The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Hello, how appropriate that I've found this thread today - it's my 2.5 year soberversary today too!

I'm currently sat with our nearly 7 week old happy as larry after a family funeral yesterday. I think I was the only sober person there, it was super boozy an all I can think today is how grateful I am that I didn't have a beer and make a complete arse of myself!

@Mycatsgoldtooth

hello, I found I sleep better. I wouldn’t give that up for all the sav B in Waitrose!
The real benefits kicked in at three months. I read and watch telly. Some people garden or do knitting.
You have done really well.

wendywagon absolutely fine to ask for support here. We often go off piste from sobriety and chat about other aspects of life. Keep chatting it through. Sometimes that helps as much as what others have to say.

House prices are crazy and it sounds like you are in a really expensive area which must be a nightmare. I don't know how people afford homes in these places. I moved out of my ridiculously over priced city years ago as I just couldn't afford to live there. My 2 older children are now trying to move from tiny flats there to family homes and are finding the same thing. Just impossible with normal wages.

I hear you on the age thing making it difficult. My friend and her dh bought for the first time in their 50s and it's scary how old they will be before it is paid off.

Can you look at moving your search further afield to somewhere a little more affordable? I know that relocating is not an easy or valid option sometimes but I am so glad I did. I do miss 'my' city sometimes and I do miss being very close to my family but I also love where I am now and just accept the longer drives.

Welcome catsophie 2 and a half years!! 🥳🥳🎉🎊🎊

And what better way to enjoy it than with a (hangover free) snuggle with a 7 week old. 😍

This is a nice thread. I am about a year and a half into my alcohol free life. At first I didn't label it that, I was just taking a break etc.
I found it easier to say I'd given up completely as there is so much social pressure to drink.
We have our work Xmas do coming up and all the talk revolves around alcohol.
Do you tell work you don't drink?
We are asked to contribute to a kitty so can't byo

Welcome ArcticSkewer . A year and a half is great, well done.
I do tell people that I don't drink (with varying degrees of explanation) but it's up to you of course. I found it strange to begin with, almost like by admitting not drinking meant I was admitting to being an alcoholic. I don't feel like that now. And I am becoming so aware of how many other people don't drink.

I wouldn't be keen on adding into a drinking kitty. Can you just say something like "thanks for the info on the kitty for the xmas night out. I don't drink so I'll probably just be responsible for buying my own. Really looking forward to it. Thanks, Arctic"
Bright and breezy but confident.

Hello @ArcticSkewer. Glad you found us. Really interesting question about work - I do tell people at work I don’t drink, if the subject comes up.

I have a bit of a “bee in my bonnet” about alcohol and work - it’s a mental health and diversity issue, but organisations that are ostensibly “hot” on these issues often have a complete blind spot about this.

Thanks for asking @Crayonpenny - I’m feeling a bit sore today but that may be psychological as I made myself look at my wound this morning 🙈

Congratulations on your anniversaries @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Crunchymum !

Welcome @Mycatsgoldtooth - sorry that you’re not feeling the benefits at the moment. It was a bit of a slow burn for me too, but definitely worth it.

Ouch onewildandpreciouslife sending gentle hugs

Congrats @ArcticSkewer @CatSophie @Mycatsgoldtooth and of course @BunniesBunniesBunnies smashing it!!!!

@WendyWagon estate agents like that are the worst. What are your thoughts on next steps with things?

@Onewildandpreciouslife glad you're feeling better but also ouch!!

Thanks @Breathmiller . Sorry should have clarified it's a she not a he although doesn't really matter I guess given chores. Had an interesting car journey back to Yorkshire. I think tempers were a little high but being told years have been wasted spent with me and it's put the kids through so much wasn't the best. I acknowledge I've not been the best person I could have been due to the drink but it cuts a bit deep when kids are brought into it.

My apologies crayonpenny I shouldn't have presumed.

That does sound a bit cutting to be honest. I would feel it unfair if I had made such a big effort to change behaviours that weren't great and it was brought back up again and again. Sounds like your partner is struggling to let it go. I know that I had to do a lot of self forgiveness and it wasn't easy so I suppose it can't be for others too.

