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Original poster

Alcohol free in 23

638 replies

DancingSober · 31/12/2022 11:25

Hello!

This is the thread for doing a whole year alcohol free beginning tomorrow (although some have started a bit early).

This isn't a moderation thread, so it isn't for cutting down. It's absolutely no alcohol for the whole of 2023.

That said, slip ups happen and I will not be throwing anyone off the thread if they have a blip, (or several blips), but please don't post if you're planning to have a few drinks here and there, as it may affect people who are struggling to remain AF but want to.

Tagging everyone from the initial thread:

@SerialMover
@Metalhead
@nancydroo
@blondie87
@TooSunny
@Preparedforjobnottolast
@thenewaveragebear1983
@limitededitionbarbie
@afaloren
@hashbrownsandwich
@Wantmyownbed

I think that's everyone, but please join if you want to (it's open to everyone) and huge apologies if I have missed anyone with my tagging.

OP posts:
rothbury · 05/02/2023 18:25

@Pollypower that sounds really difficult. If you have a few hours, surely there’s something interesting nearby you could do?

I went out last night and really enjoyed not drinking. I didn’t feel tempted at all. I closely monitored my friends behaviour which was interesting. One friend doesn’t really change much. Another talks incessantly and repeats herself. Finally, a friend who is normally very placid gets quite rude and aggressive when drinking now. I noticed it last time I went out with her and was sober, but I don’t think she used to be like this.

All in all a very successful and interesting night. I stayed out til gone midnight and really enjoyed myself.

Metalhead · 05/02/2023 18:50

That’s difficult @Pollypower - do you think he’ll be willing to compromise, maybe by doing something else for a couple of hours (going for a walk or watching a movie in your room for example) and then go for a couple of drinks before dinner?

Pollypower · 05/02/2023 20:02

Yeah you’re right. There is a spa so I might suggest that on the Saturday afternoon.

Metalhead · 05/02/2023 20:39

I can thoroughly recommend a spa! 😊 Also, if you’re going to posh restaurant in the evening, tell him he doesn’t want to rock up there already pissed after hours of afternoon drinking, he probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good food.

coodawoodashooda · 05/02/2023 21:17

Pollypower · 05/02/2023 17:40

my OH has booked an overnight next Saturday. We have a reservation at 8pm at a fancy restaurant but he wants to leave at about 2pm to check in for 3pm. The hotel isn’t near much so I asked what we’d do & his suggestion of going to the bar for a few hours honestly makes me feel bored. I don’t want to sit in a bar watching him drink. This would have been ideal when I drank but I don’t and honestly feel like it’s difficult as we’re now on different wave lengths. And I know he’s disappointed I’m not drinking.

Yeah that does sound tricky. And very tempting.

NoTimeForWine · 06/02/2023 14:00

@Pollypower this is exactly how I feel about hours spent in the pub now - boring. Sorry, I know that’s not what people want to hear but it’s the truth. I would definitely try and get him to accompany you to the spa. If he won’t then by yourself? I know that’s not ideal.

@rothbury I’m so jealous that you enjoyed the evening! I really need to get to that place so I’ve asked a friend who never drinks out for dinner one evening just to remind myself that actually, a sober night out can be ok.

Day 37 and I’m approaching my pb from last year when I broke on Valentines Day. Feel in a much better place this time round. Maybe it’s being a year older but I’m really noticing the benefits. Even things like my memory has improved! Significantly. Might be a knock on effect of being more organised and productive but I feel on top of things for the first time in a long time. I’m spending less time avoiding and more time doing. It's fabulous!

Steppered · 07/02/2023 12:13

I messed up. This is not a good story.

I got to 34 days, my personal best, and decided that I could have a "moderate drink" as I was going out that night.

My attempt at moderation was shocking. I drank 2 bottles of wine, lost 2 hours of the evening. Don't remember conversations with family; don't remember getting home, woke up with a cut leg and the worst hangxiety and shame and fear and sadness. Having to be filled in by my husband on my behaviour.

So. At the beginning of this year I wanted to do 100 days, even a year, get away from alcohol altogether. Then the voice of moderation got to me. The stupid thing is that I was enjoying not drinking and my long buried sad feelings were starting to re-surface. On the morning of the night I went out, I had actually journalled some stuff that made me cry (probably cried for the first time in years and it was hard memories to write). My dumb brain didn't connect the dots....hey, you're fragile - don't drink. Oh hell no. It was on a mission to push that stuff back down :(

I'm happy to remove myself from the thread but also wanted to be a cautionary tale. Safe to say it's a lesson learned the hard way and I'm back to trying to embrace sobriety.

Pollypower · 07/02/2023 12:22

@Steppered don’t leave. Your experience is a reminder to me why I won’t drink as I’m sure I would be the exact same. It’s a learning process.

Metalhead · 07/02/2023 14:13

I’m sure it’s happened to us all @Steppered, it certainly has to me (and not just once). It’s very tempting to believe that this time will be different, this time you’ll be able to keep a lid on your drinking, but in my experience, you always end up back exactly where you started sooner or later. Dust yourself off and get back on the wagon!

WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair · 07/02/2023 15:26

@Steppered don't leave. The next 100 days has already started, you're already back on the path. The next time you think about moderation you can read back what you wrote here.

WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair · 07/02/2023 15:53

Hopefully this link will work - good podcast on why just one will hurt, for the next time. Sober Awkward episode

Coppergate · 07/02/2023 15:59

Please don't go @Steppered 💐

Focus on progress and ditch chasing perfection. Those 34 days were great practice for the new sober life you are working towards.

I haven't been perfect. I got to day 34 ish and then I had a couple of drinks on Sat night. Now on day 3 again (although I'm not really counting days). It is ok. It is a hell of a lot better than what I was doing and I still really want to do this, possibly even more now. I am starting to love being sober by default and I think there will become a time in the future when I just don't drink at all because I simply don't want to. That's what I'm training for.

Steppered · 07/02/2023 16:43

Thanks all so much. I shall stick around!
I have been on a couple of alcohol free threads before and just slunk off when I started drinking again. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Sometimes being open and honest is for the best. 37 sober days out of 38 in 2022 - keep on keeping on. Wishing you all the best too - we can't run a marathon without training eh x

TeeNoG · 07/02/2023 18:52

So glad you're staying @Steppered .

Well done for dusting yourself down and starting again. It's a journey!

@Coppergate also to you! Progress, not perfection.

Coppergate · 08/02/2023 07:18

Exactly @Steppered !

Thanks @TeeNoG - definitely planning on keeping the rest of February completely sober.

What I'm struggling with right now is levelling up for February - haven't started yet...

HappyHealthy23 · 08/02/2023 07:19

I'm glad you're staying too, @Steppered ! Onwards and upwards!

Coppergate · 08/02/2023 07:20

That might read wrong - by levelling up I mean work on something else, in addition to keeping sober/other things I've improved!

HappyHealthy23 · 08/02/2023 07:21

And you too, @Coppergate ! It takes guts to admit you messed up, own it, and dust yourself down to continue.

Coppergate · 08/02/2023 14:34

Thanks @HappyHealthy23 - I only shared though so illustrate to @Steppered that we're not all here in the thread being perfect, and it doesn't mean the year is a write off. I planned to have these two drinks two days beforehand (I could go into the story that goes with it but it is irrelevant now really) and I knew I wouldn't continue because of the other circumstances, so it was pretty safe.

I've been 97.37 % alcohol free so far in 2023 - If that is the only non-AF day I'll end the year at 99.72% alcohol free - rounds to 100% - it will do for me! Massive change from the very low percentages I was pulling last year! This is a real change from the all/nothing/perfectionism type thinking I used to have. It does not mean I'm advocating for moderation here though...tee-total is still the aim.

onelife22 · 08/02/2023 14:57

I love that, progress not perfection! We have all made such amazing progress this year and have lots to be proud of 🥰

My family are quite social and drinkers. Usually when I'm AF for a month or so I get quite a lot of stick.

My mum asked me if I managed my weekend away without a drink and I said yes, she asked if missed it and I said no and that was it. It felt good to not have to justify why I was carrying on.

Metalhead · 08/02/2023 18:24

I’ve had a shit day at work, and immediately my thoughts went to wine to switch off and forget about it all. But, I know drinking would just make me feel worse tomorrow, so I will try and cheer myself up with something else (probably chocolate!).

NoTimeForWine · 08/02/2023 20:06

@Stepperedas someone already said I think we’ve all been there. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to join the freedom thread, in case I had a moment of weakness and then felt like I needed to quietly disappear. I think everyone here can empathise with the moderation devil sitting on your shoulder. When I try I usually start off well and then convince myself I can moderate. Until of course I can’t.

I like the idea of saying you’ve done 37/38 days. That’s still a massive achievement and something to be very proud of.

I’m working hard on reducing my screen time and getting an earlier night. It hasn’t always worked out that way but I’ve made some progress.

The diet is going ok-ish. I’ve had a few evenings where temptation has got the better of me but I don’t feel too bad as I’m staying on track during the day and drinking plenty of water, no caffeine etc. Overall I’m making better choices with food and keeping the exercise levels up.

I’m going out for a meal with a tee-total friend to remind myself that a dry night out can be fun. We’ve chosen a new place I haven’t been to before and I’m looking forward to enjoying the food. I usually order a bottle of wine to myself and then leave her sitting at the table while I pop out for a cigarette, all the while telling myself I’m not pissed. Looking forward to having a conversation I can remember and not having to worry about getting home.

NoTimeForWine · 08/02/2023 20:06

@Metalhead a long bath? Paint nails? Early night with a book?
Sorry it's been a shit day.

onelife22 · 08/02/2023 21:40

The first few bad days at work were the hardest for me. That was always my go-to. I know it sounds a bit weird but I just kept busy, did the washing, washing up, walked the dog, anything to distract me from drinking. Then by the time I finally sat down I was in 'too late for a drink may as well go to bed' territory!

onelife22 · 08/02/2023 21:41

Posted too soon. Now I don't even think about a drink after a shit day at work. I've realised I feel better getting myself organised rather than just sitting down drinking while nothing gets done and feeling unmotivated the next day.