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Original poster

How to do your first alcohol free night?

149 replies

Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 18:31

Hi everyone.
I've been drinking too much for around 4 years. I've not had a night free of alcohol for that amount of time. Some nights aren't too bad, half a bottle of wine. Some nights are really bad like recently where I've been 2 /3bottles .
Im ready to quit, sick of feeling sh*t, gained weight, causing real problems in my relationship.
My question is, if anyone has experience, how the hell do I do the first night? I have actual anxiety thinking about there being nothing in the house. Which made me realise, I'm using it to help with worry/stress anxiety more than I thought. It's not a pleasure anymore, it's a need for my brain to quiet down. So the idea of there being nothing in the house if I have a 'panic' really worries me. I clearly don't have the ability to regulate my mental health anymore which I used to be able to do well, and have spoiled myself with all this drinking.
I know people might feel like saying I'll have liver damage and stuff but please don't haha, I have serious health anxiety (probably why I started drinking, ironic), and think it would send me over the edge to read it.
Thanks so much in advance xx

OP posts:
Catsarego · 06/09/2023 18:47

I like to have a few drinks in the evenings. Try not to every night. My worst time is when it gets to about 3-4pm. I make sure I have a nice dinner at about 5pm and after that the drinking never crosses my mind again until the following evening. I also remind myself how lovely it is to get up in the morning not feeling groggy and grubby and guilty.

Findyourneutralspace · 06/09/2023 18:51

Try to reduce by 10% first. If you want an AF night, get yourself another kind of treat, a soft drink or a bit of chocolate or something. Make sure you’ve done plenty of exercise in the day.

Lottapianos · 06/09/2023 18:51

You're getting to grips with your drinking, so well done. Make a plan - do something with your hands if you can. Manicure, cleaning, whatever. Just stay fairly busy. Drink water, eat something nourishing for dinner. Then I would get into bed fairly early with a book / podcast. Focus on how proud you will be of yourself tomorrow for getting day 1 under your belt

You need a whole new evening routine, that's focused on other nice things apart from drink. Good luck, you can do it

Original poster
Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 18:53

Thanks catsarego.
I think this is my issue, I delay eating until stupid o'clock clock, we're talking like 11pm. Whereas like you say, when I've been out for a meal or whatever when I'm forced to eat at a normal time, I'm not fussed about drinking anymore. Like tonight, my partner has gone to the gym. He said tonight, I'm making dinner when I get in and you're gonna eat with me and come to bed at a normal time. I'm already trying to think of a way out of it, so I can have the night to myself to have drinks and watch crap TV. Eurgh I'm so sick of myself!

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 06/09/2023 18:53

I have a sparkling water and put a garnish in it, so I do the ritual actions of pouring a drink and switching off with a glass... But it's water. The ritual helps as I don't have to break the 'habit' completely, but I'm not having the problem part. Takes less will power.

PimpMyFridge · 06/09/2023 18:56

Your partner sounds like they are offering really helpful constructive support... Remind yourself your urges are not what the true you really wants, they are just habit and urges and grab that suggestion with both hands... Tell yourself it's just this once, just today... You'll get through it even if your mice keeps going to the drink+TV option... tomorrow can be tackled tomorrow.

Pip1402 · 06/09/2023 19:00

I would take a phenergan tablet at 7pm and aim to be in bed for 8pm. Try to sleep away the first night and any potential anxiety. Your anxiety will then get better and better each day that passes without alcohol, it makes such a huge difference. You can do this.

Original poster
Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 19:05

Thanks all so much, really helpful. Keeping busy definitely works for me. Unfortunately I've had a bad back this week so it's kind of egged me on to just sit around, a big trigger for me.
I have failed already as I've snuck some wine in while he's out. But, I will go with his plan of dinner and an early night. I'm saying I will, I hope I will. And you're right, the feeling tomorrow of a win is what I want, not another night of failure and guilt.
I will let yous know how it goes!
Thanks again so much to the posters, feel more positive already xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 22:06

I failed, he went to bed and I pretended I had some work to look over. So, now I'm a bottle of wine deep and watching trash. So disappointed

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 06/09/2023 22:09

Have you articulated your desire to stop drinking to your partner? Does he know you had the alcohol tonight or have you done it in secret?

would you consider AA?

Appalonia · 06/09/2023 22:32

Have you read any Quit Lit? This Naked Mind is v good, also available in Audible. She has lots of good advice about quitting. It's something I struggle with myself tbh.

