The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@Stircrazyschoolmum I took a peep at the DJ 2023 thread and I swear the first page had about 6 posters who were doing DJ but taking X day off for a Birthday / wedding or finishing early as they had something on the 30th January etc.

I agree, I have been there so I get it (I completed some DJ's, broke last years) but I'm reading it through a new lens now.

I am going to steer well clear, I never found those threads helpful anyway as it was just loads of people itching to have a drink!!!

Dry January ... we did it every year as a matter of course. I would carry on life as normal, but just not drink, and DH would skulk in the house and then rally the troops and get sh*t-faced on 1 February. I never saw any benefit from it. In fact, when I stopped drinking, back in April, it took a good three months to see any benefit at all, and six months to embed it.

DH is a binge drinker and he's verbally nasty when he's drunk. I was subjected to a confusing verbal tirade for two hours on Tuesday night which ended with him saying that "all this" (I have no idea what he was on about) could be avoided if I would just have a couple of stiff whiskies! He seems to have no recollection of any of this and is still struggling with anxiety after two bad nights. He, like me, has a choice.

All our friends seem to be heavy drinkers, so my priorities for 2023, apart from guarding my sobriety, are to spend my beer money on cinema, theatre etc and to make some new friends.

Have a good day!

We will need a new thread at 40 pages, anyone up for hosting?

@TheOtherHotstepper i am sorry your dh gets verbally nasty. I admit I did sometimes. I have never admitted this before but the booze use to cause me to say what I couldn't stone cold sober (my excuse bullied child, not really an excuse). I had to fight back and I was always too scared. Therapy has taught me loads about the past. I would say to your husband that he hurt your feelings.
I now call people out on the spot.

Thanks @WendyWagon

@WendyWagon i think it’s 1000 posts until the thread is full? So we may still have a few days left on the thread.

new year new thread perhaps😀
hope everyone is hanging in there okay in this strange time between Christmas and new year.

I do always quite like the new year. I have a new app called Daylio on which I am able to tick things of like vitamins, water, exercise, sleep, nutritious food etc and it’s getting me into the habit of having good habits, so the speak.

I've had some AF wins today with the family as I discovered that Everyman Cinema has AF gin and Hungry Horse have a really good AF range. The manager at HH said he has really seen an increase in demand and they have a selection of AF beers, ciders, cocktails and even small bottles of AF Friexenet (if that's how you spell it!).

We have been out with my mother who is recently widowed. She has a history of drink problems and hit a real low in 2010 when she passed out on their garage floor whilst on the phone and gave herself a black eye. At the time she was hiding bottles of wine and brandy around the house. Sadly, this issue has returned since my dad died and she is hiding wine in her wardrobe and going to bed early to drink it. I have been steering her towards AF options and that has worked but today we were out and she ordered wine and tried to buy herself a 4 pack of Guinness at the supermarket. It's mad because she is a grown woman and should be able to do what she wants but at the same time, I M worried because when she goes home, she will be 3 hours away and who is there to pick her up if she has another fall in the future. It is making me very on edge!

Morning all,

I managed to have a difficult conversation with a friend yesterday about her drinking. She doesn't have a drink problem as such but I always worry about her and driving, not sure if she is over the limit etc. I basically said 'do you want to lose your licence?' she actually said no, you're right. I got her on the tea. @Newmum738 it might be the right approach with your mum as you don't want her to hurt herself again. I would also suggest some bereavement counselling.
I have been okay re my dear friend. I bought myself a fabulous hat (fleebay) for the service as it will be a role call of yummies from the old days. Some lovely, some bloody mean. At least I won't be pissed and disgracing myself. I always used to offer to make the sandwiches but tbh it was to get the booze in and hide. I shall converse instead.
The dog needs his trim and I shall go new magazine hunting. Have a good day my friends.

Sorry about your mum @Newmum738 that would totally put me on edge too. Sadly we cannot stop people from drinking , all we can do is offer support.

