Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I know I need to stop... Help please

98 replies

MasterOfOne · 08/10/2023 08:18

I an struggling so much. I need to stop drinking. I drink all day everyday. I am drinking right now as I type.

I HATE what I have become, but have no idea how to stop.

My dad died a chronic alcoholic.... I know how this story ends.

I am just so so sad I have turned out like this

Help

OP posts:
Sillymummies123 · 16/10/2023 07:53

I've read lots of quitlit, but the one that really spoke to me was The Naked Mind.

There was something about it that spoke to me - the way it broke down how alcohol wiggles its way into your life and brain and cements itself as "important", and then challenged all preconceived notions and expressed that life without alcohol isn't to be tolerated, but actually is BETTER. I needed that. I'm just not someone who would ever have stopped if the life without it was inferior to the life with it.

For what it's worth, I'm a few months in and it's been an adjustment but I've done soo many things (festivals, meals, nights out, theatre) without a drop.

Original poster
MasterOfOne · 16/10/2023 09:00

Thank you both for your comments and recommendations.

Would love a pinned list of recommended resources at the top of this topic, it has been so helpful to hear what has helped others.

The anxiety and raised BP is setting in now, its so weird because I hate this feeling, and I know drinking makes this feeling worse, so why can't I recognise that drinking = feeling shit the next day.
It's frustrating as I think i am reasonably intelligent and sensible most of the time. Sigh.

Going to get stuck into catching up with work and focus on getting through the next 24hrs.

Thank you all again for your support and kindness, you don't know how much it means to me.

OP posts:
Username620 · 16/10/2023 10:13

Do you take any medication for the anxiety? It might help and better not to be drinking if taking it. My anxiety is less but I’m still on medication.

VoldemortsKitten · 16/10/2023 11:19

A new day and a new week @MasterOfOne I hope the anxiety and bp settle down and let you crack on with work

I found working throughout the early days a massive help as it took my mind off of anything else and also gave me a part of my identity that hadn't been ruined by my drinking. Work only really ever knew the diligent reliable me and I liked being her. Still do. God knows how I managed to hold on to that persona when I was at my worst. They have no idea and now never need to.

I've had anxiety my whole life to lesser and greater extent. I'm now on medication that keeps it massively at bay. The worst it ever got was during my periods of round the clock drinking. It's def worth looking in to in a while as you get stronger because if you drink while on it, it doesn't really work and also makes you super sleepy

You can beat this x

VoldemortsKitten · 17/10/2023 20:07

Hope you're getting on ok x

Original poster
MasterOfOne · 19/10/2023 08:33

Thanks for checking in.

I'm on my day 2 again :( 😞 not making excuses, was an incredibly tough weekend with teenage dd and work pressures.

Sigh. The only positive is that l stopped (again) and did not get wasted. Am determined now just to keep working at it... and yet again catch up on work I've missed.

OP posts:
VoldemortsKitten · 19/10/2023 09:22

It might not feel like it to you but I still think that's bloody marvellous and a hell of a long way from sipping away in the morning to quell the pit of dread.

Took me months for stringing 4days, 11days, 5days here and there together before the inner turmoil of it just went and I knew I was done.

So here's to day 2 I hope you are feeling ok and that your daughter is too

Here for u cheering u on @MasterOfOne x

MalbecJunkie · 19/10/2023 17:54

Well done, @MasterOfOne! Having alcohol free days is a massive achievement, and the occasional slip doesn't mean your progress is wasted.

Today is Day 1 for me, I've been dreading it all week. DP and I discussed it on Sunday and decided when the wine ran out on Wednesday we wouldn't buy anymore. I had been trying to cut down with no lasting effect so I'm stopping for today.

I daren't think any further ahead than that - when I try think of a future without alcohol it sends me straight to the shop for wine in a panic.

I have tea and chocolate and a plan for the evening that doesn't involve my usual trigger of watching TV, but I'm actually scared stiff.

Username620 · 19/10/2023 20:27

@MasterOfOne its a great achievement. Not getting wasted is a massive plus.
Good luck @MalbecJunkie, one day at a time.
I never thought I could give up drinking. I even managed to put some red wine in a stew last night without taking a single sip.

