Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

Can I please join in? I have a chequered past with alcohol, I’ve never really tried to quit. As I become older I seem to be less predictable with drinking. Sometimes 1 or 2 glasses of wine and I’m blackout drunk. Other times I can drink several bottles and be ok. I took part in dry January and found it easy and so I just continued. I have bipolar and have not been taking my meds, the result is my life is an absolute whirlwind. I’ve started decorating, started some furniture upcycling, started clearing out rooms but then get bored. My house is a disaster and I used to be the tidiest person. Last night I drank a bottle of wine at home and I have absolutely no memory of the night. I am so annoyed at myself, I didn’t enjoy my first glass but continued to keep drinking as I felt that it would help me to relax! Honestly when will I learn? I spoke to the doctor today and am back in my meds, I have a mental health appointment next week and I’m going to sort this. I’ve decided to remove all of the alcohol from the house and into the garage as I only drank the wine as I knew it was there. I am going to try to abstain as I can not predict how 1 glass of wine will make me react. I’ve loved reading all of everyone’s posts and it has inspired me to not put too much pressure on myself and to perhaps look forward to a new sense of freedom away from drinking. Fingers crossed!!

Welcome @WisteriaMystery , I am relatively new here too. Had a terrible craving a while ago. Was just about to get in the car to go on a spurious trip to local supermarket. I took myself in hand and had a good talk with self , silently!!!! Made myself an early dinner as I am beginning to see the link between hunger and cravings for alcohol. The craving passed! I will do another session of self hypnosis later. I hope everyone is hanging in there!

Welcome @WisteriaMystery come and join the AF party! So much of this is habit. You saying you didn’t enjoy that first glass but kept going… that happened to me over Christmas. I was gifted an expensive bottle. I tried it and honestly, yuck. But I kept going because it was expensive and I didn’t want to ‘waste’ it. The hangover the next day was sooooo bad.

You did really well doing the whole of January so don’t feel too disheartened. It really is a case of jumping back on the wagon and we are all here to support you.

Well done @Bluegirl19 sometimes it really is a case of distraction. Yesterday I got some jobs done I have been putting off for a while so I feel good about that. Finally got some sleep too as DH’s snoring wasn’t as bad.

Hope everyone else is ok this Sunday morning.

Right, that's it, I'm fed up of my own bullshit. I am crap, utterly crap at moderating. Every morning I wake up after drinking I think "I need to stop" but then find any excuse to carry on.

Nope. I've woken up this morning and decided I'm for sure taking a 3 week break, minimum. I have no social plans that require alcohol. I am going to a course this Saturday which will be very emotional and I would use as a reason to drink at and no - I need to actually feel those uncomfortable feelings which will be stirred up.

I am fed up with myself and the same old shite. That's it. 3 week break. Much needed!

The very best of luck.....we will get through together!

Ah well, I had a couple of glasses of red with dinner last night. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

To be entirely honest, I know I can moderate, and especially enjoy a glass at the weekend. It doesn't seem an issue to keep to 6 to 8 units a week, now that the habit of daily drinking (a couple of glasses) is broken.

On that basis, I am probably no longer entitled to be here, but I like being here.

@SpringNotSprung that is great that you can moderate like that. I’m not sure that I want to give up drinking all together forever but would love to stop at one so good to hear it’s working for you!

Stay with us @SpringNotSprung we need people like you to give us hope! It can be done!

I’ve got the kids back at school this week and I’m back to work tomorrow. I have that awful feeling of dread coming. I didn’t sleep well last night and probably won’t again tonight.

@Steppered good luck with the 3 week break. I’ve managed to stop the cycle of negative self talk but I feel the same as you the morning after. Just wishing I hadn’t. Sometimes I need a night off to remind me the next morning why I want to cut back and give me a bit of a boost to my motivation.

Definitely stay @SpringNotSprung

For a lot of people, moderation is the goal but seems harder than being sober. When I started this journey, I thought it was my goal but I have surprised myself in wanting to stop forever. But for some people, it remains the goal and knowing it is achievable will be a great help.

Oh yes @SpringNotSprung we need you to stick around! Really pleased that moderation has worked for you.

I'm not sure moderation will ever work for me.... but I'm certainly trying.
It's weird. I wish that I was happy to be sober. Being stuck in this moderation trap as I call it, is SO TOUGH. But, I suppose, it is better than heavily boozing and being unaware and unwilling to change.