@WendyWagon i hope the service goes well xxx

@Newmum738 that is really tough about your mum. I can understand why you’re worried, but your mum’s grieving process is a journey only she can take. It took me a long time of dealing with my mum to realise I can’t fix the situation, all I can do is love her. You also have your own grief to deal with - I hope you’re doing ok, I know Christmas can be tough.

Have a good day all

@Newmum738 that sounds tough, I hope you find a way to offer support and keep yourself in a good place.

hugs

Well done @WendyWagon both in switching your friend to tea and getting ready for the service. I'm feeling much more confident in social situations now I know I'm in full control of myself.

Thanks for the support re. my mum folks. She is not good at counselling. Not sure if it's her generation or if it's all just too painful or both. I think she was abused as a child and then she got with my Dad who was already married with 3 kids so she took on a step family which continues to be difficult 50 years later. She was telling us yesterday that her mum couldn't be bothered to take her to school as a kid so she got told off a lot for being late so eventually began taking herself on the bus which her mum wasn't happy with but still wouldn't get up. She has also told me in the past that whatever mood her mum was in when she left the house it would be opposite when she got back. Mum's dad was her protector and he died when she was 13 of lung cancer. The illness sounds like it was traumatic in itself. What a start to life!

Ahh sorry newmum that's really stressful about your mum.

@Newmum738 a tough tale❤sending love to you both.

Morning all, checking in still in bed with a cuppa. Sky tv connected yesterday so pure luxury sitting in bed with the TV on. Feels strange having spent the whole summer/autumn with limited options and only mobile broadband. @WendyWagon hope all goes well, a new hat and no doubt fresh glow minus the booze bloat is bound to be noticed. Also, well done on having that conversation with your friend. It's always tricky to broach the subject of drinking with others. Almost taboo isn't it! Goodness knows why.

@Newmum738 tough one regarding your mother. No doubt she's been tipped over the edge with the recent bereavement. Same happened to my own mother only I was 7 when my father passed tragically and my poor mother decided alcohol was her only friend. Over the years me and my brothers and sister tried endlessly to get her to stop. I didn't understand alcoholism back then - sad times indeed. Does she have a neighbour who can keep an eye on her when she's back home? Ultimately (as only we all know) the only one who can make her stop drinking is herself! Don't exhaust yourself with this, be harsh and honest and let sit in her shoulders.

The children are off for the weekend today, I'll miss them but it is what it is.. I'm going to attempt some more decorating this weekend. I've bought some bizarre wallpaper in the sales and shall be googling how to hang it 😆 buying a tool box yesterday was a massive win for me. I feel fucking invincible with these power tools and now a my very own tool box!

Have a wonderful Friday all xx

Morning all

Dark and stormy day here. I've been up and done yoga and meditation and had breakfast and then taken my cup of tea back in to bed. Everyone else is still in bed which is unheard of here (apart from ds19) so it feels nice and relaxing.

rockingbird when I was a single mum I used to love decorating my house on my own. When the kids were away I would make a rash decision to paint a room and although i was always a little chaotic and I wouldn't win any decorating awards, I LOVED that I did it myself. Gave me a real sense of kick ass.

newmum I'm sorry that you are dealing with this situation with your mum. The other side of my single mum status was that I drank too much to deal with the difficulties of it. I sort of wonder how I would have taken it if someone had intervened. I'm not sure is the answer to be honest. I do still think it's worth saying something. It may not cause her to change straight away but may just seep in there somewhere. I agree with supporting only as much as you can, saying what you feel about her drinking (with care and compassion) then let it sit with her. Not an easy situation though. I kind of feel, from my own sobriety that it needed to come from me. But, maybe, just maybe it would have happened earlier if I had had people be open about it? Not in a blaming others way, I take total responsibility for my disordered drinking but I do sometimes wonder if I would have gotten where I am now earlier if someone had told me they were worried about my drinking? The biggest thing though is that you can't take it all on you. You can only give your opinion and hope it gets in there somewhere.

