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Alcohol support

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Original poster

My husband thinks I have a problem

79 replies

User920202 · 20/03/2023 13:30

Pretty consistently over the last few years I've had 1-2 bottles of wine a week. Sometimes I'll treat myself to some rum maybe once a month. It helps me unwind after work and being a mum. I work 40 hours a week and parent in all of my free time so its just a treat during my rare "me time". He says he's worried I have a problem. Do I?

OP posts:
Marchforward · 20/03/2023 13:33

Why does he think you have a problem?

Changeforachange · 20/03/2023 13:33

Try not drinking for a week.
Only 7 days.

I found it an interesting experiment to see how reliant I was on alcohol.

potniatheron · 20/03/2023 13:34

1 - 2 bottles of wine a week is about 14 - 20 units. Do YOU think you have a problem?

Allmarbleslost · 20/03/2023 13:35

If you do then I do as well op! I don't think 1-2 bottles of wine a week is unusual!

Ohdearnotagain76 · 20/03/2023 13:36

How much do you honestly drink? Is it 1 bottle then once every 6 months 2 bottles or is it 2 bottles with a bottle of rum and occasionally 1 bottle. Can you work out how many units you drink. Do you drink every night or binge at weekends?

Cherry2456 · 20/03/2023 13:39

You need some more free time, go out one evening a week go to the gym, meet up with friends etc and take alternate weekend days off in conjunction with your husband.

Original poster
User920202 · 20/03/2023 13:39

Usually I will have a bottle of wine in an evening and that's it for the week, I don't drink daily. I've never had more than one bottle in an evening or had wine and rum in an evening. It's one or the other.

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 20/03/2023 13:41

I don't think anyone else can answer that. Generally if you could go a week or two without and not be too bothered I'd say you don't have a problem.

Original poster
User920202 · 20/03/2023 13:42

Cherry2456 · 20/03/2023 13:39

You need some more free time, go out one evening a week go to the gym, meet up with friends etc and take alternate weekend days off in conjunction with your husband.

I unfortunately can't take a weekend day off as I don't have childcare for the weekday. As for going out, I feel guilty as I don't get much time with my family anyway.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 20/03/2023 13:42

I do too. I can not drink easily though. For January, or for weeks, very easily.

Lcb123 · 20/03/2023 13:42

From a health perspective it's preferable to drink 1 bottle across a few days than in 1 go

HuntingoftheSnark · 20/03/2023 13:47

I wouldn't say you have a problem at all.

Original poster
User920202 · 20/03/2023 13:50

I feel I can definitely stop. When I was pregnant, I didn't drink and it didn't bother me. Also been in situations where I can't drink and it doesn't bother me at all.

OP posts:
ShimmeringShirts · 20/03/2023 13:51

Can you function without alcohol? Do you spent your time leading up to drinking constantly thinking about it? Do you get short tempered if something interrupts your drinking and means you have to focus on something else?

ChocSaltyBalls · 20/03/2023 13:51

Does your husband drink?

lucya66 · 20/03/2023 13:54

If your partner is raising it, I’d try not to be defensive and discuss it with him openly. Regularly comsuming alcohol as a way to unwind is a slippery slope.

id cut back to see how that goes for you and him.

Original poster
User920202 · 20/03/2023 13:55

ShimmeringShirts · 20/03/2023 13:51

Can you function without alcohol? Do you spent your time leading up to drinking constantly thinking about it? Do you get short tempered if something interrupts your drinking and means you have to focus on something else?

Yes I can and no I don't get short tempered at all. I do look forward to a little drink after a long day but I wouldn't get mad if I couldn't have one.

No, my husband doesn't drink.

OP posts:
Plit · 20/03/2023 13:56

I recommend the try dry app. It's really helpful to keep a track of your drinking. You have to be honest though!

junebirthdaygirl · 20/03/2023 14:00

To those who are saying stay off for a week: Staying off alcohol for a week doesn't mean you are not an alcoholic. Most alcoholics would manage that. But when they do drink they find it difficult to stop.
How do you react to drink? Does it affect you neXt day? Are you thinking of alcohol during the day wishing the time away for your drink? To be honest l would hate if dh drank a bottle of wine at home on one night of the weekend on his own. Are you drinking alone as it sounds like your dh isn't joining you? If he is not a drinker he will find it difficult.

Alcohol is a problem if its affecting your relations, work etc. Do think about what your dh is saying As you don't have childcare go out more on your own with friends as being at home too much is not easy.

ShimmeringShirts · 20/03/2023 14:01

In that case I’d not say you had a problem. Alcohol (as with anything else in life) is a problem if it interferes with your daily life. But as with anything if it feels like an issue to you then cutting down isn’t a bad thing. If it doesn’t then carry on.

locomum83 · 20/03/2023 14:02

If the wine was between the two of you then I'd say definitely not drinking too much.

2 bottles of wine a week is probably like the equivalent of 1 large ish glass of wine every night, and in that case is doesn't sound very much, I mean lots of people enjoy a glass or even two of wine with dinner most nights.

Perhaps the issue is that if the wine is being consumed over the course of a weekend then it can seem quite excessive. I mean my husband and I might share a bottle on a Saturday night but we'd have no desire to open another, even one bottle for one person over a Friday/Saturday/Sunday doesn't see much either.

I used to drink alot more ( not dependant or anything) but just enjoyed it, until i realised I felt shit in the mornings and that was the reason. I just stopped for a while to prove to myself that I could, that it wasn't a problem. And I managed fine. I just have a couple of drinks over a weekend and have learned to enjoy certain soft drinks much more. A glass of coke can take much nicer when topped with loads of ice and a squeeze of lime.

Thefriendlyone · 20/03/2023 14:03

I think the fact your husband is tee total is the driver here. Why is he tee total? Is it religion, or has he had a problem in the past etc?

you clearly don’t have a problem. However he does. He has a problem with relatively moderate alcohol consumption . I’d try to get to the bottom of that. Don’t let him bully you to follow his way of thinking.

Thefriendlyone · 20/03/2023 14:05

To those who are saying stay off for a week: Staying off alcohol for a week doesn't mean you are not an alcoholic. Most alcoholics would manage that.

that’s utter nonsense. I’ve unfortunately met and know well a couple if alcoholics. Staying off it past 9am was a struggle, never mind a week

TheOtherHotstepper · 20/03/2023 14:09

Staying off it for a week is not difficult if you know you can get back on it at the end of that week.

Anyway, back to OP. Do you drink more than your DH? You certainly seem to drink less than most people I know.

TheOtherHotstepper · 20/03/2023 14:12

Ah, so DH is TT. That's the issue then. Because he doesn't drink at all, he can't calibrate what is normal/acceptable.

It's a tricky one. I kinda feel now that my DH drinks too much, when he actually drinks less than half of what I did when I was drinking. The difference is that I was drinking steadily every day and he crams his intake into a couple of nights.

Perspective is all.