How to do your first alcohol free night?

[Lau8877]

Hi everyone.
I've been drinking too much for around 4 years. I've not had a night free of alcohol for that amount of time. Some nights aren't too bad, half a bottle of wine. Some nights are really bad like recently where I've been 2 /3bottles .
Im ready to quit, sick of feeling sh*t, gained weight, causing real problems in my relationship.
My question is, if anyone has experience, how the hell do I do the first night? I have actual anxiety thinking about there being nothing in the house. Which made me realise, I'm using it to help with worry/stress anxiety more than I thought. It's not a pleasure anymore, it's a need for my brain to quiet down. So the idea of there being nothing in the house if I have a 'panic' really worries me. I clearly don't have the ability to regulate my mental health anymore which I used to be able to do well, and have spoiled myself with all this drinking.
I know people might feel like saying I'll have liver damage and stuff but please don't haha, I have serious health anxiety (probably why I started drinking, ironic), and think it would send me over the edge to read it.
Thanks so much in advance xx

Definitely go to AA xxx

There are lots of good books out there as you know. I have read quite a few. The one that resonated with me the most was 'alcohol explained' ... I listened to it on audio book and somehow that was even more effective (plus you can listen in the day, as you go to sleep etc)

Just as a 'how do I do the first night' ... I also tried buying 2 of those small bottles of wine.. and now allowing myself to have the first one until 8 or so. That kind of worked ... as in you still have your wine hit.. but you aren't downing a normal bottle or 2 bottles, then as with the cans, you have 1 the following night , then move to AF beers .... I don't think it's a long term solution but to answer your question, 'how do you do the first night?' Then I found that worked for me. Even this will be an improvement on how you'll be feeling this morning... and an AF night feels much more manageable.

If you have a few days of cutting down before you move to AF I think it will feel much more doable . Someone on our dry jan thread did this .. we all did from day 1 AF but like you, she felt like she couldn't dive straight in so she tapered off over the first couple of weeks and was AF for the last 2 weeks.

*not allow

Have you tried non alcoholic subs like non alcoholic gin? I find a non alcoholic g&t kind of hits the spot. My sister loves AF beer for the same reason.
Sadly non alcoholic wine is awful!
I'd recommend that rather than the cans of actual.G&T

Hello @Lau8877 - well done for recognising your alcohol dependency. It might be a lot to deal with alone and without support like AA or your GP. I imagine you're hungover this morning - I'm sorry about that as I know that often comes with shame and guilt, which leads to more drinking - either to blot those feelings out OR you might have a "well done for getting through the day with a hangover" drink later! It really is one day at a time. Today is a new day. Try again. Have an early dinner, bath and bed. Perhaps download an app for motivation. I downloaded easy quit drinking yesterday. I am 3 days alcohol free and as of today the app says my "brain cells are regenerating leading to better memory, motor control and reasoning". I found this app for smoking really helpful when I quit 3 years ago!

It's difficult but it is worth it.

Hi @Lau8877
As someone who also struggles with health anxiety everything you have written I can identify with - I tried to go AF but after looking up on Google some of the side effects it sent me into a spiral and I overthought every niggle leading me back to the wine witch
Over the past week I have thrown every bit of wine away and started tapering (this isn't for everyone) and rather than 2 bottles of wine a night I am now down to 2 drinks a night slowly decreasing over the next couple of weeks (which is a measured spirit and a double helping of diet lemonade as a mixer) and then at 9pm I make myself a posh hot chocolate and then its bed - I even managed a weekend with friends where I managed to stick to the measure and double mixer, the biggest thing (like others have said) is that you need to do this for YOU!
It was only when I was ready to change that I've started to put steps in place - and I know that it will take time but i will get there, as we all will
Every journey is different and there is a lot of support here to help you on yours - although I don't tend to post much I read these threads everyday and it really helps to know there is support out there and others do understand.

Understand that 100 per cent. When DH goes to the gym I see it as a “free night” and drink until he gets in. I think there’s him trying to get fit and me sitting here knocking back booze. It’s ridiculous really. Childish and unhealthy. It’s a habit that needs breaking

Thanks all.
Well as has been said I feel awful today. I've been sick, anxiety is skyrocketing. So I've now opened a can of white claw in a bid to calm myself down. I get myself so so worked up I am actually vomiting. I'm scared if my body is really badly damaged. But all I'm really waiting for is to feel better enough to have wine, to get me through this hell.
I am going to try harder to have less tonight. But my anxiety is so bad today. Thank you all for your insights, I am learning how i could tackle this. Xx

Bless you op. Its so hard. Have you been to your gp about your anxiety? Maybe if you worked at that it might help.

