked at it, it sat at my side. I did not want it. I did not drink it. I could not drink it. It's on the kitchen counter, covered with a coaster. I'll bung it in tomorrow's gravy.

I don't think I've had that feeling for about four decades.

I have to condense jobs between 9 and 1 because DH and I are going to see Henry IV with Ian McKellern at 2.30. They're getting a cold dinner!

All I really want to do is put my feet up and have a rest.

@SpringNotSprung that’s amazing restraint! I don’t often socialise but it’s one of the areas I’d struggle to resist. Weirdly, most of my friends and family aren’t drinkers…I wonder why I am? Enjoy the play and I hope you manage to get some rest.

@Limeandsoda2023 & @TimesaChangeling I’m also a big advocate for a good walk. It’s really difficult to fit in until the evenings get lighter but during midsummer, the fella and I will often head out on a weekday evening when it’s blissfully quiet (& will barely see another human).

You’re both right about the alternative framework and new hobbies. I’ve found myself doing things of an evening that I’d never be able to do if drinking. I spent all night last night giving myself a new set of acrylic nail extensions. Now if I could only turn my hand to some housework, but it doesn’t quite have the same appeal!

Good afternoon everyone.
I've visited this thread often and so many times have started a reply but didn't end up sending it - usually a little person calls for help/to show me their latest creation and I forgot to come back.
I'm still sober - day 150 today and it's still all good. Sleep is finally sorted - getting a good few hours of solid and restful sleep. Weight loss finally kicking in as the sweet tooth has eased off. I rarely think about alcohol and when I do it's only to feel relief that I'm not chained to it like I used to be. I drove to a work night out and the others were all hammered - loud, boisterous, repetitive and frankly quite rude. No judgement from me - 6 months ago I'd have been in the middle of it all - they kept saying, 'next time you'll have to get a taxi and join in' but the relief at knowing I won't do that allowed me to settle in and enjoy watching them until it was time to go home. I can guarantee I was the only productive person in my team the next day.
Anyway, happy Saturday all

Morning all! I hope those celebrating Mothers Day are having a good one. Those thinking about their mum’s who are no longer with us, I hope you are ok.

I’m in both those groups and I’m having a peaceful day. Lie in followed by cooked breakfast and then chilling out. No extravagant plans but that’s fine by me.

In the latter camp here so we took ourselves off to see Wicked Little Letters and I now have a Jessie Buckley crush!

@MissSmith80 the not being in the work hangover camp is also a blessed relief. I have near enough weekly events most of the time and have got through the vast majority since I stopped with barely anyone paying attention. I also have to remind myself that it wasn’t just the drinks at the work event, it was the drinks afterwards when everyone else had stopped, including the ones on the train home and beyond. I am just so happy to no longer be in that zone at all and, when I recall it, which is less often now, it is with a bit of disbelief. It’s just not normal…

How is everyone doing? It’s been quiet on here. I haven’t been drinking, DD has been ill. I’m so exhausted by it and I know that sounds awful but the emotional drain of her condition is huge. She was diagnosed at 6 months and I feel like I’ve spent 10 years on edge.

I said to DH this week “I’m not a doctor but I feel like I have to behave as if I am”. I think I will have to get in touch with her consultant but I’m hesitant because she’s also tired of the bloods and appointments and missing school etc. she just wishes it would go away more then any of us I guess. Unfortunately I think I have to accept her condition is getting worse and episodes of illness more frequent.

I know we talk on here about our triggers but I drank long before my daughter was around. Even if she was well I think I’d still be here, so it’s definitely not an excuse I use. I just wonder sometimes what life would be like if things had been different. My emotional state is so up and down. Sometimes I cycle to work and I feel invincible 😆 other times my legs ache walking upstairs and I remember I’m actually getting old.

I think I long for that happy in between. The highs and lows of this journey are so extreme. What I wouldn’t do for a long period of calm.

Hi @MamaGhina , I hadn’t realised you have a poorly child. My heart goes out to you. I can’t even imagine how hard that makes things.

I’ve been quiet…I’ve had 5 day 1s since last weekend and am hoping to turn it around today. I’m feeling quite down this week after spending time with my parents and working out how to pay for the cost of their care. Dad’s parting comment was that he hoped he wouldn’t live long enough to leave my mum penniless. It’s just so sad to hear that. I have to very strongly resist the urge to run to them every day (they live in the next city) and be with them. But it’s a boundary thing, and I have previously given too much and then been unable to manage my own life/work/home etc.

