The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Can I join too, please?

6 months sober yesterday, very proud of myself but now just feeling a little rubbish about it. I think I must have subconsciously thought 6 months proves I don't have a problem (I did and do) and for the past week there's a voice in my head that says just have 1 (or 10).

It's been a really rough few months so I know I have the coping mechanisms in place and can do without, it's just things like never being able to share a bottle of wine on a date that are getting to me.

Self care is needed at the moment I think!

Morning!

how was your first Friday night, @NeedToChangeRightNow ?

I have been there too, @Crunchymum . Gluten free beer on the alcohol free shelf, and rum babas which my dh thought were alcohol free because his mum used to give them to him when he was a bairn. Utterly foul.

hello to all the new posters, welcome!

@marzipanbattenburg your post resonated with me. In the end I proved conclusively over years of good intentions that I just could not moderate, and that even a single fine drink for the best of reasons in the nicest places gave me the same health issues as a rough school night glass of wine too many for no reason other than that the bottle needed finishing. That said, many people do moderate successfully and happily, they post on the moderation threads. For special occasions - think about committing to driving back if you can. Or leave early, if you find drunk conversation boring. Be upbeat and assertive when asking for an alcohol free drink option, you won’t be the only person not drinking and there is a lot more choice available now.

Congrats on your eight days, the early days are definitely the hardest. Every time you do something alcohol free for the first time, whether it’s a Friday night, a wedding, a funeral, an airport etc it builds your confidence for the next time, so the days you’ve already done will give you a good base to build on. Good luck.

@WendyWagon thank you for explaining and I'm sorry for my misunderstanding, please accept my apologies if I have caused any offence or difficulty.

@Blackberryblossom thank you for your reply ❤Yes that's just it, even a single glass of something nice is now making me feel as rough as any other type of drinking, so that's why I've concluded that I'd be be better off just stopping. I'm now figuring out how to navigate this.

Thanks for your suggestions on how to handle special occasions. I think you've hit the nail on the head, in giving myself permission to just leave if I'm not really feeling it because of other people's behaviours. I guess after the first few times, it'll get easier. Maybe I need to channel the energy of a friend who is teetotal for religious reasons, and find different things to enjoy.

I’m tentatively joining if ok? Am on day 4 AF (well, as long as I make it through today). Just been and bought some lime and mint cordial to have with sparkling water and ice - might add fresh mint too.

My motivations for change are: (1) my kids - want to be present and non grouchy; (2) my health - I just feel shit and tired all the time (actually feel worse with no booze right now) and I want that to stop plus loose weight; (3) I have had 2 book ideas (1 kids, 1 adult fiction/thriller) in my head for as long as I remember and I just want to bloody write them. I’ve started and failed to continue with the writing so many times and I know that tiredness from not sleeping properly after a drink has contributed

Hello @Cocotrain and @chasinghappiness of course you are welcome. There are many many truths shared in these threads. We all resonate with some if not a lot of them. Whilst the early days are hard and you often feel worse as you detox, there are other challenges along the way and you’ll find we all seek different ways to quieten the wine bitch in our heads. Accountability for me, is big part of being on this thread. Playing it forwards. Distraction. Acknowledging why I want a drink and what purpose it would actually solve.

so long as you are aiming for an alcohol free life this is the thread for you. So once again welcome

Hi everyone…
I think and hope I may have given up for good this time!
I’ve looked at this board loads over the years but never posted.

In my 20’s me and my friends drank heavily one or two nights a week. Was fantastic fun!
In my 30’s we had young kids, so we drank at home. Rarely drunk, but every night without fail, as a prize for getting through the day!
In my 40’s dry January became a thing. And sometimes dry October. Sometimes as long as 6 months at a time spent sober. But I always went back to it, usually after a sunny holiday. And smug because id proved I could stay off it if I wanted. But I know it was too much and not doing me any good.

A friend with kids the same age as mine was diagnosed with liver cancer at the end of last year, and its made me see sense. So far this year I’ve had 14 glasses of wine at parties or dinners out, and I can’t say I’ve enjoyed any of them. I’ve taken to drinking AF wine, which I know isn’t for everyone, but for me it’s that grown up drink of an evening that signals no more emails to be replied to today!

This time does feel different as I’m not thinking about drinking at all. I really can’t imagine wanting a drink again which is so different to how I’ve felt on previous sober spells that were often counting down whatever time span I’d decided I had to achieve.
The shall I/shan’t I have a drink has just become exhausting, and I think I’m finally ready to just say I’m not a drinker anymore. Fingers crossed!

