How to do your first alcohol free night?

[Lau8877]

Hi everyone.
I've been drinking too much for around 4 years. I've not had a night free of alcohol for that amount of time. Some nights aren't too bad, half a bottle of wine. Some nights are really bad like recently where I've been 2 /3bottles .
Im ready to quit, sick of feeling sh*t, gained weight, causing real problems in my relationship.
My question is, if anyone has experience, how the hell do I do the first night? I have actual anxiety thinking about there being nothing in the house. Which made me realise, I'm using it to help with worry/stress anxiety more than I thought. It's not a pleasure anymore, it's a need for my brain to quiet down. So the idea of there being nothing in the house if I have a 'panic' really worries me. I clearly don't have the ability to regulate my mental health anymore which I used to be able to do well, and have spoiled myself with all this drinking.
I know people might feel like saying I'll have liver damage and stuff but please don't haha, I have serious health anxiety (probably why I started drinking, ironic), and think it would send me over the edge to read it.
Thanks so much in advance xx

I lost my dad during covid to alcoholic liver disease. It was very traumatic. And despite that I still drink, even though I saw what it did to him. I know I'm not as bad. If there was a spirit in the house he'd drink it. I have brandy, vodka gin all sorts in the house. I'd never be tempted, I know my limits. But there's a genetic connection there. Which worries me even more. X

Sorry that didn't make sense. I finished my degree 2019. I started drinking too much, don't know why, maybe the pressure of looking after my mum, she had a stroke 2012, lost a good part of her mobility and cognitive function but still well. With that my dad started drinking heavily, he didn't cope. His health and drinking was deteriorating at the time I was finishing uni, lots of falls, being drunk (never aggressive). Then covid came, he died, and I've been left as the sole carer for my mum plus trying to work and live my own life. Sorry for the rambling, just wanted to get it off my chest or something.

I think you'll find moderation hard (speaking from a looooot of experience!)
I was in the same position as you a few years ago, I've now been sober for 4.5 years.
Moderation is WAY harder than just quitting. Moderation uses too much head space (when can I drink, how much, can I drive?) it's so much cleaner and easier just to not drink and you will find freedom in this.
What postives is drinking bringing to your life that you need to keep with moderation?
I was drinking 1-2 bottles every night for many years. I cannot even describe how life changing was to give up completely. Best decision ever. I've come off my anti anxiety medication, my relationships with my husband and kids are better, sleep is wonderful, I'm focussed at work, skin is glowing, weight dropped off and most importantly I am just so happy!!

I have used 12-step programmes to support me giving up alcohol and sugar. Been sugar free since 1995 and alcohol free since 2000.

It really works. And remember - any one AA member or meeting doesn't represent AA as a whole so it is worth trying a few meetings.

You can also dial in online and lurk before you commit to going.

Op moderation doesn’t work. Alcohol is a poison. You can do this. I promise you you can stop.

You've acknowledged the problem and that's the first step. You can do this

@Lau8877 I am a HCP and I have worked with people with alcohol addiction.

Bluntly, you need professional help.

The anxiety is being fuelled by the alcohol.

I would also be very wary of stopping without professional input because you are at risk of withdrawal symptoms which can be extreme. I won't detail them so as not to panic you but I can tell you they can be VERY serious.

You need not only professional input for the physical action of not drinking and the potential physical withdrawal, you also need mental health support likely in the form of counselling or CBT to support the underlying triggers.

It sounds to me that there is likely much more going on under the surface for you abd that will need addressing if you are to be successful in sobriety.

I also echo a previous poster who says moderating is not possible. If you are going to do this it needs to be full sobriety. Some people are just not designed to be able to moderate.

Many local health authorities have well-being hubs and specific addiction support facilities. It would be worth looking those up.

I am also unsure a GP would prescribe anything for sleep if you are honest with them about the alcohol consumption. Alcohol is a stimulant and therefore an underlying cause of not being able to sleep. A good GP would not resort to prescription sleep medication unless you've tried the usual self help methods which are known as 'sleep hygiene' such as no alcohol, no caffeine 7 hours before sleep.

I'd never be tempted, I know my limits.

my lovely, you don’t know your limits. If you did, you wouldn’t be buying a spare bottle of wine for the morning in case you feel anxious.

what time are you starting to drink in the morning? And, maybe more pertinently, what time are you driving after having a drink?

@Lau8877 do you mind if I PM you? Our stories are crazily similar. I've been on a few alcohol threads under a different name, you're not alone 💪 just kicking agoraphobia, I can't imagine, and although I've cut way down on alcohol I'm still agoraphobic.

