The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Good evening my friends. Thank you so much for your kind words. I saw my brother for the first time in two years today. He is terminally ill with kidney disease. I was dreading it. He said I didn't bring wine because you don't drink anymore. I was gobsmacked. He was such a boozer but he had read all my Facebook posts this last year. He said you look great. He looked great in that I thought he would be distressing. Not at all. What a tonic. If he can stop drinking anyone can, he has also agreed to go on a transplant list. (I offered, he declined two years ago, I am not well enough now). He said he would give it a go. I am so pleased for him and that I might get to keep my little brother.
Cheers without the alcohol. Sav.

Thanks for the update Sav sounds like a poignant meeting up with your brother. Take strength from his company.
💐

@WendyWagon aw Sav what a shit thing to happen, and to be kept from you.. I’m glad you managed to recover something positive from seeing your brother. We’ve got your back though. So always know that x

❤️

Morning all.
I have found the king of all tonics, Fevertree blood orange soda. Absolutely delicious. Pleased to say firmly on the wagon last night.

Morning all

wendy I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, they sounded as if they lit up a room and no doubt they’ve left a hole in your life. If it’s any (tiny) consolation I burnt my pigs too and that was sober..

Am I the only one that finds 27th a weird ‘non day’ ? My sensible head is telling me we need some milk and the bathroom could do with a clean up.. my inner child is refusing to get out of bed (because it’s the holidays right?!) and wondering if it’s too early for a chocolate orange…

Hi everyone
Well done to all for getting through the festive period.

Sorry to those that had challenges. wendywagon I am so sorry about your friend, it must have hit hard. Your family were trying to protect you, but I'm with you, I'd rather hear these things. It was done out of care though. Your friend sounds like he was a good'un. I am glad the visit with your brother was a more positive one than expected.

onewildandpreciouslife I am so sorry about your mum. Dementia is a cruel condition and you can feel like you lose your loved one in stages. My mum is moving towards end stage of Parkinsons and Dementia and in truth I feel I lost her in stages over the last 3 years and pretty much not there now. I try to enjoy the moments I have with her. I help to feed her and do her nails and talk to her, or just a moment sitting in the garden of the nursing home as she enjoys the sun on her face. Precious moments in a different place in our relationship.

My last dd and gs have just left. I have had the best time. All my crew here together. Some time with each dd and their partners individually and then with everyone together as their visits overlapped om Christmas Day . My favourite thing! Dh and I are exhausted now though and looking forward to a quiet few days.

I didn't miss alcohol at any point. This was my 3rd dry Christmas and I enjoyed every moment, it gets easier and easier each year. I had some nosecco, AF red wine which was so good (german from a really lovely independent place - even my driving d-sil enjoyed it). I also had some ginger ale, water, coffee and tea! The great thing about drinking AF stuff is that I don't feel the need to over do it. I have a glass or two with my dinner then I don't feel the need to keep going. Which is novel and obviously what other people can do with alcohol. But I can't and you know what? I have made peace with that. The one thing I always struggled with was Christmas dinner without a glass of red (which was my tipple all the time). But that fake red did the trick. A bit like said earlier in the thread (sorry can't remember who and can't scroll back a page) I treat it like GF bread and vegan cheese. A bit of time away from it and the alternatives seem okay. I probably would have baulked at it in the first year though.

At one point I poured my dd's prosecco into my glass by mistake and by the time it had barely touched my lips I knew it wasn't mine. And I didn't like it. That was quite a revelation. I not only enjoy my nosecco, I prefer it! I have no desire to drink alcohol for alcohol's sake.

I am off work for a while now and looking forward to some down time. I'm going to treat myself to a nice long bath later and a glass of nosecco.

Wishing everyone a peaceful few days before Hogmanay.

Difficult times @WendyWagon, but it sounds as though you kept it together.

All good here, except for the chest infection, but even that's going slowly.

Exploring on another group the psychology of why DH seems to want me to be drinking. He's done nothing but offer me alcohol over the last two days! Luckily, I have felt so unwell I was not even tempted for a minute.

He's in the pub again and I am home alone, eating up the leftovers and watching rubbish on the television. Happy days!

It's so reassuring to hear from someone further down the line and to know that AF Christmases can rock. This year felt a bit underwhelming for me, which is depressing as fuck as my life without alcohol is not underwhelming is the slightest. Just goes to show how indoctrinated we are and how mentally dependent I became on alcohol. I didn't miss it or want to drink or anything like that. There were no urges but there were pangs? It's actually quite difficult for me to explain and and I definitely want to try and unpick it at some point. I find the only way to deal with these "first" AF situations is to just get them done as best I can and accept its part of the journey. First birthday, first holiday, first Christmas all done. Bring on NYE!!!

Boxing day and NYE day are usually the pinnacle of hangover days for me and I felt so bloody wonderful waking up yesterday without having caned the wine. I know I'll feel the same on NYD.

Excuse lack of paragraphs. This website is absolutely ridiculous for me at the moment and I meant NYD and not NYE day.

I quite like NYE day 🤣

like crunchymum said, thanks to breathmiller for the inspiration, hopefully I’ll be at that point in 3 years. I did miss a glass of red with dinner on Xmas day. My husband had a bottle, I had a AF one but it was awful - sweet and syrupy. It was just a fleeting moment, and as soon as I started eating I was fine.

are any of you former smokers? I gave up 14 years ago, and I feel like it’s similar. Get through social situations where I’d have smoked. Very occasionally I still get the urge but not often.

onewildandpreciouslife and breathmiller, having elderly parents is hard. My father suffered from geriatric onset psychosis; some family members preferred to say it was dementia - the shame of mental illness was too much for them. Similar though in that the illness took his personality and I felt like I lost him years before he died. He took his own life 3 years ago. When I’m having a moment now, I try to think about him and how he’d want me to get my act together.

