Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

I think 21st Century life is hard. The hardest I ever worked was when I worked part-time. Dropping two dc in opposite directions, dashing to work for 9.10, working like stink until 2.30, dashing home to fold the dry, hang the wet and get another load on, dashing to school and dropping at: music practice, football practice, Beavers, Rainbows, ballet, etc., with possibly a tea thrown in. Rarely 30 minutes between drop offs of pick-ups to get anything done. Home at 6ish, teas where necessary, spellings, tables, assorted homework, baths, idle chat and stupidity, everything ready for the morning. Bed at 9.30ish, and no mine didn't need much sleep. DH used to get in between 9.30 and 10, sometimes layer, ha e his dinner bunged in the microwave. Then it all started again. Yes he is a workaholic. Although it's crass to say it I felt very much like an over privileged single parent and of course in r/l I didn't say it. You are all doing the hardest yards and they put a strain on marriages where you don't love the bones of each other. At the end of the day many people wouldn't have put up with DH but many also wouldn't have put up with me.

Full-time was easier, the au-pair dealt with the shit and I felt subcontracting was more justified.

Now they are grown-up buy I got promoted and work 50 hour plus weeks and because I'm old, am just as tired.

@SpringNotSprung Oh no, sorry to hear about the car, hope the AA didn’t take too long and you got back on the move again.

@Pinotgrigioblues Sometimes I think I would be teetotal if I lived alone. No one to drive me to drink! I am jealous of the peace you must have in your home. It’s something I find myself craving.

I hope you are feeling ok after the wine last night. I’m also struggling with temptation. Im out with a friend I haven’t seen for a while on Friday evening and I think I will probably drink. 3 times in 3 weeks definitely is a success in my mind because every drink you don’t have is a win but I know what you mean about feeling like a failure. It’s one of the reasons I never got on with the other threads here. I didn’t want to lie but I also felt conflicted talking about alcohol on a thread where some people had big issues.

@Steppered I absolutely hear what you are saying about being here and being aware. I see myself chipping away and whilst there have been ups and downs, I’m still here.

“I am fed up of being the only one who sees things” this is absolutely me. DH even washed up a couple of bits this morning but left a couple of bits too. Honestly, why?! Why even bother because you’ve still left a job for me. It just gets me down sometimes. It’s the carrying everyone all the time. DH doesn’t know our DC’s teachers names and he is copied into everything from school. I just can’t ever imagine being that detached and being ok with it. He didn’t even know which year our DD was in.

😂 I did laugh when you said about your OH clearing his throat. I’m exactly there with the level of things that are annoying me. DH asking me ‘have I got much on today’? I actually wanted to hit him. Like seriously? Nah, I’m just going to laze around, messing about online. I can only guess he meant to ask if I had much on at work. Either way it annoyed the hell out of me.

@SpringNotSprung I do every school run. Every pick up. I do every club drop off. DH picks up from 2 per week ‘for the exercise’. I do the healthy snack. I do the uniforms in the morning, make sure the bags are packed, homework is done. You know the list. DH works full time and we never really changed anything when I retuned to work so I now work part time but still do everything I was doing before. I claw back some time for myself at the weekend but even then I feel a bit shit. Like leaving him to do everything. I don’t know why I let myself feel that way. He doesn’t hesitate during the week and when I went to school 5 days was more than 2.

@SpringNotSprung Wow, your daughter has done brilliantly. You must be so proud! I also sing for a living. Most of the people I meet in my industry are neurodivergent. We tend to band together.

Yes, I have a brilliant long term boyfriend and many lovely friends, so lots of r/l support. I can’t always discuss alcohol with them though, so this is one of my safe spaces. I’m so glad I found you all.

I hope you got home ok after your breakdown. It’s not a great day to be waiting around in the rain!

I hear you @MamaGhina. Honestly, full time was easier than part-time!

@Steppered I’m sorry that (CSA) happened to you too. It just makes you realise that everyone is struggling. Very glad to have this safe space to share

@Pinotgrigioblues she's a teacher in an SEN school for autism and ADHD. I think she'll end up going down the OT/speech therapy route. In her "spare time" she sings in an almost professional church choir (she did grade 8 voice and is innately musical) and does a bit of amateur operatics. Her bf is almost certainly high functioning ASD, plays the organ and has qualified in a really, really nerdy profession. They are quite well suited, have God and dd is increasingly involved with helping the choristers. She did all her RSCM exams when she was younger.

I'm sorry if all that sounds smug. To balance it, she does have difficult days and can escalate into panic and anxiety. The other side of the coin is that there is no way on this planet that I'd post a picture of her bedroom! At uni rather than wash all the tedious "little things", she just bulk bought primark pants and socks and threw away the dirty ones. It did my head in!

@Pinotgrigioblues I've been thinking of you fkr the last couple of hours. It didn't sink in straight away that you sang for a living, a professional singer - wow! That's incredible.

@SpringNotSprung Thank you, It’s my biggest achievement. I only got to fully-pro status about 9 years ago in my mid thirties so I’m having a blast doing this until I get (kicked off the stage for being) too old.

Your daughter sounds like she’s found the perfect career for her. I’m so glad there are neurodivergent people teaching SEN kids. Like her, I originally trained the classical route, but found that there were very few jobs (especially for women, eg choirs) in that field. There was a 10 year gap while I worked horrendous sales type jobs. I then retrained in contemporary/pop style in my early thirties and easily found touring work after that.

And yes, playing the organ must take autistic level skill…not that I’ve attempted it!