I’ve had a tiny glimpse of the wine witch tonight. But I shut her up and recognised it’s just the silly witch talking and not me.

OH is drinking tonight. I wanted to watch tv. He put on music (as we would every Saturday evening) and I couldn’t hear the tv.

he went in a massive mood with me and said why can’t it be like a usual Saturday even if I’m not drinking. I said I don’t want to do what we always do otherwise it’s too difficult. I’m enjoying catch phrase.

he is really really struggling with my decision

Saturday night sober, counting my blessings here.

hello @SherbrookeNow , you might find one of the alcohol tracking apps helpful as they will give you a running total of how much money you’ve saved by not drinking. I have try dry, and used it to help justify a new bike last year :)

@WendyWagon I hope the mortgage rates will come down as fast as they’ve been going up. I hope today was better for you. Personally, I love cookery books in the kitchen.

congratulations on your 6 weeks @justdrink and welcome! The mornings were a revelation for me, especially weekends which all started to feel like bank holiday weekends because of all the extra time in two regret-free mornings every week.

welcome too @threeandmeandthedog and congrats on your five weeks! Large bags of Maltesers is an excellent coping strategy.

Congrats on your sober Friday @AriettyClock22 , how is your Saturday going?

Hope you are ok @chasinghappiness . Self care sounds like a good idea. You did brilliantly on navigating six rough months AF. I think we forget sometimes that hard times are never improved by drinking.

@marzipanbattenburg - it does get easier, I promise. I spent so many years drinking, but really, like cropped tops, it’s no longer a good choice for me.

congrats on your first dry Friday @cocotrain, hope your Saturday is going well too. I absolutely love your book motivation, do it!

I’m sorry about your friend @user1469908686 . That must be hard. I really identify with the shall I/shan’t I decision loops, it has been such a relief just to stop.

Hope you’re ok @Overitx . My dh was a bit stranded when I stopped drinking. It did improve over time. I hope your dh can find a way to support you.

wishing you all a lovely Saturday evening. We got to the plumbers merchants exactly 20 minutes after they closed today so it’s been pretty lazy. I’m considering taking a book to bed.

@Cocotrain dont worry. I felt dreadful the first ten days of quitting. I couldn’t sleep and had awful headaches that lasted hours.

With hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have quit cold turkey without medical support.

It took a while for the headaches to totally stop, and for me to have consistently high energy. I’m six months into sobriety now and feel AMAZING.

I have so much energy. So much time. Everything in life is so much easier once you take alcohol out of the equation.

Morning all.
Glad to see everyone getting on so well.

@marzipanbattenburg no offence taken. I think I forgot to pad out my intro on the previous thread.

The dog woke me up. And he did want a wee. I have just come into the sitting room to find another three boxes of books. They must have bred in the night. I know we had1000+ tomes but it is now looking like a library! I hope the charity shop is accepting donations or I will be building shelves.

I saw in TKMaxx some flavoured syrups yesterday. I was too far into the queue to grab one. They had strawberry, vanilla etc. Good for mocktails.
I did buy two lace cap hydrangeas in Waitrose. Two for £25. That would normally be my booze money. I felt guilty and then I didnt😊

waking up fresh, energised and happy on a Sunday- there is no better feeling

Morning!
There really isn’t @Overitx - and it never gets old.

I never realised just how much alcohol was taking from my life, until I stopped drinking it.

In my mid 50s, I am fitter than I have ever been, and I couldn’t have done this if I was drinking.

Here for the sober Sunday starts. Back in bed with a cuppa after a run, everyone else is still asleep (Except the dog and run mate). Got a school cricket social today, I’m feeling quite anxious, this is a new school and so far out my comfort zone. Apparently Pimms tent opens at 2pm… I shall take my bottle of water and hope for tea 🙏

I've had one of those "I drank" dreams. Think I've only had one before but this was so vivid and realistic.

Short version: I drank two bottles of 'my wine' got all rageful and feisty at a party with DP's family and stomped off. I even felt drunk in my dream. I then got lost and I was scared and upset (I don't think we need a Psychologist to unpick this dream for me 😂)

It was so, so realistic though and I'm so relieved it was just a dream. It's also not something that ever happened when I was drinking / there have been no events in RL, like my dream. I was a private drinker for the most part. Mainly at home, after all the daily chores were done. I usually drank very moderately, if at all, out of the house.