Part of me feels like - once I've unpicked a TON of stuff in therapy with an awful lot more to do ... sorted my CPTSD ... then I will become a normal drinker & normal human, haha! Deep down I don't think this is the case and perhaps actually taking the alcohol away is key to helping myself through the CPTSD. It is very hard when it is so ingrained into my coping mechanisms, society, friendships, expectations, and god I just like being buzzed and switching those voices off and numbing out.

I'm happy to be taking this 3 week break though, it feels much needed, and while I am far from being on top of this, I know it isn't working for me and this is my 4th (21 day plus) break from alcohol since Jan 2023. One day that break might just become permanent...I hope.

Wishing you all a very good week.

Thank you, it’s so true, why have we been conditioned to think that drinking is a reward, it’s something we should savour? In reality it is poisonous to our mental and physical health. I think particularly living in the uk it’s very much seen as a reward and something that we should be proud of. When I was young all my friends were so impressed at how much I could drink compared to them! I stated drinking in my teens and had so many memories of fun drunken nights out but almost triple the number of oh no what did I do nights…

I am on day 2 of no alcohol and I’m trying really hard to sort out the things that make me drink in the first place!

@Steppered you sound like you are doing a wonderful job, I’m sure you must be feeling so much better. I had therapy once and it was amazing and then years later I tried again and it worked slept awhile but I found it was so draining emotionally that I would find it traumatic to attend each week. I am currently being assessed for adhd as apparently I have a lot of traits that seem to point towards that being part of my issue.

Morning all, it’s back to work for me this morning but more importantly back to school for my kids 🙌we all need the routine the school week gives and although I have managed to have a few lazy mornings, on the whole the kids have been draining with their constant demands and bickering. I’m almost looking forward to going back to work….almost.

Have a good week everyone.

Hi @WisteriaMystery , and welcome. I’m relatively new here too. Have managed almost three weeks of drastically reducing my alcohol intake. Despite intending to do 90 days AF I have drunk one bottle of wine a week. I have chalked this up as a win though, as I’d usually drink at least a bottle a night. I got diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago, but am only just starting to understand how that relates to my problems with alcohol. This podcast has been an amazing source for understanding different aspects of ADHD. Here’s an episode on how alcohol can affect us:ADHD Adults Podcast, Episode 53 ADHD and Alcohol

Afternoon all! I’ve seen it recommended on here before but I am loving the audiobook ‘this naked mind’ it has made me question a lot of things about my relationship with alcohol. I am now almost a week without it and my first aim is to get to Monday, there is no need for me to drink this coming weekend.

Morning all. I slept well for the first time since Friday but I’ve woken in a foul mood. You know when everything/everyone seems super annoying and you feel rage inside all the time? I’m sure it’s hormonal.
It’s raining (again) and windy which is not a good combination when you commute by bike.
I’m totally fed up of tidying up after my family. DD’s inability to keep her room tidy is driving me insane.
Add to that DH just seems to be irritating me all the time. Performance nose blowing to make sure absolutely everyone knows he has a cold. Jeez. Plus I have this tiny window in the morning that I (obviously) engineered to have 15 minutes to sit on MN before I have to leave for work and DH keeps interrupting it with stupid questions. “Have you got much on today?” What do you think?! Leave me alone during my quiet time! It’s like he’s bored and wants to talk at me before I leave.
Do you ever just feel completely used by everyone in your life?
I have this overwhelming urge to run away from it all.

Didn’t come down when I was doing the washing up, did he? Or when I need to clean the kids teeth or get their shit ready for school. No he comes down during my 15 minute window of peace. Because I can’t even have that can I.

@Chunkymonkey123 I sympathise with the ADHD, we have been through it with dd. We had no idea as she was high performing untilGCSE's when it all got too much and anxiety and depression set in. With hindsight all the pennies dropped as soon as the psychiatrist said the words. Are you well supported by the ADHD service/well medicated?

@MamaGhina I'm sorry you have had a shit morning. Equally shit here. Just had to pull off the local A road and am waiting for the AA with a tyre as flat as a pancake. The car in undrivable. Lord alone knows how they will get it on a truck as someone has parked behind me and I'm in a snug space. ETA 9.20.

I've texted DH who has responded "oki doki, have you sorted out the tree surgeon?" Fucking men!

I hope your day gets better. At least I'm on A/L and wasting my own valuable time!

And now I desperately need a wee!

Morning all!

@MamaGhina That would grind my gears something rotten. Not wanting to gloat, but I absolutely adore living alone for this very reason. Mind you, I didn’t have a drink problem when I lived with my OH. I couldn’t hide it from him, whereas I now have to learn to self-regulate with no one here to be accountable to. The dog is (unhelpfully) very non-judgmental!