I can relate to the underwear situation. My OH (who is ASD) regularly has no cutlery because he’s thrown it in the bin after getting overwhelmed over the washing up. The bloke has a fkkkng dishwasher FFS. This is one of many reasons why I can’t currently live with him! 😂

Morning all, I’ve got DH’s cold. That’ll teach me for taking the piss out of his nose blowing 🤣
I found it really hard to get up this morning and my throat is all scratchy. Will head into work and hope I feel better. It might explain the rage I was feeling yesterday though.
Hope everyone has a good day.

How is everyone doing?

I just went out and got a couple of vapes with the intention that if I drink tonight I won’t smoke cigarettes… wish me luck. The hangover is worse because of the smoking I’m sure. I’ve just got to make some positive changes. This year has been a total disaster so far.

Plus I’m so fed up of the rain. I went out to an exercise class last night, walked there and back in the rain. Woke up this morning and it looked promising. Nope. Raining again now and cold. Craving warmth and sunshine.

Well I am away after a mammoth journey and I have one day of recovery before heading off for a big beautiful adventure. I thought about wine to celebrate (and I did have a glass on the plane) but I can really see how quickly one here or there would turn into more so I am going to try really hard this week not to because I am so pleased with where I have got to, I desperately don’t want to fall down the moderation trap. So starting again but with some clear intention and plus I think I will be too knackered. This is supposed to be a freedom celebration!

how did your Friday night go @MamaGhina?

How are we all? Sorry for the absence. I have had a big week - the kind of week I would have historically glugged wine through - stress, relief, nerves, celebration, half term! But I have stayed strong so I am pleased about that.

Sounds exciting @TimesaChangeling - where are you?

How are you @MamaGhina? How did it go?

Well done@BoilingHotand50something. you are now my inspiration! I am doing a big hike / camp in South America with totally stunning scenery (and a lot of uphills 🫣). I got off a ridiculously long flight yesterday and went for dinner - with a voucher for a free drink, offering wine, water, tea or coffee.

Upon establishing that their bountifulness did not extend to Diet Coke I then had to turn down wine three more times. I think they finally got it when I said quite firmly, No, I do not want wine! But I am really glad now, as I always am, that I said no. It literally presents no benefit and all downside risk. I just have to reinstil the horror of it a bit.

That sounds fabulous @TimesaChangeling and huge congratulations on resisting all those times! I am not sure I would have done so well! I don’t think I have had as many tests as most of you as I generally avoid socialising!

hope everyone else is ok? The sun is out here which makes a huge difference!

Morning all! I had a really late night! Caught up with a good friend. Shared a bottle of white during the meal and then had another glass (not bottle) in the pub after, so nothing too crazy. Smoked my vape 😂 I think that’s the first time I’ve drank alcohol and not smoked a cigarette in at least 5 years. I had them in my bag too but managed to resist. As predicted the hangover wasn’t too bad this morning plus I didn’t feel too drunk. Sometimes I feel fine, then go out for a cigarette and then feel shitfaced. Not sure why but that didn’t happen with the vape so I’m cautiously hopeful I may be able to stop spending £15 a packet and feeling like a tramp smoking in the street.

@TimesaChangeling your trip sounds amazing! Please do share some pictures to inspire us all!

@BoilingHotand50something thanks for updating and well done for staying strong, it’s certainly not easy!

@smegley how are you? You haven’t updated for a while. I hope all is ok.

lol I inadvertently edited out the bit where I confessed to a glass of wine at the airport and then berated myself for it! I too am equipped with vapes, I intend to come home a non cigarette smoker. It’s been on my to do list forever but alcohol had to go first and there’s only so much a woman can do at once.

And now I realise that was a different post. Ignore me, I shall shut up now.

Quiet weekend on here…. I vaped on Saturday night and when I woke up on Sunday morning it was like there was menthol vape liquid at the back of my nose/throat. It was horrible. I haven’t vaped since but it took all day for the taste to go away. This morning I have a sore throat. I don’t know if I would have had it anyway or if it’s related. Feels a bit disappointing after I was feeling so good on Saturday morning.

I read this thread on here about someone who has the ‘tomorrow’ approach to everything and it’s totally me. I have this massive list of things I need to do but I just can’t summon the energy and I honestly don’t know why. Is it laziness? Is it the weather? Hormones? Age? I don’t know. I have always been like this though, it’s a constant struggle. I feel like I want to hide away from the world and part of that is probably because I put off everything. I wish I could make substantive changes but I’ve tried so hard in the past. I go through periods of productivity but they are short lived. It’s the same with drinking, diet, exercise etc. I try really hard to do better but most of the time I fail. I can’t explain why.

You sound like me @MamaGhina. I had a very productive day yesterday but it feels like 1 in every 10 weekend days is productive and the rest of the time i procrastinate. I really want to do better, but in the moment, I usually cannot be arsed.

I really want to do better, but in the moment, I usually cannot be arsed
This is what it actually comes down to! I did manage to get some stuff done and I’m glad I did but it really does seem to take me a mammoth effort.

I’m off to the pub tonight. Don’t plan on drinking as big day at work tomorrow. I might even just order a hot drink. My throat is still sore and funny after vaping at the weekend. Not sure if that’s the cause or if I’m ill. Either way, I should be ok avoiding alcohol tonight.

Fingers crossed for you @MamaGhina

Hope everyone else is ok? Lots of people gone quiet. Please come back and chat if you feel you can. No judgement here.

@BoilingHotand50something

Hey, Pinot here! Just checking in. I had a few nights drinking last week but have managed to rein it in again and now have two nights sober. I am finding drinking much less enjoyable these days…and I think this is a good thing. Been a bit under the weather so I’ve had a quiet-ish week. Just about to take the dog out to the countryside to go blow away some cobwebs. Hope you’re all doing ok?