I know I need to stop... Help please

[MasterOfOne]

I an struggling so much. I need to stop drinking. I drink all day everyday. I am drinking right now as I type.

I HATE what I have become, but have no idea how to stop.

My dad died a chronic alcoholic.... I know how this story ends.

I am just so so sad I have turned out like this

Help

Following to catch up later

Thank you for this.

I had a HUGE slip, a full blown backslide into using alcohol to numb my anxiety and its had a horrible impact in my world.

Starting again today.

Hi OP, I’ve been following your thread too, and as yet haven’t managed a whole night AF, so to me you are doing wonderfully, and a slip isn’t so bad. It’s probably to be excepted as we’ve all had years of conditioning to drink alcohol,.
well done. You have inspired me to give it another a go tonight - you can do this!

Op hope you’re doing ok. I hope you don’t mind if I say your thread has reminded me not to drink tonight, the first night in at least 11 months. So thank you. I hope you’re ok. I’m reading that being nice to yourself and saying,’yay, I am doing well! I c realised I slipped up and can work out why and slowly move forward’ is much more effective than the whole,‘I’m awful’ thing.
hugs.

agree! I heard a lovely thing of a wise person where if you are not confused, you are not learning.
x

If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

What are you going to change?
What can you do differently this time?

You're getting good periods of not drinking which is awesome. But you don't seem to be doing anything else to tackle the root of the issue.

AA / counselling / SMART recovery etc.

We call this "white knuckling" in AA. Hanging on to a few sober days for dear life and it feeling horrible and desperate and inevitably it can't last.

You need to do more.

Hi all,

Im writing this as I know I have a problem and no one else knows about it, I am so annoyed at myself I am only 28 and used to live a happy life without drinking with my partner. A few years ago I started loving the feeling of being drunk and I seem to have an addictive personality because I can’t stop drinking, I work from home and as soon as I wake up I need to have a drink to stop my anxiety, bare in mind I’ve tried so many different anxiety tablets and I’m still on them now. The only thing ever on my mind is when to order my next beers to the house, which i have to do secretly from my partner because he jokes about me having a problem but really I’m just really good at hiding it, I used to be so slim and love life and now I can’t look at myself in the mirror and live in baggy clothes. I never thought I would end up look like this, my older sister was an alcoholic and I used to be angry and not understand why she did it, I’m not close with her so have never discussed it. But I am honestly worried about my health and how long I will live, I can drink so many beers and not feel anything it’s not normal, I’ve also now noticed weird what look like vein marks below my armpits but on both sides, they don’t look like stretch marks either, I don’t know what to do or how to get help because without a drink I’m miserable and angry and I really don’t want anyone in my family to know :( I’m so sad that this is what my life has become and I’m so worried that I’ve done long lasting damage, but when I over think it, I just end up going for another drink

oh that’s not fun! Suggest gp? I’m trying to stop too,so I’m not at all sure what to suggest, but here’s a supportive 💐 there are lots of resources on the other threads.
The book by Annie grace seems to be very popular, there’s a free sample on her website. I hope this helps.
it sounds like whatever is causing the anxiety is the real problem. Psychotherapy? EMDR? Havening? There’s lots to discover on you tube.
I find a podcast called ‘mindset change’ soothing

Hugs op. If it helps I’ve started again many many times. As everyone here will have done.

@MasterOfOne hey :) have been thinking about you I hope you've been getting on ok this week

I get it, having a drink does massively kill the anxiety in the moment and it's such an ingrained reaction to do so and postpone the pain for a bit.

it hijacks you though and traps you into a cycle of needing it just to feel normal and stop the withdrawals in the morning.

It's so tough I wish you so much strength to get free of its clutches. Drinking is everywhere at the moment too, keep it simple- this is between you and yourself, what other people do doesn't matter x

Thank you so much for this - I read this after my (lord know how many) first 48hrs and that describes exactly how it feels - desperate.

You (and others) are absolutely right nothing will change if I keep doing what I keep doing.

I know I need more help, it's not working trying to do this alone and on will power.

Thank you so much. I am determined today to do something different so am going to join an AA meeting.

It's been 48hrs since my last drink, the craving is there but not desperate (yet, I know its only a matter of time)

Alcohol has already taken so much from me.

Appreciate this.

I've got a list of resources I am working through. Although not specifically about sober/alcohol, I am currently reading/listening to Atomic habits which is making tiny inroads in making me think about my behaviours (good and bad)

Gosh this is bloody hard!

That is bloody marvellous news.

Alcohol has got you beat; you can't do it so get some help.

Make sure you connect with some other women at the meeting - get their numbers and then use them!

Part of everyone's own recovery is helping other alcoholics so they will be THRILLED to help you.

I spent hours on the phone to other sober members when I first joined.

Op, in case it's useful and you're not aware of this service... My local substance abuse counsellors were ex addicts which made it super easy to be open.

I've been sober since Sept 2019, and have never looked back....

However I would highly recommend he seek free NHS assistance.

You can in fact have a free (bar prescription costs) at home detox/rehab on the NHS.

You have to refer to your local substance abuse centre. Some will let you self refer, some may require Dr referal.

They should be able to offer support.

You can find them here www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/find-an-alcohol-addiction-service/location.

Avoid CGL they seem to direct to Detox UK who will charge. If you struggle to get free help, these can help: Dear Albert can help: www.dearalbert.co.uk/nhs-alcohol-detox/.

I did around 3 months counselling once a week prior and again after. 10 day at home detox with family support.

The medication made phyical withdrawal smooth and easy to the point I didn't have a single side effect.

Alcohol has taken so much from me

This is really great awareness. I’d write it down in a journal. And then I’d write what an AF life can give you.

The anxiety is real, and you have to learn to feel the feels, but there ain’t no anxiety like hangover anxiety!!

Keep going - you’re doing great.

Sorry, I see you've stopped, however they can still offer counselling support.

Honestly I absolutely could have written this entire post.

My anxiety was bad before I started drinking, but I realise that actually makes it 100x worse when I am.
That moment of relief that drinking gives me never lasts, and the dread that follows when I sober up gets worse and worse.

I am desperate to stop using alcohol to block my feelings of stress. But I am very aware that I really need more help with managing this - I can't do it alone.

This post/thread was my first step of saying out loud that I have a problem with alcohol.

People have been so generous with their time and experience to help me. I hope you find help too

This is a good idea. I will write it all down. Whatever benefits or joy I was getting from drinking does not even come close to matching the damage it has caused to my mental and physical health, finances, weight, relationships, work and career.

Just infiltrated and damaged everything around me!

How are you @MasterOfOne? I know this time of year can be crazy socially I hope you're getting on ok x

Thanks for checking in! I'm holding up ok.

Have tried a couple of online AA meets, have not quite found a group I feel very comfortable with but I keep trying.

Have not touched a drop since 1st Dec but have avoided all social outings to make that happen.
Work Xmas do this week I am dreading.

That's such great news you have another good stretch behind you now you're racking them up and chipping away at the old habit I'm very proud of you!!

Work dos can be a minefield I always turn up a bit late so I everyone's a couple of drinks in and leave as early as I can get away with 😂 I actually enjoyed our one this year to my immense surprise and blitzed through it with 3 peroni zeros decanted into a beer glass each time to blend in

I hope you get through it ok and that the food, venue and company are good it all helps xx