That moment when it washes over you is in your imagination. I would try some quit lit. There are some excellent books out there. I started with 'The Wine Oclock Myth'. It really rang true with me and got me started. I won't lie, i have had quite a few 'day 1's but I'm now nearly a week alcohol free and I feel so good about it. There are lots of support groups on Facebook (private, so only members can see who is a member). If you want to PM me I can send you the links.

I also use an app called 'I Am Sober'. There are good community chats on there, I find it very supportive.

Going to be early is good too, get into bed with your iPad if you really want to watch TV. Better though, put some quite lit on audible and put your headphones on.

It's good that you can see you need help with this! Google the Alcoholic's Anonymous 12 steps and read them. Some versions are religious and refer to God and prayer, which might resonate with you, but it's for non-religious people too.

Then if I were you, I'd make an appointment with your GP and ask for referral to local alcohol services, as I think it will help you to have the support.

I don't know how to do the quote thing but wanted to say well done newbeginnings thats amazing! Do you miss it? I feel if I just had a few days to remember what the normal me used to feel like it would spur me on. I used to gym, play netball, healthy eater. Now I'm just a groggy slug. Yes I would love some links. I will PM.
I will arrange to see gp. I've just emailed a psychologist I used to talk to when I was younger (health anxiety). She's pretty fantastic at her job so hope she can help as well.

Whatever you do do not go to AA. It's a cult, I know people say it's not but believe me it is. SMART is a decent organisation that offers genuine support and practical advice. Speak to your doctor too.

Go to the cinema - drive there so that you can't drink. Get back late and go to bed.

That's your first night done.

Could you disentangle the drinking and the alone time, try staying up and watching crap without the drinks? When I was with ex and had small children I needed a couple of hours completely alone with my thoughts at the end of the day. For some reason he hated this and would stay up super late eyes drooping, falling asleep. Not everyone is the go to bed together at 9pm type.

Joining the gym was the turning point for me. I forced myself to book onto classes in the evenings. I'm very antisocial but have made acquaintances there to have a quick chat with and have learnt which classes are enjoyable. The combination of feeling mentally and physically fitter means I genuinely don't want to revert to my bad old ways. I have a nice sauna/ shower session before I go home and by then I'm feeling relaxed and ready for bed after an hour or so. I do have a couple of drinks three or four evenings a week but rarely overdo it nowadays.

I don't want to hijack the thread btw. But, @Skiphopandajump, you need to back up this kind of alarmist statement with actual facts.

AA is not perfect but 12 step programmes are readily available, free, and helpful to many. A 2020 review found participation in AA resulted in a higher rate of people abstaining from alcohol, and for longer, than Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

I'm really sorry to say but this sounds like something you really need External support for. It's probably beyond what you can do on your own. Book a GP appointment urgently and check out what other resources are available locally. Good luck

@Lau8877 If you can’t face going to an in person AA meeting (ignore the person who said it’s a cult, it certainly isn’t) you can log onto an online meeting. You can use a pseudonym and keep your camera off and just listen. But do make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to addiction services. They can help.

Actually there are no actual figures forAAs success rate as membership isn't recorded. AA is widely recognised by many health professionals as illogical and also a form of brain washing. Have you actual read the Big book or the 12 steps. Do you think it is okay that "sponsors" are untrained, unregulated and are not required to be DBS checked?
There are many good programmes out there to support people with addictions.

Yeah I wasn't sure what to think on AA? I started reading Allan Carr's stop alcohol, and he talks a lot about AA's mantra being alcohol is a disease that is incurable and a lot of other intense things, sort of put me off. But, I know many people have thrived, so don't know where I stand? Couldn't hurt to go have a look I suppose.
I just need to change my whole evening routine like you've all said. I'm not owed all this alone time to indulge on alcohol, I don't want it anymore.
I've drank wine today, and I'm really upset with myself. I just couldn't calm myself down and it was the only thing I could think of to settle me. It worked. But I know tomorrow I'll probably be right back where I started, hungover, anxious and in a hellhole.

I cannot pretend that you won't be greeted with open arms in AA.Most of its members are really lovely and you feel the sence of belonging. You won't get any advice other than keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Have a look at SMART, lots of really helpful tools to help you combat your addiction.

https://www.sinclairmethoduk.com/what-is-the-sinclair-method/
https://smartrecovery.org.uk/

Which health professionals EXACTLY regard AA as a form of brainwashing? Could you be specific. Very specific. No health professional is going to discourage someone from trying something that has helped many, many people. Your comment is irresponsible. People should make their own minds up about AA. Don't dissuade someone who is struggling from trying something that could help them.

Your anxiety is bad because of your alcohol intake and due to withdrawing. You will begin to feel much better if you can stop but possibly need to go to your GP to get some medication to ease you through withdrawal. Would you consider rehab? Vomiting is due to detoxing too. You are detoxing and are staving off the side effects (nausea, anxiety) by drinking.