WendyWagon sorry about your friend, and to hear about your brother. Be kind to yourself.

@Shanster sorry to hear about your dads illness and that he took his own life. Of course he would be chuffed that you think of him at tough times. It seems you managed Christmas your way 👍hope you celebrated having a clear head

Hope everyone is coping with Xmas as best we can! I have an embarrassing story to share. We've just stopped by some friends who we were with the other year when I was drinking. It was one of the main incidents that led me to quit alcohol. We went for drinks and food and I had too much. They have a half pipe in the garden and the kids were playing on it. Then I foolishly felt that I should play with the skateboard. Nothing happened really. My husband just said I should stop because I was embarrassing myself so I did stop. I was just mortified afterwards and still am. I was struggling at the time because I'd had a miscarriage and was struggling. I've seen a therapist and she said it would be on the severe end of the trauma scale because of the circumstances. Anyway, we've seen them tonight and the wife mentioned it. I'm not sure if it was a dog or just remembering a silly thing. Still, I was ashamed and didn't say anything. Wishing now that I'd had a response that put it in its box! Anyhow, I guess it's a good reminder of the shame, anxiety and all the other things that go with drinking too much. I told my husband what had happened and how I felt and he really doesn't think it's a big deal. He didn't then and he doesn't now. He says that they are friends and friends are accepting. They aren't close friends though so I think he is a bit naive. Can't change it now, or my response to it then so guess I just have to accept myself and my mistakes!

newmum they definitely don't think it's a big deal. It's definitely not a big deal. I've been around people who make complete tits of themselves and truthfully, unless they've seriously injured someone it's a non incident. Sometimes people bring things up for all manner of reasons that usually have something to do with themselves
I promise you it's no big deal

I am loving my sober Christmas
More energy etc etc

@wanttobesober thanks for the reassurance! It's somehow more believable coming from an outsider. You have made me feel much better ❤️

Checking, been laying low getting through the festivities AF. @WendyWagon what sad news about your friend, I’m so sorry you’ve lost someone you clearly thought so much of. Massive hugs from me!

@Newmum738 you were hurting from a loss and doing anything you could to distract and numb from it. (In other words you were behaving in a completely human way n the face of pain) Don’t beat yourself up about it, it was one segment of your friends past Christmas and it sounds like they found it funny as opposed to offensive. Perhaps they felt awkward this year because you weren’t drinking and were clumsy in their words? Perhaps it deflected from something else hat happened that Christmas or perhaps it was just making conversation. In any case past is past. You are in a different place now and smashing it!

Morning all.
Feeling a bit “meh” at the moment. Reassuring to hear from those further down the line that sober Christmas gets easier. But I guess after my visit to mum it was never going to be particularly joyful! Thanks for all the supportive messages, and solidarity with everyone else who is dealing with the loss of parents. I’ve had a difficult relationship with my mum for many years, and it was dealing with her issues over the last few years that pushed my drinking over the edge. We probably all have pains that we’ve been trying to drink away.

Anyone else feeling a bit “funny” about Dry January? For me I think it’s a mix of my usual issues with milestones, and wanting to shout “the really good stuff takes about 3 months to kick in!”. These thoughts are probably best kept in my head, or on here!

Hope everyone has a good day.

And yes @Newmum738 it really wasn’t a big deal. If you don’t know them very well it was probably just an easy topic of conversation.

I am back on my laptop so I can post like a semi coherent human being 😂(although that means I am at work - boo)

I am glad everyone got through that part of the festivities. Wasn't my most exciting but wasn't my worst Christmas!! Job done at least.

How are we feeling about NYE? I always did Dry January so on NYE I sank enough booze to put me off for the month!! Always went back though. Like @Onewildandpreciouslife says a month is not enough. I needed almost 100 days to really feel any proper benefits. I mean I felt physically better almost immediately but it took a lot longer for my brain to catch up.

@Newmum738 we have all done embarrassing things. As the phantom spankz flasher I can go one better having described my dh in the nude apparently! My farmer friend never fails to bring it up even at my dad's funeral. When she does this I just say, H I remember nothing of those days. Sorry I wasn't in a great place. If they need to keep repeating the story they are being cruel. Luckily my husband is a bit tasty so hopefully it was flattering!
Love to you all this morning, it is a testing time.

I don't go 'out' so NYE will be easy enough I'm hoping. I had planned for me and the children to go to London to see the real fireworks at 12 (have tickets) but stbex is insisting it's his weekend and put those plans in the bin. I may go alone..! I'm determined to stay AF but this time last year I made a promise to myself. That promise was in absolute desperation 'this time next year things will be different' I really meant it. I was so low back then, my drinking was bad and my married life was very unhappy. Here I am.. sober, new house, building new memories. I'm actually quite proud and may just sit with a cup of tea with a big smile on my face!! 😁

@Onewildandpreciouslife i am looking forward to dry January as we long term af people get a better choice of drinks. I also think it opens up the conversation. NYE is a non starter for me, I always go to bed. 2022 has been difficult for me but I am looking forward to my new home in 2023 and my new medical treatment. I also have the health club membership. We move forward Good people