Original poster
Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 23:10

Yes he knows I want to stop but he's a very black and white thinker. He says things like you're pathetic, I can't understand why you don't just stop, it's ridiculous gone on for years etc. I understand the frustration. And yes I've done it in secret. I've hidden my glass and wine bottles. He actually showed me a picture today from a few years ago and said 'this is who I got together with'. Knowing I was having a particularly shit day.
And I know that sounds harsh, he's just desperate for me to sort myself out.
I have the Annie grace book, bought it a year ago and have only read a few chapters. That's how little I'm trying. Drinking now wondering why don't I just go to bed. Felt like crap all day after too much last night. Just so annoyed at myself x

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 06/09/2023 23:11

Drink alcohol free beer. Booze questions. You get the placebo effect too

declutteringmymind · 06/09/2023 23:15

Get some professional help. Addiction is complicated and you don't need to do it on your own.

shadylane · 06/09/2023 23:21

AA is a good place to start. And sounds like he needs some help too. Tomorrow is another day you don’t have to give up.

afaloren · 06/09/2023 23:35

Talk to your GP, be honest and see if they can refer you to addiction services. You may need to taper off rather than go cold turkey.

Try an AA meeting. You don’t have to identify as an alcoholic, you don’t have to say anything, you can just go along and listen. It can really help.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 06/09/2023 23:39

I have been where you are. I know what you mean about the first night. If it feels too daunting to just go cold turkey then if wine is your thing:

I have bought myself 2/3 cans of pre mixed g and t - you don't get that wine hit but I find it far less moreish.

Then the next night you buy 1 less can, then when you are down to no cans, buy a couple of AF beers. You'll be less dependent on the wine / numbing feeling by then (or do a couple of nights at each 'level' )

I have done this then have just stuck with the AF beers if I fancied a drink. Definitely don't bother with AF wine.

I absolutely know that awful feeling you wake up with in the morning - and the physical is only part of it. It's the disappointment and shame you feel too.

I think in AA there's an expression 'I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired' ... that's that feeling isn't it?

BarelyLiterate · 06/09/2023 23:47

Find a suitable substitute for alcohol & drink that instead while you break the habit of boozing. Most alcohol free wine isn’t great, but the beers have improved enormously and some are really good. Or what about just tonic in a nice glass with ice & lemon, or a ready made mocktail? Anything to replace the booze while maintaining the habit of treating yourself to a drink.

Original poster
Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 23:50

I just don't know if AA would be for me. I'm a private person, I'd feel very exposed? I don't know if anyone else felt like that.
Thanks lemons, I will try that tomorrow. Its just this need to eliminate all anxieties. And wine has been my best friend for it. And in equal measure my complete downfall. So there is an attachment. I just need to decipher the need to have it with the consequences it brings. I'll try the cans, but I still feel like I'd freak out knowing there wasn't a bottle of wine somewhere. How abnormal is that. Its so bad x

OP posts:
PricklyPear1234 · 06/09/2023 23:51

Following !

YukoandHiro · 06/09/2023 23:55

In the first instance, can you replace it with something else zero per cent beer/wine or Coke Zero or something that satisfies the need to crack something open in the evening but isn't alcohol?

Original poster
Lau8877 · 07/09/2023 00:02

I can try that, thank you. It's just I specifically look for that moment where it washes over you and you feel relaxed. Which I know I'll not get from 0%. But definitely worth a try.
I'm watching a daft series on Netflix now, have drank nearly 2 bottles of wine. And I just feel helpless to it. Maybe I like it, I don't know. So frustrating

OP posts:
Raffington55 · 07/09/2023 00:11

Lau8877 · 06/09/2023 23:50

I just don't know if AA would be for me. I'm a private person, I'd feel very exposed? I don't know if anyone else felt like that.
Thanks lemons, I will try that tomorrow. Its just this need to eliminate all anxieties. And wine has been my best friend for it. And in equal measure my complete downfall. So there is an attachment. I just need to decipher the need to have it with the consequences it brings. I'll try the cans, but I still feel like I'd freak out knowing there wasn't a bottle of wine somewhere. How abnormal is that. Its so bad x

Exposed to who though? Everyone in AA is just like you. There is zero judgement. Just a group of people who have ended up drinking too much. And it's great for getting you out of the house precisely at the time you'd like to crack open a (3) bottle(s).

Original poster
Lau8877 · 07/09/2023 00:27

Yeah, you're right. I will look up my nearest ones. Nothing to lose. x

OP posts:
NewbieSM · 07/09/2023 03:41

OP you CAN do this but you have to WANT to do it. Not for your partner but for you. You don't sound like you really want to stop so will struggle until you change your mindset. Going to a meeting sounds like a great idea, you don't have to speak but can listen others stories and that might give you some perspective. Alcohol is the devil and will rob you of everything you care about so well done for at least acknowledging you have a problem. Good luck