Thank you all for replying. Yes DebbieLouise absolutely!
Maybe limits was the wrong wording. I mean I wouldn't venture to that level, because then I'd be really drunk. That's never my goal, infact if I feel drunk I'll down some water. Its like habit, combined with wanting to feel relaxed and having time to myself.
I don't drink in the morning, I did the other day cos I was having a panic attack. I usually only drink from about 8pm, go to bed about 1am. I've told myself tomorrow is the day, end of the weekend and a fresh start.
Tomorrow's battle will be not buying any in the first place. 6pm I'm usually straight to the shop xx

I'm usually not hungover with what I drink, 1 bottle to a bottle and a half work nights. But since my Manchester trip its gone higher. I know I should be p*ssed/hungover from that amount of wine. My tolerance is high now, which worries me X

What do you do for two hours if you usually head straight to the shop at 6pm but don't start drinking until 8pm? 😉 I doubt tomorrow will be a new start. You are up against something MUCH more powerful than your own willpower. Speaking from experience, if you don't take action (go to AA, the doctor, community alcohol services) you will be saying exactly this in three months' time. Telling yourself repeatedly that you are going to make a new start hasn't worked so far. It's not going to work miraculously tomorrow. Just stop - it's so much easier than drinking, believe me. You'll struggle for three weeks and then you'll be free. Go to 12 step meetings. And don't come out with things like 'I'll feel exposed' - you've exposed yourself on here to people who don't have a drink problem. Think how much easier it will be exposing yourself to people who do. And it's not 'exposure'. There's no shaming in AA - just as there is none here.

I'm seeing the psychologist lady tomorrow. Shes very cutthroat. Well, a remote appointment. So hoping she can point the me in the right direction.
Haha, I usually keep myself busy. I play PlayStation (no I'm not a weirdo just brought up with a brother and consoles hah), or I clean or take the dog out. Infact until recently it was 9pm I'd save it til. But it's bad I know that. I will contact my GP x

Go to your bed, go and sit in a room you don’t associate with drinking. The first few weeks I sat in the kitchen doing jigsaws. I couldn’t imagine sitting in the living room and watching tv without a drink. I can now, easily.

OP please believe you can be free of this hell. I was in the pits of despair a little over 2 years ago. I’m 2 years sober now. I didn’t go to AA it wasn’t for me but it has saved a lot of lives. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It was quit lit, podcasts and immersion in sober communities online that helped me

I’ve been sober a good few years now, but reading this just takes me back. To the denial. The anxiety. The belief it was anxiety that made me drink. Etc etc. OP, you have to want this. It will only get worst. Much worst.

At the moment you’re kind of functioning, but that won’t continue forever. Drinking in the morning? Yep. That’s withdrawal and it’s catching up with you. Been there. Done that. It’s not taking the anxiety away.

I wish I could give you what I have now. But you can do this. But you have to be ready. Only you can stop digging the hole and make your own rock bottom.

AA Is dangerous territory. Try Sinclaire method. It is a life changer. AA will fuck you up good and proper

Hey @Lau8877
I'm drawn to your story because of some similarities to me. I haven't had a bereavement like you though. I'm so sorry for your loss 🌺

My dad is/was an alcoholic (he claims not to drink for three days a week now, but I'm not sure). There are others historically in my family too. I think some people think it's an excuse to say that genetics play a part, but I genuinely feel like it's a factor. I'm neurodivergent and suspect my dad is too, so it's probably not too much of a stretch to think we're predisposed to alcohol to try to fit in or cope with the differences to other people.

It sounds like you know where this recent binge started. Good that you have the insight on that so you can learn how to avoid it. Are there any other triggers for you?

Did your day off help?
I reached a bit of a new low today (although the lows usually come in different forms). I had a bloody mary at lunch time and some wine from a mug whilst working from home (both completely not something I would usually do). I wasn't drunk, I did it to get over the anxiety and depression caused by a night of not sleeping properly because of booze. I went to a couple of meetings sipping from my mug. On the one hand, I was thinking that work is so much better like this, the other knowing how utterly wrong it was. I guess it's made me think that work is a big factor in my drinking. I hate my job, hate all the meetings... it's just not for me. But I have a mortgage and debts. It's not easy to get out of it.

You sound like a thoughtful person who really wants to change. I wish you all the best and i'm here for support and an empathetic ear (or maybe it should be 'eye') 💜

Podcasts are fantastic when you want to stop drinking. Try the Drunkalogues (love this one), Recovery Elevator (the early ones with host Paulo Churchill), Shair podcast (there's a fantastic episode with writer Sarah Hepola - you will love, love, love her). Loads more. Look up addiction or recovery podcasts wherever you find your podcasts. Also an amazing book biography is 'Drinking: A Love Story', by Caroline Knapp. I don't know any problem drinker who hasn't fallen in love with this book. X

Ps that was for @Lau8877 - I know @TooOldForThisNonsense will be most likely be aware of these 😊

Thank you again for the replies. I've started reading Annie Grace, had only read the first few chapters.
Accidental adult, I've done that before! Working from home, coffee mug, wine. Thought what the hell am I doing. Some days it just takes over, I know.
My trigger is definitely evening time, sitting in the living room. I'm currently on series 15 of greys anatomy, which I usually crack a bottle open to. If I have a bad bout of anxiety that's certainly a trigger. For example if I'm worried about something to do with my health, I'll think god I can't wait for a glass later so I stop thinking about this.
Thanks Raffington, looking into those now X

I just feel so crap. Keep thinking a drink is going to revive me and then ill be ok the next day. But this time the cycle isn't breaking X

Have you had a thing tonight OP?

I am a member of AA and have been sober to thanks to them for nearly 10 years.

It's not a cult it works

Yes I've had nearly a bottle of wine x