MalbecJunkie · 19/10/2023 22:40

Thanks, @Username620 . So far, tea and dairy milk is distracting me. Sort of.

MalbecJunkie · 20/10/2023 03:38

I’m so tired I could cry, but still no sleep.

jazzyclouds · 20/10/2023 03:54

I really hope you get some sleep @MalbecJunkie . xx

MalbecJunkie · 20/10/2023 09:24

@MasterOfOne , how are you doing?
I apologise for hijacking your thread with my own first day.

NotWhereIWantToBe · 20/10/2023 09:49

@MasterOfOne @MalbecJunkie
My father died an alcoholic at 57, but drink took his life really when he was only 39. That was when the drinking became an issue, and led to us being homeless, having to stay with friends and family for many years.
I so wish that he had reached the point that you both have, and I am here, on the sidelines, cheering on two strangers on the internet. I wish you both strength, determination and success. Oh, and the flexibility to understand that having a slip doesn't mean you've failed. Keep on keeping on. Reach out for support whenever you need it. At the beginning of your journeys, be gentle to yourselves - it is a journey, but it is one of healing. 💐

MalbecJunkie · 20/10/2023 10:42

@NotWhereIWantToBe 💐

My father is a recovering alcoholic in his 80s, 16 years sober.
By our mid 40s both my brother and I were alcoholics - he of the massive bender type, me of the drunk every night type. Our father doesn’t accept that we are - I guess it’s guilt.

I am trying to get sober because my children deserve better than I am capable of. I want them to want to have a relationship with me when they’ve left home, and why would they want to when I’m an idiot slumped on the sofa every night ?

Username620 · 20/10/2023 12:12

@MalbecJunkie this was me 14 months ago - drunk on the sofa every night, searching for anything to drink if I ran out of what I had planned for the evening.
I‘m in a programme now to get my driving licence back. So ashamed but luckily no one was hurt. So ashamed of everything I did while drunk from text messages to things I said to my DD.
Life feels so much better now. I can deal with the tough stuff these days. Why don’t you start a new thread?
I also recommend the I am sober app. Nice community there.

VoldemortsKitten · 21/10/2023 20:17

I know last weekend was a challenge, I hope you're doing ok @MasterOfOne X

and also you @MalbecJunkie Saturday nights can be a bit weird at first if you're used to drinking, how are you feeling?

MalbecJunkie · 22/10/2023 15:10

You’re right, Voldemort, I fell at the hurdle of Saturday night.

Starting again today.

Username620 · 22/10/2023 15:24

@MasterOfOne how are you doing?

Original poster
MasterOfOne · 22/10/2023 20:58

Hi all,

All OK over here. I have crammed this weekend full of activities because I know when I am alone, the craving becomes unreal.

I am not going to lie, feeling rather anxious as I have a number of meet ups scheduled for the next couple of week... probably all the way up to Xmas that drink will be involved. I know I am going to struggle to get through these.

But today I am ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
MasterOfOne · 22/10/2023 21:10

@MalbecJunkie please don't apologise or worry about posting on this thread.

This is an incredibly hard journey for all of us. I am really glad you posted. I've received such kindness on this thread, I am glad you are getting some too xx

OP posts:
VoldemortsKitten · 31/10/2023 21:00

How are you getting on x

90DaysLaterBrightspice · 02/11/2023 12:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Easterdaffsx · 15/11/2023 08:09

Masterofone I've read a lot of your thread but not all and just wanted to say wow well done you
I am at the point you were when you wrote this and it's an inspiration reading your journey and all the useful advise.
I would love to follow this thread and maybe take the same advise
I love the idea of an anonymous AA meeting on zoom
I really want to attend but due to the nature of my job would always have to remain anonymous which is hard
Are there other options with AA where I can use a different name and not have my camera on ? Sounds ott but I really can't
Have a lovely day everyone

Findyourneutralspace · 15/11/2023 13:04

Just stumbled upon your post while beating myself up a little for a slip.

I have the Reframe app. It’s really good. It has daily exercises to help with your mindset and online meetings - you can chose between AF and cutback so it’s not quite like AA but I find that a good thing. I’d recommend doing a free trial and see how it goes. It’s American but very welcoming to people from all around the world. I’ve neglected it a little due to some personal stress this week - hence the slip, but I really rate it and will be back on today.