Big fat cravings right now
Also, DH being a pain in the arse- pretty because he's annoyed by my "evangelical" (im not ) sobriety

I finally managed to source some 0% Freixenet, so If I make it to Midnight tomorrow I'll have something to toast in the new year.

Will distraction work @wanttobesober ? Just take yourself away from the cravings x

I don’t know what to say @wanttobesober other than what a pain in the arse. My DH drinks waaaay too much but never comments that I’m not drinking & trying to be sober (he did comment when I did drink, even when I’d not had much, which would wind me up & id have even more). Your OH must be making this incredibly hard for you? Or more determined to prove you can? I’m hoping the latter but sending love and strength! xx

I’m at a NYE party tomorrow and will be the sole non-drinker so will find a bottle or 2 of nosecco or the Freixenet 0% to take along.
someone mentioned up thread about a Virgin Mary - lots of bars will serve a ‘spicy tomato juice’ which is the same as a virgin Bloody Mary really.

Thanks
Just had too many calories in the form of noodles, spring rolls and J2O glitter berry
Craving gone

Hey all! Not been around for a while, which I suppose is a good thing😊
I’ve just had my first voluntary sober Christmas which was very rewarding. I still can’t believe I’ve actually made it this long without a blip. 8 months af after an unhealthy relationship for decades my poison of choice. It’s getting easier and more normal to be af but leading up to Christmas was hard but not as hard as when I was drinking. I find it quite a depressing time of year and struggle a bit with mh. The distinct lack of alcohol effecting my mood positively was definitely noticeable. I actually felt festive!
I’m currently looking forward to friends coming over on New Year’s Day for some nice food. All our friends know me and dh have stopped drinking and mostly everyone has been great and congratulating us on doing so well. The ones that don’t think it’s great have not been in touch which says more about them than us.

I don’t do the nosecco or af beer etc as it doesn’t agree with me. I still have a bottle of the stuff given to us in August for my dh birthday. In fact I think the friends coming on nyd brought it😂
The support here has been great and really got me started on this road and realising I’m not alone in all this! I am eternally grateful for this.
I’m still going to SMART recovery meetings via zoom and that keeps me going. Gives me motivation and tools to stay stopped.

It’s great to have this thread here, to know I can pop in.
Wishing you all the best for 2023 xxx

@JesusSufferingFuck22 hello.i have two friends that have disappeared. Bizzare

Yeah, they are friends I went through my teenage years with. We don’t see each other often nowadays but anytime we did, it was always imbibing in something in a big way. They have similar issues that I do with their poison and I suppose it’s not easy seeing me giving it up. It was a big part of our friendship routine. They may come back but I’m not holding my breath. The narrative everyone got was “we’re just giving it a break” so there was no drama about it. People are also clear that they can drink in our house too, just don’t bring any for us. If losing a friend or two is the cost I pay for sobriety then so be it🤷‍♀️

Going to bid you all a very early Happy New Year as I'll be putting the laptop away soon and don't have the patience for the stupid, jumpy, random app (I know I have moaned about it loads but it's a know issue and they can't fix it!! It wouldn't be me if there was a moan somewhere in my post 😂)

I feel calm, confident and peaceful to be heading into 2023 as a non drinker. I look forward to it, I will embrace it, I will welcome all that it brings.

This year has been truly eye opening for me. I have done something I didn't think possible and I am so bloody proud of myself. I know it isn't a magic fix and I know that there will be trials and tribulations ahead but I also know I am strong and I am capable and I am a worthwhile human being. This time last year my drinking was controlling me, it was compelling me and it was probably starting to kill me.

This group is beyond words for me. I have found so much wisdom and kindness and compassion and positivity here. The knowledge and experience and honesty here has kept me going in many a dark hour. I salute you all, especially those wonderful women a bit further down the line in their journey - you shine a light for me.

Much love 💜

Here here! And an incredibly Happy Sober 2023 to you too Crunchy. It’s been a pleasure to be in the same carriage as you on this journey. I can not wait to wake up on Jan 1st full off beans and get shit done like no other year.