My OH and I had a long chat about it. He himself deals with general bad health and an often debilitating autoimmune condition, and was quick to point out that things could (and have been) much worse.

I wish I hadn’t drunk the last 5 nights. There’s no way it made anything better at all. It’s partly anxiety because of the build up to a gig I don’t want to do this Saturday. I do a solo tribute act, which I’ve come to detest performing. It’s vocally challenging, lonely and quite hard physical work. I much prefer working in a band, so am gradually phasing it out but I still have the occasional commitment. I get myself in a complete state the week prior and it’s probably the reason why I’ve been hitting the bottle…which is hugely counter-productive to my voice actually functioning properly!

I have managed to exercise this week, and my physical symptoms are getting better. If I can remain sober on Friday night then I’ll try and get to a yoga session Saturday morning to try and start the day right.

Plan today is to walk the dog, and then I have to travel with the band to an evening gig for 50th birthday party. I never drink on gigs, so as long as I can resist buying wine on the way home I might make it through sober.

I had a few glasses at the weekend. Had an ice cream at the theatre rather than a glass of wine! Have also had a rank gastro bug this week, just back at work, not even fancying coffee! Fast way to lose 4.5lb!

Hope everyone's OK and v sorry to hear about yiur dd MamaGhina.

Thanks ladies. It’s been a tough week but hopeful she will improve soon.

@Pinotgrigioblues sorry to hear about your parents. It’s difficult when your instinct is to help but you end up giving more then you can manage. I hope the gig goes well.

@SpringNotSprung 4.5lbs… that’s some bug! I’ve been pretty good with my food this week. Haven’t lost anything like that though! Hope you feel better soon.

@MamaGhina I don't think I had an ounce of fluid left inside me! Still not hungry and only fancying mint tea.

chins up all!

I’m sorry @MamaGhina thst sounds really tough. Best wishes for her and you and I hope a period of calmness comes soon.

re what you said about drinking long before she came along, it kind of reminded me about a quote I saw about how people cope, until they don’t. So your drinking might be enthusiastic but in the normal range of things when life is going well and then when life isn’t going well, the mechanism for relief is already in place and becomes the go to. Maybe you need some support as well, otherwise it all just become a bit relentless and exhausting…

@MamaGhina sorry from me too, that sounds like a lot to deal with - I can't even comprehend it.

@Pinotgrigioblues I hope your gig is going well/goes well - not sure what time your 'on'

Morning all. Where to start? Saturday night I drank far too much. My one bottle rule went out the window. The next day I felt rather ashamed.

I didn’t smoke. I didn’t vomit. And the hangover was undeservingly kind. But the mental disappointment was louder than ever. I drank in front of my youngest and whilst I wasn’t drunk at that point, it was something I have never wanted to do. I don’t want my kids remembering me on a Saturday night with wine glass in hand.

I just feel at a loss really. Like what is it going to take to stop this? I’m getting to the point where I feel like I’ve tried almost all of the self help tools out there. I don’t know what the word is but I don’t feel like I “need” outside help because I don’t drink every day. I function. I work etc etc but maybe it is time to seek help from another source. Initially that was my motivation for joining this thread. Thinking that if I could admit my reality, share the experience, seek support then maybe that would be enough. It isn’t though. Nothing I’ve tried over the years has actually stuck. I don’t know what to do from here.

I can’t make peace with my drinking as it is. Because I know if I let myself, I would drink every day. I feel on edge like I’m a step away from that place. Constant internal anguish. The disappointment that I’ve let myself down again. That feeling that I can’t do it. I just don’t feel strong enough. Which is stupid because it is just a case of deciding no. No I’m not drinking tonight. Rinse and repeat. But I can’t. I’ve tried over and over and the pull is too strong. I’m feeling pretty low. Like the hope that I can change has gone.

Morning @MamaGhina

I feel every word you’ve written above almost every morning after I’ve had a drink, and I share your pain. I don’t know if that helps at all.

The important thing is that although you’d choose to drink every night, you don’t always do so. At this point I’m not sure moderation works for me.

I’m seriously considering psychedelics. Bill Wilson used them and got sober before going on to co found AA. There’s lots of research indicating that used carefully, psilocybin can help re wire neural pathways in the brain to help create new behaviour. I’ve been too scared of having a bad trip, but the more desperate I get, the more open I am to the idea.

Anyone else here tried them or have any experiences to share?