I drank nearly a bottle of wine last night. It was unplanned. I stupidly stopped off at the supermarket on the way home and spotted my favourite wine on offer. Luckily I only bought one bottle. I struggled to drink it, didn’t enjoy being tipsy and had a crap night sleep. So it’s day 1 again for me. I’m being accountable here, as it’s the only place I feel safe enough to share this.

I’ve toyed with the idea of going back to AA, but their ‘all or nothing’ total abstinence rule makes me feel unwelcome. Does anyone else feel like this? Sort of like, I’m here feeling proud of myself that I’ve only drunk three times during the last 3 weeks (instead of a whole bottle every night), but that wouldn’t be seen as a success in an AA meeting.

Hi @SpringNotSprung

re ADHD
Wasn’t sure if you were referencing me or @WisteriaMystery as I couldn’t find any reference to @Chunkymonkey123 mentioning ADHD.

Yes I’m medicated but due to recent med shortages I’ve been all over the place. If your daughter is medicated then you’ll probably have been affected by this too. Now I’m drinking less, the meds I’m on don’t seem to be working. You’re not supposed to drink while taking stimulants, as it affects your liver. God, I wish I’d been diagnosed in childhood. I might have done so much better at school. Although I was also sexually abused as a young child, so probably could have done with this being identified and dealt with too. Did you know that a very high percentage of childhood sexual abuse survivors are alcoholics? And a high percentage of undiagnosed ADHD/ASD folks are also alcoholics? I didn’t stand a chance really! Sorry, this is a lot to share, I know!

As an adult I’ve finally found my way and am self employed in a job I adore. It’s a miracle really, as I get to hyper-focus on the things I love and get paid for it!

Does your daughter also hyper-focus on things she loves? Is she on meds, and do they help?

@Chunkymonkey123 Yes, I loved the This Naked Mind audiobook. Annie Grace also does a This Naked Mind podcast which is definitely worth checking out. This Naked Mind Podcast with Annie Grace

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through @Pinotgrigioblues. I hope you have r/l support.

DD reached a crisis at 15, when she started cutting and withholding food. There was very little help available through the NHS who looked only for parenting problems. We had to find a private consultant psych and £8k and about 6/9 months later was diagnosed. Just before the start of the upper 6th. The diagnosis and medication was an absolute turning point for her and she went on to take a first from Cambridge.

Her addiction type issues manifest with food rather than alcohol although she could easily swig a couple of glasses a night or more but keeps it in check. I think the stress of it turned me to being a regular drinker.

It's been a hard slog for her but she is well safety netted and now under the local NHS ADHD service. Not without the help of our local MP I hasten to add. We have had no issues with medication shortages. She started on rivaling and is now on something else, Medikanet I think.

It sounds as though you have done brilliantly with little suppprt. I've no doubt dd would have dropped out of school if we hadn't had the means to support her. The lack of support and ignorance through people like CAMHS is terrifying.

And yes, she does hyperfocus. Usually about theatrical productions in which she has a real interest and also her voice which is a brilliant channel. She sings.

Oh no, @SpringNotSprung , I hope you get sorted quickly!

@Pinotgrigioblues I have heard previously there can be a strong link between ADHD and addiction. Also CSA - sending you solidarity as it's something that happened to me too. Hope you're not feeling too crap after the wine. I would have caved and drank last night if I hadn't had to taxi the kids around.

The way I see it currently is ............ we are at least, Aware. It is painful being in this Aware stage, it hurts, there is shame and pain but it will propel us forwards to Action. We are taking action. If we were 20 stone overweight we wouldn't suddenly lose it all overnight and never look at a piece of cake again. (And, if we are 20 stone overweight we have our reasons, often childhood abuse, neglect, undiagnosed conditions, addiction is a fucking bastard). WE are Aware and we are trying our very best. And yeah it hurts to be here but it is better than being blind to it. Than sitting and merrily guzzing our wine and waking up hungover and not giving a crap, looking forward to our next wine.

Wow @MamaGhina I feel like we could be twins. I have the rage lately and I don't think it'd take much for me to bugger off on a month long yoga retreat or something (robbing a bank along the way)! I got soaked on the school run. I am fed up of being the only one who sees things - picking up, tidying, mopping, wiping, planning. Again and again. My OH saunters around in the morning dealing with himself only, plays on duolingo for half an hour and then looks at me like "why are you in a mood?" And the moment we get just 5 seconds peace in the house, he clears his throat really loudly like a fucking pigeon and half the time I jump out of my skin. WHERE IS THE FECKING JOY???? Most of my friends who are working mums feel the same, like we are at breaking point.

And breathe.