Can you get time without kids to sit down and talk about this together? She has a right, I suppose, to have found it difficult before but if she can't bring herself to forgive it at the moment then there should be some willingness not to throw it up at every argument.

I don't know if it's a bit of deflection too? You're annoyed at her for not doing the chores so she hits you where it hurts. My dh does this and i find it frustrating. I am more than happy if he has an issue with me to come to me and tell me and we will discuss it. But if I have an issue with his behaviour and bring it up, he's not allowed to throw up a defensive wall and retaliate with "but you do this, this and this!!" . "Maybe I do, but that's not the discussion we're having right now." . Drives me batty. Probably all comes from a very critical/aggressive father, attachment disorder from adoption that wasn't handled well and ADHD. He struggles with any criticism of a particular issue as he feels it's a criticism of his whole being. He is much better than he used to be at recognising this though.

You have maybe made mistakes in the past (haven't we all? ) but you are taking steps to change that and it should be recognised and applauded. She doesn't have to forgive the past behaviour right now but credit where credit is due for doing something about it now and for the future.

I hope you can clear the air between you.

@Crayonpenny

I am sorry your DW is being difficult. Those of us that had a real alcohol dependency know we weren’t our best self. I have said this before, the past is the past and we don’t live there anymore. This was a quote from my bff. I did many things that are shameful and embarrassing. I know what I did but my husband knows it would hurt me to bring them up. (Nothing illegal, copper’s daughter and all that). I could make you laugh and cry with my antics- diary of a professional soak! We have to move on and dragging the past up isn’t helpful.
You have been hugely supportive on this thread. Keep going.

2.5 years @BunniesBunniesBunnies

You are bloody awesome.

Not at all @Breathmiller I wasn't particularly clear! Thank you. I do think some of it is deflection, and then going for the 'pain point' as I was just staying silent.

It sounds ridiculous doesn't it that this started from a chore discussion but it's probably been building up for a while. I just feel pretty let down that I had planned so much over the last week for the 40th including the break away as a surprise and it feels like now all the treats are over, I get my ear chewed off with this which feels pretty transient. Oh well. I think I need a little bit of time out, not that I'm running away, I'm just a bit drained from it at the moment.

Thank you @WendyWagon I appreciate that. 😊

@Mycatsgoldtooth keep going 💐 I was a right mess for ages after I quit. I think it was because I suddenly had to face all the shite I’d been drowning out with booze. Was really tough. I kept going though and I’m so glad I did. Feel free to talk about any stuff here, we all do, it’s a safe space.

@CatSophie we’re sober twins🤩 I’m 2.5 years sober too! Well done to you!

@Crayonpenny that sounds tough. You DO need a moment to yourself, can you find one this weekend perhaps? Even an hour can make a difference.

@WendyWagon hope you’re okay xxx

Thanks all for the congrats it means a lot!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies
all good here.
Exciting project in the mix.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies Yes I'm going to grab some time Saturday morning or evening I think. Ideally the former when I'm not wanting to go to bed at 9pm and should work re classes. I'm currently doing my finances on a spreadsheet to zone out of today (inner geek time).

Completely forgot - as I've not been at work this week - that I've got a team build Monday / Tuesday next week with the work 'boys' (very male dominated industry) who love a beer and we're already talking about where we can socialise in the hotel / near by in the evening. I feel ok going into it.

@WendyWagon Intriguing! I had some of the pink Gordon's 0% this week, I'm on the fence with it, not sure I would buy a whole bottle of it again.

Hi all

just a little check in .