Good morning. I'm delurking 😁.
Can I ask about headaches pls?
How long does it take for them to finally go? I was a regular (every day) drinker who would take the odd day off. Then a few weeks ago I went out on a Tuesday and had a few glasses of wine. Couldn't get out of bed the next day. I've just started a new job so it was a massive wake up call for me. I was jeopardizing everything to drink. So I stopped for 10 days and had a headache every day....
I had some gin (not a lot in the grand scheme of things) on Friday night against my better judgement and yesterday was dying again. So. Have stopped. But I've still got a headache! 😭 Hope everyone's well today.

@WendyWagon I have hydrangea envy. I really want a lovely blue one. I saw some at a garden centre whilst visiting a friend in Surrey, and had to remind myself it would never survive my chalk filled South Downs soil.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy the Pimms tent will be full of “the usual suspects” but that’s not you any more. And you will notice that actually, most people aren’t drinking alcohol at all.

@poorbuthappy it might be worth reviewing what made you drink that nasty gin? I’m nursing a dreadful headache myself which is definitely not alcohol related. In fact I feel horribly hungover. Sick, weak and headache from hell.

What is bizarre is that I used to feel like this regularly and did it to myself. Going to have a quiet day trying to get better so I can go to work tomorrow.

Morning all

We went out for dinner last night and for the first time I looked at the drinks menu and actually craved the non- alcoholic drinks over the others. I was amazed and very grateful. I'm sure it wouldn't have happened without you guys.

@poorbuthappy probably that gin has reset the detox. I was feeling much better after a week and then after a month I noticed I was just great every day pretty much. Days 3-10 are the hardest I think physically and mentally

Hello! I haven't read the catch-up posts yet but I just saw this on instagram and thought of you all. Am going to make myself some to brighten up my zero tonic waters or lemonades.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CrdoNU2t6PL/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Have got my friend coming round on Thursday, we are supporting each other, and I think I will try to make us something fun with these

Jesus wept. Three more packing cases of books! We've been doing the breakfast room and DH was rude to me, I cried.
Felt like telling him to f**k off. He thinks he knows best. Tempted not to cook the steak pie, however if I go out to the co op my mood is dangerous.

I loved running and am pretty envious of all you lovely ladies who can. If they find me a super new drug for the RA I shall be taking it! Not sure how fast I can swim these days but I am so much lighter I might get my cossie on. I needed some string on my jeggings today, a la Jesse from The Fast Show.
My paternal grandfather was a farmer and I think genetically I need hard physical work not desk jockey stuff.

I had my second therapy session today. It was a lot less awkward and although feeling like I had nothing to say I talked and talked and talked.

I explained about a difficult decision I have to make which makes me feel guilty either way.

I spoke about the friction between me and OH now I have stopped drinking.

he mentioned that I smile and laugh when I talk about something difficult. As if I’m hiding hurt. Which is soooo true. I laugh alll the time when really I want to cry.

Day 28 AF for me today

I'm feeling good but it feels more difficult this time, as I know it be the last time I stop, if that makes sense?

We've been to a few social things with "new" friends and I've found it quite difficult.

I feel like a real bore and I don't really want to sit around for hours at BBQs, with people I barely know, while everyone else drinks and I sit there with a glass of water.

I suppose it will become easier eventually as I get more practice!

Hi everyone. I've been a bit quiet since joining. Busy busy busy weekend. DD's bday so the party took over the whole weekend.

I did have a few drinks yesterday but didn't today which is good as I'd usually just think oh F it I may as well drink today too.

I've read on trip advisor the wine is awful at the hotel we are staying at in a couple of weeks so think it will be easier to moderate if that's the case then ready for no more alcohol once I'm back 🥴

Evening everyone. It sounds like Sunday has had its challenges. I hope you’re ok @WendyWagon . Well done for staying strong. I started swimming again after the last round of covid did for my running, and I really enjoy it. I probably should start running again too.

Your therapist sounds perceptive, @Overitx . I’m glad it was less awkward this time.

@pumpkinwaffle well done on 28 days! I know what you mean, I think there’s an element of grieving when you know that you’re stopping for good. Mixed in the elements of relief and gratitude too. I take plenty of AF choices with me to bbqs now, and normally do the driving too so I can head off early if need be.

Quiet morning and busy afternoon here. I’ll catch up properly here tomorrow.