Im at thirteen and a half months sober now . I will never forget this thread or the support I received
Keep going everybody whatever stage you are at and remember why you ( we!) do it xx

@Onewildandpreciouslife I understand feeling the pressure at a busy bar and admit myself when we have a mad rush I just wanna take orders and make drinks as quick as I can but any decent bar and bartender will be able to explain alcohol free cocktails and drinks to you. My best advice would be to go in and already have some idea of the drink you’re looking for, wine, beer or cocktails. Then if you choose cocktails for example think do I like sweet or prefer a little more bitter, sour or fruity. Once you have a good idea of what you want a bartender will be able to give you a good recommendation based off those choices. I recommend:
Classic- AF Mojito- 4-5 lime wedges muddled in a glass with mint, dash of sugar syrup (ask for more if you like it sweet) topped with soda.
Fruity- AF orange and passionfruit Mojito- lime + mint, 35ml fresh OJ, 25ml passionfruit purée, sugar syrup and soda.
Sour(ish)- AF cranberry sour- 75ml cranberry juice, 1/2 lime, 1/2 lemon and sugar syrup.
But if you still feel like you want the feeing of drinking you could replace alcohol in a cocktail with a AF version, say and cucumber gin fizz- 25ml- 50ml of seedlip garden 108, 3-4 strips of cucumber, 1/2 lime and soda shaken over ice is a nice dry tasting drink.

@Breathmiller 100%. More and more people are going for AF or low alcohol versions of drinks now especially younger generations as I feel we are moving away from the heavy drinking culture of past. Also a lot more people in general have become health conscious not just in the physical sense of how you feel after a night out and the toll alcohol has on your body, but also the role that alcohol has to play on mental health as after all alcohol is a depressant. People are just recognising that they don’t want to feel that way and are far more aware of the consequences of excessive drinking.

Morning all.

@Brightyellowone thank you for the recipes. It is interesting that gen z don’t seem to be drinking. DD 19 and not interested. Son 23 and will for parties otherwise no. He was the one most effected by my drinking.

I will be chased by the Estate agent today re our decision on buying the cottage. As they can’t move before Christmas I think I will give myself another week of procrastination. The markets look grim.
Friday today and I have two new books to keep me out of trouble. have a good day my friends.

Wow @Brightyellowone - thank you for such a detailed reply! If I’m going out, I always try to see what AF choices they have before I go, but many places don’t put this on theIr websites.

My personal favourite is Pentire Adrift - it’s not trying to be gin, and it has a very different taste - it’s also made by a small company, not Big Alcohol trying to get a slice of the sober curious market. Their website has a map which shows their stockists, and I have picked places to go with friends on the basis that they stock Pentire!

Enjoy your books Sav @WendyWagon . My brain doesn’t like reading fiction at the moment- had the same thing in lockdown. Currently reading “We are the Luckiest”, but not really finding it that helpful.

@Brightyellowone I may have to pick your brains at some point as I'd love a few special drinks (AF of course) I could knock at home over the Xmas period.

Just reading through now. Sorry I've been AWOL, I've been a tad distracted with the new addition to the family.

Puddy Tats!

Wooooahhhh!! crunchymum
Cute pussycat overload!! Soooo sweet. Look at that wee pink nose 💗

We are at the other end of the age range. Our only pussycat left withbl us is 17 and had a vets appointment yesterday and she is "gorgeous" and "in amazing health for her age" apparently. Proud cat mum and dad. We lost her brother in lockdown and we are so pleased she is well. Not bad for the runt of the litter who went missing for 2 and a half years!!

I will not look at your gorgeous kittycat anymore though. Breathmiller household is NOT getting another kitten. Repeat after me "Breathmiller household is NOT getting another kitten!!"

Amazing to have such a wise old girl to share your home with @Breathmiller

My childhood cat lived until she was 20. She was epic.

We lost our first cat in 2020, she was 12 so no particularly old but she got very poorly and in the end we had to have her PTS. Then exactly a week later my mum died suddenly. It was a rough time.

We welcomed a little boy in December 2020 and he's been such a joy in dark times (we got him in deepest, darkest lockdown #3). He isn't too taken with his new sister I must say. Oddly enough they are exactly the same colouring. White with black trimmings. Big cat just can't seem to work it all out. He isn't the smartest cat on the block, maybe he thinks little cat is him in a mirror 😂